Damn, That's Scary

Have you ever wondered what would happen if the Grinch(tm) murdered everyone in Whoville? Or what would happen if someone fed a boatload of Cocaine to a Bear? Ever pontificate on the questionable acting choices of Mickey “Mr. Yunioshi” Rooney? This episode will answer all the important questions in life (and some of the really stupid ones), so tune in and check out our newest trailers, previews, updates, and indecent proposals. And if you think that sounds inappropriate, wait until you hear our feature review of a super sloppy sequel in [Part II]!

According to the homeless individuals we polled on the street outside the BICBP studio, the new format is a raging success (and we’re a ton of fun to drink with)! So for those of you who get crippling headaches when things don’t come to completion, your frustration is over… [Part II] is here!

Our feature review this week is the 2005 carnivorous classic “FEAST”! If you love gratuitous gore, frantic fornication, controversial comedy, and/or are personal friends with everyone in the Gulager family…throw on your favorite Oasis album and treat yourself to this epic tale of wonder and woe! Or don’t, but you’ll miss out on the apology corner and a bunch of Wonderwall jokes…

Here at DTS we’re nothing if not innovators (and alcoholics), so this week we’re bringing you a new format!

[Part I] is all the recent horror news, previews, trailers, teasers and tossers you expect from our concupiscent cohosts! We also lament the passing of (yet another) of our fallen celebrity heroes, and celebrate the fruit-filled seasonal harvest that we’ve all been missing for so many years. Stay tuned for [Part 2] for a feature review that’s sure to have you giving thanks…for our accurate and insightful commentary! It’s like “GRINDHOUSE” but both parts star Kurt Russell and you won’t have to pee in a cup during the intermission (unless you want to, we don’t judge)!

We’re back and we’re blastin’ bears straight up your bruin chute with the epic conclusion of OCTOBEAR! New updates on the Stranger Things” Season 5 opener, Danny Boyle’s super sequel “28 Months Later”, Dobberman does “Salem’s Lot”, Ghostface Takes Manhattan, Brian Fuller’s “Friday the 13th” Prequel, Bronenberg’s “Infinity Pool”, and much much more! Then we’re joined by guest host RoboRemar(tm) for our feature review of Hank Braxton’s 2015 bear-bortion “UNNATURAL (aka MANEATER)”! If you ever wondered what would happen if Ajax teamed up with Audrey Horne to fight a genetically enhanced polar bear, then this film will make all of your unnecessarily specific dreams come true!

We’re deep into spooky season and we’re so jacked up on reboots we can BEAR-ly contain ourselves! That’s right, OCTOBEAR rages on as we give you poignant, insightful reviews of HELLRAISER (2022), HALLOWEEN ENDS, and our usual slew of teasers, trailers, and titillations! Then we take to the woods to explore the epic tale of a burly lumberjack and his lifelong killer vendetta against any and all unwary ursids—it’s 1983-2021’s “GRIZZLY II: THE REVENGE”! After almost 40 years of post production it has to be good, right?…RIGHT?! HAPPY HALLOWEEN, BEAR BUSTERS!

It’s time to say “sayonara, Samhain” and “hasta la vista, Halloween”, because here at DTS we’re celebrating the menacing month of OCTOBEAR! It’s exactly what it sounds like…we’re doing bear movies now. BUT FIRST, we talk trailers, speculate on “SPAWN”, and drill into the Dahmer series (starring Evan “Eat It” Peters)! More importantly, we give you the only correct opinion on Robb Zombie’s “The Munsters” (hint: its the best). Our feature review is 1979’s eco-conscious ursine bear-venture “THE PROPHECY”! No, not the one with Chris Walken, but there is a chainsaw fight and a big mushy ManBearPig! IT’S UNBEARLIEVABLE!

FULL FOON FUMMER FFFFT comes to an end, and the virile vulgarians at DTS are experimenting with A.I. technology! Things get a little dicey, judgment day is narrowly avoided, and we bring you all the news and previews you expect from the consummate professionals that we are. Our craptastic creature-feature this week is 1987’s “CREEPOZOIDS!” starring Linnea Quigley (and friends)! Don’t let the title fool you, it’s actually high-concept science fiction because we’re intellectuals with degrees and…ok it sucks.

Someone put a silver bullet between our eyes, because we’re officially sick and tired of all these freakin’ werewolves! Our FUZZY FUMMER FANTASY is almost over, and soon we’ll be rid of these full-moon fleabags! But first, we bring you some upcoming previews, including District 10 (and a very special, slippery guest), the 4K UHD release of one of our favorite films, and a brief but undeniably reverent eulogy for Clu “Burt Burt” Gulager. Our feature review is arguably the worst thing to ever emerge from a secret lab in nazi Germany, its Andrew Jones’ 2017 historic-horror-holo…graph…“WEREWOLVES OF THE THIRD REICH”! It was so unpleasant to watch, you’d think it was directed by Arnolf Hilter himself!!

The 2022 FULL MOON FUNFETTI FESTIVAL forges on! So grab your grease paint and cream up your pies, because DTS is going ICP! We’ve graduated from clown college with flying colors, and we’re traveling the world with the sketchiest carnival this side of the methadone clinic! But first, we discuss the release of “The Lair” by Neil Marshall, an upcoming R-Rated “Scooby Doo” starring Freddie “Fred” Prinze Jr., and an as-yet-unnamed erotic thriller involving Barbara Crampton and Jeffy Combs! Our funhouse feature is the 2010 clowntastic classic “KILLJOY 3: KILLJOY’S REVENGE”! So if you like Stephen King’s '“IT”, but you’re too much of a juggalo to be concerned with things like “acting” or “plot”, join us on our journey to the carnival of carnage! WHOOP WHOOOOOOOP!!

What’s better than a film about a needlessly violent kindergarten cop brawling his way through a halfway house full of hot-to-trot teenage were-women? LITERALLY ANYTHING. This week, your two favorite alcoholics hit the road to Amityville, but instead of horror we find only shame and regret (again). But first, we lament the fantastic failure that is Resident Evil (the show, not the games), anticipate the newest upcoming brain-twister by monumental mindfreak M. Night Shyamalan (starring Dave “Not Groot” Bautista), and celebrate the undisputed perfection of Rob Zombie’s take on “The Munsters”! Our feature review is the worst thing to happen in 2021, Thomas J. Churchill’s embarrassing attempt at entertainment “THE AMITYVILLE MOON”. It’s a…well, it’s a movie. But don’t worry, the DTS FULL MOON FUMMER FEST fails upward, onward, and always!