Damn, That's Scary

The PENGUINS MARCH ON, as our hellbound heroes are ensconced in an eternal orgy of the damned (that’s not nearly as bad as it sounds)! We explore the dark side of bloodsucker Willem Dafoe with the Robert “Over-Easy” Eggers remake of “Nosferatu”, take a trip to the Derry farm with the recently announced “IT” prequel, and commiserate with poor, poor Eddie Furlong as we discuss the impending disaster remake of The Crow! Then we take a trip to the sexatorium for our feature review of Bruno Mattei’s 1981 giallo sinfest THE OTHER HELL!

The MARCH of the PENGUINS cannot be stopped by mortal man! After taking a week off to pursue hedonistic earthly delights, the boys are saturated in sin and ready for communion (the bad kind)! We learn not to trust old people with our review of Ti West’s “X”, get posessed by rock n’ roll with the Foo Fighters in “Studio 666”, then tease both a Dougless Hellraiser reboot and a capeless Cage as Dracula! Our feature review is the 2000 Mike “Masterpiece” Mendez goth-adult gorefest “THE CONVENT”! Say Hi to Satan for us, because you’re headed straight to hell!

MARCH of the PENGUINS continues, and our heretical hosts have some serious sins to funfess! (we are so sorry for that) But first we analyze the intricacies of Robb Zombbie's vocals, pirate a few episodes of Taika "Wai" Titi's new series, and celebrate the return of Joe Bob Briggs! And if you love some sisters a-scissorin' (and we know you do!) our feature review is 2004's THE HALFWAY HOUSE! You'll be halfway to hell before you even realize where your hands are! (hint: your pants)

Confess your sins and say your prayers, because its time to begin our month-long MARCH...OF THE PENGUINS! Its nothing but priests, nuns, (and innocent misunderstandings in the church basement), as we explore the the deepest, darkest cloisters of the convent! But first, we go greek with the upcoming "God of War" tv series, give historical context to the Predator franchise, and celebrate the return of Hammer Horror! Our feature review is the Felissa Rose clergy classic "A NUN'S CURSE", its so bad you'll think you died and woke up in hell!

Our journey through SPAAACE comes to its thrilling conclusion, and our handsome heroes return to Earfth just in time for (yet another) alien invasion! We discuss Amityville-on-an-asteroid, Jared Leto sucking (blood this time), and our hero Fede "All Day" Alvarez makes xenomorphs sexy again! Our grand finale is 1996's MARS ATTACKS, starring EVERYONE in Tim Burton's rolodex and a bunch of space-perverts! ACK! ACK!

We've crash-landed face first into the heartland of America, just in time to weigh in on the greatest debate of modern times: was The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) any good? Is modern horror just a shambling corpse of its glorious past? Will Fede Alvarez destroy us ALL?! But stay tuned as we gas up the old red rocket and wormhole our way into the distant future with the 2097 masterpiece LEPRECHAUN 4: IN SPAAAACE! There's goblin gold in the final frontier!

After yet another bout of crippling space madness, our heroes awaken from an astro-blackout to find themselves...back on EARTH! We take a brief astro-trip down memory lane for the crossover classic "Freddy vs Jason", enjoy an astro-detour to Finland to review "Bloody Hell", and explore the astro-future of Terry Crews' career with some zombie thing he's doing. Then we destroy our minds (and livers) watching ASTRO-ZOMBIES (1968)! Its the worst thing we've ever seen, and we've been to SPACE!

SPAAACE sadness takes the words right out of our mouths as we lovingly eulogize our hellbound hero Marvin "Meat" Loaf (RIP, sweet prince). Then we blast off quick previews of Will "GOB" Arnett's upcoming "Murderville", Guillermo "Del" Toro's giant peachy take on "Pinocchio", and get emotional over the touching new "Scream" sequel. Anything goes in international space-waters, so fill up your smuggling compartment for our feature review of 1997's ALIEN: RESURRECTION!

Our journey through SPAAAAACE continues, but first we make a pit stop at the retirement home with previews of "The Home" (starring Pete "Homeless" Davidson) and Ti West's upcoming "X" (starring someone's grandma). After we fulfill our quota of geriatric hedonism for the week, we detour back to Earth for the Bruce Campbell 2005 SyFy masterpiece "ALIEN APOCALYPSE"! Is it really "Army of Darkness meets Starship Troopers"? You decide! No, really! DO IT!