Curious Fox

Why is understanding our uniqueness important to having great sex? What is the dual control model in the context of sexuality and how does it affect our desire? What steps can we take to develop a healthy relationship with sex and sexuality after experiencing trauma or sex negative conditioning?

In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline have a rich conversation with Dr. Emily Nagoski about how the societal scripts we are handed according to our sex-at-birth impact our sexual expression and how these scripts are endorsed through many channels throughout our lives. Emily explains how there are accelerators and brakes that calibrate our desire and talks about her upcoming book about the three characteristics of the couples who sustained strong sexual connection.

Recommended books that you have to check out:
Come As You Are
Burnout
The Come As You Are Workbook
The Body Keeps the Score
Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers

To learn more about Emily Nagoski, PH.D (she/her/they)
Emily Nagoski is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling Come As You Are and The Come As You Are Workbook, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist.

 IG: @enagoski
TikTok: @emilynagoski
Website: emilynagoski.com
Emily’s Newsletter
Come As You Are Podcast

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What is Big Dick Energy (BDE)? What is the difference between having a big dick, being a big dick, and having big dick energy? Can BDE change the way we think of our lives and societies?

In this final episode of the year, Effy and Jacqueline talk about the concept of Big Dick Energy, what it means to embody it, and its potential to disrupt the patriarchy. They parse apart strap-on usage and penis envy to extract their foxy new year wishes. They round off the year with a frustration-fueled Soap Box session.

Happy holidays to all!

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Curious Fox @wearecuriousfoxes
Effy Blue @coacheffyblue
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What is sex therapy and how is it different from other forms of therapy? What are some common concerns explored through sex therapy? What should you expect from a sex therapist and sessions alone or with partner(s)?

In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline chat with nationally recognized sex therapist and the author of She Comes First and So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex, Dr. Ian Kerner. They discuss the advantages of sex therapy for those who are looking to address struggles around erotic intimacy and sexuality, solo or with partners. Ian shares his practical and solutions-focused approach, which takes a closer look at people’s sexual scripts by analyzing the last time they had sex.

To learn more about Ian Kerner
Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sex therapist who works with individuals and couples on a range of relational issues that often lead to distress. He lectures frequently on topics related to sex and relationships, with recent presentations for the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium, the Ackerman Institute, Tony Robbins, The Society for Sex Therapy and Research and TED 2021. Ian is the New York Times best-selling author of She Comes First (Harper Collins) which has been translated into more than a dozen languages and more recently So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex. He is the co-founder and co-director of the Sex Therapy program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychology. He lives with his family in New York City.

Website: iankerner.com
Resource: aasect.org

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How does jealousy show up in non-monogamous relationships? What are some key factors that might challenge and even change our attitude towards jealousy? How can we embrace, process and learn from our jealousy?

In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline are joined by Dr. Joli Hamilton to talk about her research on jealousy specifically with non-monogamous relationships in mind. Dr. Hamilton sums up her research with a quote from Maya Angelou, “Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening.”

To learn more about Dr. Joli Hamilton
Dr. Joli Hamilton is the relationship coach for couples who color outside the lines. She is a research psychologist, TEDx speaker, best-selling author, and AASECT (pronounced ay-sect) certified sex educator. Joli also co-hosts the Playing with Fire podcast with her anchor partner, Ken. Joli’s been featured in The New York Times, Vogue, NPR, and The Atlantic. 

She’s spent the past two decades studying and reimagining what love can be if we open our imaginations to possibility. Joli helps people create non-monogamous partnerships that are custom-built for their authentic selves, no more shrinking, pretending, or hiding required

Instagram: @drjoli_hamilton
TikTok: @drjoli_hamilton
YouTube: @drjoli_hamilton
LinkedIn: joli-hamilton-phd

Want the 5-step jealousy framework from Joli's research? Grab your e-book here: http://www.ListenToJoli.com
www.JoliQuiz.com is a great way to check in with how ready you are to explore opening up a previously closed relationship 

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What is compersion? What are the factors that promote compersion and the factors that hinder it? Does it have a place outside of non-monogamy.

In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline chat with Dr. Marie Thouin about her research on compersion. Dr. Thouin shares the factors that promote or get in the way of nurturing compersion. Effy and Jacqueline reflect on their personal journeys with compersion, and share the highs and lows of trying to embody this most elusive feeling.

Free Session for Curious Fox Listeners: If you are interested in learning more about Marie's work, you can get a free 30-minute exploratory session by visiting bit.ly/curiousaboutcompersion

To learn more about Marie
Dr. Marie Thouin is the founder of Love InSight, a Mindful Dating & Relationship Coaching practice where she helps people of all backgrounds and relationship styles create vibrant & intentional love lives. She is also a leading scholar and researcher on the topic of compersion in consensually non-monogamous relationships. She shares her research on her website, www.whatiscompersion.com.

https://www.instagram.com/love_insight_dating/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/marie-thouin/
www.whatiscompersion.com
www.loveinsight-dating.com

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Connect with us on IG and more:
Curious Fox @wearecuriousfoxes
Effy Blue @coacheffyblue
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What does research say about the orgasm gap between men and women? Why do women report a significant drop in sexual pleasure when men enter the equation? Why is it important for us to have orgasm equality and what can we do collectively to close the gap?   

In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline sit down with Grace Wetzel to explore how our gendered experiences shape our sexual experiences. They look at research, which indicates that bi and straight women have the least amount of orgasms, compared to straight men, bi men, and lesbians. And they discuss why this disparity has more to do with desire than biology. 

To learn more about Grace
Grace Wetzel is a doctoral student in the Social Psychology program at Rutgers University. She works in the Close Relationships, Identity, and Stigma (CRIS) Lab under the advisement of Dr. Diana Sanchez. She received her undergraduate degree in Psychology from St. Lawrence University. Grace studies the impact of gender on sexuality from a feminist psychological perspective. Specifically, she studies the orgasm gap between cisgender men and women. Her main lines of research focus on how biological essentialist explanations are used to justify and perpetuate the orgasm gap, as well as women's decisions to pursue or not pursue orgasm as a goal in their sexual encounters. Grace is a recipient of the National Science Foundation's Graduate Research Fellowship for her work on this topic. 

Grace has dedicated her professional life to the pursuit of sexual and gender equity within and outside of academic research. Notably, she has a TEDx talk on the sexual pleasure disparity which has garnered over six million views online. She has continued to advocate for sexual equity by giving academic guest lectures, speaking at events, appearing on podcasts, and writing for newspaper outlets.

Instagram: @orgasm_equality_
Twitter: @grace__wetzel
Research publication: Orgasm Frequency Predicts Desire and Expectation for Orgasm: Assessing the Orgasm Gap within Mixed‑Sex Couples
Website: www.gracewetzel.com
If you would like to read the articles and research papers that informed Grace’s work, check out our website.

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Connect with us on IG and more:
Curious Fox @wearecuriousfoxes
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Why does the overturning of Roe v Wade impact same-sex marriage in the U.S.? What can same-sex couples, non-married couples, polyamorous families, triads/quads, and platonic co-parents do to protect their rights? What can we do, on a system-wide level, to protect and expand the rights of all non-nuclear families and non-traditional relationship constructs? 

In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline speak with LGBTQ rights lawyer and advocate, Diana Adams, about the very real concerns non-traditional individuals and families should have about their rights within the United States. They discuss strategies that individuals, families, and communities can take to protect their rights outside of the marriage construct and explore how we arrived here, as a nation, and what we can do to create a different and more inclusive future.

To learn more about Diana
Diana Adams, Esq. founded both the Chosen Family Law Center, Inc. non-profit legal services organization and their own boutique LGBTQ family law and mediation firm Diana Adams Law & Mediation, PLLC, both based in New York City.  Both organizations serve primarily same-sex couples and non-nuclear families. Diana is passionately dedicated to helping form healthy, stable families, whether between same-sex couples, platonic co-parents, polyamorous families, or different-sex couples, by facilitating conversations that support the creation of clear personal agreements, as well as solid legal agreements to protect their families. Diana is a leader in the legal support of LGBTQ families and proud to be one of the New York State representatives for the selective national organization of leaders on LGBTQ family law, the LBGT Family Law Institute of The National LGBT Bar Association.

IG: @DianaAdamsEsq
Facebook: @DianaAdamsEsq
Twitter: @DianaAdamsEsq
IG: @ChosenFamilyLawCenter
Facebook: @ChosenFamilyLawCenter
Twitter: @ChosenFamilyLaw

www.ChosenFamilyLawCenter.org
www.DianaAdamsLaw.net

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Connect with us on IG and more:
Curious Fox @wearecuriousfoxes
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What is the distinction between talking with children about their bodies, about sexuality, and about sex? And why is it important to talk about each? What are some barriers for adults to have these conversations with the children in their lives? How can we ensure that our conversations about sex are age appropriate…and what does “age appropriate” mean anyway?

In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline chat with children’s non-fiction author Cory Silverberg about having expansive conversations with children about sex and sexuality, including consent, body autonomy, pleasure, relationships, and identity - all grounded in the child’s experience. They discuss the building blocks that support honest dialogue between children and trusted adults, as well as some of the barriers and pitfalls adults can come across when talking to the kids in their lives.

More about Cory
Raised in the 1970s by a children’s librarian and a sex therapist, Cory grew up to be a sex educator, author, and queer person who smiles a lot when they talk.

Cory spends a lot of time reading, writing, and talking about sex and gender and are happiest working with others. Cory was a founding member of the Come As You Are Co-operative and worked as a researcher and television consultant for over 10 years. Cory is a core team member of ANTE UP!, a virtual professional freedom school founded by Bianca I Laureano. They also spend a lot of time helping other people make books.

Cory is the co-author of four books including What Makes a Baby, the ALA Stonewall Honor Book Sex Is a Funny Word, and the forthcoming You Know, Sex, all with Fiona Smyth. Cory has been featured on NPR’s Fresh Air, and their books have been called “the books about sex that every family should read” by the New York Times.  Cory's life is full of kids. All of them know where babies come from. Some know more. Learn more about Cory at www.corysilverberg.com.

IG: @corysilverberg
Twitter: @corysilverberg
FB: https://www.facebook.com/whatmakesababy
Website: www.corysilverberg.com
Profile in the New York Times Magazine: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/28/magazine/sex-ed-books-teens-parents.html
ANTE UP! Professional Development School: https://www.anteuppd.com/

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What happens to a relationship after there is betrayal? Is it possible to rebuild after trust is destroyed? Can infidelity exist within a non-monogamous relationship? 

In this revisited episode, Effy and Jacqueline take a deeper dive into Jacqueline's story of surviving what felt like an earthquake when she discovered some shocking information about her wife.

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Curious Fox @wearecuriousfoxes
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Are outbursts, a chronic lack of trust, and an unpredictable fluctuation between avoidant and anxious behavior a sign of disorganized attachment? What is disorganized attachment? How does it affect relationships? Why don’t we hear more about this attachment style? Can we move from disorganized attachment to secure attachment?

In this episode, Effy and Jacqueline sit down with Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist - and self proclaimed attachment nerd - Julie Menanno, to explore the least mentioned and most elusive attachment style: disorganized AKA fearful avoidant. Drawing from personal experience, they unpack developmental traumas that result in disorganized attachment and discuss strategies for healing and moving towards a more secure connection. 

More about Julie
Julie Menanno MA is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach. She currently has a clinical therapy practice treating couples in Bozeman, Montana, as well as a relationship coaching practice with a staff of coaches who serve clients all over the globe. Julie is trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples and specializes in working with attachment issues within relationships.

While Julie’s first passion is treating couples, she also provides invaluable relationship insights and advice to nearly 1 million followers on Instagram. She is currently working with Simon and Schuster on a book, Secure Love. In addition to her work as an author and social media creator, Julie hosts a bi-weekly Patreon discussion group on a variety of relationship and self-help topics. She is a public speaker and a regular guest on podcasts. 

In her spare time Julie enjoys hiking, skiing, Pilates, reading about psychology, and studying Italian.

IG: @thesecurerelationship
thesecurerelationship.com

Resources:
traumahealing.org
Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT)
“The book you wish your parent had read” - Philippa Perry
“I Hate You, Don't Leave Me” - Hal Straus and Jerold Jay Kreisman

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Connect with us on IG and more:
Curious Fox @wearecuriousfoxes
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