Corey Ryan Forrester’s Rants and Such!

Here is Me loosely telling the story of the beer hall putsch.

on cold Thursdays, it is hard for me to get any writing done because I am prone to working outside, and my wife works on Thursday’s so me and my toddler run around feral

what ISNT hard for me to do though is lay on my couch, talk into my phone, and then edit pictures into a video!

Hope you enjoy, and forgive me for being wrong about a lot of stuff I’m sure

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

I know I should do this more often i suck

The internet is a wild and wonderful place, y’all! Sure, there is hatred and racism and a plethora of people on it who exist solely to ruin everyone’s perfectly good day, but I think the good outweighs the bad! Have you heard of memes? I rest my case!

The best feature of the internet I’ve found thus far is that it has an endless wealth of knowledge! Almost everywhere you look, there are facts and statistics—all of which must be true. Otherwise, why would DogFart69 post them? This is especially helpful when you are having trouble confirming a long-held bias. Just type in what you believe and BOOM… proof that you were right! Someone call Papaw and tell him that these are, in fact, “the good ole days.”

Another thing the internet is good for—and a phenomenon that seems to pop up a lot recently—is learning about something that everyone seems to have been aware of but yourself. The latest in particular has been a great discovery for me, and that is the existence of Alpha Males!

Thank GOD I have found out about these men! If I’m being honest, I have started to lose a little faith in our justice system over the past several years, and knowing that there are strong, brave, able-bodied heroes out there whom God has blessed with extra testosterone will help me sleep better at night.

I’m not suggesting, by the way, that I had never heard the phrase “Alpha Male” up until this point in my life. It’s just that I was clearly wrong about its definition!

When I was growing up, I would hear our teachers talk about lions in this manner. In a huge pride of lions, there was usually only one alpha male. One quick scroll on Twitter and you will know that this can’t be true, because nearly every man on the internet is an alpha male!

The alpha male in a pride of lions doesn’t work, by the way. He lies around all day enjoying the fruits of his pride’s labor. He doesn’t hunt or anything… he has the females and the beta males do all that for him!

Again, this can’t possibly be true. As evident on the internet, a true alpha male works 24 hours a day and would never be with an employed woman, because that would make her a lesbian! A lesbian who also kills babies for some reason (these are not my words, just those from the Alpha Males that I’m trying to learn from).

It makes sense, if you think about it, that our textbooks would present alpha males as lazy a******s who leech off the hard work of the less fortunate, and beta males and women as the unsung heroes of a functioning society. Textbooks are written by liberals under the command of the elite to indoctrinate our children into believing that it is a crime to be a straight, white, God-fearing, successful businessman.

I am sorry to say that I have been brainwashed. I learned to cook at an early age and often do it for my wife. I can see now that I was wrong. We have often split chores, not by gender norms, but by who has the first chance to get to it. I now know that by folding towels, I may as well have dedicated my life to ISIS. I will try to get better about this.

I have been told that alpha males do not apologize because it’s a sign of weakness. Through therapy I learned that admitting mistakes was crucial for relationship building and personal growth, but now I can see that therapy is yet another tool used by the liberal elite to turn red-blooded men into sniveling babies, easier to be controlled by the machine. I will never again apologize, and I am so sorry that I ever did. S**t. Okay, that was the last time, I promise.

Yep, I think I’m going to like being an Alpha Male! Being a bully under the guise of “telling it like it is!” is going to be a welcome change from treating people with respect. I’ve also heard it works when you say something racist… what a world!

Look out, ladies, ’cause as soon as I get my mirrored Oakleys and take a front-facing picture from behind the wheel of my truck, it’s OVER for you b*****s!

More later

Corey

Like my work? Consider becoming a PAID subscriber! I’ll always let you read my stuff for free as I don’t like Paywalls, but if it adds value to your life then hey, I’ll take it! 

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And on Venmo @ButterCreamCorey

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This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Hey all! Just thought I’d blabber on to all the new subscribers to let them know what we are all about here!

This Substack community means the world to me and I’m happy to see it grow!

Like my work? Consider becoming a PAID subscriber! I’ll always let you read my stuff for free as I don’t like Paywalls, but if it adds value to your life then hey, I’ll take it!

Don’t like recurring emails but still wanna support? I take one time donations, PBS style, of any amount big or small on PayPal at [email protected]

And on Venmo @ButterCreamCorey

QR codes for both are below! Thank you for your support!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Not much to report. Foundered myself on chicken thighs and mashed potatoes at lunch and wasn’t worth a damn for several hours later. Amber left for work and my sister invited me over for white people taco night. I’m of two minds on tacos: I either want the authentic Mexican street truck version with fresh corn tortillas and Al Pastor with grilled pineapples in a homemade spicy salsa, or I want to total redneck trash version where you just get the kit from the store, ground the beef, and let the packets of spice do the heavy lifting. I grew up before we had actual Mexican restaurants, so Taco Bell was the standard and it’s been very good to me.

Bain played with my niece and they were very cute. Bain didn’t want to leave even though by his own admission he was very tired. He crawled up in my nieces bed and said “dadda go sleep!” I said “let’s go home and go to bed!” He said no and then laid down on her pillow and pretended to snore. Smart little s**t, that boy (video is above. It made me laugh for hours

Gotta go out of town to work on 3 different projects this weekend which feels me with anxiety. I know I’ll have a blast once I’m there, but I really hate leaving my family and routine. Pitiful of me, I know, considering the line of work I’m in, but hey, we can’t help our feelings. I have always lived under the impression that I’ll never retire because a.) I love what I do and B.) I don’t make enough money at present to save for retirement

That never bothered me though. I’ve romanticized dying on stage. If I did that, people would have no choice but to pretend they liked me. I’d be a legend. People who’d just as soon spit on my face would be at my funeral saying “boy they didn’t make em like him. Loved the business. Committed to the art

They’d then try and f**k my wife before the hot dishes were served

I see the appeal of retirement though. I still think I’d write my stories because as it should be clear to you all, I certainly don’t do it for the money. Not entirely at least. I like expressing myself. That was sorta frowned upon growing up where I did, which made it all the more attractive to me

I was able to trade some old homegrown (both flower and edibles) to a feller for an unfair amount of Xanax (unfair to him, I got hooked up!) which means that I’m about to have a sleep that will be nothing short of ethereal and I’m buzzing with excitement counting down the minutes until they kick in and envelope my further in the 13 blanket pallet I currently have spread out on the floor

Don’t do drugs, kids. Unless you have a good reason or just really want some and you happen to have a buddy who has them. I’d hate to disrupt the flow of our little cities main economic import. I’m a good citizen if I’m anything

More later

PS (and this is the drugs talking) I love you all and I wish you could tell how perfectly heavy my blanket seems

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Hey everyone! If you’ve heard me talk over the last few months on any form of media, you’ve probably heard me talk about making my own cultured butter!

I know many of you did on account of I’ve gotten so many messages and comments asking me how to do it! Well as per usual, your wish is my command!

In this video you will learn the first step in the process… preparing your cream and then the second step (which is maybe the hardest) BEING PATIENT AND LETTING IT SIT!!

I will be back in a few days with another video of me whipping it into the final product!

in the meantime though I will still be posting the daily diary among other things!

Come see me this weekend in Asheville, NC at The Eulogy and Feb 15 at Hendershots in Athens GA!

Like my work? Consider becoming a PAID subscriber! I’ll always let you read my stuff for free as I don’t like Paywalls, but if it adds value to your life then hey, I’ll take it! 

Don’t like recurring emails but still wanna support? I take one time donations, PBS style, of any amount big or small on PayPal at [email protected]

And on Venmo @ButterCreamCorey

QR codes for both are below! Thank you for your support!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Hey all! I hope everyone is safe in this winter storm! Thought I’d pop in to let you know how me and my family are doing!

Please do not drive unless you have to, and remember that your body needs extra calories so go head and have that second sandwich!

Love yall!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Hey Loves! First off, I don’t know why the video is flickering, forgive me!

Secondly, I’m gonna be in Asheville, NC at The Eulogy Jan 31st… SOON!

Feb 15 I’ll be in Athens Ga at Hendershots w/ Drew Morgan and The Drive By Truckers and

March 19 I’ll be at The Punchline in Atlanta!

Almost over this crud, and look forward to gettin back to writing my silly nonsense for you all to read!

Love you all very much, thank you for giving me 5 dollars a month to entertain you, and have a great weekend!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

In this months edition of The Chickaluki Newsletter our editor tells the tale of a local scandal that no one seems to be able to get to the bottom of, and frankly, we know less now than we ever have!

Enjoy!

Does my silly work add value to your life? If so, consider bumping up to a paid subscription!

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Hey everybody! In this rant i talk about some mental health stuff up top pertaining to over drinking on New Years and what not, but the meat of this “episode” is about Rolling Stone leaving Sinners off of their ‘20 Best Movies of 2025’ list and how I think that is just a load of bollocks!

Also if you enjoy someone with a southern voice shitting on our current administration then there’s plenty of that as well!

Love y’all and i’ll see you in 2026!

Buy Me a Coffee OR if you don’t like subscribing to things, you can make a one time PBS style donation here to show your appreciation for all the free work I put out! ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe

Hello friends! It is that time a year again where we must put aside our cynicism and remember we are human! This adaptation of A Christmas Carol (written by yours truly!) aims to do just that!

I hope you all enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed creating it, and I hope it brings you joy in these uncertain times!

Thank you all for being here, and if you want to fill me with the Christmas sprout, consider paying for a subscription! But you don’t have to. I’ll love you anyways!

This presentation of a Chickaluki Christmas Carol is dedicated to my Uncle Robbie, who we laid to rest today. No one embodied the Christmas spirit more. A Bob Cratchitt if there ever was one.

RIP Robbie Robertson.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coreyryanforrester.substack.com/subscribe