The Bitches are back after being cancelled, just in time for a government shutdown. Yes, that’s exactly the reason we can’t be seen on network television. Daniel may be recording on a Wednesday but he’s already over the working week. The only thing sustaining him is cookies and the thought of Madonna’s new dance album. Max finally has the office of dreams, surrounded by Star Wars and ready to make his millions so he never has to use it again. Then the Besties discuss their friendship goals, aka the Witches of Oz, but what happens when the Tin Woodsman wants to join in the conversation. Should they tell him to leave before a house falls on him? Or should he be let into their social bubble? Chees!

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The Bitches jump straight in with the drama as a discussion about mental health leads to the revelation the one of them hadn’t been introduced to psycho therapy wasn’t through celebrated criminal psychologist Dr Chase Meridian. I warned you, this episode will leave no crumbs. Daniel takes a wander down memory lane as he goes for dinner with an ex and is promptly comforted by his decision to stay single. If he hadn’t dog-sat this weekend there would have been no gentlemen in his life. Max heads to Jersey City to witness the Bills annihilating the Jets and comes back with a story about crabs that will leave you begging for an STI. The Besties then decide to see how the other half does live by going into a full on discussion about the latest entry into the Downton Abbey saga, saying goodbye to the cultural behemoth and taking a moment of pure indulgence just in time for the weekend, whatever that is. Cheers!

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The Bitches know that if they have nothing nice to say then they should say nothing at all, or at least pick a thousand other things to talk about. So if you’re looking for us to talk about “that incident,” try harder. (Viscious) Daniel does the Lord’s work and announces the new Girl Scout Cookie flavors, so even if the world continues to crumble, we can still sit around getting fat and sassy. (Delicious) Max is offered the opportunity to be a good samaritan but he’s neither a good person and definitely not a Christian so good luck there. (Suspicious) What love there is in his heart goes into his cooking, so grab a plate and tuck into his lasagne. (Double delicious) Then the Besties take a moment to discuss the joy that comes to fans when leading ladies celebrate the properties that brought them to us in the first place. Cheers!

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The Bitches are joining you from a Diane Keating Podcast Studio and Haberdashery that is half way through is Fall-transitional bloom. Will it occur in time? Blood, sweat and tears have gone into it, but that’s the only blood you’re getting. Daniel survives a shooting… of sorts. No, this is not going to turn into a PSA on gun-crime, think of it more of the Sloan Rangers Guide to being an Ethical slut. Ta darling. Max makes the brave admission that he is obsessed with the Dancing With The Stars promotional campaign, and only the campaign. This comes with absolutely zero intention of watching the trainwreck itself. Sometimes it’s about the culture and sometimes it’s about the ripples. Then the Besties create their own culture as they both take a moment to work on themselves. Daniel removes himself from the world to get some more words on the page, whilst Max becomes the page itself as he gets his first tattoo. But how does Magic Johnson fit into all of this? Cheers!

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The Bitches have the cardigan flag flying at full-mast as the Miss America and the Heartbreak kid bring the United States one step closer to a monarchy. Daniel is standing on the edge of vacation and is ready for a break, including from being a responsible adult. A cultured adult he will be, but not a responsible one. Max is also over the wave of responsibility that has washed over him and even his beloved running has now become about dodging U.S. troops. Then the Besties discuss the cultural reaction to Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’ iconic engagement. If you’re angry about it being news, then that’s a reaction and you’re now part of culture (SORRY NOT SORRY). They’d raise their Pumpkin Spice Lattes but it’s still a bit too early for that. Cheers!

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The Bitches can be bitches before a cookie, and they certainly can after, but while eating one? You’ll have to listen to find out. Daniel swallows his anger at Taylor Swift having the audacity to overshadow Meghan Markle’s big announcement about the second season of a television show where she repackages Taylor’s baked goods. Max enters the spirit of pre pre Fall by turning up to pool pirates with baked goods; his starter is bubbling, the muffins rising and the cookies are gagged and gooey. Then the Besties find their beautiful podcast invaded by the topic that they try so hard to avoid… politics. As the streets of DC get trampled by federal agents we discuss the cultural impact it will have on an already fragile city. Cheers!

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Lights. Camera. Sparkle. The Bitches are finally entering their Showgirl era, it’s the moment you all knew was coming. Probably not the finale to the job hunt saga that you expected, but we love to keep you on your toes. Daniel spent last weekend ghosting his bestie, it was like he was a phantom. Has he been taking Broadway’s hottest ticket, Masquerade, a little too literally? Well, obsession is the name of the game. Max enters his Top energy (no pun intended) by listening to a sports podcast and emerges inspired and motivated… to explore sour dough bread. Is it the starter he needs? And then the Besties push aside summer (sorry Dwayne, but you looked adorable on the beach) and think ahead to the release of Taylor Swift’s new album. They have plenty to say with very little information. But one thing is clear, they shall be reclaiming orange this Fall. Cheers!

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The Bitches are works of art, they should be on display in galleries, not just wandering about them. Thank goodness the culture now is allowing them to talk crap for an hour because they have too many opinions for under three minutes. Daniel’s week has literally hit the headlines but when are the headlines going to be about him? Maybe he needs to become a writer and head to New York looking for love… oh wait, we've seen this storyline before! How does it all end? Max picks his eyes off the floor after seeing another gay drink the Koolaid. Red dye No 30 anyone? Can’t people be more original? Oh look, a remake of The Holiday! Then the Besties are forced to be actual adults and discuss discussions of actual consequence, like what the hell happened in the Marks and Spencer’s bra department? And can Sydney Sweeney’s career ever recover from a thumbs up from the Right, because Nancy Meyers would never! Cheers!

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The Bitches are reaching for their cardigans as summer takes a pause and we are plunged into a False Fall, otherwise known as Taylor Swift season. Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the farmers market. Daniel has returned surprisingly refreshed from his trip to Florida, full of tips and tricks about dealing with slightly difficult family members. And no, it doesn’t include feeding them to alligators. Max is now the wife of a famous rock star and enjoys turning five star restaurants into all you can eat buffets. Just don’t ask his opinion, he is a Trad-Wife afterall. The Besties discuss the Hollywood couples that are making us believe in a thing called love, and no, we’re not talking about the nightmare that is Together. We’re talking about the couple we never saw coming and totally shipping Pammy-A and Liam Neeson. Do we discuss the size of his Naked Gun? Cheers!

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Bitches With Beards Episode 129: Midsummer Night’s Dream Girls! by Daniel and Max