Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Interpersonal conflict can erupt unexpectedly. If it does, a firm foundation for the relationship can frequently prevent lasting harm from occurring.  People can find a way forward and not engage in earth-scorching behavior.

And, often, interpersonal conflict is simmering for a while before it comes to a boil.  It may be tempting to pretend it’s not happening. Or to know it’s happening and decide not to deal with it. 

But that lack of action can be a lack of prevention. 

Prevention of damage that might be minimized by effective conflict resolution but didn’t need to happen at all. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

David Hoffman joins me to talk about his most recent book, The Art of Impasse-Breaking in Mediation.  David is well known in the conflict resolution field and the recipient of numerous well-deserved honors and awards.

 David takes us through the concept of impasse in mediation, an introduction to the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, and insights on how we can recognize and more effectively deal with unconscious bias.

You can learn more about David’s work at the Boston Law Collaborative website:https://blc.law/ If you click on his profile page, you will learn about David and find information on his books, articles, and other resources. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

It can feel easy to tote up the costs of having a difficult conversation about something important. It can seem overwhelming. It’s tempting to decide that we should just live with the status quo.

We should add up the costs of doing nothing. 

And then compare the costs. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

The spaces we spend time in either stress or calm us. Or maybe they feel fully neutral. Our day-to-day setpoint in the environment where we live our lives sets us up for conflict prevention and resolution “readiness”. 

We can easily overlook the environment we are in precisely because we live in it.  Taking a moment to step back and really think about the spaces we inhabit can help reduce stress and encourage a sense of calm. When we do that, we are helping ourselves to be better equipped to avoid unnecessary conflicts and to more easily handle those that appear.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Sarah Walker joins me to talk about the role that our homes play in our day-to-day wellbeing. Sarah describes how interior design can support rest, focus, and recovery in our homes.  And we talk about planning for the evolution that families go through over time and how to plan spaces that will be welcoming to all generations, whether short-term visitors, permanent residents, and in-between. 

       You can learn more about Sarah’s work – and see some beautiful spaces – at https://nuanceinteriors.com/. You can follow her company on Instagram here: @nuanceinteriors.  She can be found on LinkedIn here:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahplattwalker/

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

We’ve been encouraged to embrace active listening. Sure. But we need to be genuine, not engaging in actions or behaviors that aren’t ours. 

It’s not helpful to adopt gestures that we have been told to use, yet feel foreign to us. 

      Not only do you run the risk that I will see through your acting, but some of your focus will be devoted to the acting – not to the actual listening.

       What should we do?

       Of course, look at someone when they are speaking, but don’t stare them down. 

       Of course, listen – with patience. With the right level of eagerness. 

       Yes, nod your head when you are understanding the point someone is making.  (Which is not necessarily the same as agreeing.)

But don’t fake it. Faking positive body language is similar to faking an apology. Neither is a good idea. 

Why quit while you are behind? Because if you continue the fight, you may dig a deeper hole for yourself. Possibilities for a small loss can become a bigger one when those with the upper hand become angry or frustrated. Because you may say or do things that brand you a sore loser. Because the sting of the experience can become greater for the other person without lessening your own pain.

And if you will be in a continuing relationship, consider what you can learn from this loss. There can be similar disagreements down the road. Can they be resolved more easily, more quickly, or less painfully down the road?

If the relationship is important to you, preserve as much of it as you can. And avoid creating unnecessary lasting damage.

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

It’s not always easy to quit while you are ahead. But, when ongoing relationships matter, it’s worth the effort.

How to do it? First, keep a laser focus on the prize. Not the peripheral issues. Let them go. Next, think ahead of time how the “win” might roll out. Consider, individually and within a faction, how to respond – including by saying nothing. Adopt a long view.  Try to accept a win graciously. Allow everyone to move on. When emotions are high, keep words and actions in check, and allow some healing to begin. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/

Sherri Noxel joins me today to talk about the challenges of family farms. These family businesses encounter the familiar ones – including the role of nonfamily employees, succession planning, and addressing legacy issues. They also face circumstances not commonly found in other industries, most importantly, their special connection to the land where they work and, frequently, also live.

You can learn more about Sherri and her work here:  https://www.enterprisinggenerations.com/

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ 

We can have very different views about 

charitable giving and that can lead to conflict.

Magic, easy answers will be elusive. But a few reminders can help. Know your own priorities and values and be true to them.

      First, don’t be the passionate supporter who becomes the pushy one. If you are on the receiving end of the pushiness, you can decline politely – and completely. Or you can choose to give a more modest amount; in some situations –especially alumni giving – the percentage of eligible donors who contribute is important.

      If the cause is one you don’t want to support at all because you just aren’t onboard, you can keep the lines of communication open. Perhaps you will learn more about the issue or group and reconsider.

      If you find the cause to be in conflict with your values, you can choose to state that. You can choose simply not engage. Or you can think about other options. 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/