Hey parents, have you ever watched your daughter tie herself in knots in order to clear up a misunderstanding or fix messy friend drama? 

Maybe she’s bending over backwards to repair a friendship that’s gone sideways, rewriting her texts a dozen times before hitting send – or the one thing I hear often – taking the blame for something she didn’t do just to restore a sense of peace and stability. 

Even though her attempts to control the situation may feel proactive, that approach is likely keeping your daughter in fight or flight mode. 

We’re going to change that today by offering your daughter an approach that’ll bring her the peace and stability she needs – and deserves. 

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast.
I’m your host, Shawna Warner, and it’s my mission to help you empower your teenage daughter with confidence, integrity, and resilience for all her adventures in life. 

Today’s episode kicks off a new mini-series called “From Chaos to Clarity” based off the 5 Simple Steps from Chaos to Clarity that we introduced in the previous episode Ep – 47 How to Guide Your Daughter Through Misunderstandings and Messy Friend Drama. 

We’re starting with Step One: Reflecting on what ways your teenage daughter might be trying to control the outcome. 

For the complete show notes please visit  cultivatingresilientteens.com 

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Have you ever noticed how fast words like… 

                                         “Don’t ask - I can’t even right now”

 tumble out of your teenage daughter’s mouth when she’s totally overwhelmed?

That’s exactly what happened at the start of a recent session. Before I even finished pouring my glass of water, the newly enrolled client blurted out, “No clue what just happened, but I’m in serious need of some tools at the moment!”

“Perfect,” I said. “That’s what we’re here for.”

And as she described her confusing and painful situation, the heart of the matter slowly revealed itself – something so many teen girls experience in one way or another.

Whether your daughter is part of a big friend group, a small circle, or floats between the two, I think she’ll relate to today’s topic. 

Because when emotions are high and it’s not clear what to do next, your daughter needs something effective she can use in the moment.

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens  Cultivating Resilient podcast.

I’m your host, Shawna Warner, and it’s my mission to help you empower your teenage daughter with confidence, integrity, and resilience for all her adventures in life.

Today’s episode follows a What to Do When format because let’s be honest, when your daughter finds herself in the middle of a tricky social situation, you don’t need theory, you need tools. 

So if your daughter feels like she’s ever been called out, misunderstood, or caught in the middle of something that feels totally out of her control, this episode is the guidance you’ve been searching for. 

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Has your daughter ever experienced a memory from the past that’s so vivid she can recall it as if it happened yesterday? Maybe it’s a cringe-worthy moment she wishes she could erase or maybe it’s an incredible experience that redefined her. 

Either way, THAT moment may be playing a crucial role in your daughter’s behavior, development, and relationships without her awareness.

I’ve certainly had my fair share of cringe-worthy and redefining moments and today we’re diving headfirst into one of them. But fear not, the more important part of this conversation is the powerful exercise your daughter is going to learn so she can honor all her experiences and use them to take inspired action towards measurable growth.

Hey parents, 

I’m so happy to be with you all – from the US, to Canada, Europe, Asia, South America and Australia, thank you so much for being part of the Cultivating Resilient Teens community today as we talk about and unpack your daughter’s “stories.” And by stories I’m referring to your daughter’s interpretation of her past experiences and how she explains or describes them to you.

Stories

Maybe your daughter is long winded, and shares every single detail, or maybe she just throws out a few details on the fly. Either way, all your daughter’s adventures in life…the beautiful ones and the painful ones are ultimately filtered through her internal operating system, or personal decoding system, and then shared via her unique narrative. 

But in this fast-paced, distraction-filled world it can be tough as parents to:

·         Identify which details or events to pay attention to

·         And how to remain a steady presence when your daughter’s dealing with an unsettling situation 

So today I want to share with you the importance of listening deeply as your daughter’s story is unfolding…how your daughter refers to her role, or talks about herself, when she’s sharing her story with you.

The Heart of the Matter

Because this is where the real information lies, or what I call the the heart of the matter. By identifying the heart of the matter you’ll be able to quickly provide your daughter with what she really needs.

Please don’t let your daughter go through another day just zoning out, numbing out, or disconnecting from her unique gift because inspired action doesn’t happen by accident, nor does growth.

Resources

If you’re not sure where your daughter may need support right now now, please take the quick quiz Discover: Is Your Teen Daughter Resilient Enough for All of Life’s Adventures? so you can identify the heart of the matter and where to best support her. 

Okay my friends, from near and far, until next time, here’s to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life’s adventures. 

Links

Episode - 16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Brene Brown Quote from The Gifts of Imperfection “Loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”

Discover: Is Your Teen Daughter Resilient Enough for All of Life’s Adventures?

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Have you seen it yet? That moment when your daughter comes home from school after the long break and looks at you with wary eyes, a furrowed brow and lips that appear to be moving but she’s stumbling over her words and there’s no audible sound.

I feel like we’ve all been there. That moment in time where you want to clearly articulate the thoughts swirling around in your head and release the mixed emotions weighing you down, but the sense of overwhelm creates a frustrating mental block and prevents you from saying anything at all. 

The clients in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teencoaching program are reporting that the all the big emotions, especially their mixed emotions about being back in school after a long break is causing them to grapple with their desire to see their friends and get back to a productive routine AND manage their long list of expectations, and the inevitable social uncertainties and ‘what ifs’. 

That’s why we’re going to talk about 3 simple tips that’ll make your daughter’s mind work FOR her instead of against her by dissolving her mental blocks, so she has the clarity she needs to walk confidently into her future. You’ll find the full episode and more resources for parenting your teenage daughter at cultivatingresilientteens.com

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

I’ve never been a fan of new year’s resolutions. Maybe it’s because the conversations I had with my mom were more about reinventing ourselves. And so, I’ve always been a believer that you don’t need to wait until tomorrow, next month or for a big milestone – you can begin again – anytime.

Beginning again is simply about tuning in and being honest with yourself. Which, I’ll admit, wasn’t always easy for me. Growing up I was labeled as the ‘shy’ girl. But in reality, my shy demeanor was a byproduct of being highly sensitive.

And, if your daughter is a big feeler, please know that it’s a natural instinct to want to ignore or disengage from life’s challenges, especially if they feel too big and unsolvable.

The game changing point and the first step to cultivating a resilient teen for all her adventures in life is to develop self K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E or a clear sense of self.

This approach helped me embrace my gifts so I could begin again with an open-heart and clear mind and be who I wanted to be and show up how I wanted to show up in life.

That’s why I’m excited to share a fan favorite strategy with you in today’s episode. It’s a strategy that you and your daughter can start using right now – no need to wait until the ball drops at midnight or you open up your 2024 calendar.

You can find the full episode and more resources for parenting your teenage daughter at https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

We all know that comparison is a confidence killer. But ‘what if’ you flip the coin and look at the other side of comparison as a catalyst, a sign, that you’re ready to create more for yourself? Begin again. 

The cool thing about learning how to flip the coin and begin again is it’s not as hard as your daughter might think it is and here’s why…her experiences – all of them - the messy ones and the amazing ones serve as a personal signpost, to offer guidance for all her adventures in life.

The million-dollar question is…is your daughter paying attention to the signs as she moves through her journey, or is she just going through the motions, allowing her external environment to dictate her mood and her past to dictate her future?

In today’s episode we’re going to unpack why it’s so important for your daughter to learn how to stop, look and listen so she can become adept at interpreting what each life lesson, each signpost, is offering. Because when she’s tuned in and exercising agency over her adventures in life, she’ll naturally see her significance, that she matters and that see that she has something unique to offer the world.

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Is it time to calm your daughter's exam anxiety?

Hey Parents,

Parenting teenagers is no small feat, but being a parent during final exams is akin to stepping into the realm of unsung heroes. I remember thinking that I could write my final psych paper while also listening to Prince’s new album, Purple Rain. I also remember my mom walking into my room, shaking her head, and telling me this approach wasn’t going to work.  

 Unfortunately, my lack of self-awareness at the time left me sitting with a blank sheet of paper for the better half of my Sunday afternoon until I finally turned off the tape and got to work. 

But hey, I memorized all the lyrics – that counts for something, right?

Anyway, the funny - not funny thing is the real issue, what was ACTUALLY keeping me from writing my paper, was never addressed. 

The focus was only on time management. And while time management is important, there’s something more important because it’s probably keeping your daughter from doing what she needs to do.

A crucial skill she hasn’t learned – yet. 

So, in today’s episode, we’re going to address that crucial skill – mind management. We’re going to dive into 3 Stress-Busting Steps that will prime your daughter’s mind so she can maximize her mind and her time.

You’ll find the full episode and more resources for parenting your teenage daughter at https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/podcast/

Links: Ep – 41 The 3 Main Issues That Cause Social Anxiety and How to ‘Grow Through’ These Challenges

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents, is your daughter’s social life running her or is she running her social life? 

Teenage girls come to me all the time feeling confused, hurt, and distraught by other people’s behavior. When someone says or does something that’s inconsistent with your perception of them, or different from how you believe they’re supposed to behave, it creates internal conflict. And internal conflict turns around and creates anxiety.

As you might imagine, I hear a lot about the daily lives of teenage girls in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program. So, if you’re not sure if your daughter’s social life is running her or if she’s running her social life, or why this is even important, stay tuned. 

For years my clients, teenage girls, have reported that their social scenarios consume 60% or more of their emotional bandwidth. Meaning, if there’s something stirring within her tribe or there’s a perceived social conflict, it’s really hard to concentrate in class, or be fully present with you at home.

 The 3 Main Issues: Rank, Reputation and Rumors

 Wouldn’t it be nice if social conflicts were less impactful or just disappeared altogether! I’m here to tell you, as strange as it may sound, that these conflicts offer an opportunity for your daughter to grow through what she’s going through. 

 Yes, it’s true. With the right tools, your daughter will cultivate her confidence, resilience, and integrity when she sees that she can handle and grow from any conflict.

While there are a zillion social scenarios that can be anxiety provoking, there are three that I repeatedly hear about. Because when they’re active, they turn a mild social 
conflict into a scary, intimidating one. 

The Entrance Strategy

The good news is, this episode introduces you to an effective, simple strategy your daughter can use anytime and anywhere!

What’s The Entrance Strategy?  The Entrance Strategy consists of 3 clarifying and empowering questions that will give your daughter what she needs to ‘grow through’ what’s she’s going through.

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents,

Does your daughter’s anxiety come from thinking about her future, or trying to control it?

It’s no mystery that uncertainty has the power to ignite the strongest human emotions – anxiety and fear.

And if fear and anxiety are the ‘kryptonite’ that are keeping your daughter from establishing the friendships she craves or developing a strong sense of self, stay tuned.

This episode is designed to help you empower your teenage daughter so she’s:

·         ready to handle anything that comes her way

·         and cultivate friendships that make her laugh until she cries (in a good way, of course!)

Okay, I don’t know about you, but I my relationship with anxiety and fear are definitely a work-in-progress.

And as a parent and teen coach, my private coaching clients consistently share stories with me where fear is almost always the cause, or undercurrent, that’s fueling their anxiety. 

If you think about how uneasy you feel when everything around you is unpredictable, it’s human nature to seek control where you can - or - where you think you can. 

Welcome back to the cultivating resilient teens podcast where you can always find the show notes and resources on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios

Anxiety Quote: “Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it” by Author Kahlil Gibran

Book: Enough As She Is by Rachel Simmons

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Is your teenage daughter feeling a bit overwhelmed by ‘all the things’ right now?

• what’s going on around her? 
• how she fits into her world?
• and how to be okay with missing something?

The fear of missing out and the fear of messing up are REAL for teenage girls.

And seem to be a hot button issue right now.

Thankfully we’re back to in-person learning here in the US, though, like every new beginning, there are some residual pandemic issues that are still being ironed out. 

One of the issues I’m hearing a lot about from the teenage girls enrolled in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Programis that even though they’re surrounded by their peers, they are feeling socially disconnected and lonely.

So, I was curious to learn more. 

Why, even though they are physically together again, and ready for new and deeper relationships, these girls are reporting: 

• a lack of confidence as to how to take the next step 
• and often feel stifled by the fear and uncertainty their efforts won’t be reciprocated

Welcome back to the cultivating resilient teens podcast where you can find the full show notes and resources at cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Recap

Okay, let’s quickly recap today’s key points.

If your daughter is like most teenage girls, she may be feeling socially disconnected and a bit lonely, even though she’s back to in-person learning.

The most effective way to begin to build the deeper connection she’s ready for, is to simply be aware of if she’s bringing her past wounds into her present environment and try the 3-2-1 strategy so she can redirect, reconnect and redesign her relationships.

And, if seeing her struggle this triggering for you, simply recognize that’s a natural response and try asking her what would be helpful in this situation.

Lastly, please, please, please remember that when you approach ‘all the things’ with the attitude that you’re here to learn, you can’t do this wrong.

It’s truly about learning and growing together. 

Until next time, here’s to cultivating a more resilient teen.

Podcast Resources:

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

cultivatingresilientteens.com

Ep – 26 How to Support Your Daughter When Her Friendships Are Falling Apart

Ep – 28 How to Break Free from Thinking Errors that Wreck Your Daughter’s Confidence

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!