I began this summer series by giving seven reasons why I found it necessary to leave the church. Then, two of weeks ago, I showed that the word “church” is a very good word not found in the Bible to describe an institution not found in the Bible. Last week, I offered a definition of ecclesia that I consider in line  with Jesus’ intent. 

If you haven’t picked it up already, I am conflicted about church. I would have no problem if it was all bad. I would kick it to the curb and move on. But it’s not so simple. Church has been the source of great blessing in my life. For example…

Christian Heritage. Church is an important part of my family identity, going back as far as we can see. 

Friends. I made my closest friends in church. These are exceptionally good people. They are my high school and college buddies.

Music. I love church music, everything from Palestrina, to Bach, to Rutter, to the old hymns.

Education. I owe my education to my denomination.

Income. For twenty years, my church fed my family and paid my mortgage. 

Cathedrals. When Julie and I visited Italy, the cathedrals made my heart soar. As we drive through the southeastern United States, I am the steeples that dot the countryside inspire me.

Charity. Earlier this summer, when I was bit by a tick, I went to a church hospital.

So when I talk about leaving church, I get a knot in my stomach. How can I throw all this away? Church may not be a perfect vessel, but it carries the holy. Surely, I shouldn’t throw out the baby out with the bathwater.

But in this case, the bathwater has been mixed with the baby for so long that it’s hard to tell the two apart. In fact we don’t even call it bathwater anymore. We call it holy water.

But bathwater is not holy, and babies were never meant to live in bathwater. It is meant to be drained, and regularly. Unfortunately, we haven’t had a good draining for centuries. The water is so polluted it’s choking the baby. If ecclesia is to thrive in the new millennium, we must find a way to separate the two. 

But is it possible to separate good things like I described from church? Yes. In fact, they will be stronger without it. These good things were never the product of church in the first place. They are ecclesia. 

The church is like mistletoe. It has attached itself to God’s ecclesia. and so completely covered it that we think the church is ecclesia. Today I will focus on the seven things I mentioned above: Christian heritage, friends, music, education, income, cathedrals, and charity. I’ll take them one at a time, seeking to separate the baby from the bathwater.

1. Christian heritage

Maybe you’re a first generation follower of Jesus. If so, it might be easy to dismiss church. But for me and many others, Church is part of a family heritage. To leave church doesn’t feel like draining the bathwater. It feels like spitting on the graves of your ancestors.

I love my family and am proud of my heritage. My great grandparents were homesteaders in New Mexico. They packed up everything and headed west. When they reached their promised land, the first thing they did was build a church. My own dad followed suit. When we moved to the Pacific Northwest, the first thing he did was help build a church. This faithfulness to church filtered down to me and my own children. Not to attend church feels like a rejection of my family.

It helps to remind myself that what I love about my family is their faith. Frankly, my ancestors wouldn’t recognize a modern church service. About the time the drums and electric guitar kicked in they would run screaming for the doors. 

You see, it is not the form of their faith that is sacred but the substance. And there was substance. They were honorable people who loved God and were good neighbors.

The Rise of the Dones

Good people are leaving church. They’re not leaving one church to look for another. They’re ditching the whole institution. It’s easy to write these people off as whiners but it goes deeper than this. 

In his book, Church Refugees, Josh Packard shows that these are not fringe people with petty gripes. They are pastors and staff, deacons and elders, ministry leaders and board members. People who have given their lives to church. They don’t leave easily, but when the do, it’s for good.

Potato Salad

I am an eternal foe of potato salad. But when I tell people I don't like potato salad the response is inevitably, “You haven't tried my potato salad. It’s not like other potato salad.” They don’t understand. I don’t avoid potato salad because I dislike a particular form. I avoid it because I gag on the whole idea.

Similarly, when I tell people that I’ve given up on church, they say, “But you haven’t tried my church. Our pastor is different. Our organization is slicker. Our people are different. It’s not like anything you’ve ever seen.” They don’t understand. I don’t avoid church because I reject a certain form. I am through with the whole idea. I’m a textbook Done.

Being a Done Is Depressing

But being a “Done” is depressing. Okay. I’m done. Now what? Do I just plop down and announce, “I’m Done?” I can’t imagine Jesus doing this. I insist that my life be defined by positive things I am doing, not by what I’m done with. In other words, now that I’ve determined that I’m a “Done,” I must figure out what to do.

Sometimes people think that I left a traditional church to start a newfangled online church. They see me as whipping up a “new and improved” potato salad. To me, this would be like breathing into a CPR dummy and hoping its heart would start to beat. I have no desire to revive the church. Neither do I wish to beat up on church. I’m simply done with church. 

My attention has moved on to something new:  ecclesia.

The Definition of Ecclesia

The meaning of the Greek word ecclesia is straightforward:

A call goes out for people to gather.

They gather.

For example, if a hurricane was threatening and your town and the City Council issued a call for people to meet and discuss the situation, that would be an ecclesia. A biblical example is the meeting called by the silversmiths of Ephesus to decide what to do about Paul (Acts 19:32, 39, 41). 

You can get at the meaning of the word by breaking the word into its parts.

Ek (ἐκ) in means “out of.”

Klēsis (κλῆσις) means “invitation.”

So ecclesia means calling people out, inviting them to gather.

In the New Testament, ecclesia is not a human gathering but to a divine Gathering. The call comes from God. The place of gathering is before our Maker. Ecclesia is God the Father, welcoming every prodigal daughter and son home.

So here’s my definition of ecclesia: 

Ecclesia is the love of God, calling all things to oneness with Himself and harmony with each other.

This definition as deep as the heart of God and as wide as the heavens. For any group or human organization to claim to be God’s ecclesia is idolatry because it substitutes something infinite and divine and with the work of human hands.

Ecclesia is the Great Commandments

Notice that this definition is the same as the great commandments (Matthew 22:37-40):

Ecclesia is the love of God, calling all things to oneness with Himself

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.

and into harmony with each other.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

“The contempt which I had to fear because of the novelty and apparent absurdity of my view nearly induced me to abandon utterly the work I had begun.” —Nicolaus Copernicus

Shifting the Center of the Universe

In the 16th century, Nicolaus Copernicus shook the world by demonstrating that the earth was not the center of the universe. Copernicus was a devout Catholic and knew his ideas would not go over well with the church. He was smart enough to publish them on his deathbed and avoid martyrdom.

For a long time, I have felt like my my faith was orbiting   a false center. I was afraid to talk about this, partly because I wanted to remain true to my vocation as a pastor and partly because I was afraid. I hate conflict. I’m a middle child. I make peace, not waves.

That’s why it has taken my years to work up the nerve to say what I will say in today’s podcast. With fear and trembling, here goes:

The false center around which Christianity revolves today is the church.

Some might say that God, or Christ is the center of Christianity today. I wish it were true. It’s simply not.

Church Is the Center of Modern Christianity

One way to see that church is the true center of Christianity is by the strong emotions wrapped up with church. The closer something is to the center of our convictions, the stronger the reaction when it is challenged.

If one of the orbiting planets in our solar system shifted its course, it would affect the other planets so some degree. But if the sun were to shift, the entire solar system would be in an uproar. Shifting the center is like poking a bee hive.

People will give you a pass for having odd ideas about God. You can follow any paths of discipleship you choose. But if you challenge the legitimacy of the church, the bees come after you.

I saw this illustrated in a TV interview. Pastor Chris Sonksen wrote a book titled, “Quit Church: Your Life Would Be Better if You Did.” I was intrigued. “Finally!” I thought. “A person brave enough to tell the truth and challenge the status quo.”

But when I watched the interview I was bewildered. Sonksen’s version of quitting church was to be more committed to church than ever. The interview went like this.

Interviewer: But if you don’t go to church, who is out there to remind you to be better?

Sonksen: Let me be clear: I’m definitely telling people to go to church.

Huh? Why is the title of the book the opposite of its content? The interviewer was lost. So was I. But there was something worse. It was a sentence Sonksen threw in as an aside.

“I’m not telling people, ‘Hey, stop going to church.’ I’d be crucified!”

Crucified? Exactly. Crucifixion is the punishment for blasphemy. And in tdoay’s culture, failure to make church the center of your Christian life is blasphemy.

Christ is the True Center of Christianity

My first experience of God was one of unconditional love. I felt forgiveness. I felt safe. I was happier than words could express. As I read about the love of Jesus in the gospels it all made sense. Jesus had come to conquer the world with love. I had been conquered.

I used to love to go to church, especially on Sunday nights with my dad. There, I found others who shared similar stories of God’s love. I felt accepted. We sang songs and praised God. It was amazing. A lifetime of this sounded like pure bliss. I signed up.

But when I “surrendered” (the word is apt) to the ministry, something began to shift. My living connection with God slowly moved to a human institution.

Introduction   

Why Church Can Never Be Fixed

For as long as I can remember, people have been trying to fix the church. The idea is that if we find the right formula we can get things back on track. We modernize the music, reformat the service, put a finer point on the theology, change the meeting place, make it harder, make it easier, make it sexier, make it stodgier… In spite of endless tweaking, the statistics all point in the same direction: church is dying.

The reason why no modification of church can fix the church is that church itself is the problem. Church is a human institution born of marriage between following Jesus and political power. It is the triumph of Rome, not Christ. It is almost exactly like the Pharisaic Judaism that Jesus opposed. It is sustained by tradition, rituals and creeds, not a living connection between the soul and its Maker.

Ecclesia, not Church

To modern Christians, these words are heresy. We are so steeped in church that we can’t imagine anything else. Jesus comes in one form, and one form only: church. To reject church is to reject Jesus. To be out of step with church is to be at odds with God.

This assumption has no basis in the teachings of Jesus. The word translated “church” in the New Testament (ekklēsia, ἐκκλησία) does not refer to the human institution that developed much later.

Ecclesia is God drawing all things into oneness with himself and harmony with each another. It has no borders, no creeds, and no religious rituals, no Pope, no clergy, and no buildings. It could never marry Caesar.

Ecclesia is an ocean, a sky, a universe. It is free. It cannot be contained. It releases people to be fully themselves. In the years immediately following Jesus’ death, ecclesia transformed the world. In the fourth century, Rome harnessed ecclesia for power. By the fifth century the marriage was complete and ecclesia became church.

But ecclesia cannot be stopped, not by Rome, not by anyone. It continued, both in the church and out of it. This summer, I will show the difference between ecclesia and church. My goal is to return to the glory of ecclesia. Today I’ll give you seven reasons why I had to leave the church to follow Jesus, but  first, allow me to share a bit of my personal journey.

Why I Went Into Hiding

As I write, Julie and I are living in a small travel trailer we call “Peregrino” (Spanish for “pilgrim” or “wander”). Two years ago, I left my job as a pastor and resigned my post as a seminary professor. To most people, it appeared that we had retired and set off on permanent vacation. But we’re not on vacation. We’re on the lamb.

One of the things I most dislike about church is that you can only be close with people in the church. Those outside of church are always some kind of missions project. I was aware of this. I knew that by leaving church, I was changing my status from “friend” to “missions” project.

As hard as that was, there was something worse. Church had defined my life. Now what? I felt like the people on Wall-E who can barely walk after being cared for by machines for so long. I was wobbly. Disoriented. I went on a spiritual walkabout—to be more accurate, a spiritual wobbleabout. I tried being an agnostic. I meditated on the Bhagavad Gita. I strained to follow the Buddha and detach. I tried being an atheist. This journey was rich in discovery but I kept missing Jesus. I realized I’m stuck being a Christian. I decided to take a second look at my faith.

For two years, I have been rebuilding from the ground up. Part of this is rethinking my beliefs. I am sharing that journey here on Curb Your Dogma and at my blog. Also, since my lifestyle was no longer defined by church,

Why God Took the Day Off

In the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey recommends “sharpening the saw.” The idea is that every now and then you need to take some time off to refresh. This will make you more effective than if you keep sawing away and never take a time to recharge. It’s good advice with which I wholeheartedly agree. But it has nothing to do with God’s rest. 

God did not rest to “sharpen the saw.” God rested because he was finished. 

God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day (Genesis 1:31).

God rested not only because the job was done. God rested because creation was perfect. No further action was necessary. The seventh day is not a God’s day off. God would not need to pack a lunch and head back the job on Monday. The job was complete. That is why the seventh day never ends. It is the eternal state: perfection. 

What About the Fall?

“But wait!” you say. What about the fall? Didn't Adam and Eve destroy this perfection? Didn't God have to get out his tool kit and start all over? Sure, things were perfect for a blissful moment, but Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. It’s back to the drawing board. God had to move on to Plan B. Our world is a do-over and it’s far from done.   the four living creatures kept saying, “Amen.” And the elders fell down and worshiped. (Revelation 5:12-14)

This is a description of the child to be born, the New Creation. It’s not the story of a God who loved a perfect world, but a God who redeemed a broken one. For there to be a new creation there had to be an old one. The transition from old to new is painful. We who are in the midst of this transition cry out, “How long, O Lord?” The glory to come will outshine the suffering and make it all worth it. 

Because of this, both of the following statements are true:

The world is not as it should be.

The world is exactly as it should be.

Our world not as it should be because the prodigals have not yet returned. It is exactly as it should be because they will. This is as certain as the death and resurrection of Jesus. We live in the seventh day, the day of rest, because the end is present from the beginning. 

This confidence makes it possible to avoid two extremes: apathy and fanaticism. 

Rest Is the Antidote to Apathy and Fanaticism

Many look at this world and throw up their hands in despair. As the Cat in the Hat put it, “This mess is so big And so deep and so tall, We cannot pick it up. There is no way at all!” Or, as an old friend used to be fond of saying, “It’s all gonna burn.” Given a world without God, apathy is inevitable. Even if by some miracle we survive our own stupidity, eventually the sun will go supernova and blow us to bits. Why recycle? Why save the whales? Why fight human trafficking? It’s all gonna burn. 

Fanaticism takes the opposite path. Our species is out of control! Our planet is dying! We have to fix this. Now! The problem is that the way to fix things is hotly debated. Democrats or Republicans? Capitalists or communists? Science or religion? We are distracted from the world we are trying to save by the ignoramuses who oppose our strategy. We forget about saving the world and turn to fighting each other instead. 

Redeeming love presents a third option. Not apathy. Not fanaticism. Participation. We participate in God’s work of new creation. We trust that God is at work in the world even though we often can’t see how. Jesus showed the way. 

People said a lot of things about Jesus but no one accused him of apathy. Neither was he a fanatic. Instead, he participated with a whole heart in the Father’s work of new creation. He welcomed outcasts, healed the sick, and forgave sinners.

Why God Took the Day Off

In the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Steven Covey recommends “sharpening the saw.” The idea is that every now and then you need to take some time off to refresh. This will make you more effective than if you keep sawing away and never take a time to recharge. It’s good advice with which I wholeheartedly agree. But it has nothing to do with God’s rest. 

God did not rest to “sharpen the saw.” God rested because he was finished. 

God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day (Genesis 1:31).

God rested not only because the job was done. God rested because creation was perfect. No further action was necessary. The seventh day is not a God’s day off. God would not need to pack a lunch and head back the job on Monday. The job was complete. That is why the seventh day never ends. It is the eternal state: perfection. 

What About the Fall?

“But wait!” you say. What about the fall? Didn't Adam and Eve destroy this perfection? Didn't God have to get out his tool kit and start all over? Sure, things were perfect for a blissful moment, but Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. It’s back to the drawing board. God had to move on to Plan B. Our world is a do-over and it’s far from done.   the four living creatures kept saying, “Amen.” And the elders fell down and worshiped. (Revelation 5:12-14)

This is a description of the child to be born, the New Creation. It’s not the story of a God who loved a perfect world, but a God who redeemed a broken one. For there to be a new creation there had to be an old one. The transition from old to new is painful. We who are in the midst of this transition cry out, “How long, O Lord?” The glory to come will outshine the suffering and make it all worth it. 

Because of this, both of the following statements are true:

The world is not as it should be.

The world is exactly as it should be.

Our world not as it should be because the prodigals have not yet returned. It is exactly as it should be because they will. This is as certain as the death and resurrection of Jesus. We live in the seventh day, the day of rest, because the end is present from the beginning. 

This confidence makes it possible to avoid two extremes: apathy and fanaticism. 

Rest Is the Antidote to Apathy and Fanaticism

Many look at this world and throw up their hands in despair. As the Cat in the Hat put it, “This mess is so big And so deep and so tall, We cannot pick it up. There is no way at all!” Or, as an old friend used to be fond of saying, “It’s all gonna burn.” Given a world without God, apathy is inevitable. Even if by some miracle we survive our own stupidity, eventually the sun will go supernova and blow us to bits. Why recycle? Why save the whales? Why fight human trafficking? It’s all gonna burn. 

Fanaticism takes the opposite path. Our species is out of control! Our planet is dying! We have to fix this. Now! The problem is that the way to fix things is hotly debated. Democrats or Republicans? Capitalists or communists? Science or religion? We are distracted from the world we are trying to save by the ignoramuses who oppose our strategy. We forget about saving the world and turn to fighting each other instead. 

Redeeming love presents a third option. Not apathy. Not fanaticism. Participation. We participate in God’s work of new creation. We trust that God is at work in the world even though we often can’t see how. Jesus showed the way. 

People said a lot of things about Jesus but no one accused him of apathy. Neither was he a fanatic. Instead, he participated with a whole heart in the Father’s work of new creation. He welcomed outcasts, healed the sick, and forgave sinners.

This week is pure fun. Shining is not a chore. It’s not a task on your to-do list. It’s not cranking up a factory to produce something. It’s more like breaking up a log jam to let a river flow.

The first five habits are about breaking up the log jam. When you practice them, it is impossible not to shine. Let’s review:

Habit #1 Make brokenness a door

You admit your need. You don’t pretend all is well. You declare bankruptcy and throw yourself on God’s mercy.  

Habit #2 Trust Jesus

You take Jesus’ hand and follow. You still have a lot of questions. You might be suffering. You may feel angry. It’s okay. You feel Christ’s presence. Slowly, you learn to trust.

Habit #3 Hope in God

Where is Jesus taking you? In a word, life. He called it the Kingdom of God. God’s life is bigger than death but you don’t have to wait until you die to enter it. You don’t deny the groaning of this world but you see hope poking through everywhere.

Habit #4 Let God love you

You discover something wonderful: God loves you and is working in all things for your good.  God is making you something wonderful—your true self.

Habit #5 Love everyone

Your experience of God’s love changes the way you think of others. Just as God is redeeming you, God is at work in everything he has made. You feel connected with other people—in fact with every created thing. The entire universe is part of the same great story, being made new by the same love.

Habit #6 Shine

You are being made new! This is not up in the clouds. It is your way of life. You dance to heaven’s tune. You delight in the unique expression of God’s glory that you are. You shine. 

You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. (Matthew 5:14)

Our world is pretty good at convincing us there is nothing special about us. You may feel about as exciting as oatmeal. Here are seven ways to overcome that lie and to allow God to shine through you.  

7 Ways to Polish Your Shine

1. Embrace your purpose.

My favorite thing in the whole wide world is to put on my backpack and head into the wilderness for a week of solitude. The further I wander from the trail, the better I like it. It’s like getting in on a secret. I see alpine lakes that few eyes ever have. I soak up shooting stars and fiery red sunsets. I admire wildflowers. I have a free ticket to the greatest show on earth and have the whole theater to myself.

But what kind of a lunatic would put on such a show, knowing that most of it will go unseen. Would I devoted my life to a work of art and not tell anyone about it? Why the wasted glory?

It is not a waste. We think the world that exists solely for our enjoyment and that the human audience is the only audience that matters. We forget ourselves. Our world was made by the love of God for the joy of God. The fact that human beings can share this joy is a great gift. It does not make our appreciation essential in order for a thing to have value. 

What about you? Does anyone take delight in you? Does anyone even see you? If no one notices you, do you exist? Yes. Emphatically, yes. 

You exist as an expression of God’s glory, made by the love of God for the joy of God. Even if every other human being ignores you, God doesn’t. When you express yourself as unfiltered you, you feel God’s pleasure in you. Like the high mountain lake, the wildflower, the mountain peak, you know why you exist. You are an expression of God’s glory. When you feel this, you know the meaning of your life, though you may not be able to put it in words. 

2. Point to sparkly things.

One effortless and satisfying way to shine requires nothing from you at all. You shine when you point at other shiny things. With nature, this is hard not to do this.

This week is pure fun. Shining is not a chore. It’s not a task on your to-do list. It’s not cranking up a factory to produce something. It’s more like breaking up a log jam to let a river flow.

The first five habits are about breaking up the log jam. When you practice them, it is impossible not to shine. Let’s review:

Habit #1 Make brokenness a door

You admit your need. You don’t pretend all is well. You declare bankruptcy and throw yourself on God’s mercy.  

Habit #2 Trust Jesus

You take Jesus’ hand and follow. You still have a lot of questions. You might be suffering. You may feel angry. It’s okay. You feel Christ’s presence. Slowly, you learn to trust.

Habit #3 Hope in God

Where is Jesus taking you? In a word, life. He called it the Kingdom of God. God’s life is bigger than death but you don’t have to wait until you die to enter it. You don’t deny the groaning of this world but you see hope poking through everywhere.

Habit #4 Let God love you

You discover something wonderful: God loves you and is working in all things for your good.  God is making you something wonderful—your true self.

Habit #5 Love everyone

Your experience of God’s love changes the way you think of others. Just as God is redeeming you, God is at work in everything he has made. You feel connected with other people—in fact with every created thing. The entire universe is part of the same great story, being made new by the same love.

Habit #6 Shine

You are being made new! This is not up in the clouds. It is your way of life. You dance to heaven’s tune. You delight in the unique expression of God’s glory that you are. You shine. 

You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. (Matthew 5:14)

Our world is pretty good at convincing us there is nothing special about us. You may feel about as exciting as oatmeal. Here are seven ways to overcome that lie and to allow God to shine through you.  

7 Ways to Polish Your Shine

1. Embrace your purpose.

My favorite thing in the whole wide world is to put on my backpack and head into the wilderness for a week of solitude. The further I wander from the trail, the better I like it. It’s like getting in on a secret. I see alpine lakes that few eyes ever have. I soak up shooting stars and fiery red sunsets. I admire wildflowers. I have a free ticket to the greatest show on earth and have the whole theater to myself.

But what kind of a lunatic would put on such a show, knowing that most of it will go unseen. Would I devoted my life to a work of art and not tell anyone about it? Why the wasted glory?

It is not a waste. We think the world that exists solely for our enjoyment and that the human audience is the only audience that matters. We forget ourselves. Our world was made by the love of God for the joy of God. The fact that human beings can share this joy is a great gift. It does not make our appreciation essential in order for a thing to have value. 

What about you? Does anyone take delight in you? Does anyone even see you? If no one notices you, do you exist? Yes. Emphatically, yes. 

You exist as an expression of God’s glory, made by the love of God for the joy of God. Even if every other human being ignores you, God doesn’t. When you express yourself as unfiltered you, you feel God’s pleasure in you. Like the high mountain lake, the wildflower, the mountain peak, you know why you exist. You are an expression of God’s glory. When you feel this, you know the meaning of your life, though you may not be able to put it in words. 

2. Point to sparkly things.

One effortless and satisfying way to shine requires nothing from you at all. You shine when you point at other shiny things. With nature, this is hard not to do this.

Rejected!

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is the best Dr. Seuss movie ever. In the 2000 version with Jim Carey, the Grinch lives in exile and on a snow-covered mountain. Every day he wallows in his hatred for the people of Whoville. How did this situation arise? Rejection. 

The Grinch was different from the other kids so they were cruel to him. He packed his bags and went into exile. The story is about how a little girl named Cindy Lou softened his heart with love and brought him back to Whoville. 

Love boils down to something very simple: acceptance. Love is acceptance. It feels wonderful to be accepted. Hate is rejection. It is the deepest pain we can feel.

Looking back, I see that most of my life has been spent in search of acceptance. It’s why it was so important to be good at basketball. The day the coach benched me wasn’t just the end of my basketball career. It was my expulsion from Whoville. I turned to music and found acceptance as a french horn player instead. If that hadn’t worked I would have tried something else. I might have wound up behind the school with the stoners. One way or another, I had to find acceptance. 

Acceptance is why falling in love is so intoxicating. We are loved by an angel! Falling into the arms of God couldn’t be better. It’s also why breaking up is so devastating. Our language reveals our pain. We got “dumped.” We feel like garbage. 

We’ll do anything to be accepted. It’s why Facebook “likes” mean so much to us. It’s why public speaking is one our greatest fears. If you stand up in front of a crowd and say the wrong thing, they might reject you. The thought of all that rejection is more terrifying than falling off a cliff.

Religious communities, which are always talking about love, can be the worst. When you get rejected by a religious community you aren’t just cut off from human relationships. You are expelled from the love of God too.

If you feel like a reject, it might encourage you to know that you are in good company. Jesus was “despised and rejected by men” (Isaiah 53:3). God has a special place in his heart for rejects. The problem is that most of us do not feel we have a place in God’s heart. We think we have to earn God’s acceptance just everyone else’s.

Rejected People Reject People

When we are rejected we reject back. It’s as natural as swatting a mosquito. Our world is filled with rejection. God can break the cycles of rejection but only if we believe in a God of acceptance. Sadly, this is not the God most of us have been told about. The story goes something like this:

God created a perfect world in which we were accepted and loved. We got things off track by rejecting God. God’s reaction was to strike back by cursing us and casting us into hell. The good news is that there is a way to be accepted again. We can transfer God’s rejection from ourselves to Jesus. This isn’t much of a story. Its God isn’t very loving, even by human standards. 

I have three kids. Let’s say they each do something awful. I love them but I am a stickler for justice. I resolve my internal conflict by locking child #1 and child #2 in a torture chamber. This satisfies my need for justice. I express my love for child #3 by torturing and killing my wife, venting my wrath on her. When my anger has run its course, I am cooled down enough to love my remaining child.  

This is not glorious. This is horrific. It gets even worse. Imagine that I defended myself by pointing out that as their father I have the right to do whatever I please with my kids. Then, when you protested, I justified myself by saying you just don’t understand. My ways are higher than yours.

This is the story that sent me on a quest for a new religion. I eventually wound up back at the feet of Jesus, but with a very different understanding of God.

Rejected!

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is the best Dr. Seuss movie ever. In the 2000 version with Jim Carey, the Grinch lives in exile and on a snow-covered mountain. Every day he wallows in his hatred for the people of Whoville. How did this situation arise? Rejection. 

The Grinch was different from the other kids so they were cruel to him. He packed his bags and went into exile. The story is about how a little girl named Cindy Lou softened his heart with love and brought him back to Whoville. 

Love boils down to something very simple: acceptance. Love is acceptance. It feels wonderful to be accepted. Hate is rejection. It is the deepest pain we can feel.

Looking back, I see that most of my life has been spent in search of acceptance. It’s why it was so important to be good at basketball. The day the coach benched me wasn’t just the end of my basketball career. It was my expulsion from Whoville. I turned to music and found acceptance as a french horn player instead. If that hadn’t worked I would have tried something else. I might have wound up behind the school with the stoners. One way or another, I had to find acceptance. 

Acceptance is why falling in love is so intoxicating. We are loved by an angel! Falling into the arms of God couldn’t be better. It’s also why breaking up is so devastating. Our language reveals our pain. We got “dumped.” We feel like garbage. 

We’ll do anything to be accepted. It’s why Facebook “likes” mean so much to us. It’s why public speaking is one our greatest fears. If you stand up in front of a crowd and say the wrong thing, they might reject you. The thought of all that rejection is more terrifying than falling off a cliff.

Religious communities, which are always talking about love, can be the worst. When you get rejected by a religious community you aren’t just cut off from human relationships. You are expelled from the love of God too.

If you feel like a reject, it might encourage you to know that you are in good company. Jesus was “despised and rejected by men” (Isaiah 53:3). God has a special place in his heart for rejects. The problem is that most of us do not feel we have a place in God’s heart. We think we have to earn God’s acceptance just everyone else’s.

Rejected People Reject People

When we are rejected we reject back. It’s as natural as swatting a mosquito. Our world is filled with rejection. God can break the cycles of rejection but only if we believe in a God of acceptance. Sadly, this is not the God most of us have been told about. The story goes something like this:

God created a perfect world in which we were accepted and loved. We got things off track by rejecting God. God’s reaction was to strike back by cursing us and casting us into hell. The good news is that there is a way to be accepted again. We can transfer God’s rejection from ourselves to Jesus. This isn’t much of a story. Its God isn’t very loving, even by human standards. 

I have three kids. Let’s say they each do something awful. I love them but I am a stickler for justice. I resolve my internal conflict by locking child #1 and child #2 in a torture chamber. This satisfies my need for justice. I express my love for child #3 by torturing and killing my wife, venting my wrath on her. When my anger has run its course, I am cooled down enough to love my remaining child.  

This is not glorious. This is horrific. It gets even worse. Imagine that I defended myself by pointing out that as their father I have the right to do whatever I please with my kids. Then, when you protested, I justified myself by saying you just don’t understand. My ways are higher than yours.

This is the story that sent me on a quest for a new religion. I eventually wound up back at the feet of Jesus, but with a very different understanding of God.