Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Jack Wofford: mediator? Facilitator? Does he help with conflicts? Disputes? Issues? Disagreements?  We talk about what’s in a name and the four essential elements in the work that he does.

You can reach Jack at [email protected] and learn more about his work at https://www.mediate.com/mediator-profile/?uid=29258

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

The TKI describes five different approaches to conflict. And those five are always available to each of us. They are accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing, and compromising.   Visualize a vertical axis of assertiveness, the extent to which someone tries to satisfy their own needs. Along the horizontal axis, the degree of cooperativeness is shown: that is the extent to which a person tries to satisfy the other person’s needs. 

Avoiding appears on the bottom right of the image – very low on assertiveness and, also, very low on cooperativeness. 

Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative, landing at the opposite spot, diagonally, across the image.

The TKI model does not suggest that one style is always better than another. Instead, the point is to better understand what we do well and what we do often. And then to consider how well our approaches to conflict are serving us.

Learn more here: https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/overview-thomas-kilmann-conflict-mode-instrument-tki/

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

The TKI describes five different approaches to conflict. And those five are always available to each of us. They are accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing, and compromising. Competing is power-driven, with a focus on one’s own needs at the expense of the other person’s. Accommodating is the polar opposite: putting someone else’s needs above one’s own. Neither is always the right approach, nor always the wrong one.  The value of the TKI is helping you understand which modes you tend to use, which you use best, and considering whether you are underusing or overusing any of them. Learn more at:  https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/overview-thomas-kilmann-conflict-mode-instrument-tki/ 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Jennifer Fraser, PhD, set out to learn all she could about bullying and healing a brain damaged by it. She was motivated by the experience her teenage son endured, and the memories of her teen years that his experience brought back to her.The result is a book that surveys brain research in this area, outdated myths, and societal trends.  Equally important, Jennifer shares hopeful and practical ideas that can help individuals heal themselves. You can learn more about the book and Jennifer’s work here: https://www.bulliedbrain.com/ You can reach her through the website or here:[email protected]. Find her on Twitter here: @teachingbullies 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

More than nine million copies of the TKI assessment have been sold since it was introduced in the mid- 1970s, according to the Kilmann Diagnostics website: https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/assessments/thomas-kilmann-instrument-one-assessment-person/ The tool isn’t black or white and doesn’t label conflict is bad. In fact, it calls conflict “neutral”. https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/faqs/The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument describes five different approaches to conflict. And those five are always available to each of us. They are accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing, and compromising.  I have named them in alphabetical order, in an attempt to honor the tool’s advice to use the mode that fits best for a given situation, while remaining open to switching another if the situation changes. In upcoming episodes, I will describe them and allow listeners to think about how they currently use them and how they may shift.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Making choices about just how much conflict to address can lead to better outcomes than stopping before you start or setting up for a sense of failure. We can feel overwhelmed -- and fearful -- about estate planning, as my guest last time, Paul Hood, discussed. An internal conflict. It helps to recognize that it will take time and that changes can be made down the road. And almost any decision is better than none. Doing nothing invites conflict in your surviving family.  Trying to make a difficult relationship perfect is unrealistic – instead, try to make it better. When a family has multiple concerns to address, it’s best to handle critical ones first. Outside of a crisis, try for a “win” where the family can experience success. Attempting to solve everything at once is a lot to ask. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Paul Hood has written extensively about estate planning for many years – books, articles, and more. Many have been full of insights for professionals. Earlier this year, Paul’s book on estate planning geared for lay people was published. Yours, Mine, and Ours – estate planning for people in blended or stepfamilies.  Among other topics, Paul covers the common fears that can stop people from starting the estate planning process or get them off track after they start.

We also discuss how ongoing conversations can help families and their advisors be more successful in creating and executing estate plans.  Learn more about Paul’s work, find free resources, and order his books at:

https://paulhoodservices.com/ Contact Paul at: [email protected]

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Putting yourself in the shoes of the person you are in conflict with can provide valuable insights. It’s a key feature of the CINERGY conflict coaching model. Cinnie Noble, creator of the model, was my guest on Episode 69, published on April 22, 2020. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or here: https://bit.ly/2xtYMIl. In two recent instances, coaching clients discovered, by putting themselves in the shoes of the other person in the conflict, that the client and the other person faced the same systemic challenge. The other person wasn’t at fault at all. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

In a recent blog post, Seth Godin riffed on Interested vs. Interesting.  In short, we are all interesting in our own way. That doesn’t necessarily mean that other people are interested in what we have to offer. Granted. Then I viewed the post through the lens of handling conflict better.

        One suggestion that comes up in preventing and resolving negative conflicts is to adopt curiosity.  In other words, be genuinely interested in other people’s perspectives. Especially if their perspective is different from ours. It is a challenge.  No doubt. But we can learn and when we learn, we can more easily find common ground. Now, “interesting”?  When in doubt, talk less and listen more. It’s funny how people may find someone interesting and a great conversationalist if they don’t dominate the conversation.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Marlene’s most recent book is From Conflict to Courage: How to Stop Avoiding and Start Leading. We discuss dysfunctional leadership identities and how they can lead to conflict.  How to increase your conflict capacity. And how structure leads to behavior. You can find Marlene on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marlenechism/. You can also reach her by email, at [email protected]. Her website, https://marlenechism.com/ , offers information about her book, her services, and insightful comments on her blog. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.