Cornucopia Radio Podcast

Three important characters stand on a windy hilltop. One is known as Rock, the strongest and bravest of the group. Another calls herself Scissors; she is as sharp as she is deadly. Finally, struggling to avoid being blown away in the wind, we find Paper. He is flat. He is nothing else.Elsewhere a string puppet is entering a brothel for the first time in his life. He wants to bang wood (without getting a splinter!). Meanwhile, a TV plays to itself in a shop window. The show Backpeddle is just starting; yet again somebody will have to atone for crimes levelled against it by the British press. Across the road, Pam is opening up her pet shop for another day. As she does, she views a pantomime horse crossing the road; she wonders where he is going in such a rush. The Pantomime horse is going for a job interview; he knows the job is already his.Do all these events have anything in common? Well, they might....They might...

‘Fishing’ tells the story of a son’s last ditch attempts at connection and reconciliation with his dying father Frank; who as the cancer takes over his body, is becoming increasingly bitter and frustrated at the prospect of losing control over what little time he has left. In the hospice, he dreams of one last “adventure” of his own, a return to one of his favourite fishing spots to ‘hit’ a Tench or two and sink a Pint of Kington’s at ‘The Royal’.

Realising that time is of the essence, Phil ‘kidnaps’ his Father from the clutches of ward sister “Eva Braun” and on a hired narrow-boat and borrowed time, the two men embark on a journey of discovery revolving around the only activity they ever shared - Fishing.

As they make their journey along the rivers and canals, the two men learn some painful home truths as long held secrets and opinions rise to the surface and with time running out, Phil is forced to reassess his commitment to the trip and ultimately his Father. Can he make it to the bitter end or will his selfish, middle class sensibilities betray them both?

I was trying to think the other day, about how old I might have been when I first heard about it. It’s odd, a memory like that you’d imagine would be seared into my very brain, but no…

I’d guess, I was maybe seven or eight. I do recall a friend saying his uncle had bought one and he’d seen it himself. Of course, all kids lie and looking back now; I suspect at that age he wouldn’t have actually recognised one if it was stood next to him.

However, later in life as you enter your teens, you begin to question things more. You want to know the ‘why‘ as much as the ‘how‘. I remember it seeming odd that everybody talked about this thing, yet nobody could tell me what it looked like. People were always vague when they talked about it. Never really making it clear if they did actually own it, or had once had it, or secretly longed for it. But it quickly became obvious to me, that if anybody did have it, they were keeping it very secret.

Also, I had always assumed that it was something you had to buy. I mean how could you not? But the stories I had heard or read, seemed to suggest that some people had been given it, some people had found it, but most worryingly of all; a lot of people had stolen it. Once I knew this, I of course realised why everybody was always so mysterious about whether they had it or not. To admit you have it, or to show it to other people was almost like asking somebody to take it from you.

So, as I left my teenage years and strode into adulthood, I found myself living in a world obsessed by it. Despite the fact that it’s image has never been worse. After all, as an object it is often faulty and tends to look out of place no matter where you keep it. As a service it is often slow and rarely up to the task at hand and as an idea, perhaps it’s time has passed. Still, maybe I’m wrong. Many will tell you it’s the greatest thing humanity has ever held in its grasp. It saves many more lives than it kills. It’s brought so many of us together who would otherwise be alone, and the amazing advancements in production, means it’s now small enough to hold in your hand.

I don’t have it in case any of you are thinking that. Although maybe that’s just what I want you to think. If I did have it, wouldn’t this be the perfect way to hide it from you? Create a webpage and write as if I have no clue or desire. Maybe, it’s sat next to me as I type these words…Maybe.

Whether you think I have it or not. Whether anybody has it, or whether something you’ve never really seen, can ever really exist. Keep in mind, there are millions of ‘things’ you can have, so why limit yourself to just one. I guess ultimately you’ve just got to learn think for yourself and not follow a “McGuffin”

You stand in front of the door. You hand held in mid-air, posed to knock upon the harsh wooden surface. But you don’t. You barely move at all. Instead, you let the gentle summer breeze wash over you. You’re scared! Scared of entering “The House”...

“The House” is a new concept poetry play. Previously produced by the ‘Cornucopia Team’ as an album release for ‘Amnesty International’ and now available as an exclusive podcast.

Fermat’s last theorem said if an integer n is greater than 2, then the equation a + b = c has no solutions in non-zero integers a, b, and c. Which is just silly when you think about it. Instead, listen to this; we’ve got Banksy, Ronnie Corbett, Anthony Worrall Thompson, spam emails, M.C Escher, and a history of medicine. We've got it all...

Santa is having a rather bad 2008. First of all, he’s had all the money in his landsbanki bank account suspended, quickly followed by the discovery of a series of offensive messages left on his answerphone from two out of control BBC DJ’s.

Elsewhere, a selection of unemployed high street bankers are having to go out carol singing to make some money this Christmas, but pretty soon a better idea presents itself...

In years to come people will look back at this podcast and say; some type of ‘bar’ was either raised or lowered; I’m not sure.

This week we have: The Building of Rome, Arcade games, High Price Fuel, Ready Steady Cook, Art, and "The Great Gusto"

Klaatu Barada Nikto.....

Gather round creeps, gather round fools. Gather round spirits and gather round ghouls.

Listen to me for I have a story of blackening fright and all things gory. Of grinning pumpkins and demon cats of wicked witches and scurrying rats.

They've all come together to celebrate and feast; Larry the wolf and Igor the beast.

For this is the night when little babies cry and orange mist pours from their eyes.

When monster girls and monster men patiently wait for the fun to begin.

What do they know that you've never seen? Well, I tell you my friend. A glorious hootenanny called HALLOWEEN!!

Stop, look and listen. Once you’ve done that, start out by checking out our credit crunch report or some startling courtroom dramas. Then settle down for a little “Chicken and Fox” action, followed by the “News at Zen”. Please note; Ronnie Corbett has been banned from the studio...

Look it clear we’re going nowhere. So you better get used to us!!

The door to this podcast is always open, mainly due to mechanical failure. So look inside for fighting fonts, Yorkshire clichés, a guide to stalking, answer-phone messages and funky philosophy. Are you even reading this??