Coping

Summary

The video covers a poetic meditation titled 'A Blessing for the Broken-Hearted' by Jan Richardson. Kevin Deegan presents a contemplative piece that explores themes of heartbreak, healing, and resilience. The poem challenges common platitudes about pain and healing while offering a unique perspective on how broken hearts continue to function and heal through love.

Kevin:

 "A Blessing for the Broken-Hearted" by Jan Richardson:

Let us agree for now that we will not say the breaking makes us stronger, or that it is better to have this pain than to have done without this love. Let us promise we will not tell ourselves time will heal the wound when every day our waking opens it anew.

Perhaps for now it can be enough to simply marvel at the mystery of how a heart so broken can go on beating, as if it were made for precisely this, as if it knows the only cure for love is more of it, as if it sees the heart's sole remedy for breaking is to love still, as if it trusts that its own persistent pulse is the rhythm of a blessing we cannot begin to fathom, but will save us nonetheless. Amen. 

Summary

This episode of "Coping" centers on the idea of 'Blue Christmas,' exploring how the holiday season can be both joyful and sorrowful for many people. Kathy and Kevin discuss how grief and joy can coexist during the holidays, particularly for those experiencing loss or major life changes. Kevin shares a personal experience from 2020 working as a bedside chaplain during Covid, while Kathy discusses her preference for Thanksgiving over Christmas due to its focus on gratitude.

The conversation includes recommendations for grief support resources, specifically mentioning David Kessler's holiday grief support and Grief Share's 'Surviving the Holidays' program. The episode concludes with a suggested ritual of hanging a blue ornament and shares Jan Richardson's 'Blessing for the Brokenhearted' poem.

Highlights

Introduction to Blue Christmas Concept

The hosts introduce the concept of 'Blue Christmas,' acknowledging that while the holiday season is typically portrayed as joyful, it can be a time of deep sorrow for many. Speaker0 emphasizes that it's acceptable to feel both joy and sadness during the holidays, whether due to recent loss or general struggles.

Personal Experiences with Blue Christmas

Kevin shares his significant Blue Christmas experience from 2020 while working as a hospital chaplain during Covid, feeling disconnected from the holiday spirit. Kathy reflects on her preference for Thanksgiving over Christmas, noting how commercialization has affected the holiday's meaning.

Support Resources and Coping Strategies

The hosts discuss two major grief support resources: David Kessler's holiday grief support sessions and Grief Share's 'Surviving the Holidays' program. Kathy shares a success story about someone who found community through Grief Share, even leading to social activities like cruises with fellow group members.

Closing Ritual and Poetic Reflection

The episode concludes with Kevin suggesting a ritual of hanging a blue ornament on the Christmas tree to acknowledge sadness during the holidays. The hosts share Jan Richardson's 'Blessing for the Brokenhearted' poem, which explores themes of love, grief, and resilience.

Kevin 

Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of "Coping". Today we're going to center around a powerful theme that speaks to many during this time of year. 

Kathy 

Yes, today we're going to be talking about the idea of a blue Christmas, and this acknowledges that while the holiday season is often portrayed as joyful and celebratory, for many it's a time of deep sorrow, reflection, and longing. 

Kevin 

All right, let's get started. 

Kevin 

So this concept of a blue Christmas reminds us that it's okay not to feel cheerful during the holidays, whether you've experienced a recent loss or a major life change this last year, or you just simply find yourself struggling. The idea of blue Christmas creates space for all of those feelings to exist without judgment.

And I would even say to coexist that you can feel both joy and sadness in this time of year. What do you think about that, Kathy? 

Kathy 

Yes. I think that we often associate it with Elvis Presley's famous song, but the significance of this of course goes deeper and is felt more strongly depending on what your circumstances are. Churches and communities sometimes hold blue Christmas services as a way to honor grief and create a sacred space for those who need it. 

Kevin 

Yeah, and you know, whether you are part of a faith community or have your own faith practices at home, these types of rituals often feature quiet reflection, soft lighting, and even specific practices that can validate feelings of sadness, but are intended to offer some hope and comfort in that sense of community and in those rituals that are offered.

And again, they just remind us that grief and joy can coexist. And I think this is an often misconception of grief in general, that the experience of grief happens only one stage at a time, it's like it's a linear experience. And those of you that have been through grief know that the reality is you can feel many emotions within one day and within one moment even.

And so this time of year can bring up all of those emotions, perhaps not just joy, perhaps not just sadness, but a good mix of both. 

Kathy 

You know, we talk about a season that's supposed to be merry and bright. But like you mentioned, sometimes there's a mix of different things that occur in happy or celebratory times for us. It's that bittersweet that we talk about. Have you ever had a blue Christmas? 

Kevin 

That's such a good question. I don't think that there is one year in particular that was more blue than others. Well, you know, actually, now that I think of it, I think 2020 is perhaps the pinnacle blue Christmas for me. 

Kathy 

Sure, sure.

Kevin 

At that time, I was working as a bedside chaplain at a hospital that was overrun with Covid, like many were.

And it was the first year that I felt like it wasn't Christmas, that the season really had no meaning. And I felt disconnected from some of the decorations I saw up and around, some of the attire that folks were wearing, like Christmas hats and red.

It just felt so far from the reality of what I was experiencing each day that I didn't know how to feel merry and bright and filled with joy and celebration in that year. And so I think that was the year that was a blue Christmas because it was like a non-existent Christmas. The spirit of the season was just so absent for me. What about for you? 

Kathy 

I don't know if I could think of an actual blue Christmas, but there have definitely been Christmases that have been hard and heavy for certain, where it didn't feel like that everything, it didn't match the moment of what the season is supposed to be. But I mean, I think the truth of the true story of Christmas is also the same.

We just have commercialized it to, with the Hallmark movies and all of the trappings of Christmas, especially here in this country, which is why it's not my favorite holiday, admittedly. It's why I like Thanksgiving because it's back to the --Thanksgiving focuses more on gratitude and family and meaningful things. And so-- 

Kevin 

You bring up such a great point about how, you know, if you're listening today and you don't have a specific loss that you've had this year or perhaps you can't even think of a major loss in your life, a blue Christmas can still be an experience that you're you're having and it may just be all of those little losses that we carry with us in our lives and the hardships that shape us through year after year and perhaps you're not even sure why you feel a little bit of that tinge of sadness and the invitation from this idea of blue Christmas isn't to to invite all of those authentic feelings that you're feeling this time of year and allow whatever color your spirit is right now that it's okay to feel those feelings in the midst of seeing decorations go up and celebrations go up that we each have to create space for that blue or create space for whatever other color our spirit is this season 

Kathy 

Yes, exactly. And there are some wonderful resources that can help guide us through the process of navigating grief through the holidays. The first resource we'd like to highlight is Holiday Grief Support with David Kessler. And some of you may know David is one of the world's foremost experts on grief.

His free holiday sessions offer practical strategies to help you honor your loved ones and find meaning during this challenging time. 

Kevin 

So, David Kessler is a resource that we reference a lot here on this podcast, and I think what's really special about David's work and his approach is that he focuses on finding a balance between grief that is real and present, but also the season that calls for celebration. And he talks about creating new traditions that can honor the past while also embracing the present and still what is to come.

And so I just endorse this holiday grief support group and resources that David Kessler and his team offers. And there's a second resource that is also really beneficial any time of year, but especially now. There's a grief support group called Grief Share, and they have a specific gathering and resources called Surviving the Holidays.

Again, recognizing this idea that the holidays can be merry and bright, but also filled with sadness. And so their program offers workshops. They also have some specifically designed steps that you can take, strategies to navigate all of the complexities of the season and all the emotions that come. 

Kathy 

Yes, I've known quite a few people who have benefited from Grief Share in our community. Two of the things that -- two of their offerings that are particularly important: one is that they do offer seasonal holiday "coping with the holiday" type workshops, which I think is the importance of planning ahead for when you might be missing your loved one or you're facing a loss, whatever that may be.

And then the second thing about Grief Share is that they exist with ongoing groups. And I personally know someone who lost their wife and grief share literally saved his life because he's able to connect with this community. Last I heard he was going on a cruise with his Grief Share people. So it just really was a place for him to find connection and hope again. So we highly recommend Grief Share. 

Kevin 

And before we close today, we have a little bit of a homework assignment for you all. If you want to create space for a blue Christmas, I want to encourage you to hang a blue ornament on your Christmas tree somewhere. Whether it's front and center, whether it's off to the side, or just in the background that's at the top or towards the bottom, you find wherever the placement feels right.

We want this ritual of hanging a blue ornament to symbolize you creating space for sadness this time of year. 

Kathy 

Before we close, we want to share a beautiful reflection that ties into the theme of A Blue Christmas. It's Jan Richardson's "Blessing for the Broken-Hearted" poem, which offers a powerful message about the resilience of love and grief. 

Kevin 

"A Blessing for the Broken-Hearted: by Jan Richardson. Let us agree for now that we will not say the breaking makes us stronger, or that it is better to have this pain than to have done without this love. Let us promise we will not tell ourselves time will heal the wound when every day our waking opens it anew.

Perhaps, for now, it can be enough to simply marvel at the mystery of how a heart so broken can go on beating, as if it were made for precisely this, as if it knows the only cure for love is more of it, as if it sees the heart's sole remedy for breaking is to love still, as if it trusts that its own persistent pulse is the rhythm of a blessing we cannot begin to fathom, but will save us nonetheless. Amen.

This "Coping" episode covers a guided meditation focused on celebrating daily victories and finding reasons for joy in life's small moments. It encourages the listener to visualize receiving a medal or trophy, raising their arms in victory, and basking in a sense of accomplishment. The meditation emphasizes recognizing and appreciating seemingly mundane occurrences as causes for celebration, such as making a perfect cup of coffee, sunlight creating a prism, or simply getting out of bed. The overall message is to cultivate an attitude of gratitude and rejoice in the miracles and victories present in everyday life.

This bonus podcast covers a blessing for Election Day written by Kate Bowler. It is a prayer seeking divine guidance, peace, and mercy during the election process. The prayer acknowledges the anxiety and potential dangers surrounding the election, and asks for God's protection of truth, justice, and goodness. It calls for honesty, decency, and integrity in the electoral process, and for leaders who will work for the common good. The blessing emphasizes the importance of respect, patience, and the possibility of compromise. It concludes with a message of hope and a call to find joy even in challenging times.

Highlights

Introduction and Initial Prayer

Kathy introduces the blessing for Election Day by Kate Bowler. An unknown speaker then begins the prayer, asking for God's mercy and protection amidst anxiety and potential danger. The speaker quotes Psalm 65:7, highlighting God's power to calm turmoil.

Prayer for the Election Process

The prayer continues, asking for blessings on the land and the election process. It calls for honesty, decency, and integrity in all aspects of the election. The speaker emphasizes the need for respectful listening and the possibility of compromise.

Prayer for Leadership and Unity

The blessing asks for leaders who will work for the common good, seek reconciliation, and unite the country. It emphasizes the need to protect vulnerable and fearful individuals.

Conclusion and Call to Action

The prayer concludes with a call to trust in God's guidance and strength. It encourages listeners to pray and then find someone to laugh with, emphasizing that there is still time. The blessing ends with a quote from Romans 15:13, focusing on hope, joy, and peace through faith.

Kathy 

Blessing for Election Day, by Kate Bowler:

Oh God, we are anxious as we stand at the edge of so much opportunity, so much danger. God, calm our fears, protect us, and all that is true and just and good. God, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. 

Spirit, have mercy. God, you still the roaring of the seas, the pounding of the waves, and the tumult of the nations. Psalm 65:7. God, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Spirit, have mercy. Blessed are we to turn to you and pray. 

Oh God, bless our lands, and through this whole election inspire honesty in every intention, decency in every action, integrity in every decision, and the healing of every division. Grant us grace to respect others and listen patiently in a way that restores the possibility of change and creative compromise. 

Blessed are we who ask that you establish stability and peace through leaders who will work for the good of us all, who will seek reconciliation and unite our country in a way forward together to shelter those who are vulnerable, hurting, and afraid. 

Blessed are we who trust You to stand by us, strengthen us, and guide us by the light of your wisdom and love. God have mercy, Christ have mercy, Spirit have mercy. Pray once, then find someone to laugh with you. 

There is time. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing so that with the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13. Amen.

This podcast episode of 'Coping' discusses election anxiety and anticipatory coping strategies. Hosts Kevin and Kathy explore four types of anticipatory coping: problem analysis, plan rehearsal, stagnant deliberation, and outcome fantasy. They discuss their personal experiences with political engagement and share insights on managing election-related stress. The episode is timed to coincide with an upcoming general election. The hosts reference a research study on combating election stress and its impact on daily physical health. They emphasize the importance of engagement, planning, and avoiding negative coping mechanisms. The episode concludes with a blessing for Election Day by Kate Bowler.

Highlights

Introduction to Election Anxiety

Kevin and Kathy introduce the episode, explaining its early release due to an upcoming general election on Tuesday. Kathy notes the high tension surrounding the election, regardless of political affiliation. Kevin mentions that election anxiety is a real phenomenon.

Anticipatory Coping Strategies

The hosts introduce the concept of four types of anticipatory coping strategies for managing election-related stress. Kathy asks Kevin about his family's approach to discussing world events, to which Kevin responds that his family didn't engage much in political discussions. In contrast, Kathy shares that her family, with her father being a political science professor, was highly engaged in political discussions nightly.

Research Study on Election Stress

Kevin introduces a research article titled 'Combating Election Stress, Anticipatory Coping, and Daily Self-Reported Physical Health' by Brittany Johnson and Siobhan Newpert. Kathy explains that the study, conducted during the 2018 midterm elections with 140 respondents, aimed to measure the effect of anticipatory coping strategies on anxiety levels.

Problem Analysis as a Coping Strategy

Kevin explains the first anticipatory coping strategy: problem analysis. This involves actively contemplating the antecedents and meaning of future stressful situations without trying to solve the problem. Kathy shares her experience using this strategy, including spending over two hours researching propositions for the California election.

Plan Rehearsal as a Coping Strategy

Kevin introduces plan rehearsal as the second coping strategy, which involves envisioning steps to achieve a desired outcome. He gives examples related to voting plans. Kathy emphasizes the importance of having a plan to reduce anxiety and shares her experience helping her sons in another state plan their voting process over four weeks.

Negative Coping Strategies: Stagnant Deliberation and Outcome Fantasy

The hosts discuss two negative coping strategies. Kathy explains stagnant deliberation as dwelling repetitively on a problem without progress. Kevin likens it to rumination. For outcome fantasy, Kevin describes it as daydreaming about desired outcomes while ignoring problem-solving details. Kathy notes that she's observed this more commonly among female students and emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing this tendency.

Conclusion and Election Day Blessing

Kevin summarizes the four coping strategies and encourages listeners to engage in problem analysis and plan rehearsal while avoiding negative strategies. Kathy emphasizes the importance of being involved and voting. The episode concludes with a blessing for Election Day by Kate Bowler, focusing on seeking God's guidance and mercy during the election process.

The final episode of season 4 of “Coping” discusses the spiritual practice of celebration as outlined in Adele Calhoun's book 'Spiritual Disciplines'. Learn about the importance of celebration, gratitude, and remembering God's faithfulness, even during difficult times. The discussion concludes with a guided celebration meditation.

Highlights

Introduction and Milestone Reflection 

Kathy and Kevin acknowledge reaching the milestone of 107 episodes and the end of the 4th season of their podcast 'Coping'. They express gratitude for the podcast's evolution and their partnership, reflecting on the work and resources invested in producing the episodes.

Childhood Experiences with Celebration 

We share our childhood experiences with celebration, including typical celebrations like birthdays, holidays, and gatherings with family.

Spiritual Practice of Celebration 

We discuss Adele Calhoun's book 'Spiritual Disciplines' and the chapter on celebration as a spiritual practice, highlighting the idea that God celebrates and that celebration can enlarge one's capacity to enjoy and serve God, even in imperfect circumstances.

Daily and Weekly Celebration Practices 

Learn about our daily and weekly celebration practices, such as sharing sweet treats, reflecting on photo memories from previous years, and expressing gratitude. It is important to celebrate, even during difficult times, as a way to find joy and connection.

Monthly and Yearly Celebration Traditions 

We discuss their monthly practice of celebrating their anniversary and their annual 'Year in Review' tradition. This involves reflecting on the past year through a series of prompts, remembering challenges and victories, and expressing gratitude.

Importance of Celebration and Remembrance 

Kathy and Kevin emphasize the significance of celebration and remembrance in building faith, hope, and courage for the future. They discuss how reflecting on God's faithfulness in the past provides strength and hope for present and future challenges.

Celebration Meditation 

The episode concludes with a guided celebration meditation adapted from Heidi Coker. The meditation encourages listeners to acknowledge and celebrate daily victories and miracles, visualizing receiving a medal or trophy and basking in the moment of joy.

This blessing covers nine sacred spiritual pathways, each tailored to different ways of connecting with the divine. It acknowledges the diverse spiritual needs and inclinations of individuals, offering guidance and affirmation for each pathway. Please enjoy!

May naturalists find the creator in nature's beauty, seeing God's cathedral in the grand expanse, and find renewal in the beauty of creation.

May sensates experience the divine through every sense, feeling God's presence in worship melodies and sacred art's beauty.

May rituals and symbols of faith deepen ascetics' experience of the divine and be a source of strength and inspiration.

May solitude and simplicity bring traditionalists closer to the divine, and may their lives testify to simplicity and devotion.

May intellectuals' pursuit of knowledge and wisdom bring them closer to God, and may their knowledge enrich and bless others.

May caregivers' acts of service and kindness reflect God's love, and may their service bring joy and fulfillment to those in need.

May the mysteries and celebrations of faith fill enthusiasts' spirits with awe and wonder, and may their journey be marked by joy and reverence.

May contemplatives' reflections and stillness bring them closer to the divine, and may they find peace in God's presence.

May activists' advocacy and efforts for justice reflect God's love and righteousness, and may their actions be guided by compassion and faith.

In this episode of “Coping”, Kevin and Kathy discuss various spiritual pathways and practices for nurturing one's soul and faith. We discuss Gary Thomas's book 'Sacred Pathways' which outlines nine different pathways: naturalists, sensates, traditionalists, aesthetics, intellectuals, caregivers, enthusiasts, contemplatives, and activists. Also provided is an overview of each pathway and our personal experiences and suggesting practical ways to engage with each one.

It is important to find practices that resonate with one's unique spiritual needs and Be Well Resources encourages listeners to explore the pathways further through the book and accompanying resources.

Spiritual pathways quiz: https://groupleaders.org/curriculum-feed/spiritual-pathways-activity#personal-assessment

Be Well Resources Pathways Guide: https://www.canva.com/design/DAFys-kZ0Dc/qRxkNIbbJIvU3V0xs1fJaw/edit?utm_content=DAFys-kZ0Dc&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=sharebutton

Gary Thomas, “Sacred Pathways” book: https://www.amazon.com/shop/actorkevin/list/33DKQI838HB65?linkCode=spc&tag=kevindeegan-20&domainId=influencer&asc_contentid=amzn1.ideas.33DKQI838HB65

Kevin Deegan reads a meditation titled 'Blessing in the Chaos' by Jan Richardson. It is a calming and introspective piece that encourages the reader to find stillness and peace amidst the chaos and distractions of life.

 This episode of the "Coping" podcast covers a discussion on the importance of soul care and the common excuses people make for not prioritizing it. Hosts Kathy and Kevin acknowledge that while the excuses like lack of time, discomfort with being alone, fear of silence, and inability to stop are valid, they provide practical tips and assignments to overcome these barriers. The key takeaway is that even small pockets of intentional time for soul-nourishing activities can have significant benefits for overall well-being.

Highlights

Introduction and Excuses for Lack of Soul Care 

The video introduces the topic of soul care and acknowledges the valid reasons or 'excused absences' that prevent people from practicing it, such as lack of time, discomfort with being alone, fear of silence, and inability to stop or disconnect from devices and constant busyness.

Excuse 1: Lack of Time 

The speakers discuss the common excuse of not having enough time for soul care due to work and other responsibilities. They suggest that even small pockets of 10 minutes can be carved out for soul-nourishing activities, such as during school pickups or commutes.

Excuse 2: Discomfort with Being Alone 

The speakers address the excuse of not liking to be alone, which is often confused with loneliness. They encourage scheduling a 'soul date' with oneself to engage in enjoyable activities alone, as this can lead to feeling more refreshed and present.

Excuse 3: Fear of Silence 

The speakers discuss the fear of silence as an excuse for avoiding soul care. They suggest taking a walk or drive without any noise or distractions, focusing only on natural sounds, as a way to practice entering silence and improve listening skills.

Excuse 4: Inability to Stop 

The final excuse addressed is the difficulty in stopping and disconnecting from constant busyness and technology. The speakers recommend a 'phone fast' for one hour a day, handing the phone to a loved one, to create space for being present and engaged in soul-nourishing activities.

Closing Thoughts and Meditation 

The video concludes by emphasizing the importance of making time for soul care, even if it's just small pockets of time, and the benefits it can bring to overall well-being. A meditation from Jan Richardson is shared, encouraging listeners to find stillness and peace amidst the chaos.