In a few days it's going o be 2018. So we put together his list of new year's resolutions for dads. In the new year, these are ways we can improve our parenting and roles as fathers: Be more affectionate towards the kids - At least a hug and kiss every day Listen more, talk less - They don't need answers on everything Read with my kids at night - Whether you read or they read doesn't matter Spend more one on one time - If you have more than one child, make an effort to do something just one on one Have more meals together as a family Reduce or eliminate yelling Listen to Dudes To Dads Podcast every week Watch Dad University videos on YouTube (or Facebook) every week) Provide more positive re-enforcement - catch them being good and say it Love the child you have not the one you want Get outside more - go hiking, camping, enjoy nature and teach them about nature. Get fresh air Practice gratitude more - It will make you happier Plan more - It is proven we are happier when we have something to look forward to. Plan more events, trips, outings, or just together time. Make the house healthier - less sugar, drink more water, healthier choices for food, exercise Get more sleep - Everyone in the house can benefit from more sleep Allow mistakes - both for you and your kids Set a great example for my kids Setting a good example is the most important one to remember. You can't expect changes in your child unless you make changes.

I was talking to another parent that was explaining the different amounts of money their child gets depending on their grades.  $20 for this, $10 for this, etc. Have you ever been rewarded for your grades?  either money or a gift? Parents will often use reward charts to shape behavior.  To me it's like a rat with cheese.  What happens if there is no cheese?  The rat ain't going in that direction. This is the same problem with reward charts.  Have you ever seen sticker charts and you get a star if you do this?  A sticker if you do that? You totally are removing the intrinsic value of accomplishing something.  The child does not learn the true value of the accomplishment.  Whether that is completing a task, reaching a goal, helping someone, or whatever.  These are all things that happen inside.  Reward is external. With grade, the reward is the grade, not anything else.  You got the A.  That is your reward. There has been numerous studies where children were provided money for results.  There were no significant changes in performance. Money does not buy long term success.  It is a short term solution. Here are a couple of ways we can help kids with grades: Focus on effort not grade - Highlight the hard work rather than grade itself Limit screen time - must get work done before playing Encourage reading - find topics they enjoy Help but don't do - you are there for support but not doing work for them Let them fail - Missing homework, assignments, etc. Positive re-inforcement - Doing homework, reading So please parents, do not pay your kids for doing well in school.  Their reward is doing well in school.  What about that child who simply isn't as smart as the others?  For them , getting a C does take effort.  Do we reward the effort?  That was a trick question, we don't reward the effort.

While my wife and I would joke about keeping our kids in a large bubble, the reality is that we need to teach them resiliency to not be greatly effected by life's ups and downs. From bullying to stress, building resiliency can help kids navigate through life just a little easier. Facing tough situations. Tragedy, trauma, or adversity. It doesn't mean always leaving them alone to fend for themselves. Loving relationships and support are important in children building resiliency. But there are definitely things we can do as parents to help them build that resiliency muscle. Schools are starting to teach these skills as well. Helping kids understand how to manage stress and providing life skills that will help them. Here are some ways to build resiliency Let them make mistakes - Natural consequences. This can be not finishing homework to missing basketball practice. Let them problem solve - Ask questions instead of providing answers Don't always accommodate - Our intention is good but the end result is a child that can't sleep on their own, looks down when they talk to you, or fearful of situations. Allow risk - Eliminating all risk keeps them from developing resiliency Teach them emotional intelligence - being aware and understand emotions helps with coping mechanisms Practice Mindfulnness - Meditation is a great ways to strengthen the mind. It can teach calming mechanisms and reduce stress. Exercise - Physically resiliency. Making you strong and powerful. Watching a group of young kids playing a sports, you can easily see who is more resilient than the others. Introduce them to new experiences - get them outside their comfort zone. Be sure they have responsibilities at home - cleaning, washing, food, etc. Connect with Characters - From books to movies, there are examples of people who faced with adversity and shows how they handle it. We cannot control others but we can control ourselves. for example, a bully. While you can't control what someone else says or does, you can control your response to it. It is ultimately a choice on how we let things effect us. Resiliency gives us more options.

Today we are talking about one of the most important skills a person can have: listening. Being a good listener can help you professionally as well as personally. It can improve the relationship with your spouse and help create a good relationship with your children. However, research suggests that we remember only 25-50 percent of what we hear. So the reality is that most people are not good listeners. As men, I can probably say in general we are not as good listeners as women. Here are 11 tips: 1. Avoid interruptions - Don't conversation hijak telling them that you understand prematurely. Allow the person to finish their thought. Slow down 2. Stop Thinking about your response. focus on the other person. It's not about you. 3. Ask questions - come from a place of curiosity not judgement 4. Clarify their statement - it's ok to repeat what they say or to confirm what they are saying to ensure you understand 5. Looks at the person directly in their eyes or at least close to them. Face them. 6. Focus on one thing at a time - If the person begins to cover too many topics, feel free to make sure you understand one point before going to the next. 7. Be empathetic - Do not problem solve - Say something like "That must really be difficult. or I'm sorry you are feeling that way. Try to put yourself in their shoes. 8. Look at non-verbal cues - Pay attention to their body language, facial expressions, tone of voice. 9. Be open minded - You don't have to agree or be right. When someone feels they are being listened to, it becomes really powerful. 10. Repeat their words in your head - If you have trouble, try repeating the words they are saying in your mind. 11. Summarize - Bring everything they are saying together to make sure you understand it Being a good listener is something we can all work on. As a father, we really want our kids to listen to us. A great way to do this is to show them that you are really listening to them.

We all want our kids to be happy. Parents often think that by giving their child stuff or having an abundance of freedom, they are making them happy. Unfortunately this is very short lived stimuli. What we need to be doing is teaching them to be capable and to feel good about themselves for who and what they are, not what they have. So how do we do this? Well let's identify what overindulging means. In the old days, we called this being spoiled. Of course this is purely my opinion (and I can't even speak for Alan). I'll provide you what I think is overindulging. I'm certainly not saying I'm innocent or have never done any of these things: Unlimited screen time (hours and hours of games or television) Doing your kids responsibilities for them (cleaning, dishes, trash, etc.) Buying a 16 year old a brand new expensive car Buying too many toys Having rules but not enforcing them Allowing young children to dress much older Routinely giving money to children or teens so they can spend it/have fun Routinely buying expensive and trendy clothes for them Allowing younger children to watch mature content (language, violence, nudity) Carrying your 4 year old, tying a 6 year old's shoes, or carrying their backpack if they are in school Children eating excess junk food or candy So what happens if you overindulge your child? What are the consequences? It can make the children ungrateful They are less able to delay gratification - they need it now! Leads to materialism - putting tremendous value on thing If its junk food/candy - can lead to unhealthy eating habits, obesity Spoiled brat / attitude problems So how do we avoid overindulging our kids? Create rules and expect your child will follow them. Enforce the rules Make sure your child is a contributing member of the family. They should have age appropriate responsibilities and be held accountable Be ok with saying no - See episode 66 on tips on how to say no Provide them guidance, love, and support rather than material things If they want something, have them set a goal and create a means to achieve it. Teach them the difference between needing something and wanting something.