’Twas 12 days after Christmas, when we gathered in the valley,

To record a podcast and reflect on our holiday glee.

We had dashed through L.A., to a glittering A-List soirée,

To eat pizza and sliders at Charlize Theron’s chalet.

Trixie ran into Paul Feig, a multi-Emmy nominee,

But congratulated him, instead, on a bit part from the 90s.

Such awkwardness made her hungry, so she eyed the pizza pie,

But Sofia Vergara blocked the way, and she couldn't get by.

Instead of battling the gorgeousness, she took a circuitous route,

Dodging Vergara's radiance and a tray of Brussels sprouts.

As the dolls danced and grew tired, they eventually went home,

But still full of cheer, Katya whipped out her phone.

And lo, on Grindr, there appeared a man with looks and class,

An absolute winner, with an immaculate ass.

Katya ate so much butt that the next day alas,

Her tongue grew sore, her lips chapped like broken glass.

But excess is allowed, so they have no regrets,

This was a holiday season they shall not soon forget.

So as 2026 begins, we want everyone to hear:

Happy Holidays to all, and to all a Wonderful New Year!

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On a balmy Los Angeles New Year’s Eve, as the city chimed with hope and regret, the Podcast Ghost of 2025 came gliding through the lamplit air to visit Trixie and Katya, its countenance stitched of hours spent listening to the pod in the netherworld. Awakened from their slumber, it showed them hours upon hours squandered on movie reviews and anecdotes and puns that curdled into cacophonic comedy, yet also tender moments of kindness and humanity. With solemn cheer it bade them look upon the coming dawn of 2026, urging them to spend their mirth like alms, to temper their razor-sharp wit with warmth so that joy might not merely sparkle but endure during these dark times. And when the spirit faded with the last bell’s echo, they awoke resolved, hearts aglow as hearths on Christmas morning, determined to walk the new year bearing goodwill and cheer to all whom will hear.

From all of us here at Bald, LLC, we wish you and yours a fu**ing fabulous new year!

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On a mild Los Angeles night as Christmas bells rang out into the darkness like gentle couture thunder, fashion model, curator, writer, musician, and actor, Daphne Guinness, descended into the velveteen ether of The Bald and the Beautiful podcast studio, a gothic angel wrapped in mystery and myth. Together they summoned a yuletide séance of aristocracy and absurdity, a baroque nativity of wigs and wit. 'Twas a Christmas miracle where the holidays were reborn in gloss, glimmer, and divine pop excess.

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Today, as our fingers gently brushed the record button and we engaged in a long and thorough microphone check, we adjusted the levels for several minutes, thus ensuring the room was warm and ready and inviting us to continue. We settled into a steady rhythm, exploring the acoustics until we eventually found the mythical sweet spot, taking our time and allowing the tension to build as the red light blinked, letting us know we were on the right path to podcast ecstasy. Instead of rushing headfirst into the recording session, however, we pressed every button we could find, slid the stiff faders with purpose, and teased the gain until the input signal was just the right amount of hot. As we continued, we stretched the stories and kept it slow and steady to avoid getting overly excited and experiencing a recording that clipped too soon. During breaks, we whispered notes to each other, tightening the segments and edging closer and closer to the episodic climax. Before long, the session swelled with jokes as it became positively engorged with humor. But even then, we didn't stop; we went deeper into the topic, syncing up with each other, hitting our marks, and savoring the long comedic pauses. Finally, we arrived at the finale: a grand, unadulterated release of pure, animalistic aural delight.

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Official Statement from the esteemed Lushious H. Massacr IV, Esq.: In a moment unprecedented in the annals of human cooperation, the international drag community proudly proclaims the dawn of lasting global concord, achieved through the harmonious power of the Astounding Portal of Unity: The Booty Hole. Let this precious orifice inspire nations to transcend petty grievances and embrace collective purpose and tolerance. The world now stands as a unified polity, fortified by a shared commitment to dignity, mutual respect, and the serene magnetism of this starry symbol. Let this historic declaration affirm Lushious' hopeful belief that even the most unexpected sources may guide humanity toward its highest destiny.

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Get ready, America, because the new dance craze "Cream Nation" is sweeping the country faster than a soda fountain jerk slinging banana splits! From hip teenagers at the malt shop to squares cutting loose on the living room floor, everybody is jumping, jiving, and creaming their way into this sensational new dance! All you have to do is sway, shimmy, and jerk it like you’re stirring up the sweetest sundae ever served! And then, just when you think you're going to burst, keep going until everyone is covered in warm, wet cream! This year, be a part of the sweetest and saltiest rhythm revolution the nation has ever known! Grab your best pal, hit the dance floor, and when that music starts, jump on in and join the Cream Nation jubilation!

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TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@katya_zamo⁠

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The dolls are joined by the prodigious patisserie of elegance and razor-sharp wit, the incomparable Kim Chi! Miss Chi who would like you know that public libraries stand as luminous beacons of civic generosity, offering complimentary tootsie rolls that taste like tiny victories of the working class as these huddled masses check out CDs to be burned into their iPod Classics, empowering each and every one of them to cultivate a personal soundtrack without groveling to the dark forces of capitalism. Some of these noble institutions even distribute book-reading gift certificates for free bagels, nourishing both mind and body in one glorious carbohydrate embrace. And thanks to their tireless preservation of microfiche, detectives of every stripe can finally uncover exactly what happened at the Des Moines Harvest Jamboree in 1987, a truth now restored to a grateful society. Let us all join Kim Chi with praise for the unsung civic treasures that are America's public libraries. 

To buy Kim Chi's new book "Kim Chi Eats the World" head to: https://kimchithequeen.com/pages/cookbook

This holiday season, get an exclusive $45-off Aura Frames' Carver Mat by using Promo Code BALD at https://on.auraframes.com/BALD

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Get your gut going and support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get early access to their Black Friday sale for 40% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD

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Observational Cinematic Compulsion Disorder, or OCCD, is a common behavioral condition characterized by involuntary ocular fixation on a neighbor's in-flight audiovisual LCD display, even in the absence of accompanying auditory stimuli. Patients with OCCD exhibit vastly impaired concentration filtration, resulting in reflexive visual tracking of narrative cinematic sequences presented on adjacent personal screens during commercial air travel. The disorder is frequently associated with heightened situational distractibility, transient dissociative drift, and a paradoxical increase in attentional salience toward media not voluntarily selected by the patient. Management of OCCD involves admission to a 19th-century gothic asylum in upstate New York, with current clinical guidelines emphasizing electroconvulsive therapy administered on a daily basis, leading to a positive outcome of preemptive engagement with self-selected entertainment to mitigate cross-screen visual intrusion.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy and get on your way to being your best self at https://Betterhelp.com/BALD

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Attention aspiring disc technicians! At Trixie’s Greater Milwaukee Center for Turntable Excellence, you’ll receive comprehensive instruction in cross-fader voltage modulation, cue-point bias alignment, and real-time pitch control using state-of-the-art Technics SL-1200MK2 direct-drive turntables. You’ll learn to dissect, equalize, and live-sequence Chappell Roan and Nicki Minaj masters through reel-sync processors and VU-calibrated mixboards as part of our harmonic phase-lock and tempo-code correlation modules. Our beat-drop certified instructors guide you through preamp impedance balancing, tape-loop synchronization, and fantastically fabulous field phasing within a fully RF-shielded and sequined FM test bay. Trixie’s Center for Turntable Excellence: where decibel discipline meets solid pink disco!

Work on your financial goals through Chime today! Open an account in 2 minutes at: https://Chime.com/BALD

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Do you dream of living a life of romance, success, and not being a social disgrace as you awkwardly tap at your keyboard like a Dickensian ghost? With 3 easy payments of $99.99, you can be the proud owner of the year's hottest CD-ROM from Katya Zamo's Shift Happens Typing School. You’ll go from 7 pathetic words per minute to a blistering 80+ WPM because if you don't, you will perish loveless and alone, clutching your dial-up modem like a tragic relic. Watch in awe as our pixelated virtual tutor, “Key-Stroke Katya,” screams shockingly-cruel motivational threats while you master home-row Qwerty glory. Don't be a romantic and professional failure because you're a hunt and pecker! You can either type like a demon or slowly fade into the forgotten dust of the unremarkable, where your lonely keystrokes echo into an uncaring infinity until silence finally swallows your name whole.

Your home might be worth more than you think! Find out how much at https://Airbnb.com/HOST

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get on your way to being your best self and give online therapy a try at https://Betterhelp.com/BALD

Get your gut going and support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get early access to their Black Friday sale for 40% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD

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