Creative Bites

The assuming heart is particularly dangerous because of its tendency to scale in damage.

• We are too impatient to learn the truth
• We are scared to address a disagreement
• We are angry about something else (related or unrelated)
• We are lazy 

Where The Assuming Heart typically gets us into trouble is when we make assumptions about the motivations of others.

Here are three phases of The Assuming Heart that I have seen. Each of them scale in damage, so our goal is to shut down our assumptions as soon as we can.

Phase 1:

The first phase of damage is to you. It erodes your ability to be unified with those around you. When someone makes a decision, you immediately assume that the decision was made with you in mind. 

The most noticeable trait of phase one is that we begin to pull away from others.

Phase 2:

Now the assumptions that are expressed internally begin to show up externally.

Phase 2 is where we begin sowing division between others on the team and become an agent actively working against unity.

Phase 3:

At this point our assumptions have become facts to us. We make decisions to combat what we *think* is happening, and we start damaging relationships.

Phase 3 is where some relationships are significantly enough that they are altered moving forward. Often this is where trust is lost, and the relationship requires healing before it can continue to move forward.

1. What you are upset about isn’t as important as unity.

When someone else makes a decision, assume unity, not division.

When you assume the worst about people’s motivations, you choosing to make their decisions more important than the unity of the body of Christ.

2. Never trust what anyone says.

I don’t care who it is, if someone shares the opinion of someone else with me, I don’t trust it. I always go to the source. Always.

3. Be patient.

Ultimately, if you aren’t willing to go to someone you are frustrated with, you are actively choosing division over unity.

Proverbs 25:15

Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.

Working relationships can be very hard, but unity of the body of Christ is more important.

You have things that you have made a commitment to. And many of those are very important.

Don’t let them become too important.

This week, I want to look at the life of Moses in hopes of helping us recalibrate how committed we are to things in our life.

Exodus 18:13-23

1. You can’t always see that you are overcommitted on your own.
2. Don’t be frustrated when everyone can’t help at the same level.
3. Moses wasn’t the only one capable, and neither are you.
4.  When you hear advice, pray about it. 

First: giving or receiving counsel should always be with the understanding that prayer will supersede it. 

Second: the advice in this situation was focused on helping Moses see that he wasn’t the condition upon which Israel succeeded or failed. 

Whatever it is that you are investing in has the potential to do the same thing if you overcommit to it. Sometimes it’s because the need keeps presenting itself like it did with Moses.

Sometimes we overcommit because we think we are the key to success. It won’t happen without us.

Have you ever had a day at work that left you dejected? Maybe you were turned down for a promotion, or maybe your idea didn’t get approved. Or maybe there was tension on the team that you were a part of. Maybe you made a mistake that cost the organization money. Whatever the situation, it left you down. 

For me personally, these things come in waves. I have seasons where it seems like I just keep getting lower and lower. As those seasons come, and they will, we can find ourself with A Dejected Heart.

Sometimes we struggle in these seasons because:

We think we are pioneers but our wagon wheels roll in the ruts of those who have gone before us.

Ecclesiasties 1:9-10

That means that somewhere, someone has walked the path you are walking.

1. Look for people who have gone before you in real life

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

2. Look for people who have gone before you in scripture 

Ezra 

• We need to be reconciled to Christ ourselves (Ezra 9:3-5)
• In order to do that, we need to know God’s word. (Ezra 9:10-12)
• We must be willing to Obey what it says. (Ezra 7:10)
• We must be willing to direct others back into right living. (Ezra 10:10-11)
• Show grace in the process (Ezra 9:13)

Ezra and Nehemiah

• You will find things in your life that need to be rebuilt
• When you find something that needs to be rebuilt, pray first
• When you start rebuilding, expect opposition
• You can’t always rebuild on your own.
• God will not abandon you
• Your enemies will eventually lose confidence
• The Job isn’t going to be easy

3. Make sure you are disconnecting when you can

• Put your phone away 
  • Focus on one thing at a time, and full invest in it. 
• Look at people in the eye
• Waste time 
  • Efficiency can add to dejection by making you think time spent resting and relaxing is a waste of time. 

God is faithful to complete his work. 

Philippians 1:6

We aren’t finished yet, thus God has not yet completed what he is working on. This is a part of that process, and likely the hardship will move you closer to completion. 

There are 3 things I think we forget when we doubt. In order to look at these doubt, I’m want to to start with what is true, and unpack some of the ways these our doubt expresses itself.

1. We forget who is building the church

Matthew 16:18

2. We want our our way

Isaiah 55:8

Job 38:4-7

3. We want the entire plan

Genesis 22:1-18

God’s plan doesn’t always make sense to us. So often we have these plans in our mind that are so nice and tidy. What a wonderful roadmap! That isn’t usually what God’s plans look like. God asked Abraham to travel three days with his son processing the fact that he was instructed to sacrifice him. Can you imagine that walk?

When your heart doubts the plan because it doesn’t make sense, remember that The Lord Will Provide. 

The most effective way to combat The Doubting Heart is to remember the truth found in Scripture. Don’t ever be tempted to think that a podcast, a blogpost, or a book can help you in the role you are in more than Scripture. I’m reminded of Psalm 105 

“Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path.”

Distraction is nearly unidentifiable in the moment, but it has incredibly far reaching consequences. It looks different for different people, but it has the same result - it pulls you away from what is important.

While distraction shows itself in a lot of different way, I want to focus on four signs of a Distracted Heart, and then look at what we can do about it. We are usually battling against distractions in our personal lives because it can help us avoid folding our laundry or fixing that leaky faucet that needs to get addressed. These all apply in that space, but I want to look at these from the perspective of our jobs. How does distraction express itself at work, and how should we respond?

1. The distraction of interruption

2. The distraction of talk.

Proverbs 14:23

In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

3. The distraction of things.

Proverbs 12:11

He who tills his land will have plenty of bread, but he who pursues worthless things lacks sense.

4. The distraction of pursuits.

Proverbs 28:19

He who tills his land will have plenty of food, but he who follows empty pursuits will have poverty in plenty.

Does any of this sound familiar? Can you see any of this fruit in your life? In a way, I want to encourage you that it probably will at some point. And really, the good news is that these things can change.

If this is where you find yourself, it doesn’t mean you are stuck here forever. Here are some things that can help you check your heart.

1. Focus on God

Identify God in the little things in life. If the weather is nice, thank Him for it. If you are enjoying your cup of coffee or tea, thank Him for it. If you see something beautiful, thank Him for it. When we see God evident in the things we see every day in life, we train ourselves to bring Him into every decision. 

2. Focus on people

Put your phone away. Leave it on your desk. Set it on the counter when you get home. Choose to leave it in your purse or pocket. Don’t allow something to step in between you and the other human beings around you. 

3. Remember that you can’t change hearts.

Often distraction stems from a misunderstanding that we can actually change the human heart. When you understand that God is who can harden or soften the heart, you begin to see early “solutions” as potential distractions.

Call it out. “While this may be good, it is not required for God to move”.

4. Be successful with what you already have.

Do you really need anything different to be successful? What if you budget was cut 10% next year. Would you have to shut your doors? Probably not. In fact, I believe that your ministry might actually get better. You have less money to spend on things that distract you from actually engaging in ministry.

5. Unplug

Fight against distractions. 

• Leave your phone on the counter when you get home. 
• Put it in your bag at work. 
• Mute notifications. 
• Don’t wear a smartwatch. 
• Do whatever you need to to keep focusing on the things that are important.
• Protect time on your calendar.
• Work in a different location sometimes. 
• Ask others to cover you while you hide.

6. Pray before you act

7. Remember the mission

At the end of the day, you can’t forget the mission of the organization that you were hired to serve. Your job is to help accomplish that mission. Remember it. Read it again. Go ask your boss why you are there. Talk to the one in charge of it all. Talk to people whose lives have changed in part because of your organization’s work. Remember why you are there and focus on it.

Scripture is clear about the importance of unity in the body of Christ, but our sinful nature drives us toward disunity. Like all of these heart issues, they aren’t always clear to us, so let’s look through some of the indicators that can help us see The Divisive Heart expressed through our work.

You care more about your roadmap than the mission

You major on the minors

You forget what is at stake

You become frustrated that people are getting in the way of your systems.

Have you ever been frustrated at a person because they are preventing your ideal system from working? Be careful. It might be leading you toward a divisive heart.

Does any of this sound familiar? Can you see any of this fruit in your life? In a way, I want to encourage you that it probably will at some point. And really, the good news is that these things can change.

If this is where you find yourself, it doesn’t mean you are stuck here forever. Here are some things that can help you check your heart.

1. Pray that God will soften your heart

2. Start praying for other people

3. Think before you speak

Proverbs 15:28

The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.

Proverbs 15:18

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute.

4. Remember your role 

5. Work hard in the right places

Proverbs 18:19

A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a citadel.

Fight hard to maintain unity. Fight hard against a Divisive Heart. If division exists between you and others on the team, understand that it is hard to restore unity. But also understand that the work of that restoration is the most worthwhile work you can be doing. A clever new system won’t have more impact. An amazing new program won’t have more impact.

Fight hard to win your brother or sister back.

Signs of a critical heart:

You aren’t happy for someone else

You assume any decision leadership makes is a bad one

You are quick to become angry about everything

You spend your time tearing others down

Does any of this sound familiar? Can you see any of this fruit in your life? In a way, I want to encourage you that it probably will at some point. And really, the good news is that these things can change.

If this is where you find yourself, it doesn’t mean you are stuck here forever. Here are some things that can help you check your heart.

1. Pray that God will soften your heart

• You will not be able to change your heart without prayer. 
• Ask God to reveal your critical heart to you.

2. Start praying for other people

• There were seasons where my heart was so critical that I couldn’t pray for someone else to be successful. So, I had to start praying that God would help me want to pray for someone to be successful. God is so gracious to lead us along in this way. Don’t take that for granted.

3. Don’t trust one side of the story. 

Proverbs 18:17 The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him. 

Essentially what this does is it forces you not to make a quick judgement. The critical heart lives in the moment. It doesn’t do very well over time.

Don’t trust what anyone says about anyone else. It doesn’t matter who it is. If the senior pastor of the organization comes to me and say something about someone else on the team, I don’t take it at face value. Go to the person in question and confirm it. 

What this has done for me is almost completely remove the ability for me to have a critical heart. Why? Because I have ALL the information. Now I can make a fair judgment based on all the information, not a rash judgement based on my critical heart.

4. Slow down

• You don’t need to react immediately.

Proverbs 19:11 A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression.

5. Heal the people around you

Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

What if the people around you are broken. Do you think that they are? Are they going through something? Is there something difficult happening in their job or family? Maybe a financial hardship? 

When we make rash judgements about people born out of our critical heart, we lose the opportunity to understand what the people around us actually need. 

Perhaps the most impactful recommendation I can give you is this: take all of the energy you spend making quick judgements about people, and use that energy on crafting pleasant words. 

Something that I’ve started doing is targeting people that are in the midst of making big, scary, or risky changes. I’ll talk to them about what they are working on, and I will invest my energy into encouraging them. Into affirming how God has made them. On telling them that God is working in their lives. That they are valuable and appreciated. 

And you can watch the sweetness of those words change their countenance, and give them a different perspective of the things they are doing.

Imagine if your whole office was that way. Or your whole church! 

How about you start it.

If you left your job today, what would situation are you leaving behind? Have you made it better? Have you been a positive contributor, or an expectant consumer?

2 Corinthians 5:17-21

17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, [a]he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and [b]He has [c]committed to us the word of reconciliation.

20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

What are you doing to proactively cultivate reconciliation? 
Is that happening in your private conversations? 

What I want:

• my needs to be considered important  
• Leadership to care more about my frustrations than the mission
• The team to focus on what is hard for me
• The energy of the organization to be spent making me feel comfortable and happy. 

What scripture calls me to:

• reconcile a lost world to Christ 
• Is it possible to reconcile a lost world if you aren’t living in the midst of brokenness? Is it possible to heal something if it isn’t broken?
• We are called to a mission that is far greater than our comfort. 

I want to encourage you acknowledge that brokenness does in fact exist around you in your work. I also want to challenge you to leave a wake of redemption in your path. Care for the people around you. Look to serve rather than expecting to be served. Makes things beautiful. 

Some of the tools in this series might be difficult to visualize in your mind, so I’ve put together examples of each tool that you can use in your context on my website. Head to mcurtis.co/clarity to find worksheets and examples.

What is a Responsibility Matrix?

• It defines who is responsible for various parts of a project.
• You may have heard of a RACI. That is perhaps the most well known of the responsibility matrixes. In my opinion, there is one that is better suited to the church space called PACSI.
• PASCI is helpful in organizations where one person’s work can be reviewed or vetoed by others who are outside the process. This is typically necessary in organizations that empathize collaboration. That is squarely where we sit, which is why I prefer PACSI.
• Perform: who is expected to carry the execution workload?
• Accountable: who is “on the hook” for the final product? Who do we talk to if things didn’t go the way we expected, or exceeded our expectations?
• Control: Who has the ability to speak in heavily and even veto the project? This person may not be directly involved in any of the development.
• Suggest: Whose opinion should be considered as counsel?
• Informed: Who should be informed of the result of the project?

What does a Responsibility Matrix do?

• The only thing a Responsibility Matrix does is clearly define who is responsible for each area of a project’s completion.
• I’ve found two things happen when project roles aren’t clearly defined. 
  • They are wildly inefficient. 
  • They create mistakes. 

What does a Responsibility Matrix not do?

• A responsibility Matrix doesn’t mean these out of bounds conversations stop happening. 

How did we begin to implement this?

• Anytime we had a major project to work on, a lot of things went wrong. Things would be pulled out at the last minute, but their impact wasn’t what it could have been.
• We were getting changes from dozens of people, and some of it was undoing what someone else had just asked us to change.
• We needed to simplify the process, so we started asking “who is the project point person”. In other words, we were saying “who is Accountable”. Once we defined that, we spoke to no one else. From there, the other letters of the acronym became more clear.

This can be applied to large projects like our example, small projects, job descriptions, and even major functions across the organization like “volunteers”, “giving”, or “the assimilation process”. 

There are two reason I think you should begin implementing a Responsibility Matrix:

1. You will be helping the organization get better. Every project you apply this to will experience less friction, and will encounter less inaccuracies. That could mean a lot of different things in your context, but less friction and more accuracy is a win no matter what you are doing.
2. You will be gaining experience at managing projects well when you do move up. 

The other great thing about a Responsibility Matrix is that you can implement it simply by behaving differently.

When I began doing this, I was worried that people would be frustrated. Quite the opposite. Everyone was thrilled at how much easier project went along. 

Some of the tools in this series might be difficult to visualize in your mind, so I’ve put together examples of each tool that you can use in your context on my website. Head to mcurtis.co/clarity to find worksheets for each tool as each episode is released.

What is the Eisenhower Box?

• A simple structure that helps you understand the urgency and importance of each task on your list
• The basic analysis is broken into four categories 
  • Urgent and Important: Stuff you should get done right away
  • Not urgent and Important: Great stuff to get done, but you have some time to accomplish it.
  • Urgent and Not Important: This stuff is stressful–there is a lot of pressure with these projects, but they aren’t as important as others may make them out to be.
  • Not Urgent and Not Important: These are just plain old time wasters. 

What does the Eisenhower Box do?

• The Eisenhower Box helps you understand reality. When we have a lot on our plate, we begin to feel like everything is a crisis. The reality is that it isn’t. And that’s what this tool helps us see. It helps us course correct our emotional response to our workload.

What does the Eisenhower Box not do?

• The Eisenhower Box doesn’t actually do any of the work for us, sadly. It just helps us know what is important. 

Let’s walk through the sample Eisenhower Box together

• Context
• High production life as a graphic designer in a church
• Projects coming in all the time - some last minute, some not. No constant turnaround times
• The world begins to blur at this point, and the weight of the design load can lead to burnout.

This tool works at every level of the organization. When I say to myself “I feel so busy right now”, that’s the trigger for me to pull this out. The same goes when someone says they are feeling overwhelmed. Great. Let’s assess reality together.