Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Earlier this month, I attended my first in-person conference since early 2020, the Institute for Family Governance conference in New York City. During the lunch break, I chaired a roundtable discussion on addressing and preventing conflict in a family enterprise. Our conversation echoed – and amplified – some themes that we heard throughout the day.

Setting expectations is key – well before a problem erupts. Recognize that families and their family enterprises necessarily evolve over time. Important documents, whether legally binding or not, need to change, too. Disagreements are to be expected, and even welcomed. They don’t need to be nasty or destructive. Burying them is rarely a wise move. Finally, the process of communicating is valuable in and of itself.

Most interesting to me, over the course of the day, is a newer idea.I was hearing more conversation about the importance of ongoing work within legacy families, family offices, and family enterprises on the subject of handling conflict effectively. One day or one long weekend isn’t enough.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Implicit bias is an unconscious bias or prejudice that we have, which may be contrary to what we say we believe – or even what we think we believe. The Implicit Association Test (IAT) available through the Harvard University website. It’s free and takes ten to fifteen minutes to complete, on your own, online. https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html . Project Implicit is a research project. The Implicit Association Test (IAT) measures attitudes and beliefs that people may be unwilling or unable to report. Some people who take the test are surprised and concerned about their results.  They may wish to address these concerns. 

For some excellent suggestions to do that, check out the “What is Implicit Bias?” page of Loyola Marymount University’s website, in the Resources section. Within that, you will see a link back to the Harvard site to take the test. And a full section on “Strategies to Reduce Implicit Bias.” It includes Motives to Reduce Bias, Individual Strategies to Mitigate Implicit Bias, Structural Strategies to Mitigate Implicit Bias, and additional resources. 

Suggested motives include promoting equity and building stronger relationships. Individual strategies include a focus on deliberate, conscious processing, intentionally focusing on perspective, and spending time with people who aren’t like us. One structural strategy is especially practical and easy to implement: build in enough time for decision-making and don’t make decisions in the heat of the moment.

https://resources.lmu.edu/dei/initiativesprograms/implicitbiasinitiative/whatisimplicitbias/          

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Implicit bias is an unconscious bias or prejudice that we have, which may be contrary to what we say we believe – or even what we think we believe. The Implicit Association Test (IAT) available through the Harvard University website. It’s free and takes ten to fifteen minutes to complete, on your own, online. https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html . Project Implicit is a research project. The Implicit Association Test (IAT) measures attitudes and beliefs that people may be unwilling or unable to report. Some people who take the test are surprised and concerned about their results.  They may wish to address these concerns. 

For some excellent suggestions to do that, check out the “What is Implicit Bias?” page of Loyola Marymount University’s website, in the Resources section. I will put the link in the show notes. Within that, you will see a link back to the Harvard site to take the test. And a full section on “Strategies to Reduce Implicit Bias.” It includes Motives to Reduce Bias, Individual Strategies to Mitigate Implicit Bias, Structural Strategies to Mitigate Implicit Bias, and additional resources. https://resources.lmu.edu/dei/initiativesprograms/implicitbiasinitiative/whatisimplicitbias/          

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

The idea of the Ladder of Inference was introduced by Chris Argyris in 1970.  The concept became widely known when he and Peter Senge published The Fifth Discipline in 1992.  The Ladder of Inference helps us visualize how our brain processes work. Some of it with lightning speed. By better understanding what is happening, we can better address what isn’t serving us well. The Ladder of Inference appears in a number of sources online. Here are two: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ladder_of_inference.svg and https://www.toolshero.com/decision-making/ladder-of-inference/

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Vik Kapoor is back for a second visit. His first was on October 29, 2020, in Episode 96. You can listen here: https://bit.ly/2JcUcmZThat time we talked about the UN peer conflict coaching program that he was involved in.This time we discuss his book about self-coaching, First Serve Yourself: How Young Leaders Around the World are Winning on Their Own Terms. We talk about positive and negative emotions, bias, and tools that individuals can use to effectively coach themselves.

You can learn more about Vik at his company website: https://extra-m.com/. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

First, we can think through just when we are at our best – and our worst.  Time of day? Day of the week? Location?  Can we set up a tough conversation for the time and place when we are at our best? Next, we can be aware of how to be prepared to be at our best when we know in advance that we will be engaged in a difficult conversation. Sometimes we don’t have the luxury of time or much advance notice. What could we adopt as a way to quickly reset and pull ourselves into position for the situation?              

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

When thinking about self-awareness and preventing negative conflict, let’s focus on the habits we have, the most obvious patterns we adopt, the knee-jerk reactions (which can have a dangerous capacity for making us appear to be or actually be jerks). We can benefit from taking a moment – or two – to reflect on what is increasing the likelihood of negative conflict unnecessarily. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

David Ehrlichman discusses his work at Converge, a network of practitioners who cultivate impact networks. His book, impact networks, sets out how co-creating networks beside, across, or even within hierarchical organizations can tap into the creativity of individuals who co-create networks centered on a common purpose. Visit the Converge website to learn more about their work and the book, to read their blog, to find links to four- and eighteen-minute films, and to take advantage of the free network toolkit. https://www.converge.net/You can find David on LinkedIn and on twitter @davehrlichman.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

The flip side of the dangers of shortcuts is the benefit of a detour.  That is, allowing a conversation to wander to where it needs to go to get at the nub of the conflict. For me, useful detours can come up in conflict coaching, mediation, and more general conflict consulting. In coaching, the value can be in a deeper dive into what makes a client tick. In mediation, the detour may be into what else matters to the people involved, beyond what they initially state. In consulting, the challenge can be presented as one of a very specific and limited problem. Let’s take a little detour into how the problem became intractable. And what you can do to prevent the next “very specific and limited problem” from blowing up. If you aren’t a conflict professional, and are directly involved in a conflict, you can consider whether it would be wise to take a look to the side of the issue. Is there something to see there? Perhaps the scenic route is worth the trip.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 

Generally, we tend to think of shortcuts as good and detours as bad. Yet, in the specific context of dealing with conflict, it’s often the reverse. Although it can be tempting to race ahead, assuming that no preparation is needed for a successful mediation session, that shortcut can be actually harmful – diminishing the possibility of a positive outcome and risking making a difficult situation even worse.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.