Cult Diaries

What if the greatest prison you'll ever escape is the one you don't even realize you're living inside?

Leaving a high-control religion doesn't necessarily mean you've broken free from the beliefs, fears, and conditioning that shaped your identity.

In this deeply personal episode of Cult Diaries, I'm celebrating the release of my newest book, Breaking the Chains: Unraveling Religious Programming, and sharing the journey that inspired me to write it.

As a former Jehovah's Witness, I spent years trying to understand why I continued repeating unhealthy patterns, struggling with guilt, fearing rejection, and questioning my worth long after leaving the religion. It wasn't until I began exploring the connection between childhood conditioning, religious trauma, and the nervous system that I started to recognize just how deeply those experiences had shaped my life.

In this episode, I share the painful awakenings, losses, and discoveries that led me to confront the beliefs I had inherited and begin reclaiming my identity.

We'll explore why leaving religion is only the beginning, how fear-based programming can continue influencing our relationships and decisions, and why deconstructing our beliefs is such an important part of learning to trust ourselves again.

I'll also introduce The Liberation Method, the framework behind my new book that guides readers through recognizing their conditioning, regulating their nervous system, rewriting limiting beliefs, and reconnecting with their authentic selves.

This book isn't about telling you what to believe. It's about giving you permission to question, explore, and discover what is true for you.

Whether you've left a high-control religion, experienced spiritual abuse, or are questioning the beliefs that have shaped your life, this conversation is for you.

Because leaving is one thing. Learning how to truly live free is another.

Breaking the Chains: Unraveling Religious Programming is now available on Amazon.

Paperback

Kindle

Don't forget to follow Cult Diaries as we begin a new series exploring religious trauma, deconstruction, nervous system healing, and reclaiming your personal freedom.

Keep questioning. Keep growing. Keep choosing freedom.

What happens when the very people and belief systems that promise to protect you become the source of your deepest wounds? And what happens when your body begins carrying the pain you've spent a lifetime suppressing?

In this powerful episode of Cult Diaries, host Brooke Deanne sits down with fellow former Jehovah's Witness Joanne Canaan, an Integrative Natural Health and Toltec Healing Practitioner, founder of Natural Wellness 360, and host of the Decode Your Healing podcast.

For the first time, Joanne openly shares her journey of growing up inside the Jehovah's Witness organization while navigating a deeply controlling family environment filled with narcissistic abuse, emotional manipulation, fear, and religious conditioning.

From childhood experiences of abuse that were dismissed by religious authorities to years of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and declining physical health, Joanne reveals the devastating toll that living in a constant state of fear and survival had on her mind and body.

Together, Brooke and Joanne explore the connection between religious trauma, chronic stress, nervous system dysregulation, and the unconscious patterns that can keep us trapped in unhealthy relationships long after we've left a high-control environment.

They also discuss the courage it takes to trust yourself again, recognize the patterns you've been conditioned to accept, and reclaim the freedom to choose who you want to become.

This episode is a powerful reminder that leaving a high-control religion is only the beginning. True freedom comes when we begin releasing the fear, shame, and conditioning that followed us out.

Whether you're questioning your beliefs, recovering from narcissistic abuse, navigating religious trauma, or learning to reconnect with yourself, this conversation offers hope, validation, and a reminder that healing and reclaiming your life are possible.

Connect with Joanne Canaan:

Natural Wellness 360

Decode Your Healing Podcast

Connect with the Host:

Brooke Deanne

If this episode resonates with you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear that they are not alone in their healing journey.

Breaking free is just the beginning. Reclaiming yourself is where the real transformation happens.

Lindy Jacomb, an advocate, educator, and lived-experience leader from New Zealand who was raised in the Plymouth Brethren Christian Church, formerly known as the Exclusive Brethren. At just 20 years old, Lindy was excommunicated after questioning the teachings she had grown up with, suddenly finding herself outside the only community and way of life she had ever known. She is also an upcoming speaker at the DECULT conference, October 24 & 25 in New Zealand or online. Grab your ticket!

Together, we explore the striking similarities between different high-control religions, including the “us versus them” mentality, claims of being the chosen ones, restrictions around education and outside relationships, information control, unquestionable leadership, and the devastating practice of shunning.

Lindy shares what it was like to lose her family overnight, rebuild a life she had never been prepared to navigate, and eventually transform her experience into advocacy for others leaving high-control religious groups.

We also talk about something that deserves far more attention: when does religious freedom cross the line into coercive control and the violation of individual autonomy?

Today, Lindy is the founder of the Olive Leaf Network, an organization focused on aid, advocacy, and awareness for people leaving high-control religious groups, and co-host of the Cult Chat Podcast.

What happens when you stop surviving the life you were given and begin choosing a life that is truly your own?

In this powerful episode of Cult Diaries, Brooke sits down with Kim Luague to explore her journey through religious control, childhood sexual trauma, family dysfunction, and the long road toward reclaiming her identity.

Kim shares her experience growing up within the Jehovah’s Witness religion while navigating profound childhood trauma, eventually reaching a point where she could no longer silence her questions or continue living according to the expectations of others. Together, Brooke and Kim explore religious conditioning, fear, shame, family relationships, self-trust, boundaries, spirituality, and what it means to rebuild an identity after years of living in survival mode.

Kim also openly discusses alternative and spiritual practices that have been meaningful in her personal healing journey, including Reiki, ayahuasca, psychedelic and plant-medicine experiences, ceremonies, and energy work. These portions of the conversation reflect Kim’s personal experiences, spiritual beliefs, and interpretations and should not be understood as established medical or psychological claims. Listeners are encouraged to use their own discernment, investigate evidence-based research, consult qualified professionals when appropriate, and reach their own informed conclusions.

The conversation ultimately becomes one about freedom: finding the courage to question what you've been taught, release the need for external approval, reconnect with yourself, and decide what you want your life to become.

Sometimes healing means allowing an old identity to fall away so that you can consciously choose what you want to build in its place.

Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of childhood sexual abuse, religious trauma, domestic and relationship abuse, family dysfunction, and other potentially distressing experiences. Please listen with care and honor your own emotional needs.

Psychedelic & Plant Medicine Disclaimer: This episode includes personal discussion of psychedelics, ayahuasca, 5-MeO-DMT/Bufo, kambo, and other ceremonial or alternative practices. Cult Diaries and its host do not encourage or recommend the use of illegal substances or present these practices as treatments for any medical or mental-health condition. Psychedelic and plant-medicine practices can carry significant psychological, medical, legal, and other risks and may not be appropriate or lawful for every person or location. Statements made by the guest reflect her individual experiences and beliefs and should not be interpreted as medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice.

Reiki & Health Claims Disclaimer: Any statements made during this episode regarding Reiki, energy healing, cancer, cancer cells, or other health outcomes represent the guest’s recollection, beliefs, or interpretation of information she has encountered. Cult Diaries does not independently endorse these claims. Listeners are encouraged to evaluate credible, evidence-based research and consult qualified healthcare professionals before making decisions regarding their health or treatment.

This podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes and is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, psychiatric, or legal advice.

What if the most dangerous groups aren't the ones that immediately feel controlling—but the ones that feel like everything you've been searching for?

On this episode of Cult Diaries, I sit down with award-winning investigative journalist, author of Cult Trip, and founder of DeCult, Anke Richter, for a fascinating conversation about coercive control, manipulation, belonging, and what makes intelligent, capable people susceptible to high-control groups.

And Anke brings a perspective few people can: while investigating the aftermath of one cult, she was involved in a high-control group herself.

We explore why cults rarely look like cults from the inside, how community, purpose, personal growth, spirituality, and even healing can become gateways into unhealthy systems—and why one of the biggest warning signs may actually be how incredible everything feels in the beginning.

We also talk about groupthink, love bombing, subtle manipulation, loss of self-trust, the grief of leaving, and the long process of rebuilding your identity outside of a system that once felt like home.

Because sometimes waking up isn't simply about realizing you were controlled.

It's about learning how to trust your own mind, body, voice, and truth again.

Anke Richter Website

If you would like to attend online or in person DeCult Conference:

When you leave a cult, the programming doesn't always leave with you.

Many survivors believe that walking away from a high-control religion is the finish line, only to discover that the fear, conditioning, and attachment wounds continue to shape their lives long after they've left. Why do so many former cult members struggle to trust themselves, recreate unhealthy relationship patterns, or feel trapped by fear even after gaining their freedom?

In this powerful episode of Cult Diaries, Brooke sits down with trauma-informed coach and former Jehovah's Witness Emily Werrett to explore the hidden psychological impact of coercive control, religious trauma, and insecure attachment. Together, they unpack how fear becomes our operating system, why high-control groups disconnect us from our intuition, and what it truly takes to reclaim our authentic selves.

This conversation dives into the nervous system, attachment theory, subconscious programming, grief, identity, spirituality, and the long road of healing after leaving a controlling environment. If you've ever wondered why leaving wasn't enough—or why you still feel stuck years later—this episode will help you understand that there was never anything wrong with you. Your nervous system simply learned how to survive.

In this episode, you'll discover:*Why fear becomes the lens through which survivors interpret the world.

*How high-control religions create insecure attachment styles.*Why many survivors unknowingly repeat familiar relationship patterns.

*The connection between trauma, the nervous system, and self-trust.*How to begin rebuilding your identity after religious trauma.*Why healing is less about finding certainty and more about learning to trust yourself again.

Whether you're healing from religious trauma, narcissistic abuse, or any form of coercive control, this episode is a reminder that your story doesn't end when you leave—it begins when you finally feel safe enough to become yourself.

Because freedom isn't just leaving. It's learning how to live without fear.

If you want to grab her neon signs!

What happens when you've spent your entire life trying to prove your love for God... only to discover you've been serving a system that never allowed you to trust yourself?

In this deeply moving episode of Cult Diaries, Brooke sits down with former Jehovah's Witness and former Circuit Overseer's wife Malia Calles, whose story challenges everything we think we know about devotion, identity, and the true cost of loyalty.

From setting spiritual goals at just four years old to dedicating over 25 years to full-time ministry, Malia was the model Jehovah's Witness. Her greatest desire was simple: to make God proud. But beneath her unwavering devotion was a quiet question that never seemed to go away:

"Does God actually approve of me?"

Together, Brooke and Malia explore the psychological impact of growing up in a high-control religion, what it's like to live under impossible expectations, and the painful unraveling that began when one question changed everything.

This conversation is an honest look at religious trauma, identity loss, deconstruction, grief, and the courage it takes to choose integrity over unquestioning loyalty.

• What it was really like serving as the wife of a Circuit Overseer.
• Why certainty can become one of the most powerful tools of control.
• The hidden psychological cost of always striving to be "good enough."
• How deconstruction became the pathway back to authenticity.
• Why leaving a high-control religion isn't the end of the journey—it's the beginning of rebuilding your identity.
• The difference between loyalty and integrity, and why that distinction changed everything.

Whether you've experienced religious trauma yourself or are trying to understand the invisible wounds left behind by high-control groups, this conversation is a powerful reminder that healing begins the moment you give yourself permission to question, to grieve, and ultimately, to trust yourself again.

Because the greatest freedom isn't found in having all the answers.

It's found in finally belonging to yourself.

In this episode, you'll hear some big truth bombs:

• "The relationship with the organization wasn't built on trust. It was built on loyalty."

• "Children don't choose who they become. They become who they believe they need to be to stay connected."
• "The most dangerous prison is the one that teaches you not to trust your own mind."
• "An insane system can never be recognized from the inside."

• "The hardest part wasn't leaving. It was learning how to trust myself for the first time."
• "Loyalty kept me inside the system. Integrity led me out."
• "The Governing Body didn't ask for agreement. They asked for obedience."
• "Control doesn't always look like chains. Sometimes it looks like someone making every decision for you until you forget how to make your own."
• "You don't realize how much of your identity belonged to the system until you're forced to build one of your own."
• "When your entire life has been outsourced to authority, freedom can feel terrifying."
• "Leaving a cult isn't just losing a religion. It's grieving an entire future you believed was promised to you."
• "The greatest loss wasn't certainty. It was believing I could no longer trust my own heart."
• "Healing begins the moment you stop asking, 'What am I allowed to think?' and start asking, 'What do I know to be true?'"
• "The opposite of blind loyalty isn't rebellion. It's integrity."
• "Deconstruction isn't destroying your faith. It's making room for truth."
• "Every survivor's story is different, but every survivor deserves the chance to reclaim their own voice."
• "Freedom isn't just leaving a high-control religion. It's learning to belong to yourself."

What happens when the faith that was meant to bring you hope becomes the very thing that causes your deepest wounds?

In this powerful episode of Cult Diaries, Brooke sits down with award-winning essayist, screenwriter, and religious trauma advocate Melissa Duge Spiers to explore her journey of breaking free from religious abuse, reclaiming her voice, and transforming pain into purpose. Melissa shares her personal story with honesty and courage, offering hope to anyone questioning their beliefs, healing from spiritual manipulation, or rebuilding their identity after leaving a high-control religious environment. Event though she left the Seventh Day Adventist at 18 years old, she realized she was acting out her religious programming in relationships. Obedience, loyalty to a fault set her up to be a prime candidate for narcissistic abusers.

As the creator behind The Glory Whole and author of the award-winning memoir Holy Disobedience, Melissa has become a passionate advocate for survivors of religious trauma, helping others understand that healing is possible—and that life on the other side of fear is filled with freedom.

• Melissa's journey through religious abuse and the path to healing.
• The hidden psychological impact of high-control religious environments.
• Reclaiming your identity after leaving a faith community.
• Breaking free from shame, fear, and religious conditioning.
• Finding your voice and sharing your story with courage.
• How writing became a powerful tool for healing and advocacy.
• What hope and freedom can look like after religious trauma.

Whether you're questioning your faith, recovering from spiritual abuse, or supporting someone who is, this conversation is a reminder that your story doesn't end when you leave—it begins.

If this episode resonates with you, be sure to subscribe to Cult Diaries, leave a review, and share this conversation with someone who needs to know they are not alone.

Mae Scott, a woman whose story shines a light on a kind of abuse that often goes unseen—the kind that is protected, enabled, and reinforced by family systems themselves.

Mae is the author of An Embarrassment of Pandas, a powerful and honest account of escaping not only an abusive marriage, but an entire family dynamic that functioned like a cult—one that protected her abuser and turned against her, despite the harm she endured.

For nearly 19 years, Mae was caught inside a web of control, manipulation, and silence. This conversation unpacks the reality of narcissistic family systems—where loyalty is demanded, truth is distorted, and the survivor is often scapegoated for speaking out.

We talk about:– What it feels like when an entire family protects the abuser– The psychological impact of narcissistic and “cult-like” family dynamics– The breaking point that leads to choosing yourself– And the long, courageous journey back to freedom, identity, and peace

Mae is not only a survivor—she is a social worker, advocate, writer, and mother of three, using her voice to support others navigating similar experiences. Her message is simple, but powerful: everyone deserves freedom, and everyone deserves peace.

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt trapped in a system that told them to stay silent, for anyone who has been made to question their reality, and for anyone who is ready to reclaim their life. Because sometimes the hardest truth to face is this: the people who were supposed to protect you… didn’t.

And healing begins the moment you choose yourself anyway.

Grab her book here: https://a.co/d/01m9nM6r

In this powerful and eye-opening episode, we sit down with Edna White, a survivor, truth-teller, and transformational leader who courageously shares her journey of leaving the Pentecostal church and confronting the deep-rooted patriarchy and suppression of women within it.

Edna opens up about what it felt like to live inside a system where women’s voices were minimized, their roles confined, and their identities shaped by rigid expectations. This conversation goes beyond religion—it’s about power, control, and the quiet ways women are taught to disconnect from their truth.

But this is also a story of reclamation.

As the Founder and CEO of 2nd Chance Inc., Edna now helps individuals and communities rise beyond adversity and step into purpose-driven lives. She is the author of Stuff! The Stuff No One Told Us About Life After Sexual Abuse, and a powerful voice for those navigating healing, identity, and life after trauma.

Through her work as a Business & Clarity Strategist, keynote speaker, and host of the podcasts Keeping it Real on Purpose and Unchurched, Edna creates spaces for honest conversations, emotional healing, and authentic leadership.

In this episode, we explore:
– The hidden impact of patriarchy within religious systems
– What it takes to unlearn suppression and reclaim your voice
– Healing after both religious and personal trauma
– And how to move from survival mode into clarity, confidence, and purpose

This conversation is real, raw, and deeply validating—especially for anyone who has ever felt silenced, controlled, or disconnected from their truth.

Because sometimes, leaving isn’t just about walking away from a place it’s about finally coming home to yourself.