All aboard! This year, book a tantalizing stay on The Queen Mary as you evacuate any one of Southern California’s various natural disasters. Our arousing accommodations await in your very own Self-Love-Stateroom, offering the perfect atmosphere for an auto-erotic experience while you watch KTLA’s 24-hour local news forecast. Self-Satisfaction is virtually guaranteed, with packages that include horny goat weed cocktails, personal massagers, perfumed body oils, and many other scintillating amenities to encourage extraordinarily loud climaxes that can easily be heard by your neighbors in the next room. Place self-love and self-care at the forefront of your magnificently masturbatory stay at The Queen Mary, with master rates starting at just $999.

Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today!

This year, fast-track your way to eating well with Marley Spoon! Head to https://MarleySpoon.com/OFFER/BALD and use code BALD for up to 27 FREE meals!

Get your gut going this year! Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD

Get the Rakuten app NOW and join the 17 million members who are already saving! Cash Back rates change daily, so see https://Rakuten.com for details. Your Cash Back really adds up!

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our hearts go out to all those affected by the catastrophic wildfires in Los Angeles County. We hope that this week's episode, recorded in our car as we evacuated Hollywood due to the Sunset Fire, offers a brief respite from the ongoing devastation in Southern California.

If you would like to support Angelenos affected by the fires, please visit this link for various ways to donate: https://laist.com/news/climate-environment/how-to-help-la-fire-victims

New customers GET 15% ALL Lume products with our exclusive code BALDANDBEAUTIFUL at https://www.lumedeodorant.com

Make progress towards a better financial future with Chime! Open your account in 2 minutes at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like progress.

You’re going to love Hungryroot as much as we do! Take advantage of this exclusive offer: For a limited time get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life! Go to https://Hungryroot.com/BALD and use code BALD today!

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self!

If you need a new website, go ahead and check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain!

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

'Twas a dark, menacing Los Angeles winter's eve, with nary a soul walking the deserted streets of West Hollywood. A strong, dry Santa Ana wind blew down from the mountain passes to make one's skin itch and nerves curl. On nights like this, anything can happen. Even a sudden knock at the door of Kelly Mantle's palatial mansion as the clock strikes twelve. What is waiting on the other side? Why, it's Trixie the Cable Girl, wearing overalls and threatening to climb the gutters to sabotage your cable connection. If you don't check out Kelly's amazing new podcast "The Kelly Mantle Show" at: https://bit.ly/TheKellyMantleShow, don't be surprised if you're also visited by Trixie the Cable Girl at the stroke of midnight, for all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.

If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out https://Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app today!

Try VIIA today! Head to: https://viia.co/BALD and use code BALD for 15% off!

This year, get your gut going with Ritual! Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual’s Synbiotic+. Get 25% off your first month at https://Ritual.com/BALD

Follow Kelly: @KellyMantle

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The dawning of a new year is a time for fun and jokes and ice cream cones. It's a time for Q&A podcast episodes and trips to the West Hollywood Gateway Shopping Center for a chocolate malt with your steady gal or guy. But behind the innocence of those youthful improprieties lies a menace. A menace made of wheat flour, rice flour, and mung bean starch. A menace known as authentic Chinese noodles. You'll travel from a momentary pleasure to a prison of your own making with Satan's sizzling spicy beef noodles. You'll find nothing but debauchery, violence, murder, and the ultimate end of the authentic Chinese noodle addict: hopeless insanity. This New Year's Eve, celebrate 2025 safely and name a designated noodle eater. It may just save your life.

Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://ZocDoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today!

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self!

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don't miss The Hallmarque Channel's newest Christmas classic, "A Very Special Holiday Sausage," premiering Christmas Eve! When the gorgeous neighborhood delivery guy, Lance, turns his attentions to recently-divorced Katya, she brushes it off as mere flattery. But when she sees the look in Lance's eyes as he hands her the bulk delivery of anal lube she orders every Christmas, it's clear he wants to give her more than just a cardboard box. As he turns to leave with a mischievous wink and a smile, the encounter awakens something deep inside her smoldering loins; a desire, a lust, a growing demand for steamy passion delivered express overnight. She closes the door and instantly feels a deep and animalistic need for the juicy holiday sausage hiding within his khakis. Katya's friend Trixie tells her it’s time to "get back on the horse" post-divorce, and what better horse to ride than the tantalizingly sexy Lance? This Christmas, watch Katya learn that delivery drivers truly are experts at getting big packages into tight slots.

You owe yourself a trip and trips are always better with Airbnb! If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out https://Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app!

To get Mint Mobile's new customer offer and your new 3-month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to https://MintMobile.com/BALD

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens to a dream deferred? A dream filled with tight outfits, latex boots, and furs? A dream saturated with showmanship, physicality, and wholesome recreation for both him and her? A dream of Bob: "Bob the Professional Wrestler". Does a dream deferred dry up like a raisin in the sun? Or fester like a sore—one that you caught last weekend from that hot Belgian? Does it stink like rotten meat? Or smell like Katya after a long show—like a sweaty, pickled beet? Maybe it just sags and squelches like a heavy load. Or does it, like the pure podcast magic that is Trixie and Bob in the same room for an hour, simply explode?

For sustainable size and gender inclusive underwear, swimwear and loungewear for all bodies, head to https://tomboyx.com

Join the 17 million Rakuten members who are already saving! Start all of your holiday shopping at https://Rakuten.com or download the Rakuten app to start saving today. Your Cash Back really adds up!

Turn your holiday purchases into steps toward your financial goals with Chime’s secure credit card. Get started today at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like Progress.

This holiday season, unwind and recharge with VIIA! If you're 21+, try VIIA today at: https://viia.co/BALD and use code BALD to receive 15% off!

Follow Bob: @BobTheDragQueen

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If one were to print out all of Bruce Vilanch's writing, acting, and producing credits on a dot-matrix printer and lay that continuous piece of paper on the ground, it would encircle the world approximately one hundred and eighty seven times. From The Brady Bunch Variety Hour to the famously infamous Star Wars Holiday Special starring Bea Arthur and Harvey Korman to too many awards shows to count, two-time Emmy-Winner Bruce Vilanch is a walking, talking encyclopedia of Hollywood history. Come join us for an exceedingly charming chat with a true living legend.

To pre-order Bruce's brand-new book, "It Seemed Like a Bad Idea at the Time," click HERE.

Save on the perfect gift by visiting https://AuraFrames.com to get $35-off Aura’s best-selling Carver Mat frames by using promo code BALD at checkout. This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays! Terms and conditions apply.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self!

Need a website? Head to https://www.SquareSpace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.SquareSpace.com/BALD to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain!

Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today!

Follow Bruce: @BruceVilanch

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As we struggle to recover from the annual ritual of shoving Aunt Grace's bone-dry turkey and lumpy mashed potatoes down our gullets while listening to Uncle Billy yell at the TV about the Chicago Bears' wide-open tight-ends, let us raise a glass of Alka-Seltzer and propose a toast to Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella from the Good Children podcast. Here's to two shockingly likeable childhood friends from Long Island chatting about dropping their pants for views, shooting a low-budget iPhone camera talk-show, and infringing upon Trixie and Katya's copyrighted friendship.

Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to https://Zocdoc.com/BALD to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today!

This holiday season, gift yourself some peace of mind. If you’re 21+, go to: https://bit.ly/viiathebbpod and use code BALD to receive 15% off! After you purchase, they ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them Trixie & Katya sent you. This holiday season, enhance your everyday with VIIA.

To get Mint Mobile's new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to https://MintMobile.com/BALD today!

Turn your holiday purchases into steps toward your financial goals with Chime’s secure credit card. Get started today at https://Chime.com/BALD Chime. Feels like Progress.

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Author, Film & TV Critic, and all-around Horror Sommelier Gretchen Felker-Martin joins Katya from the wilds of Worcester for an in-depth review of the best horror films of 2024, the must-read horror novels out now, and some absolutely amazing news about Gretchen's blockbuster novel, Manhunt.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://BetterHelp.com/BALD and get on your way to being your best self!

Join the 17 million members who are already saving! Start all of your holiday shopping at https://Rakuten.com or download the Rakuten app to start saving today. Your Cash Back really adds up!

For a limited time, visit https://AuraFrames.com and get $45 off Aura’s best-selling Carver Mat frames by using promo code BALD at checkout! This exclusive Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so don’t miss out! Terms and conditions apply.

Take the best care of your leather handbags and products! Head to https://MyCuire.com to get your leather care kit today. The best way to make your handbag last forever!

Follow Gretchen: @GretchenFelkerMartin

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Good morning, and welcome to the annual meeting of the National Association for Supporting The Yuck, (N.A.S.T.Y.), where certified uggos from all over Southern California come to the Burbank Holiday Inn Express to embrace our beady eyes, crooked teeth, bulbous noses, and horrible skin. If you got up this morning and thought to yourself, "I don't think I'm a very attractive person," you're 100% correct. But please, as a favor to me, do not dwell on the fact that you're aesthetically deficient. Instead, focus on the indisputable certainty that your beauty is simply inverted; like a perfectly-fried crispy egg roll, your good stuff is all on the inside. In a world where happiness and success can be achieved despite severe genetic impairments, our group's motto has never been more relevant: "Not everyone is hot, and that's okay." If you strive to develop an intellect that can elicit a smile, a laugh, or even a smirk, trust me when I say that there is absolutely nothing as hot as being genuinely funny, smart, and most importantly: f*cking kind. And on that note, I want to thank you for attending. Complimentary coffee and snacks will be served in the lobby, and please remember to pay your dues by the 30th.

To try America's #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well, go to https://GreenChef.com/BALD50 and use code BALD50 for 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next two months!

This holiday season, gift yourself some peace of mind! If you’re 21+, check out https://bit.ly/viiathebbpod and use code BALD to receive 15% off! After you purchase they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. This holiday season, enhance your everyday with VIIA!

You owe yourself a trip and trips are always better with Airbnb. If you want more space, more privacy, a better location, and the most loved homes, check out https://Airbnb.com or download the Airbnb app!

Take care of your leather handbags and products! Head to https://MyCuire.com to get your leather care kit today. The best way to make your handbag last forever!

Men's health? RocketRX has you covered! To check out RocketRX and start your free consultation, head to: https://rebrand.ly/170bbc

Follow Megan: @MegStalter

Follow Trixie: @TrixieMattel

Follow Katya: @Katya_Zamo

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices