This week's episode is about one of Tracey & Cayly's favorite topics:  Sex. Specifically, they're talking about why it's so common for the spark to go out in long-term relationships and offering advice on what to do to rekindle it when it does. They also talk about the importance of cultivating your own sexual energy and why scheduling sex doesn't make it any less sexy.

Other topics include:

- Balancing safety/security and sexy/lusty-ness in a relationship

- Making sex a priority

- Why it's important to continue nurturing yourself as a sexual being

- Why novelty and spontaneity are essential to long term relationships

- How we lose the spark in relationships and why it's common and normal for this to happen

- The importance of talking about sex outside the bedroom

- Why masturbation is important as a form of self-care

- Talking about fantasies with your partner

- How judgment gets in the way in the bedroom

- Reframing the role sex is playing in your life in a long term relationship

- And more!

Tracey and Cayly hope you love this episode as much as they loved recording it! As always, reviews and 5-star ratings are greatly appreciated. Please head over to iTunes (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/curious-and-curiouser-podcast/id1229955279) to leave one today if you haven't yet. It only takes a few minutes and does a lot to help us reach a wider audience with the show!

Resources:

She Bop (https://www.sheboptheshop.com/)

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1476762090?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1476762090)

Ev'Yan Whitney (https://www.instagram.com/evyan.whitney/) (https://sexloveliberation.com/)

John Gottman and Gottman Institute (https://www.gottman.com/)

Esther Perel (https://www.estherperel.com/) and Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060753641?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0060753641)

Maegan Megginson (ccstpdx.com)

Piquing Our Curiosity:

Select CBD (https://selectcbd.com/), Cayly's favorite CBD tincture. She recommends the Lavender tincture and uses it regularly for both anxiety and sleep. Find it here (https://selectcbd.com/collections/cbd-drops/products/lavender-cbd-drops-1000mg).

Tracey and Cayly actually had a different topic planned for this week's episode. But when they sat down to record, they were both feeling a little heavy and sad. And then they started reflecting on the past year and celebrating how far they've both come. Which led to this conversation, in which Tracey and Cayly discuss all the advice they would give their younger selves if given the opportunity to do so.

This includes advice about sex, dating, relationships, body image, risk-tasking, and a variety of other things. They hope you find this episode entertaining, humorous, and even a little insightful.

(Show notes will be updated with more resources in the next couple of days. Please check back for links! Thank you for your patience!)

Piquing Our Curiosity:

Buddha's Brain:  The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom by Rick Hanson (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572246952?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1572246952)

Remember, if you have any topics or questions you'd like us to address in a future episode, comment here or email us at our joint email account:  [email protected]. We'd love to hear from you!

Finally, one more request for you to please head over to iTunes and leave us a 5-star rating and/or review if you're enjoying the podcast. Please note that you have to search for Curious & Curiouser in iTunes in order to leave a review — even if you're already subscribed. Thanks so much for the support and for taking this annoying extra step to rate us. We really appreciate it!

On this week's episode, Tracey and Cayly are talking about how to be a good listener and actually hear what someone else is saying instead of just waiting for your turn to talk when in the midst of a challenging conversation or conflict. They talk about leading with empathy, and how doing so does not necessarily mean you agree with what the other person has said.

They also talk about how doing the work on yourself as an individual is essential to being present with and showing up for other people in your life, and provide some resources for beginning this process on your own.

Other topics include:

- Learning to be uncomfortable in discomfort, both alone and with another person

- What it means to be truly present with someone else

- Why we need to practice being quiet

- How insecurity can get in the way of listening

- The role of mirror neurons in communication

- Cultivating a feeling of safety in your own body

- How the 24hr news cycle contributes to our need to speed things up

- The benefits of slowing down when working through conflict

- Tips for getting grounded and connecting with your own body

- And so much more!

As always, please consider leaving the podcast a 5-star review or rating in iTunes if you haven't yet. Tracey and I would really appreciate it! Don't forget, if you'd like to support the podcast by making a donation, you can do so through Paypal here. Thanks, y'all!

Resources:

Runnng on Empty by Jonice Webb (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/161448242X?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=161448242X)

Be the Person You Want to Find by Cheri Huber (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0963625527?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0963625527)

John Gottman and the Gottman Institute (https://www.gottman.com/)

Erin Telford & breathwork (https://erintelford.com/)

Imago Therapy (http://imagorelationships.org/) and Harville Hendrix (https://harvilleandhelen.com/)

Parable about the elephant (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blind_men_and_an_elephant)

Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/031611300X?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=031611300X)

Wired For Love by Stan Tatkin (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608820580?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1608820580)

How To Be An Adult In Relationships by David Richo (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570628122?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1570628122)

Piquing Our Curiosity:

Natracare 100% Cotton tampons, because your vagina deserves better than the gross, toxic chemicals found in conventional feminine hygiene products. (http://www.natracare.com/products/tampons/)

In this week's episode, Tracey & Cayly are talking about how to not let the holidays suck the life out of you by managing expectations around interactions with family and taking responsibility for the role you are playing in perpetuating potentially unpleasant dynamics around this time of year.

Specific topics discussed include:

- Being aware of the energy you are bringing into the situation

- Letting go of the idea that you can change people

- Why you don't have to engage with every person on every topic

- The stories that other people — especially family members — have about us and how they are often not accurate

- Why you don't have to justify yourself or your life to other people

- Releasing the need to control the family narrative

- Recognizing how your energy can best be used

- The role of trauma and healing

- How to not judge your family members for not "doing the work"

- And more!

Resources:

Our original episode about the holidays from last year (http://organicacupunctureportland.com/curious-curiouser-podcast-episode-34-navigate-challenging-family-dynamics-set-clear-boundaries-actually-enjoy-holidays-year/)

Episode 4 (http://organicacupunctureportland.com/curious-curiouser-podcast/ ) Episode 23 (http://organicacupunctureportland.com/curious-curiouser-podcast-episode-23-dating-authenticity-social-decluttering-revisited/), and Episode 38 (http://organicacupunctureportland.com/curious-curiouser-podcast-episode-38-socially-decluttering-family-grey-couch-people-managing-expectations-relationships/ ) about social decluttering

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1626251703?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1626251703)

Don't Be a Jerk on Tracey's website (http://practicalparentingpdx.com/dont-jerk-kids-relationships-will-fine-lets-talk-emotional-maturity/)

Forgive For Good by Fred Luskin (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006251721X?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=006251721X)

Piquing Our Curiosity:

Parking Kitty (https://www.parkingkitty.com/)

Today, Tracey and Cayly are taking on a slightly somber topic, as they discuss what to do in the wake of tragedy, particularly when it unexpectedly strikes someone you love. The question they start with is:  Are you allowed to be joyful when someone you know is grieving?

Specific topics discussed include:

- Why it's okay to compartmentalize grief sometimes

- How grief and joy can coexist

- Why you don't have to (and shouldn't) take on your partner or close friend's emotions

- How feelings are contagious

- How to know what's yours and what's not yours emotionally

- Why we can't fix other people's pain and what to do instead

- How to deal with larger scale tragedies

- Our inherent negativity bias and why we seek to avoid discomfort

- Investment without attachment

- And so much more!

As mentioned in the opening to this episode, there is a GoFundMe for Liz Winters of Sprout Wellness (https://www.gofundme.com/5kuabc-support-the-winters-family) to which Tracey and Cayly would truly appreciate you donating if you have even five dollars to spare. Liz is a repeat guest on the show and her family could really use as much support as possible right now. Thanks for considering!

As always, please consider leaving the podcast a 5-star review or rating in iTunes if you haven't yet. Tracey and I would really appreciate it! Don't forget, if you'd like to support the podcast by making a donation, you can do so through Paypal here. Thanks, y'all!

Resources:

Elizabeth Gilbert Ted Talk (https://www.ted.com/talks/the_ted_interview_elizabeth_gilbert_shows_up_for_everything)

Her post about grief as a full-bodied experience (https://www.facebook.com/GilbertLiz/videos/dear-ones-grief-is-a-full-body-experience-this-is-what-ive-learned-in-the-months/1939571796124926/)

Brene Brown empathy vs sympathy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw)

Inside Out movie (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEk_5aT5Gng)

Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change by Pema Chodron (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1611800765?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1611800765)

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1611803438?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1611803438)

Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0375759913?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0375759913)

I'll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062319787?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0062319787)

Piquing Our Curiosity:

You're Not Crazy, It's Your Mother:  Understandind and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Danu Morrigan (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00EF5L2VW?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=B00EF5L2VW), a book Tracey highly recommends for anyone struggling to make sense of their relationship with their mother.

This week's episode is a juicy one, y'all. Tracey and Cayly are discussing infidelity, betrayal, and jealousy in relationships. They talk about why cheating isn't always a black and white issue, how to recover from infidelity, why jealousy is normal and not something about which to feel ashamed, and how to recognize the signs that betrayal might be on its way.

They also talk about self-betrayal, sex, emotional affairs, and how to find the balance between lust and safety in long-term partnerships.

Tracey and Cayly loved having this conversation and hope you enjoy listening to this episode as much as they enjoyed making it. If so, please consider leaving the show a 5-star rating or review in iTunes. (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/curious-and-curiouser-podcast/id1229955279). And if you'd like to support the podcast by making a donation, you can do so through Paypal here (https://www.paypal.me/curiousandcuriouser). Thanks, y'all!

Resources:

Hold Me Tight (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/031611300X?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=031611300X ) by Sue Johnson (http://www.drsuejohnson.com/)

John Gottman and the Gottman Institute (https://www.gottman.com/)

The State of Affairs:  Rethinking Infidelity (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062322583?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0062322583) by Ester Perel (https://www.estherperel.com/)

Ester Perel Ted Talk on Rethinking Infidelity (https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved?language=en)

Come As You Are (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1476762090?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1476762090) by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.

On this week's episode of the podcast, Tracey and Cayly are talking about Brett Kavanaugh and his confirmation to the Supreme Court, and offering some thoughts on what we can do in the wake of this horrendous decision.

Other things discussed include:

- How to talk to kids (both boys and girls) about this subject

- Why we shouldn't despair

- Why we can't allow ourselves to become apathetic

- How we can affect real change right now and focus on the things we can control

- Why it is essential that we vote and that we educated ourselves about candidates instead of blindly voting along party lines

- The difference between healthy anger vs narcissistic rage

- And so much more

Tracey and Cayly hope this conversation provides some useful insights and possibly even solace to those of you reeling in the aftermath of the Kavanaugh hearings and his eventual confirmation to the Supreme Court.

As always, please consider leaving the podcast a 5-star review or rating in iTunes if you haven't yet. Tracey and Cayly would really appreciate it!

Related resources:

Don't despair about the Supreme Court by Howard Zinn (https://progressive.org/op-eds/howard-zinn-despair-supreme-court/)

Why I'm Leaving the Republican Party by Tom Nichols (https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2018/10/tom-nichols-why-im-leaving-republican-party/572419/)

Joseph Kosper for Congress (https://kopserforcongress.com/)

Hope in the Dark by Rebecca Solnit (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1608465764?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1608465764)

Piquing Our Curiosity:

KP elements (https://kpelements.com/), products designed for the treatment of Keratosis Pilaris and which Tracey uses herself and highly recommends.

Is there an upside to stress? Is stress essential? These are the questions Tracey and Cayly are tackling today. They talk about the importance of discomfort and why we shouldn't rescue our children from it,why stress is essential for building resilience, and why the way we talk about stress changes how it affects us physiologically.

Cayly also talks about her experience having frequent panic attacks while in grad school, and describes her approach to overcoming this obstacle. And Tracey offers advice on how to help kids deal with anxiety in a way that fosters confidence and self-assuredness.

They also explore how context matters, and discuss the idea that something can both contribute to and provide relief from stress depending upon the circumstances.

As always, enjoy this episode and please consider leaving us a 5-star rating or review in iTunes if you're finding these conversations beneficial. Tracey and I would really appreciate it! Don't forget, if you'd like to support the podcast by making a donation, you can do so through Paypal. Thanks, y'all!

The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1101982934?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1101982934)

Kelly McGonigal Ted Talk:  Make Stress Your Friend (https://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend?language=en)

Teens are Protesting In-Class Presentations in the Atlantic (https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2018/09/teens-think-they-shouldnt-have-to-speak-in-front-of-the-class/570061/)

How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1250093635?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1250093635)

Episode 68 on financial literacy for women (http://organicacupunctureportland.com/curious-curiouser-podcast-episode-68-money-shame-why-financial-literacy-is-essential-for-women/)

Episode 12 on the stories we tell ourselves (http://organicacupunctureportland.com/curious-and-curiouser-the-stories-we-tell-ourselves/)

Piquing Our Curiosity:

DevaCurl Wave Maker (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01JM6NQVM?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=B01JM6NQVM&th=1), Tracey's favorite product for curly/wavy hair.

This week's question is:  Is it reasonable to ask someone to care about certain things as much as you do?

In this conversation, Tracey and Cayly are talking about emotional labor in relationships and how to approach this topic in a partnership when it feels like one person is carrying more of the load.

Enjoy this episode and, as always, please consider leaving a review or 5-star rating in iTunes if you're a fan of a show. Tracey and I would really appreciate it!

And, finally, if you'd like to support the podcast by making a donation, you can do so through Paypal here. Tracey and I sincerely appreciate it.

Other topics discussed include:

- Why it's essential to ask for what we need and why having to ask doesn't mean our partner doesn't love us

- How women are conditioned not to rock the boat and why it is essential that they risk doing so

- The importance of showing gratitude when your partner is doing more of the emotional labor

- How defensiveness derails communication

- Negotiating household tasks before living together getting married

- Modeling gender equality in a relationship for your kids

- Why relationships require conflict to flourish

- How avoiding confrontation or trying to keep the peace actually makes relationships more fragile

- And so much more!

Relevant resources:

Women Aren't Nags — We're Just Fed Up in Harper's Bazaar (https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/)

Be the Person You Want to Find by Cheri Huber (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0963625527?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0963625527)

John Gottman and the Gottman Institute (https://www.gottman.com/)

How to Be an Adult in Relationships (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570628122?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1570628122)

Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/031611300X?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=031611300X)

Harville Hendrix (https://harvilleandhelen.com/) and Imago Therapy (http://imagorelationships.org/)

Improv(e) Your Conversations by Patrick King (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01604IB3M?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=B01604IB3M)

Piquing Our Curiosity:

Health-ade Kombucha (https://health-ade.com/) & Lion Heart Kombucha (http://www.lionheartkombucha.com/), two of my favorite kombucha brands, recently discovered during Cayly's hiatus from drinking alcohol. 90+ days and going! :)

This week's episode is all about closure. Why do we seek it? How can we get it? Do others owe us closure when a relationship ends? Can we get closure on our own or does it require participation from another person?

Join Tracey and Cayly as they tackle these questions, talk about how they've found closure in their own lives, and offer advice on how to find closure on your own when the person with whom you have ended a relationship isn't available to assist in that process.

Enjoy this episode and, as always, please consider leaving a review or 5-star rating in iTunes if you're a fan of a show. Tracey and Cayly would really appreciate it!

Resources related to this episode:

Forgive For Good by Frederic Luskin (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006251721X?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=006251721X)

Be the Person You Want to Find by Cheri Huber (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0963625527?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0963625527)

The Wisdom of a Broken Heart by Susan Piver (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1416593160?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=1416593160)

Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0375759913?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0375759913)

Piquing Our Curiosity:

Homemade Paleo Olive Oil Mayo (http://meljoulwan.com/2010/06/03/the-secret-to-homemade-mayo-patience/) from the Well Fed cookbook by Melissa Joulwan. Check her out here (https://shop.meljoulwan.com/pages/about) or purchase the cookbook on Amazon (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/061557226X?ie=UTF8&tag=caylymarisa-20&camp=1789&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=061557226X).