Crazy Together

Esme battles an old foe en route to restoring the O’Kayvious household’s gardens to their former glory: the sun. Will cosplaying as an ultra-refined Bryn Mawr graduate give her the tactical edge she needs? Also, Marcus courts controversy by revealing the one thing Donald Trump does right – if you’re going to re-watch the 1988 martial arts masterpiece Bloodsport, you really should fast forward through all the unnecessary dialogue.

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“Can you blame your boyfriend’s mom for making your boyfriend a bad boyfriend?” This is the hypothetical question Marcus poses at the start of the episode. Fortunately, Esme is there to ask questions and figure out what Marcus is talking about. 

It turns out that Marcus wants to discuss Attachment Theory, a psychological framework that explores how young children form emotional bonds with their caregivers and how these bonds influence their future relationships. Together, they discuss the kinds of formative experiences that create attachment types, and how those attachment types strongly influence how we approach our adult relationships. They also review recommendations for parents who want to form stronger and secure attachment bonds with their kids; and, reassure the audience that with enough hard work, we can learn how to form secure attachments as adults.

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HYPERBOLIC TITLE WARNING: This episode does not feature stories of ACTUAL betrayal or revenge. However, it does attempt to answer the following questions: Does a former college basketball star have an obligation to his alma mater to ensure his son does not play for that school's hated rival? (Spoiler alert: in this case, yes). Is a minor character from a classic Jane Austen novel deserving of her own story? (Spoiler alert: in this case, yes). Also, Marcus and Esme provide critical updates on open questions from previous installments of the Hyperfocus Bonus.

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Belated acknowledgement of a brilliant video referenced in episode 112:

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Internet and social media trends come and go, and many of them are pretty stupid. But could it be true that there is one current trend that might actually be somewhat beneficial for our mental health and well being?

Join Marcus and Esme as they discuss whimsy, the rare social media trend that doesn’t seem to want to kill us. Marcus and Esme discuss why the trend has taken off, and whether or not there is any hard, scientific evidence to suggest that it might be a good thing (spoiler alert: believe it or not, there kinda’ is). They also share some of the whimsical interests and activities that bring a little fun to their lives, encourage straight guys to give whimsy a chance (it might actually encourage women to choose you and not the bear), and encourage listeners to not overthink whimsy, because then it won’t be whimsical anymore. 

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Are the narrators of audiobooks the final authority on how to pronounce the names of people and places in sci-fi/fantasy novels? What is the likelihood a noteworthy director of independent cinema has moved to Marcus and Esme’s small town in southeastern Pennsylvania? And what does it mean if Marcus is hearing the voice of an entirely different director in his head when he goes grocery shopping? 

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Is it possible that the cerebellum plays a much larger role in our mental health than was previously known? And if so, what are the implications for the future of how mental health and neurodivergent conditions are diagnosed and treated going forward? Well, after an exhaustive review of recent breakthroughs in the field of neuroscience, Marcus and Esme are prepared to say, “Wow, those are some tough questions.”

The truth of the matter is that the cerebellum has been the subject of a lot of fascinating research and discoveries in the past few years (it has long been dismissed as less important than the flashier, “thinky-thinky” parts of the brain). Scientists are only now beginning to grasp how intertwined this fist-sized portion of the human brain is with practically every aspect of neurological functioning and mental health. 

What does it all mean? Well, that’s what Esme and Marcus attempt to figure out in this episode. While they acknowledge there are no definitive answers to these questions yet, they also think it’s a fascinating topic with a lot of potential implications for how mental health and neurodivergent conditions are diagnosed and treated going forward.

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Most great works of art defy simple interpretation. Some pieces are so complex and so deeply rousing that two people (who are otherwise very much alike in temperament and tastes) can walk away from the same composition with very different interpretations. Such is the case with the timeless blue-eyed soul standard Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley. Marcus and Esme discuss their specific point of contention and ask for the listeners' help to resolve the dispute. Also, a family of birds has taken up residence in a planter on the O’Kayvious’ front porch, which has had some surprising impacts on each of the human members of the household.

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Do neurodivergent people really struggle with object permanence? Generally speaking, no. Babies and dogs may struggle to understand that something still exists even if they can’t see it anymore (which explains the rush babies get playing peek-a-boo). However, most older children and adults – regardless of neurotype – tend to understand that mommy has not exited this earthly plain just because she threw a blanket over her head. 

That being said, Marcus and Esme think there is one very specific area of neurodivergent peoples’ lives where they might struggle with something similar to object permanence. Specifically, if neurodivergent people:

This is a natural reaction for neurodivergent people. After all, they’re raised to believe that being neurodivergent is a condition, and as such they must be “fixed” to be successful in school and at the office.

But what if neurodivergence isn’t a condition? What if being neurodivergent just meant a person was different? 

In other words, what if neurodivergence was an identity?

That’s the question Marcus and Esme explore in this episode: what would it mean if we thought of neurodivergence as an identity, and how might that change the way we think not only of our developmental needs, but of the systems and structures that weren’t built with us in mind?  

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All Esme wanted to do was pay homage to one of her favorite flowers. Unfortunately, Marcus had to go and ruin it with some inappropriate giggling just because the name of the flower sounds a little bit like a certain defining aspect of the male anatomy. It was childish and disrespectful and Marcus apologized profusely for it . . . every time Esme mentioned the flower’s name.

Marcus then took a moment to celebrate the 84th birthday of legendary singer/songwriter Taj Mahal. Esme demonstrated far more patience and maturity than Marcus was capable of during her segment, even when he said words like “pianist” and “Ry Cooder.” 

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Have you ever felt like you’ve changed so much you barely recognize yourself? If so, you might be experiencing an identity crisis. Identity crises are pretty common, but they might be an indicator that you could benefit from some professional medical assistance.

In this episode, Marcus and Esme discuss the concept of identity and why having a strong, continuous sense of identity is important to our mental health and well-being. They share their own experiences navigating identity crises and the types of interventions they found most helpful (hint: it rhymes with “sherapy”). They also identify additional activities people can try if they feel like they are losing (or have lost) their sense of identity.

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