Hey Parents, is friendship drama causing major emotional distress for your teenage daughter?

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast where we’ve talked a lot about how teenage girls are passionate problem solvers. But, as you know, there’s another side to the coin. So, we’re going to bravely and compassionately explore what the other side looks and feels like because if your daughter feels emotionally wounded or is utterly confused and in tears by her friend’s behavior, we want to help you through this.

It’s not unusual for my clients to talk about increased friend drama this time of year, as Springtime seems to invite a sense of newness, adventure and increased opportunities to socialize outside of school and home. 

Key Resources

Tricky social situations often cause teenage girls to be really hard on themselves, so in podcast Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarioswe tackle a topic that’s sometimes overwhelming and painful for teenage girls – how to build authentic, fun and healthy friendships. 

Because as Dr. Christine Carter shares in her book, The New Adolescence: Raising Happy and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety and Distraction, “Connection is the most important predictor of happiness that we have. It’s the most consistent finding that we have in a hundred or so years of research. Our overall wellbeing is predicted by both the breadth and depth of our real-life connections.”

A Better Way

And, because it’s important for me to be transparent AND remind you that tough, humble situations can also offer deep personal opportunities to grow – when you’re ready – I want to share a quick story with you. Once upon a time I was asked to talk to a group of teens about the importance of creating a more cohesive group environment because, as Dr. Carter’s research shows, authentic connections help everyone thrive.  But I mistakenly assumed that because the coaches desired a more cohesive environment, the athletes did too.  Needless to say, it didn’t matter how well constructed my message was, there were two key ingredients missing: 1.    Readiness 2.    Trust 

So, before you guide your daughter through the tumultuous teen-girl-friendship-waters, pause and ask yourself ...

Find the FULL podcast Show Notes on my website cultivatingresilientteens.com and give your daughter the support she needs to navigate these rough waters.

Podcast Resources:Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios Dr. Christine Carter shares in her book, The New Adolescence: Raising Happy and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety and Distraction Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?Quote:  “These times can define us, diminish us, or develop us.” | Jim Kwik | Author of Limitless: Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life | Founder and CEO of Kwik Learning Quote: Assertive communication  Book: Fighting Invisible Tigers: A Stress Management Guide for Teens | Author Earl Hipp 

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey parents,

Is your daughter – or someone she knows – struggling right now? 

As a parent it can be hard to know when to step in and when to step back.

But, staying silent may send the wrong message.

So, what can you do when in those tricky moments when you’re just not sure?

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast where we’re going to share 4 Powerful Ways Your Teenage Daughter Can Help a Friend Who’s Struggling, because quite honestly, it’s not always easy or clear to know what to do or say.

Especially because we’re all still weary from doing our best to get through the pandemic, that, as “one 16-year-old said of the generation’s pivotal moment: “Making history is way overrated.”

According to a recent article in The New York Times, over five thousand young people wrote in to describe how the pandemic affected their lives and the collective sentiment was, well, consistent with what I saw in my private coaching practice.

The Times states, “Being a teenager in the U.S. during the pandemic was lonely, disorienting, depressing and suffocating.”

So, if your daughter or someone she knows is struggling, she’s not alone.

And, although we’re making progress, we’re not out of the woods just yet.

Healthy Relationships 

As we’ve talked about before, one of the beautiful qualities of teenage girls is, they are passionate about helping each other.

The hard part is, sometimes, healthy boundaries get blurred in the process.

When your daughter’s talking with a friend who’s struggling, she may:

·         Feel like she needs to “fix” her friend’s tough situation

·         Take on her friend’s stress because she believes that makes her a better friend

·         Struggle with her own thoughts and emotions about what’s happening

·         Indulge in or catastrophize the situation and create a mountain out of molehill

But, what’s most important for your daughter to understand is that healthy relationships are built on honesty, trust and being vulnerable together - NOT by taking on her friends’ problems OR feeling responsible for a solution. 

Be on the Lookout

If you notice a significant change in your daughter’s mood or appearance after she interacts with a friend who’s having trouble, it’s okay to recognize her effort and express your concern for your daughter’s well-being.

You may say something like, “I admire your effort to be a good friend to Ella, though, I’m concerned about your well-being and how hard you may be taking this. Please let me know if YOU need someone to talk to.”

Get the 4 Powerful Ways your daughter can help her friend and all of today's resources in the Show Notes on my website,  cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/14/briefing/one-year-in-a-pandemic.html?auth=linked-google

One Year in a Pandemic: Your Weekend Briefing | A special edition looking at a yar of living with disruption and pain | By Remy Tumin and Jeremiah M. Bogert, Jr. | March 14, 2021

Ep – 24 How to Help Your Teenage Daughter Develop What Really Matters 

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

What do the happiest teens have in common?

We all have defining moments in life when we stop and think - seriously, what’s this all about?

So, picture this … a line of 6th graders nervously perched in the front of the classroom. 

It’s time for the annual Spelling Bee.

My name was called first.

I gasped.

The rest is a blur, well, except for laughter echoing around me.

Which is why Jim Kwik, is one of my favorite resources because he reminds us, “These times can define us, diminish us, or develop us.”

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast, episode #24.

Where we’re excited to give your daughter what she needs to develop her confidence, integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures, rather than feeling defined or diminished by the all the social influences, inequalities, and labels (ug, the labels!).

In my private coaching practice, where I work with teenage girls from 12 years to twenty something, all over the US – there’s definitely pattern. 

Maybe you’re seeing this pattern too?

It begins around the fifth grade; you see your daughter’s environment begin to infiltrate her sense of self and limit her potential. 

The Power of Words

If you think about it like this … when your daughter hears things like:

·         “She deserved it” 

·         “You’re so basic”

·         “Omg, that was an epic failure”

It’s not easy to stand tall and design healthy social scenarios where she can thrive.

Often times a concept referred to as Confirmation Bias sneaks in and offers evidence, albeit biased and irrational, to support any negative, self-defeating thoughts.

And then, without really knowing – and maybe even without her consent – these thoughts become your daughters’ beliefs.

A Better Way

So, I ask you, if your daughter knew how to take life’s defining moments and allow them to develop her confidence and resilience and heighten her integrity … would she be up for it?

If you’re listening every week, you’re probably familiar with my Signature Coaching Program, 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen, where we tap into the four steps to cultivate a resilient teen.

One of the most important steps for teenage girls is developing a strong sense of self.

So if you’re a new listener, you may want to take a minute and grab the 3-2-1 Method in Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

For access to the FULL Show Notes, please visit my  website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/ 

You'll be glad you did, because when your daughter’s mind is clear, developing a strong sense of self is easy. 

And when it feels easy, it flows.

And when it flows, it feels good.

And when it feels good – it sticks.

Focusing on what’s most important and then taking inspired action will stick.

And that’s how you empower your teenage daughter to build confidence, integrity and resilient for all of life’s adventures. 

Until next week, remember, every experience you have is perfect for your growth.

Podcast Resources:

Book: Limitless; Upgrade Your Brain, Learn Anything Faster, and Unlock Your Exceptional Life | Author Jim Kwik | Founder and CEO of Kwik Learning 

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Are you sometimes bewildered by your daughter’s friendships?

This might be a little TMI, but as a sensitive teenage girl learning how to navigate the complexities of the teen girl social network, I discovered pretty quickly that there were certain people I wasn’t gonna let see ME sweat.

Because being vulnerable was considered a weakness. 

But it turns out, that keeping certain things securely under lock and key weren’t quite as easy as I’d hoped.  

So, I ask you, what happens when your daughter’s toughest social challenge, her frenemy, is part of her tribe?

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast episode #23.

Where we’re going to talk about two social pitfalls your daughter will want to avoid and the one simple skill that’ll keep her socially strong and steady. 

The Frenemy

First, let’s touch on what a frenemy is and what it looks like for teenage girls.

A ‘frenemy’ is defined as “a person that is friendly toward another because the relationship brings benefits, but harbors feelings of resentment or rivalry.” (Dictionary.com)

Does this sound familiar to you? 

If it doesn’t, BUT, you see your daughter always trying to “fix” her social situations, you may want to share a popular article from my website, Cultivating Resilient Teens, titled, 4 Powerful Ways Your Teenage Daughter Can Help A Friend Who’s Struggling

Because although teenage girls are passionate about helping each other, sometimes, even with the best intentions, helpful approaches can backfire. 

If you’re wondering …is my daughter experiencing a frenemy-like relationship, here are two examples that’ll help make sense of the frenemy dynamic.

1.   The frenemy is super nice when she wants to impress others, or the members in her tribe, because of the “perceived” social benefits. 

2.   But one-on-one or in a small group setting where there aren’t any “perceived” social benefits, the frenemy is often manipulative, overly critical, and sometimes downright verbally unkind.

The hard part is this behavior is often the result of resentment or rivalry.

The good news is, if you pull back the layers of resentment and rivalry, the emotions are there to help you learn and grow.

That’s why we offer 3 Actionable Solutions to stop feeling jealous and create what you really want in Podcast Episode #21.

Because for passionate, connection seeking teens, this is tough stuff. 

Find the full Show Notes on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

Although the teen girl world is complex, can be really confusing and sometimes get ugly, please remember there’s always an opportunity for your daughter to learn and grow by tuning in to her thoughts with compassion. 

Podcast Resources:

4 Powerful Ways Your Teenage Daughter Can Help A Friend Who’s Struggling

Ep -21 How to Stop Being Jealous and Teach Your Daughter to Create What She Really Wants with 3 Actionable Solutions

Quote: Eleanor Roosevelt “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Quote: Dr. Kristin Nef

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Have you heard?

Last week’s podcast Episode #21 "How to Stop Being Jealous and Teach Your Daughter to Create What She Really Wants with 3 Actionable Solutions" seems to have let the cat out of the bag, so to speak.

It sparked a lot of honest and vulnerable conversations because, as parents you know that:

• the painful emotions that come up around jealousy 
• and the feelings of defeat that the comparison gremlins bring on

can be especially hard for teenage girls.

But the good news is, your daughter doesn't have to feel debilitated by these big emotions.

Today's podcast episode #22 will help your daughter see:

• she's not alone
• and give her what SHE needs 

to feel confident enough to take inspired action.

And, handle life's adversities and adventures with integrity.

None of us are immune to feeling big emotions - especially the ANGST that comes from jealousy and comparison.

That’s why we’re sharing the ANSWERS to the two key questions that came out of episode #21.

Q: “What do you mean when you say, don’t be afraid of your emotions?”

Q: “What can you do to stay calm the moment, when you feel super jealous?”

Your daughter deserves to have simple, doable actions that will move her from stuck to clear minded to motivated.

Watching your daughter bloom is one of the greatest gifts a parent gets to experience.

Let’s make sure your daughter has what she needs.

In this together,

Shawna :)

Did you miss Ep. 21? LISTEN IN: Ep -21 How to Stop Being Jealous and Teach Your Daughter to Create What She Really Wants with 3 Actionable Solutions

Podcast Resources:

Ep -21 How to Stop Being Jealous and Teach Your Daughter to Create What She Really Wants with 3 Actionable Solutions

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen

Episode #14 Your Top Question for 2020 Answered “How Can I Help My Teenage Daughter Feel More Confident?”

Discover: Is Your Teen Daughter Resilient Enough for All of Life’s Adventures?

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Is it possible for your daughter to stop comparing herself and create what SHE really wants?

Yes - that's the good news.

However, I'm hearing A LOT from my private coaching clients that the vast majority of teenage girls are in need of simple, actionable solutions to create:

• a stronger sense of self
• more happiness with who she is
• and true connections with her peers

Because there's a detrimental combination going on ...

comparison + assumptions = confidence killer

As parents, you know there's a natural curiosity to look around and assess yourself with others.

The challenge here, is that so many teenage girls are comparing themselves so deeply that they're losing the ability to discover who they are and what makes them happy.

And the excessive self-criticism and irrational thoughts are causing embarrassing, socially anxious symptoms, such as:

• upset stomach
• shaky voice
• difficulty talking
• blushing

If your daughter experiences a situation similar to this, chances are, she'll go back to looking for connection on-line, where the comparison trap re-starts this vicious cycle. 

And rather than telling your daughter, “you’re just as smart, pretty or athletic as so-and-so.”

Grab the 3 Actionable Solutions, the work of two renowned authors and researchers, and give your daughter the tools she needs to create what SHE really wants.

Podcast Resources:

Dr. Susan David | Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life

Dr. John Media | Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home and School

YouTube Video | Marie Forleo with Catherine Collautt, Ph.D. | 4 Steps to Overcome a Devastating Setback

Episode #20 Have You Figured Out Where Your Sweet Little Girl is Going? Two New Resources That’ll Help Ease Her Journey into Adulthood

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Have you figured out where your sweet little girl is going?

That's not a trick question.

But, I'll admit, it can be a little tricky to answer.

When I recorded my first podcast, Episode #1 Are You Wondering Where Your Sweet Little Girl Went? 5 Hints to Solve the Mystery I wasn't sure anyone would even listen to it. 

Though, it seems to be a fan favorite, and I'm thinking it may be because as your daughter:

• begins to build her tribe outside the family 
• and emphatically engages you in “discussions” regarding your parenting approach

you’re thinking, “oh boy, what now?”

But I want to assure you that, just like the 5 hints in episode one helped you get a much-needed glimpse into your daughter's teen-girl world, the Two New Resources we’re offering today will help ease her transition into adulthood.

If your daughter is like most teens, you’re likely seeing her: 

• exploring her true identity 
• trying out different personas
• and stretching (or retracting) her wings 

It’s no secret that the self-discovery road isn’t always smooth sailin.’ 

It certainly wasn’t for me.

Though, as your daughter develops a strong sense of self, it’ll make it a little easier and safer to try out new friend groups and activities

And because, simple tools that feel doable promote lasting growth, I'm excited to share today’s two new resources with you:

• Finding your Flow
• Ditching Habitual Autopilot

They're designed to help your daughter gather all the great gems on her path to adulthood.

Go ahead and head over to my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/ for the full Podcast and complete Show Notes.

Here's to cultivating  a more resilient teen,

Shawna :)

Podcast Resources:

Episode #1 Are You Wondering Where Your Sweet Little Girl Went? 5 Hints to Solve the Mystery

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Article in Vice.com | Why You Should Talk to Yourself in the Third Person | by Shayla Love | 12.28.2020 | 

YouTube Video | Marie Forleo with Catherine Collautt, Ph.D. | 4 Steps to Overcome a Devastating Setback 

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

If you were to describe your family in one word, what would it be?

I still remember my nervous excitement the day I went in to talk with my doctor about my husband and I starting a family.

And her response wasn’t what I expected.

She said … “So, you’re ready to give up your 'sick days' for the rest of forever?”

Oh, I hadn’t quite thought of it like that.

Nor did I have any idea about how dynamic raising a family would be – especially the teenage years!

Because, as you know, and you’ve probably heard this before … it’s exciting to watch your daughter grow into her own person, AND it’s hard to let go and lose control. 

Welcome back to Episode #19

Today’s conversation wraps up my Signature Coaching System, 4 Steps to Cultivate Resilient Teens.

If you haven’t yet listened to the 3 previous episodes:

·         Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios

·         Episode #17 2 Key Tips Every Teen Needs to Create a Meaningful Educational Experience

·         Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

I think you’ll find them helpful because cultivating a resilient teen is a bit like solving a puzzle – and the previous episodes include pieces you’ll need.

Fostering a Connective Family Life

Okay, today we’re inviting you to:

·         dust off your parenting superpowers - whether you’ve forgotten where they are or they’re covid fatigued

·         and reignite your mojo – those innate gifts that reside in your hard working, dedicated parenting heart

Because after years of doing this work, I’ve identified two core family values that, when present, foster a connective family life.

1. Having a home environment where everyone can be themselves

2. Learning how to find common ground (aka - learning how to peacefully navigate the endless differences of opinion)

Getting stuck in the Weeds

But there are a few sticky points that are worth mentioning.

Most people enter into a conversation thinking they’re right and the other person is wrong. 

So, naturally your daughter may think … if only you would see things the way she does, there’d be peace in the valley. 

And you think, if only she’d listen to you and see the bigger picture – she could save herself a lot of grief and potential pitfalls. 

And before you know it, words of disagreement are a flyin’ and emotions are a blazin’ – as you both try your best to change the other person’s perspective.

And, if you’re like most families, you find yourselves stuck in the weeds and miles away from your key issue or a solution.

3 Superpower’s You Need to Foster a Connective Family Life 

Believe me, I get it.

As a parent I’ve made my fair share of mistakes – and I’m not immune to ups and downs.

However, it’s not helpful or healthy to repeat the same mistakes. 

And you definitely don’t want to let anger or yelling become your knee-jerk reaction.

So, let’s go over the 3 Superpower’s you need to Foster A Connective Family Life (spoiler alert: you already possess them!)

Head over to my website, Cultivating Resili

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

What’s the one thing your daughter has in common with millions of teenage girls around the world?

Every morning when she reaches for her phone - she shares one unmistakable intention! 

In this weeks podcast, we tackle a topic that can sometimes feel overwhelming and painful for teeange girls (and their parents!)

How to build authentic, fun, healthy friendships.

As parents of teenage girls, you’re probably noticing that finding and keeping good friends IS the name of the game right now.

Designing healthy social scenarios is one of the most important rites-of-passage your daughter will encounter over the next few years. 

And, the good news is, she CAN learn how to build friendships that feel safe and good to her. 

But first, she'll need to know what the two biggest elements that have the power to derail or create a great connection.

• Sorting facts from Fiction
• Being authentically you

You'll want to LISTEN IN > 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen,

Shawna :)

PS - Have you heard? 

“I love that the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast is short enough for busy parents to digest in bits. It’s so helpful to take in a smaller amount of information and apply it instead of feeling overwhelmed by hearing all about the things I should be doing and feeling incapacitated.”

Podcast Resources:

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager

5 Simple Questions That Will Set Your Teenager Up for Success

Charles Schultz, “Be yourself, no one can say you’re doing it wrong.”

Book: Steal the Show by New York Times Best-Selling author Michael Port

You'll find the full show notes on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!

Hey Parents,

Is something really good about to happen for your teenage daughter?

Welcome back to Episode #17

Where we’re diving into part two, creating meaningful educational experiences, of the four-part series that addresses my signature coaching system, 4 steps to cultivating resilient teens.

Because, as parents, how many times have you thought …

I just want my daughter to be happy and live up to her greatest potential - I know she has what it takes!

But creating a meaningful educational experience isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach.

There are several variables that come into play, such as, your daughter’s … 

• Learning environment
• Approach or style of learning
• Her sense of self (the first of this series in case you missed it)
• And her past experiences

And the list goes on.

But guess what?

You’re right, your daughter has what it takes to reach her full academic potential.

And we’re going to identify two blocks that get in the way for most teenagers and offer you 2 Key Tips to avoid them.

Get the 2 Key Tips and find the full show notes at https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/podcast/

Podcast Resources:

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Episode #11 Help Your Daughter Stay Focused in a World Full of Distractions with a 3 Step Solution

The New Psychology of Success, How We Can Learn to Fulfill Our Potential by Carol Dweck, Ph.D.

The Gifts of Imperfection, Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown

Here's to cultivating a more resilient teen for all of life's adventures!