When I was a first time dad, I really wanted to enjoy our new baby.  and I did....But if I’m honest, there were those moments where if I was to go back and do it again, I may have done things a little differently.  I could have used some first time dad advice.  Now I have a 9 and 11 year old, so my perspective is a little different now.  I probably would have enjoyed the baby a little more.  In this episode, I’m going over some first time dad advice for you to enjoy your new baby.  

A myth is defined as a widely held but false belief or idea.  When it comes to fatherhood there are definitely beliefs and ideas that we hear about and just aren’t sure whether they are true or not.  Some of the myths are around because at some point in history, they could have been true. I will also say that depending on where you live and/or the culture you are a part of, that could be another reason you hear these myths.  Well, what I would like to do in this episode is to talk about these fatherhood myths.  You can then decide whether they are real or not. 

Pregnancy is a unique experience.  It’s all new.  It’s scary and exciting all wrapped into one.  But let's be honest, we have it much easier than our wives.  Our wives have to go through the physical changes, the hormones, and the actual process of labor. But as a soon to be dad, we want to help.  In fact it’s a question I get a lot.  How can I help my pregnant wife?  So in this episode, we are going to give you some suggestions on how you can help her during the pregnancy.  

In episode 256 of the Dad University Podcast, we discuss things that can help you feel less overwhelmed. When becoming a new dad, there is so much transition and so many new problems coming up that you may not have dealt with in the past. To help you feel less stressed and less overwhelmed listen to these great tips Jason has to offer.

I’ve been asked this quite a few times, in fact, I just went on YouTube live the other day and this question came up and I got it again through Facebook yesterday. , How do I deal with an overbearing mother in law. I’m going to provide some specific tips but I want to first cover some general advice.  This doesn’t matter whether it’s your mother in law, father-in-law, your wife’s sister or her brother....this applies to anyone on your wife’s side of the family. If there is a problem, it is not for you to get involved.  This was actually advice I received from my mother many years ago.  She had dealt with some issues on my father’s side and made it clear that going over family lines was a no-no. If something bad was to happen, there is the possibility of no return. You see, this isn’t your blood family.  Unconditional love isn’t a requirement.   Let’s say you have an argument with your wife’s sister.  You may not ever recover.  You need to stay out of crossing that family line. You discuss the issue with your wife and your wife needs to handle it.  She is the one that needs to talk with her mother about whatever the issues are.  If she is unable or unwilling, then the issue is between you and your wife. If something happens with your parents, you are the one that needs to handle it.  Your wife should not be getting in arguments with your parents.  It works both ways. Have that talk with your wife and be clear about your family too.  You will deal with your family and she will deal with hers. Ok, now that we know you aren’t to get involved with your wife’s side of the family, let’s get to some tips on how to deal with an overbearing mother in law.   When you have a child, you sometimes get a little more sensitive to people’s suggestions or advice or their parenting style. My mom used to say “what happens at grandma's house, stays at grandma's house." She had given the kids candy and was upset about it.  She explained it to me this way.  Jason, if my grandkids remember my house and being with me as fun because they got candy, I think that’s ok.  After my mom passed away I realized how valuable that was. Whether it’s our in-laws or our own parents, they may do things a little different than we choose to do. Anyways, here are some things to keep in mind: 1) It’s a package deal – You probably knew what you signed up for when you said: “I do”.  Parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, they all come with the package when you marry.  Especially if your wife is close with her family, then you have to keep in mind that it is a package deal.  That will help you keep perspective. 2) Be nice – Yes I’m saying to smile and be nice.  You don’t have to get along perfectly with your mother in law and you don’t need to fake a relationship if it’s not there, but you still should nice and respectful.  Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and smile. 3) Set boundaries – Well, your wife needs to set the boundaries. Discuss the boundaries you want to set with your wife and once you both agree, she needs to communicate them to her mom.  Does she need to call before she comes over?  Does the baby need to go to sleep at a certain time?  Be clear what your wishes and instructions are.  Don’t expect they will all be followed or respected but she can certainly try. 4) Don’t take it personally – She may be an unhappy woman or just very opinionated.  Don’t let what she says affect you.  She could be critical of your parenting, or how you do things.  Great, let her have an opinion. 5) Take it into consideration – When your mother in law makes a suggestion or provides advice, a good phrase to use is “We will take that into consideration”.  It doesn’t make you have to do it at least acknowledges that you hear what she is saying and will think about it.  Even if you have no intention of taking her advice, the fact that you will consider it may be enough. 6) Get to know her – I mean really get to know her.

Having already been through the newborn phase years ago, it’s much easier now to look back and realize how much I worried about specific things related to the baby that I didn’t really need to worry about. At the time so many of these things seemed really important or like they are a big deal when you are dealing with them.  But as I look back I can now say I wish I would have worried less and not really cared so much about these things.  So in this podcast, I’m going over 10 Things New Dads Don’t Need to worry about. Having a baby is like nothing else we have ever experienced.  So I understand the worry.  I’m just trying to help you guys understand that you may not need to spend so much time and effort worrying.   Let’s get to it  1) Messing up - you are going to mess up.    2) Saying No – This doesn’t mean saying no to your child, it means saying no to everyone else.  While there are times you wish life just stopped or at least slowed down for you, everything else is still happening around you.  The difference is that you are dealing with a baby which adds a little   3) Getting Everything - From 3 different strollers depending on the situation, too many toys, monitors, numerous swings and seats....it’s enough. If you have a baby registry, try to focus on things that matter: diapers, food, clothes.   4) What other people think - Your family and friends will have opinions, great, let them have one but don’t let it get to you.  You may have parents or in-laws who may tell you how something should be done.  A great response is “I’ll take that into consideration”.    5) Not getting enough sleep - You will be sleep deprived for a bit and probably be tired but it doesn't last forever.  The baby eventually learns how to sleep.  6) No more ME time –  Whether you want to hang with the guys, exercise, or you have some other hobby, you still can do it.  You just may need to manage your time a little differently.  Maybe cut out some of the TV or screen time.  You would be surprised how much free time frees up.  7) Not Having enough experience – Do you know how many millions of men have become fathers before you.  I don’t know the exact number but it’s a lot.    8) Achieving Milestones – The evaluation of your baby starts right at birth when they tell you how much it weighs and the length.  Then the pediatrician visit will tell you your baby’s head is 95 percentile and the weight is 65.    It’s here we start to worry about when the baby is going to roll over, crawl, then walk. Don’t worry about it.    9) Spoiling the baby – you aren’t going to give the baby too much affection.  There isn’t such thing as holding the baby too much or picking it up when it cries.  Really for the first year,  your attention is all good.  The baby will feel loved, safe, and secure.  There is nothing wrong with that.   10) Bonding with the baby - It can take some time.   I would love to hear from you.  Leave your feedback below!

It doesn’t matter if you have a newborn, toddler, small child, teen, or adult child, you will get annoyed at something they do.  We’ll, newborns aren’t really that annoying...they are cute and don’t know what is going on, so nevermind them. But the rest of these kids?  You better believe that they can get on our nerves, a  lot.  In this episode, we are going to share with you what to do when your child annoys you. Let me describe a scenario that absolutely annoys me.  See if you can relate.  I have a pretty eventful date at work, calls, meetings, customers...I’m tired.  I get home from work and walk toward my front door.  I haven’t even gotten inside and at my front door is there is a bicycle that is supposed to go in the garage, muffin wrappers, and a pair of really muddy shoes. Now if I was a positive thinker I would look at that situation and say to myself,  “wow look how good my kids are.” They came outside to eat instead of getting crumbs all over our entryway. They took their shoes off so they wouldn’t get mud in the house. They left the bike outside and didn’t bring it through the house.    But instead, I’m annoyed.  I’m annoyed at my kids because they left a mess at the front door.  I haven’t even gotten inside yet and I’m annoyed. We don’t need to go into detail about how this same mess is happening in other rooms.  The important detail is that the house was cleaned yesterday.  In less than 24 hours, these children have managed to cause havoc...and to annoy me.  So what do we do?  Well, we YELL of course.  “Get this bike out here.  Clean up these wrappers, and hose off your shoes NOW!”   That will teach them.  This will never happen again....until tomorrow. Let’s get to the reason you are watching this video.  You are saying to yourself “yep, my child is annoying” what can I do?  Here it goes, listen carefully:  If your child annoys you, it is your problem. Let me repeat it because I that may not have been crystal clear:  If your child annoys you, you are the one with the issue.   This doesn’t mean your child doesn’t need to be taught what to do, what to say, or how to behave.  It means we are responsible for our own feelings and how we react.   We actually get to decide how we feel.  Two different people can walk up to that scenario I explained and have 2 completely different feelings.  One can be totally annoyed, and the other can handle it calmly. How we react can also be determined by other unrelated interactions.  Maybe you dealt with a difficult situation at work that day, maybe you received bad news about a friend.  There are so many inputs that happen throughout the day.  we have to be aware of how those inputs affect how we interact with our kids and could determine whether they annoy you or not. I’m making light of a very profound concept.  It is easier than it sounds but I’m telling you if you can practice this and even just make a little progress, your life and how you interact with drastically improve.  How do we begin to make the choice?  The choice that our child doesn’t annoy us.  Here are some things to keep in mind:   Pause – Stop and notice that you are feeling or getting annoyed.  Is your heart rate increasing, maybe you begin to breathe faster...notice the actual physical changes in your body  Breathe – Take an extra-long, deep breath.  You just realized you are feeling annoyed so take a second with your pause and breathe.  Ask yourself; Why am I feeling this way?  you may not have the exact answer right away but the answer can’t include your child.  Meaning you can’t answer it with “Because my child made a mess”.  In the example I gave about coming home to the stuff at the front door.  I get annoyed because I like a clean house.  I clean my things up and feel like others should too.  I also have discussed this issue numerous times so there is a feeling of not being listened to.  Take responsibility for your feelings – Recognize it is your choice for feeling anno...

In this episode, we are talking about how to be a good father.  I’ll at least tell you want I think it takes.  But you are going to have to put in the work. Being a good father can mean different things to different people.  For some, it might mean that when your child is an adult, they will actually call you to go to lunch.  For others, being a good father means your child moves out of the house on their own a contributing member of society. I set out to really define what I thought is needed to be a good father.  So I created what I call the Fatherhood Formula.  The Fatherhood formula is 7 principles of dad success.  We have talked about the 7 principles here on the podcast.  I have also made a YouTube series of it. Whether you are a soon to be father, new father,  or experienced father just looking to improve your skills, the Fatherhood Formula covers some serious ground in explaining what it takes to be a good father.   Let’s jump into it.   #1 Commitment - Is your role as a  father a priority to you?  You have to be committed.  It’s like anything that you want to go well, you have to commit to it and make it a priority.  You are watching this video so I’m hoping you are already committed.  But it’s crucial to remember this for the future. You are going to be challenged. You are going to have other things pull at your time and energy.  Being a good father requires that commitment from you.  Don’t take it lightly.    #2 Contact - You may have had a father who you felt was a good dad, but they weren’t very affectionate.  Well, they could have been even better if they were affectionate.  Touch is crucial.  The affection of a father is powerful and meaningful.  Give your child hugs and kisses. It doesn’t matter what age and you aren’t going to spoil them with too much affection. Hold their hand (while they still will with you).  Put your arm around them. Sit close to each other while watching TV.  Just remember that contact will help make you a good father.    #3 Connection – All humans thrive on and need connection.  The negative part is that if you don’t connect with them in a good way, they are more likely to connect to others in a bad way.  Fathers can connect with their kids through play, the contact I just discussed, reading with them, etc. But Connection takes a lot of effort.  And for some fathers, even the idea of connection is foreign or uncomfortable.   We also have a tendency to try to connect in a way that feels good for us.  You have to connect in a way that feels good for your child.  What do they like to do? To talk about? You can’t think about yourself, you need to think about it from their point of view.  You are waiting for them to feel connected.    #4 Communication – We often think that communication is us talking.  But for kids communication is us listening to them.  Us men aren’t always good at listening.  We sometimes have a tendency to want to provide advice even when it’s not asked of us. Also, what you say is only 7% Communicating with your child 3% is how you say it and your non-verbal communication.  If you don’t believe this, think about when you were a kid and knew exactly what your dad was thinking just by him giving you a look.  He didn’t even need to say anything.    #5 - Character – You want to know how to be a good father? Lead by example.  Your character and how you handle yourself is crucial.  They are watching you, listening to you, and will do what you do. How do you treat mom?  The people around you? Are you expecting things from your child that you are not doing yourself?  Whether it's positive or negative, you are showing them the way through your character.  The #6 principle on how to be a good father - Coaching – Switch your thinking from a parent to a coach.  When your child messes up, you don’t yell at them.  You show them the proper way to do whatever it is they messed up on. Like a coach preparing a player for a game,