In this episode of Couples Talk, hosts Naomi and Nick explore various relationship challenges submitted by listeners. They discuss the importance of communication, self-awareness, and vulnerability in relationships, as well as the complexities of family dynamics and the impact of blame. Through their insights, they aim to provide listeners with tools and reflections to navigate their own relationship struggles.

Thanks for listening to CouplesTalk.

We’d love to hear from you, email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.  

Anonymously send us a question you'd like discussing on the podcast ⁠https://forms.gle/1e2z53JLhoT54aHn9

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Please note: The content on CouplesTalk is for general educational and informational purposes only.

Neither Naomi, Nick or any guest is your psychotherapist. Engaging with our content does not create a therapist-client relationship. We cannot provide individual advice, diagnosis, or treatment via these platforms. Our online work has ethical limits.

This is not a crisis service. If you need personalised therapy or are in crisis, please seek a qualified local professional or emergency services. Your well-being is paramount.

In this episode of Couples Talk, Naomi and Nick explore the profound impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships. They delve into the concept of the 'Big Six' areas of childhood development, emphasizing the importance of attunement, engagement, emotional regulation, and the ability to repair relationships. Through personal anecdotes and insights, they highlight how these factors shape our emotional health and relational dynamics. The conversation encourages listeners to reflect on their own childhoods, recognize hidden harms, and engage in the process of healing and reparenting within their relationships.

Takeaways

• The harm done in childhood can be both obvious and hidden.
• Parents play a crucial role in shaping their children's emotional development.
• Attunement is essential for children to feel understood and valued.
• Engagement from parents fosters a sense of worth in children.
• Self-regulation is a skill often learned through parental modeling.
• Expressing big emotions can be challenging if not practiced in childhood.
• Repairing relationships is vital for emotional health and connection.
• Understanding one's childhood can lead to healing in adult relationships.
• The journey of healing and reparenting is ongoing and collaborative.
• Owning our stories allows us to create new narratives in our lives.

00:00 Understanding Childhood's Impact on Relationships

06:50 The Big Six: Key Areas of Childhood Experience

24:11 Engagement: The Importance of Being Seen

27:59 The Impact of Parental Engagement

34:09 Understanding Emotional Regulation

39:42 Navigating Big Emotions

47:27 Reparenting and Healing Together

Thanks for listening to CouplesTalk.

We’d love to hear from you, email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.  

Anonymously send us a question you'd like discussing on the podcast ⁠https://forms.gle/1e2z53JLhoT54aHn9

Please note: The content on CouplesTalk is for general educational and informational purposes only.

Neither Naomi, Nick or any guest is your psychotherapist. Engaging with our content does not create a therapist-client relationship. We cannot provide individual advice, diagnosis, or treatment via these platforms. Our online work has ethical limits.

This is not a crisis service. If you need personalised therapy or are in crisis, please seek a qualified local professional or emergency services. Your well-being is paramount.

In this episode of Couples Talk, Naomi and Nick delve into the complex topics of triggers and trauma, exploring how these elements impact relationships. They discuss the science behind triggers, the different types of trauma, and the importance of recognizing and managing triggers within a partnership. Through personal anecdotes and professional insights, they emphasize the significance of self-awareness, shared responsibility, and emotional regulation in fostering healthy relationships. The conversation culminates in practical strategies for navigating triggers and enhancing emotional safety between partners.

Takeaways

• Triggers are often rooted in past trauma.
• Understanding the science of triggers can help in relationships.
• Big T trauma refers to significant life events, while little t trauma refers to smaller, repeated experiences.
• Recognizing when you are triggered is crucial for emotional regulation.
• The window of tolerance is essential for healthy interactions.
• Shared responsibility in relationships helps manage triggers.
• Emotional safety is vital for effective communication.
• Personal experiences with triggers can illuminate patterns in relationships.
• Self-compassion is important when dealing with triggers.
• Practical steps can help manage and mitigate the impact of triggers.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Triggers and Trauma

00:38 Understanding Triggers: The Invisible Tripwires

08:34 The Science Behind Triggers and Trauma

20:51 Managing Triggers in Relationships

22:13 The Impact of Financial Stress on Relationships

27:50 Understanding Triggers and Their Origins

36:13 Recognizing Physiological Signs of Stress

39:30 Strategies for Managing Triggers

44:57 Integrating Trauma into Relationship Dynamics

Thanks for listening to CouplesTalk.

We’d love to hear from you, email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠.  

Anonymously send us a question you'd like discussing on the podcast ⁠https://forms.gle/1e2z53JLhoT54aHn9

Please note: The content on CouplesTalk is for general educational and informational purposes only.

Neither Naomi, Nick or any guest is your psychotherapist. Engaging with our content does not create a therapist-client relationship. We cannot provide individual advice, diagnosis, or treatment via these platforms. Our online work has ethical limits.

This is not a crisis service. If you need personalised therapy or are in crisis, please seek a qualified local professional or emergency services. Your well-being is paramount.

In this episode of Couples Talk, Naomi and Nick explore the transformative power of small actions in relationships, drawing on the research of the Gottmans. They discuss how shifting focus from big problems to small, positive interactions can significantly improve emotional connection and satisfaction in a partnership. The conversation delves into the importance of understanding bids and responses, the foundational elements of a strong relationship, and practical exercises couples can implement to foster connection and intimacy.

Takeaways

• Small actions can have a big impact on relationships.
• Shifting focus from problems to small positives is crucial.
• Understanding bids and responses is key to connection.
• Relationships are built on thousands of micro interactions.
• A positive perspective can change the dynamics of a relationship.
• Friendship is the foundational layer of a strong relationship.
• Conflict management is easier with a solid foundation.
• Small things often can lead to significant changes over time.
• Empowerment comes from taking responsibility for small actions.
• Practical exercises can enhance emotional connection.

00:00 Introduction to Couples Talk

02:11 The Impact of Small Things in Relationships

06:11 Understanding Bids and Responses

10:52 Shifting Perspectives: From Big Issues to Small Actions

15:35 The Gottman Sound Relationship House Model

19:06 Practical Exercises for Connection

19:35 Navigating Relationship Waves

24:44 The Power of Fondness and Admiration

28:59 Implementing the 60-Second Prescription Exercise

Gottman Sound Relationship House

https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-is-the-sound-relationship-house/

Thanks for listening to CouplesTalk.

We’d love to hear from you, email us at [email protected].  

Anonymously send us a question you'd like discussing on the podcast https://forms.gle/1e2z53JLhoT54aHn9

Please note: The content on CouplesTalk is for general educational and informational purposes only.

Neither Naomi, Nick or any guest is your psychotherapist. Engaging with our content does not create a therapist-client relationship. We cannot provide individual advice, diagnosis, or treatment via these platforms. Our online work has ethical limits.

This is not a crisis service. If you need personalised therapy or are in crisis, please seek a qualified local professional or emergency services. Your well-being is paramount.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Stress and Regulation in Relationships

03:17 Understanding Regulation and Its Importance

06:34 Personal Experiences with Dysregulation

11:50 The Window of Tolerance Explained

23:35 Impact of Dysregulation on Relationships

35:08 Practical Tools for Regulation

Thanks for listening to CouplesTalk.

We’d love to hear from you, email us at [email protected].  

Anonymously send us a question you'd like discussing on the podcast https://forms.gle/1e2z53JLhoT54aHn9

In this conversation, the hosts delve into the complexities of relationship dynamics, focusing on the detrimental effects of stonewalling and contempt. They explore how these behaviors manifest in relationships, the underlying emotional triggers, and the importance of understanding physiological responses to stress. The discussion emphasizes the need for emotional regulation and the implementation of antidotes to foster healthier interactions. The hosts also highlight the significance of building a culture of appreciation and respect within relationships, while addressing both overt and covert forms of contempt. Ultimately, they advocate for taking responsibility for one's feelings and needs as a pathway to healthier relationships.

Takeaways

• Understanding behaviors like stonewalling is crucial for relationship health.
• Emotional regulation is key to sustainable behavior change.
• The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse signal relationship distress.
• Physiological flooding can lead to automatic defensive responses.
• Recognizing triggers is essential for managing emotional responses.
• Building a culture of appreciation can counteract contempt.
• Contempt is the most damaging behavior in relationships.
• Covert contempt can be just as harmful as overt contempt.
• Taking responsibility for feelings fosters healthier communication.
• Self-soothing techniques are vital for emotional regulation.

In this episode of Couples Talk, Naomi and Nick explore the concept of the Four Warnings, derived from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse identified by the Gottman Institute. They discuss the significance of understanding these behaviors—defensiveness and criticism—within relationships, sharing personal experiences and insights. The conversation emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility and using gentle communication techniques to foster healthier interactions. The episode concludes with a preview of the next discussion on stonewalling and contempt, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own relationship dynamics.

Takeaways

• The Four Warnings are derived from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
• Defensiveness and criticism can be detrimental to relationships.
• Taking responsibility can de-escalate conflicts.
• Gentle startups are crucial for effective communication.
• Criticism attacks the person, while complaints address behavior.
• Understanding your own defensiveness is key to growth.
• Observing others can help identify your own behaviors.
• The Gottman Institute's research is foundational in couples therapy.
• Communication involves body language, tone, and words.
• Personal experiences can illuminate the impact of these behaviors.

Gottman's 4 Horsemen

NB. There are a couple of very quiet moments in this episode due to poor microphone setup. We're working on it!

Summary

In this episode of Couples Talk, hosts Naomi and Nick explore the complexities of recognising when a relationship needs help. They discuss societal expectations, personal experiences, and the importance of seeking support from friends, family, and professionals. The conversation emphasizes the significance of communication, understanding relationship patterns, and the role of intense emotions in determining the need for help. The episode concludes with resources and encouragement for couples to prioritize their relationships and seek assistance when necessary.

Takeaways

• It's normal to ask if you need help throughout your relationship.
• Societal expectations can create a stigma around seeking help.
• Your relationship requires ongoing effort and maintenance.
• Friends and family can provide valuable support, but choose wisely.
• Professional help can offer insights and tools for improvement.
• Recognizing patterns in conflict can indicate a need for help.
• Crisis points often signal the urgency for seeking assistance.
• Intense negative emotions can be a sign that help is needed.
• Communication is key in addressing relationship issues.
• Investing in your relationship is as important as the wedding day.

Links and recommendations

Esther Perell - https://www.estherperel.com

Terry Real - https://terryreal.com

UK Directories

https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk

https://www.psychotherapy.org.uk

https://ncps.com/counselling-directory

https://www.bacp.co.uk

Thanks for listening to CouplesTalk

We’d love to hear your thoughts and any topic suggestions. Please email us at [email protected].  

British therapist Naomi Light and her husband Nick kick off their new podcast with this trailer, giving listeners an idea of what's to come.

They will draw on leading insights from neuroscience and psychotherapy helping you understand your own relationship in a whole new light.

Naomi and Nick plan to share the honest truth of their own marriage – its breakdowns, its rescue, and its ongoing journey – intertwining personal experiences with professional expertise.

They'd love to hear listeners' feedback, questions and suggestions for topics.

Contact: [email protected]