You know that moment mid-argument when you think, “Haven’t we had this exact fight before?” The same tone, the same roles, the same ending where both of you feel unseen. Every couple has a signature loop—what emotionally focused therapy calls a negative cycle.

In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck breaks down the three most common fight loops from EFT—Find the Bad Guy, The Protest Polka, and Freeze and Flee—and explains why they all share one thing in common: when love feels shaky, your nervous system trades connection for protection.

Learn how to recognize your own pattern, understand what your reactions are really protecting, and start practicing small, nervous-system-safe interruptions that stop the spiral before it takes over.

Rachel also introduces her grounding tool, Pause, Name, and Soften, a simple three-step practice to help you shift from reactivity to reconnection.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same argument on repeat, this episode will help you see your cycle clearly—and start changing it for good.

1. Why couples repeat the same fight over and over
2. The 3 negative cycles: Find the Bad Guy, Protest Polka, Freeze & Flee
3. How the nervous system drives conflict patterns
4. Why “communication problems” are really protection problems
5. How to interrupt the loop using Pause, Name, and Soften
6. What co-regulation looks like in real-time repair

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.

If a quick “I’m sorry” could fix everything, relationships would be easy. But when the same rupture happens again—and again—the words start to lose their weight. In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck unpacks why repeated apologies without consistent change create nervous system burnout, how this cycle erodes trust, and what your body actually needs before it can believe safety is real again.

You’ll learn why good intentions and genuine remorse aren’t enough to rebuild security, how stress pulls us back toward old patterns, and what real repair sounds and feels like when it finally starts to land. Rachel also shares her three R’s of real repair—Recognize, Reflect, and Repeat Differently—a simple framework for interrupting empty apologies and rebuilding connection through action instead of promises.

If you’ve ever thought, “They mean it, but nothing changes,” this episode will help you understand why—and what true repair looks like in practice.

1. Why “I’m sorry” starts to feel hollow over time
2. How repeated apologies create nervous system fatigue
3. The difference between good intentions and embodied change
4. Why your body stops believing promises without consistency
5. How to rebuild safety through small, repeatable actions
6. The 3 R’s of real repair: Recognize, Reflect, Repeat Differently

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.

We love to glorify the “chill” partner—the one who doesn’t fight, doesn’t need much, and keeps everything smooth. But what looks like calm often hides a nervous system in overdrive. In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck unpacks how emotional suppression gets mislabeled as strength, why “low-maintenance” love can quietly erode trust, and how the pursue-withdraw cycle turns silence into self-protection.

Learn why avoidant patterns don’t come from a lack of love but from too much overwhelm—and how to begin replacing politeness with real safety. You’ll also hear how small, honest moments can transform disconnection into co-regulation.

If you’ve ever been called “the chill one” or wondered why your partner seems emotionally distant, this episode will help you see what’s really happening underneath the calm.

1. The cultural myth of the “chill” partner and why it’s secretly exhausting
2. How emotional suppression becomes a survival strategy, not a personality trait
3. The nervous-system logic behind withdrawal and shutdown
4. How “calm” can actually signal dysregulation
5. The pursue-withdraw dance and why both partners are protecting love in different ways
6. What real calm and emotional authenticity look like in practice
7. A simple reflection to move from I’m fine to I’m real

Celebration

Before diving in, Rachel celebrates a major milestone—over 1,000 downloads of Coupled With…! She shares heartfelt gratitude and invites listeners to leave a rating, review, or share the show to help others find this work.

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.

You know the script. Something feels off, your partner asks if you’re okay, and out comes the automatic, “I’m fine.” You tack on a smile or change the subject, hoping the tension will disappear. But it doesn’t—it just goes underground.

In this episode, Rachel breaks down why “I’m fine” is one of the most common—and most damaging—phrases in relationships. What sounds like peacekeeping is actually a nervous system strategy to avoid conflict, overwhelm, or rejection. It might calm things momentarily, but over time it erodes trust.

You’ll learn how this quiet reflex trains your partner not to believe your words, and why uncertainty can damage safety faster than conflict ever could. Rachel explains that “I’m fine” isn’t lying—it’s your body trying to survive discomfort. But protection and connection aren’t the same thing.

Using a powerful new reframe, Dr. Rachel introduces the F.I.N.E. acronym—Freaked Out, Insecure, Numbed Out, and Exhausted—to show what’s really happening beneath the surface when we disconnect from honesty.

You’ll also learn:

1. Why “I’m fine” is a nervous system shield, not a communication failure.
2. How small, imperfect truths build more safety than denial ever can.
3. What to say instead when you don’t yet have the words for what’s wrong.
4. How to use the F.I.N.E. self-check to notice survival mode before it hijacks connection.

Because honesty doesn’t mean dumping everything in the moment—it means aligning your energy and your words so your partner can trust both.

If “I’m fine” has been your reflex, this episode will help you recognize it as protection, not failure—and guide you toward micro-honesty that actually restores closeness.

If this episode resonates, share it with someone who hides behind “I’m fine” when they really mean “I’m not okay.”

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.

Sex is supposed to bring us closer, but sometimes it becomes something else—obligation, reassurance, or quiet avoidance.

You say yes because it feels easier than saying no. Your partner pushes for closeness hoping it will fix the distance. Both of you are trying to connect, but end up feeling lonelier than before.

In this episode, Rachel unpacks the difference between solace sex—sex used as a band-aid for disconnection—and safe sex, the kind that grows from empathy, curiosity, and nervous system safety.

You’ll learn why survival strategies often take over in the bedroom, how attachment patterns like anxious pursuit and avoidant withdrawal collide, and why even “tender” sex can leave partners feeling drained when it’s driven by fear instead of aliveness.

Drawing from both client stories and her own marriage, Rachel explores:

1. Why saying yes out of duty or fear can quietly erode connection.
2. How your nervous system confuses sex with safety—and what to do when that happens.
3. What research (including Emily Nagoski’s) says about empathy and communication as the real predictors of great sex.
4. Three questions that can help you shift from survival mode to genuine connection:
5. What would bring me connection right now?
6. What might help my body feel more alive?
7. Am I willing to speak that out loud and see if my partner can meet me there?

This episode isn’t about blaming or fixing—it’s about noticing. Because when you can tell the difference between sex that soothes fear and sex that nurtures safety, you can begin to rebuild intimacy that restores instead of depletes.

If this episode hit home, share it with a friend or partner who needs to hear it.

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.

If you’re the one constantly managing emotions, plans, or repair in your relationship, this episode is for you. You may not call it by name, but what you’re experiencing is relationship burnout—the quiet exhaustion that comes from overfunctioning and carrying more than your share of the emotional load.

Dr. Rachel Orleck breaks down what really drives overfunctioning in relationships and why it’s not a character flaw—it’s a nervous system survival strategy. You’ll learn how your body equates doing more with staying safe, why you keep trying to fix or manage everything, and how to start stepping out of that exhausting cycle without guilt or withdrawal.

💡 You’ll hear:

1. What overfunctioning actually means (and how it shows up in everyday relationship dynamics)
2. The difference between caring and controlling when you’re trying to keep the peace
3. How emotional labor leads to resentment and disconnection over time
4. A simple two-step pause practice to help you stop overexplaining and start balancing your energy
5. Why setting micro-boundaries can create more connection—not conflict

This episode will help you understand why you feel so responsible for keeping everything calm, and why letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you’re finally trusting your relationship to hold both of you.

Overfunctioning in relationships isn’t proof that you’re controlling—it’s proof that your body once had to keep everyone safe. Learning to pause, regulate, and rebalance is how you start healing relationship burnout from the inside out.

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.

The fight is over, but your body hasn’t gotten the memo. The air feels heavy. You’re calm enough to regret what happened, but your nervous system is still running the emergency drill. In that “aftershock window,” shame convinces you that fixing the relationship immediately is the only way to feel safe.

But urgency isn’t intimacy.

In this episode, Dr. Rachel Orleck explains how shame masquerades as responsibility—fueling rushed apologies, over-functioning, or emotional withdrawal—and why those survival strategies keep real repair out of reach. Instead of erasing your reaction with self-blame, you’ll learn how to slow down, regulate, and repair in a way that actually lands.

1. What the aftershock window is and why it matters
2. How shame disguises itself as accountability
3. Why “performance apologies” erode trust instead of repairing it
4. How to tell when your body and your relationship are both ready for repair
5. The Two Green Light Check for knowing when to re-engage
6. A simple, one-breath repair framework that builds safety instead of pressure

Repair doesn’t require a grand gesture—it requires regulation, pacing, and honesty. Check for two green lights: one from your body, one from your bond. Then keep your repair small, specific, and steady. That’s what teaches your nervous system that love can survive imperfection.

Listen now to learn how to calm the aftershock of shame and create repairs that actually rebuild connection.

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.

You thought you met “the one.” The texts were constant, the chemistry electric, the declarations over the top. It felt like the kind of love story movies are made of—until the calls stopped, the plans evaporated, and you were left reeling.

That’s the whiplash of love bombing and ghosting. The high feels intoxicating, but the crash leaves you doubting yourself, shrinking, and working twice as hard to keep someone from slipping away.

In this episode of Coupled With…, Dr. Rachel Orleck unpacks:

1. Why fireworks feel like connection but aren’t the same as intimacy
2. How dopamine fuels chaos, while oxytocin builds steadiness
3. The exhausting loop of over-functioning when intensity fades
4. Practical reflection questions to tell the difference between clarity and chaos
5. What secure love really feels like—and why “calm” isn’t the same as “boring”

Secure love may not start with fireworks, but it lasts longer than any spark. If you’ve ever been love bombed, ghosted, or caught in the cycle of chasing intensity, this conversation will help you reframe the story and recognize the kind of love that’s built to stay.

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.

We’re taught to treat anger like a bomb—dangerous, destructive, proof that something is broken. But what if anger isn’t the enemy? What if it’s the smoke alarm in your relationship, not the fire itself?

In this episode of Coupled With…, I break down why anger feels so threatening—whether you’re the one who’s angry or the one on the receiving end—and how it actually functions as a nervous system signal that something important needs attention.

We’ll explore:

1. Why the angry partner often feels like they’re fighting for the relationship, while the receiving partner feels attacked.
2. How dismissing anger breeds resentment and fuels painful stories of being “too much” or “unlovable.”
3. The difference between treating anger as a threat (shut down, withdraw, punish) versus a signal (get curious, set boundaries, repair).
4. Practical ways to respond to anger that honor the emotion without letting it hijack the room.

The goal isn’t to eliminate anger—it’s impossible and, honestly, would rob your relationship of honesty and passion. The goal is to respond differently. To see anger as an entry point to connection, not the end of it.

If anger has felt like the fire that burns everything down, this episode will help you reframe it as the alarm—loud, yes, but useful. A signal saying: Please don’t miss me here.

Listen in, and let’s start treating anger as the messenger, not the monster.

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.

If a quick “I’m sorry” actually fixed relationships, I’d be out of a job. My clients tell me this all the time: He apologized, but I still feel awful. Why can’t I just accept it and move on?

Here’s the truth: your body isn’t broken for needing more. An apology without safety is like slapping a bandaid on a cut that hasn’t been cleaned—it looks like repair, but underneath, things are still festering.

In this episode, I break down:

1. Why rushed apologies feel like pressure instead of healing
2. The role of your nervous system in deciding if an apology “lands”
3. How everyday ruptures—missed commitments, sharp words, moments of invisibility—become triggers when apologies don’t connect
4. The difference between a performance apology and an embodied one
5. A simple two-question check-in to know if you’re ready to accept (or offer) repair

At the core, this isn’t about perfect words. It’s about creating the safety your body needs so that “I’m sorry” becomes a bridge, not a wall.

If apologies have ever left you feeling tense instead of soothed, this conversation will reframe the entire process. Remember: Safety before sorry.

✨ Tune in now to learn how slowing down and softening creates space for real repair and deeper connection. ✨

Resources

1. Free Course | Break the Cycle: A self-paced introduction to understanding your patterns and nervous system responses.
2. Private Coaching (Limited Availability): High-touch, individualized support for deep relational pattern change.
3. The Attachment Revolution Membership — Waitlist: Ongoing education, tools, and live support for building more secure relationships.
4. Meaningful Journey Counseling (WA residents only): Licensed therapy services for individuals and couples in Washington State.

Disclaimer

This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health treatment, therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you are experiencing significant distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or medical provider.