Corey Ryan Forrester’s Rants and Such!

Hey y’all! Here’s the written transcript of today’s rant!!

Corey Forrester (00:00)

What’s up gang? It is time for a rant. So today I woke up with the wrong brain. ⁓ And ⁓ I feel that most days, frankly, because my brain is ⁓ I would say my brain is incorrect in the sense that it is mostly given me grief. ⁓ It has fortunately also given me a career, thankfully. You know, I gotta give my brain props for that. ⁓ It works in ways that are

Corey Forrester (00:30)

⁓ detrimental to my health ⁓ in many ways. It has ⁓ it has caused me to make the wrong decision ⁓ in terms of you know things I’ve put in my body over the years, whether that be drugs ⁓ or cheeseburgers ⁓ or ⁓ genitals. ⁓ Okay, Jesus Christ. ⁓ That’s a little bit much. ⁓ but, you know, y’all all know that I’ve had

Corey Forrester (01:01)

struggles with my brain. I have ⁓ you know, clinical depression and anxiety and all that. But my brain is also a neat little thing that’s creative and I love that about it. That’s my favorite part of my brain. ⁓ matter of fact, yesterday I was thinking about it. ⁓ We were driving home from ⁓ Branson, Missouri. Most of you know if you if you actually follow my Substack closely and you’re in the chat.

Corey Forrester (01:28)

Which by the way, if you’re not in the chat, I suggest you do. We have fun in there. ⁓ it’s sort of like I would say the chat is sort of like ⁓ how most people treat Instagram or something like that. You know, like my wife ⁓ and like my family, like my sister and stuff, ⁓ they’re like a lot more personal on Instagram. My Instagram, because I’m a show person. I’m a

Corey Forrester (01:51)

I’m a I’m a I’m a I’m in show business. My my s my Instagram is more for entertainment per purposes. ⁓ I put up funny things and and clips and promotional stuff. That you know, most normal people are just like, hey, here’s ⁓ us at the beach and the lake. I I’d save that for the chat. You know what I mean? ⁓ not that anybody really gives a s**t about my personal life, but I guess some people do. And I save that for the chat because I kinda think that’s more private stuff. ⁓ And ⁓

Corey Forrester (02:21)

I’m only really willing to show that side of me to people who are ⁓ who I consider actual fans, not just ⁓ lurkers ⁓ on Instagram who I don’t think have my best interests at heart. I feel like ⁓ a lot of people on Instagram who follow me are are just, you know, the a a lot of them follow me just to hate me. I don’t feel like there’s anybody on Substack that’s like that.

Corey Forrester (02:50)

Especially anybody that’s like, you know, active in the chat. Y’all are y’all are all my people. ⁓ you know, but if if you if you are active in the chat and you follow me on Substack, then you I’ve been on vacation in Branson, Missouri this week, and it was a fun time. We had a blast. It’s the one of the most fun vacations I’ve had in a long time. And I do I definitely think I’m gonna get in the weeds here, but I’ll I’ll I’ll eventually get to a point. Y’all know how these talks go. I definitely think that a huge

Corey Forrester (03:19)

Portion of the reason that it was one of the best vacations of my life is that not only did I not drink a drop of alcohol, but my wife didn’t drink a drop of alcohol either. So there was just like ⁓ zero stress ⁓ at all in terms of like ⁓ nobody was ever hung over. So, like, because we were dealing with like 11 kids. Obviously, only one of them is ours, but you know, it we’re all family, so

Corey Forrester (03:46)

We’re gonna tend to everybody and we care about everybody. And when there’s 11 kids running around and they’re related to you, well, I mean, you know, not by f*****g blood, at least for me, but like you have a vested interest in keeping them safe, so you’re gonna be stressed. And it is ⁓ very much easier to do so when you’re not hung over. It makes everything a lot less stressful and it makes your anxiety.

Corey Forrester (04:11)

A lot better. And I’ve been trying to tell my wife that for years. Cause my wife, it took me a long time to convince her that she has anxiety. And which was very frustrating. ⁓ And sorry to put her on front street here, but like ⁓ it was very frustrating because like I I was trying to explain to her. I was like, I’m not talking s**t to you. I’m not saying this that you have anxiety as a pejorative. I’m not like I’m not using it as an insult. I’m trying to help you here.

Corey Forrester (04:40)

I’m telling you because I know, because I have it, you know, and I’ve told people this before. It’s the wildest thing ever. When you go to therapy and you ⁓ figure out all your s**t, it is like, it’s either like getting glasses for the first time and you can finally see, ⁓ or ⁓ maybe more so, it’s like having ⁓ a filter ⁓ removed.

Corey Forrester (05:10)

off of you and now you can actually see the world for what it is. And you can like I can diagnose people on the spot. Like obviously I’m not a professional. I can’t like get into the minutia it. But like you can just start spotting, ⁓ my God, this person needs therapy. Like you can just start spotting ⁓ issues and and you realize quickly like how much the world could benefit from

Corey Forrester (05:35)

therapy or in a lot of extreme cases medication, like you just you just start noticing it. You know what I mean? Like you just really start noticing it because you’ve been through it. And I would explain to my wife like all the tendencies now that I’ve been through the other side that I can just pick up on. And I want and I point them out to her because ⁓ I want her to ⁓ feel better because I feel better. And like obviously I still have

Corey Forrester (06:02)

My moments, but they’re so much fewer and and far between. So I tried for years to tell her and she would basically give me the like, what the f**k would you know about it? Which that always pissed me off because I’m like, listen, you can say a lot about me and like there’s plenty that I don’t know. But like, God damn it, when it comes to brains being fucked up, I’m a f*****g, you know, I’ve done four tours of duty, goddammit. I’m well versed in it. ⁓ And ⁓

Corey Forrester (06:33)

She finally believed me, you know, and got her some medication. And then, but the last thing, and I’ve been my my current ⁓ sober stint is like I think six weeks or something like that. And I and I’ve been trying to tell her, I was like, baby, listen, I and I’m telling you this, the next thing you gotta do to level up is you gotta quit boozing so much. I was like, all the anti

Corey Forrester (07:01)

anxiety medication in the world and all the breathing exercises in the world and all the little tips and tricks in the world. I was like, they’re great and they do help. But I was like, they can only do so much. You give up that booze, you’re leveling up, you know? And she finally listened to me ⁓ and ⁓ and we had a stress free week and it was a lot of fun. And we had a blast. ⁓ And ⁓ and but the reason I said I hate my brain

Corey Forrester (07:30)

Is because ⁓ I woke up with the wrong brain today. So I woke up with a writing brain today. ⁓ And but today is not a writing day. Today is a podcast day, unfortunately. Today is the well-read podcast day. And ⁓ so I’m not really gonna have a lot of time to write because we got to do the podcast, and then that rolls right into my wife goes to work at four.

Corey Forrester (07:59)

And I gotta pick my son up from my mom’s. ⁓ And and don’t get me wrong, I can get a little writing done while my son’s running around and playing, but not that real deep focus writing like I wanna do. I might can do some ⁓ some ⁓ light outlining work, which I don’t it’s not that I don’t like to do. It’s just that I’ve never found that it helps me that much. But the thing I’m gonna tell y’all the thing that I want to write about, and this will I will use this to to serve as sort of my outline.

Corey Forrester (08:28)

My like vomit draft because this is a thing that I saw while we were on vacation that just really stuck with me. So hopefully, ⁓ by just get…

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Hey gang! I can’t be quite positive, but being on vacation with my family, I’m never quite sure what I’ll be able to get done. So I thought I’d throw up this week’s POA way early and ad free for you guys so you’re definitely getting something for your moneys worth!

And not for nothing, despite it starting out as a sad topic, this was one of the most fun episodes we’ve done in a while, and I have fun doing them all!

Y’all did you know that while you can always listen /watch what I do for free, if I could double my paid subscribers by this time next year, I could justify being a stay at home dad who does nothing but writes and podcasts for you! A long time dream of mine! Help me make it come true if you have the extra coin and my work brings value to your life!

Don’t like recurring payments but still wanna support? I take one time donations, PBS style, of any amount big or small on PayPal at [email protected]

And on Venmo @ButterCreamCorey

QR codes for both are below! Thank you for your support!

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Lord Corey and Lady Kirby discuss the latest installment in the Game of Thrones Universe and things sure are getting tense in Westeros!

Listen to regular episodes of Puttin On Airs wherever you get your podcasts and at WatchPOA.com

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Guys it is almost impossible to express how much I love you all, but I did my best in this half hour rant!

Waking up every day and knowing I have an audience that is willing to read my insane writing is one of the greatest joys A man can experience.

The only frustration there has been is that I don’t have ENOUGH TIME to write as much as I want for you…

This substack will ALWAYS be free to those who cannot afford another subscription. I know how tough it is out there, and I don’t wanna make it any tougher. The “pay if you want to and can afford it!” Model is something I am very proud of.

As many of you know, I crunched the numbers the other day and realized that if I could double my paid subscribers within a calendar year, then I would have essentially fulfilled my dream of being financially stable just on writing and podcasts. I will never stop doing stand-up comedy and I will never stop loving it, but because I have a son that I love more than anything in the world. I selfishly want to be at home a lot more than I used to be.

A ton of people heard me say that and said “well let’s make that happen!” And overnight I shot up to NUMBER 2 on substack’s Comedy charts!

We aren’t all the way there yet, but my God, what a reassuring feeling it is that you all believe in me and want me to succeed.

If I haven’t convinced you enough yet of how much I love you, just watch this video and hopefully you will understand!

I love you

More later

Corey

If you can afford it, become a paid subscriber to keep this free for those who can’t! If you can REALLY afford it, become a founding member and pay more! If you do so, I might even strip! 😂

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

For the first time this season, Lady Kirby and Lord Corey’s schedules aligned so that they could actually watch this week’s episode together! Which means you get the first of hopefully many INSTANT REACTION eps this season!

Show notes below brought to you by our friends at Riverside!

Topics Discussed:

* The episode’s superiority over previous seasons and its evolving twists

* Renera’s political and emotional struggles as a new ruler

* Her strategies and missteps with key characters like Corlys, Joffrey, and the Sea Snake

* The theme of out-of-touch leadership exemplified by Renera compared to historical political figures

* The use of subtle political maneuvers, like the gangster move of seizing resources

* Character dynamics, especially Renera’s rising doubts and potential betrayal risks

* Behind-the-scenes details about production, continuity, and the significance of visual storytelling

* Personal reflections on the political themes presented in a fictional context

Like my work? Consider becoming a PAID subscriber! I’ll always let you read my stuff for free as I don’t like Paywalls, but if it adds value to your life then hey, I’ll take it!

Did the math the other day and of I double my paid memberships by this time next year, I can afford to just WRITE full time, which would make me happy and would mean you get more stories!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Join us as we unpack the explosive events of House of the Dragon Season 3, Episode 2, exploring the aftermath of the battle, Renera’s brutal ascension, and the brewing conflicts warning of a tumultuous season ahead.

Episode Summary Provided by our friends at Riverside!

In this episode:

* The emotional and cinematic return of Jace’s body from the ocean, with reflections on funeral customs and death rituals

* Renera’s raw grief display and her harrowing act of beheading her grandfather, Otto Hightower

* Damon’s chaotic party with a mix of humor, violence, and political alliances

* The chaos in King’s Landing, including Alicent’s encounter with her father’s head (lol)

* Dramatic scenes of Eamon’s fiery vengeance and the clever interference of Alice Rivers

* The political scheming, the fate of the Stepstones, and dragon logistics

* The power dynamics shifting with Renera’s coronation and Damon’s declaration as her regent

* Predictions on Strongfoot’s potential dark turn and Aegon’s army ambitions

* The ominous move of the Sea Snake and the future of the Targaryen claim

* A semi related tangent about realistic expectations of nudity and the infamous Willem Dafoe ding dong story

Timestamps:

00:00 - Ocean burial and funeral traditions in Westeros02:34 - Renera’s grief and her shocking act of execution04:17 - Damon’s wild celebration and political rallying07:49 - King’s Landing: Shedding blood and claiming the throne09:46 - The emotional impact of Otto’s death and Renera’s heavy burden11:21 - The search for Snake Daddy and the Stepstones’ mysterious fall12:48 - Sheep Stealer and the clandestine dealings in the Vale13:44 - Eamon’s brutal conquest and Alice Rivers’ mysterious powers16:50 - The dragons’ journey to King’s Landing and the political chaos18:37 - Spoofs, humor, and a detour into Willem Dafoe’s, uh, anatomy19:49 - Banter on nose-picking, nudity in TV, and levity from the chaos

Resources & Links:

* House of the Dragon on HBO

* Game of Thrones Official Website

* Willem Dafoe Full Frontal Story

YALLLLLLL! You made me NUMBER SIX on Substack’s humor list! I genuinely can not thank you enough! Preciate all of you who upgraded to a paid membership!

Ran the numbers earlier and if I can double my paid subscribers within a calendar year, I could theoretically write on Substack full time which would be a dream come true for me, and would mean more stories for YOU! Lets make it happen!

(That said, this site will ALWAYS be available for free to those who cant afford it. I’d rather it take me a little longer to reach my goal but make evryone happy along the way and provide free entertainment in these b******t times)

Love y’all

More Later!

Corey

P.S. here’s a transcript of the podcast for anyone who is deaf (and also hell who knows it may help with SEO, whatever the hell that means lol)

music]

(00:00:24.228):

Okay, we are here.

(00:00:25.549):

It is Season 3,

(00:00:27.290):

Episode 2 of Little House of the Dragon,

(00:00:31.132):

the House of the Dragon rewatch podcast here on the Putting On Airs Network,

(00:00:35.794):

the Airstream Network, whatever it is.

(00:00:39.236):

You want to call it.

(00:00:40.497):

I am one of your hosts,

(00:00:41.818):

Lord Corey Ryan Forrester, and I am joined, as always, by my co-host... Lady Kirby.

(00:00:48.161):

Lady Kirby.

(00:00:50.182):

She’s stuck.

(00:00:50.903):

They...

(00:00:52.031):

Sorry, sorry, everybody.

(00:00:53.092):

Laura James is stuck.

(00:00:54.053):

She’s wearing her—what princess robe is this?

(00:00:56.656):

Tiana, but she says Tanana.

(00:00:58.999):

Tanana, okay.

(00:00:59.960):

And if you didn’t watch the first episode, obviously go back and listen.

(00:01:03.563):

We have Laura James with us.

(00:01:05.405):

That is my niece, and this is where she lives, and it just also happens to be our studio.

(00:01:09.630):

Yep, school’s out for summer.

(00:01:11.010):

School’s Out For The Summer!

(00:01:12.190):

You will be seeing her run around but by the way all the comments were

(00:01:15.570):

so sweet everybody loved Laura James

(00:01:17.470):

So we are now on season three episode two and here is the google synopsis okay

(00:01:28.333):

Thank you, thank you, Laura James.

(00:01:29.675):

Appreciate the dancing.

(00:01:31.698):

The episode picks up immediately after the devastating Battle of the Gullet.

(00:01:36.004):

Bela Targaryen returns to Dragonstone, bearing the body of Jocerys Valyrian.

(00:01:41.152):

Rhaenyra is initially incapacitated.

(00:01:45.178):

Daemon returns from the Riverlands and comforts his grieving queen.

(00:01:48.903):

He reveals that his visions at Harrenhal convinced him of Aegon

(00:01:52.308):

the Conqueror’s prophecy,

(00:01:53.951):

the Song of Ice and Fire, which requires a united realm under a strong target.

(00:01:58.277):

Alicent Hightower follows through on her backroom pack with Rhaenyra.

(00:02:06.088):

Realizing Aemon has departed the capital,

(00:02:08.772):

she secures a deal with Sir Luthor Largent, commander of the City Watch.

(00:02:13.479):

or the gold cloaks.

(00:02:16.043):

Rhaenyra and Daemon arrive in King’s Landing on Dragonback while most castle guards yield.

(00:02:21.511):

A remaining pocket of green loyalists briefly corner the duo in the throne room.

(00:02:25.938):

However, Ser Luthor and the gold cloaks

(00:02:29.042):

Rhaenyra finally takes her seat upon the Iron Throne, but it is a dark, heavy moment.

(00:02:36.553):

Larris Strong, aka Strongfoot, his secret political prisoner, Otto Hightower, is dragged

(00:02:43.260):

from the black cells in a highly emotional state ryan forrester personally beheads her former

(00:02:48.400):

grandfather-in-law as she did i mention that this is uh not a spoiler free episode

(00:02:53.580):

so if you’ve never seen these episodes please go watch them first yeah this

(00:02:57.120):

This is a rewatch!

(00:02:59.146):

Rhaenyra personally beheads her former grandfather-in-law as she ascends the steps

(00:03:05.750):

of the throne.

(00:03:06.630):

Her boots leave a literal trail of blood on the floor.

(00:03:09.672):

Daemon swiftly executes Lord Jasper Wilde alongside him.

(00:03:14.348):

Just as Rhaenyra sits on the throne,

(00:03:16.149):

guards drag in Alicent and Helena Targaryen,

(00:03:19.111):

who were intercepted, trying to flee the capital.

(00:03:22.032):

Alicent looks on in horror at her father’s headless body,

(00:03:25.434):

while Rhaenyra stares back from the throne as the episode cuts to black.

(00:03:31.737):

Pause.

(00:03:33.838):

I have to get my water.

(00:03:35.139):

Yes.

(00:03:35.519):

All right, now you take over.

(00:03:36.860):

Okay.

(00:03:37.300):

All right, hold on.

(00:03:38.621):

Let me see if we’re recording.

(00:03:41.382):

All right.

(00:03:43.424):

All right,

(00:03:43.844):

we start out the episode with a view under the ocean,

(00:03:48.048):

looking up at Jace dead, floating, and then you see, like, a dragon going over, too.

(00:03:56.415):

Very cinematic.

(00:03:57.216):

Yes.

(00:03:57.636):

Very beautiful view.

(00:03:58.457):

And then it cuts to, like,

(00:04:00.839):

the sounds off,

(00:04:02.200):

and it’s just,

(00:04:02.740):

like, all this stuff happening, and there’s dragons just Dracarys... Dracarysing.

(00:04:08.785):

Dracarysing.

(00:04:09.926):

Dracarysi, whatever, the plurals.

(00:04:14.250):

And, you know,

(00:04:15.270):

they’re able,

(00:04:16.031):

obviously, offscreen, they retrieve the body, and they bring it back to Dragonstone.

(00:04:22.412):

And, you know,

(00:04:23.152):

they’re all, like,

(00:04:24.473):

hold—they get them off the dragon or whatever,

(00:04:26.953):

and they’re all, like, almost like a, like, pallbearers.

(00:04:30.474):

Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(00:04:32.535):

And so they carry them into,

(00:04:34.556):

like, the main, you know, like, the study or whatever you want to call it.

(00:04:38.457):

Yeah, the viewing room for the body.

(00:04:40.637):

Yes, and— Isn’t it wild that we used to do that?

(00:04:45.130):

Like I know that like I’m just saying like used to when someone died like

(00:04:50.258):

at our house remember we were told like the first guy who died

(00:04:53.603):

in it they just put him in the living room and had which by

(00:04:57.769):

the way I t…

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Hey, gang! Enjoy tomorrow’s episode of WellRED tonight because im feeling frisky!

Love ya!

If you enjoy my work and it brings value to your life, consider becoming a paid subscriber! I just ran the numbers and if i could DOUBLE my paid subscribers within a calendar year, I could justify writing for you all full time! Wouldn’t that be swell? Sure would for me!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

the wait is over! Lord Corey and Lady Kirby are back discussing the season3 premire of HBO’s House of The Dragon! This episode was absolute gas no brakes from start to finish and we hope you enjoy our review!

Just so you know, tornados in our area (sorry yall, thats the south for ya!) prevented us from recording until JUST NOW! and by that I mean i am uploading this literally right after we put our mics down lol. This will not be the case going forward and you can expect episodes to come out way earlier in the day on Sunday’s this season (and even earlier if you subscribe to CoreyWritesToYou.com for FREE!

Enjoy the show and we love you!

And hey, if you enjoy this, consider throwing us some coin by upgrading to a PAID membership!

Corey Ryan Forrester’s Rants and Such! is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Happy Saturday everybody me and Bane are just hanging out at the house this weekend bachelor style and thought we would tell you what’s up and see how you’re doing!

Corey Ryan Forrester’s Rants and Such! is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Hey y’all! I know some people prefer to hear me read my work instead of reading it themselves, and I think that’s super cool! Here is part one and two of my new southern crime drama Here We Rest (named search because that was the Jason Isbell album. I was listening to when I thought of it)

I hope you enjoy it, and if you do, consider supporting this page monetarily by upgrading your subscription!

Below is the written story in case you’ve missed it!

Fishing downstream from a nuclear power plant ain’t the smartest thing a man could do but there sat Randall doing it no how. Says he reckons he won’t eat em but it “sure is fun trying to catch them lil three-headed sum b*****s.” I suppose it was. Randall Daughtery was many things but I liar he weren’t.

Up at the fire, his wife Martha was explaining to some distant cousin bout how you can’t do double coupons at every grocery store but she had a list of the ones where you could. She had a permanent bandaid on her big toe cause she couldn’t stop knocking it on the metal rod sticking out of her recliner. She wouldn’t fix it cause the Braves hadn’t lost a pennant since it broke, and Jesus wasn’t her only superstition.

The kids ran around, (in the parlance of the time), “like little wild Indians” not concerning themselves with the value of that which they broke. One was trying to fix a bicycle chain and only making it worse, while Aunt Ida’s twin girls Bogarted the jump rope so they could double Dutch until the sun went down and it was time to swat at Lightning bugs with a Whiffle Ball bat.

I was behind the screen door in the camper. The camper did not come with a screen door, so Randall took the one off his dead Mama’s porch and sanded it down to fit. It was not practical, but it was nice and everyone got a kick out of it. That was Randall’s way. It didn’t matter if something is supposed to be, only that it could be. He didn’t stop to consider the foolish notion of pragmatism when he got an idea on how to make something fun. He once traced his son Levi on a door with a carpenters pencil and used a track saw to cut out an opening that only Levi could fit through. It made no sense and took all purpose away from the door, but Levi thought it was the neatest thing in the world and that’s all that mattered to Randall.

I sat there drinking some home brew made by who else but Randall Daughtery. I’d pretty much given up on strong drink when Sheila left me, but I couldn’t turn down Randall’s Apple Pie. It burned in that real good way that lets you know it’s going to work but don’t sour your face too much. It was that good. I had been “inside” for a few hours just watching the little dramas of the family unfold in front of me while praying no one needed me for anything. I like these gatherings in theory, but I prefer to keep to myself. Especially back then. Seems like every time I participated in something I’d mess it up. That’s probably why she left. Didn’t have s**t all to do with the drinkin, I could ruin just bout anything while sober as a judge. Or at least I’d tell myself that to justify another swig. Then another. And then it was on to the next mason jar. Randall didn’t care, he made enough back in the day to get us through the Cold War if it ever came to that and as we all know, it didn’t.

I laid back on the itchy old camper couch and started to nod off when I heard a commotion down on the bank. “Hoh-lee-S**T!” Randall screamed, forcing Sheila out of my mind for the first time all day. “Sonny Boy, get down here!”

He called me Sonny Boy despite my name being Steve. Sonny Boy was his tailgunner back in The Pacific Theater, and I assumed it was a term of endearment until I found out he called me that cause after the war, Sonny Boy moped around aimlessly until shell-shock got the better of him and he shot a double dose of black tar in his neck. This was apparently Randall’s “fun” way of calling me a sad sack. I know he loved me, it’s just that generation had a hard time showing it.

I ran down to meet him forgetting I’d just foundered myself on corn liquor and took out several lawn chairs on my way. I managed to stay on my feet by some miracle, but the sloshing in my stomach was about to send a bill of sale to my mouth.

“What’s going on, Randall?” I said between gasps of breath while resting my elbows on my knees and my chin on my chest. Then I smelled it. I vomited so hard it was a wonder a lung didn’t come up with it. There was a body floating in the water and from what we knew from old detective shows, it had been there a while.

“Hot damn whoever he is he’s blowed up like a damn birthday balloon!” Randal said nasally while pinching his nose. “We better call the law. I’ve got Sheriff Steven’s number somewhere in my truck.”

I took a boat oar and slowly but surely got the body flipped over on its back. I gasped.

“What’s is it, Sonny Boy?”

I wiped the puke off my mouth and prepared for another round of it. I was in shock. The words were right there but it took them a minute to reach my lips.

“It’s…. It’s Sheriff Stevens” I said.

Randall looked at me and his face turned white. “Well” he said “I reckon he’s not gonna answer the phone then”

Here We Rest Part 2

Growing up in the rural south, a floating carcass was perhaps not the most unsettling thing I’ve ever seen, but it certainly would be for the children. Randall had a stillness about him that I’d never seen him wear. We were not blood, but that changes nothing. Randall is as much family to me as anyone with the last name Crosslin ever was. When I was a teenager and needed to get away from everything going on at home, Randall and Martha’s door was always open to me. Randall was a tough man, but a fair man. He also had a great sense of humor which juxtaposed comically with his tough military exterior. When you’ve watched your best friends die face down in the mud amidst the roar of enemy artillery, I reckon it makes life’s normal woes seem like child’s play in comparison. I never saw a situation get the better of him in the 30 some odd years I’ve known him, but today was different. Seeing Sheriff Steven’s body sway back and forth in the wake, bloated and stinking of death caused Randall to take a rare long beat before speaking, and when he finally did I wish he hadn’t

“You need to make the call, Sonny Boy”

I knew he was right but that changed nothing as far as my feelings were concerned. I had spent the better part of the week trying to see how much liquor could kill a man so I could hover just below that threshold. I’m an emotional wreck even without punishing my body, so standing there having not had a sip of water in as long as I could remember, I was numb. Well, no, that’s not true. I was very much in pain. I would’ve killed for numb actually. But I certainly couldn’t think clear enough to make a weighted decision. In that moment the only things I knew was that I still loved Sheila, and that the distance between us was my fault. I had been wanting to reach out to her for so long. To lie to her and tell her I’d changed. To tell her that things would be different. To ask if she’d come back in my life and make me whole once more.

But now, instead, I’d have to call and tell her that her daddy was dead.

I knew what I was supposed to do, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “Randall, we better call the police first. I’ll holler at her afterwards but I don’t wanna be accused of failing to report this s**t in time”

Randall looked at me funny “well he’ll be just as dead when you get off the phone with her, but knock yourself out, Sonny Boy”

As I went to walk up the bank to get the telephone, I heard a loud boat chopping thru the water. As I turned and looked, I noticed a coast guard flag. I reckoned that meant I could stay put. Perhaps someone else had called it in before he washed up towards us. The uniformed fella in the passenger seat hollered at us over a bullhorn “STEP AWAY FROM THE BODY THIS INSTANT!”

I thought to myself “What the hell did they think we were about to do, field dress the …

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