In today's episode, I explore the complex impact social media has had on my life. I share how it has helped me stay connected with loved ones 800 miles away while also consuming hours of my day and leaving me feeling desensitized and questioning my identity. I share my struggles with managing my time on various social media platforms and reflect on how this constant content consumption has affected my compassion. Additionally, I ponder the critical question: "How does a child or teenager process this unfiltered content?" Join me as I navigate the highs and lows of our digital age.

Dancing With Depression is part of QuietLoud Studios.
A podcast network where reflection and voice come together.
Learn more: https://quietloudstudios.com/

Need assistance with your podcast? Connect with KazCM. They make content creation enjoyable and accessible.
Learn more: https://kazcm.com/

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More about this episode "The Double-Edged Sword of Social Media":

Do you think you spend too much time on Social Media? I don’t think I do…I KNOW I DO! Of course I have good reasons to be on platforms like Facebook, Instagram & TikTok…my wife views my “reasons” more like excuses.  I originally used Facebook to stay connected with my friends & family back after I moved to NC from CT.  I was able to watch the journey of a friend go from taking care of several teenagers to taking care of herself and graduate college – she was in her 40’s when she graduated with honors, I watched another friend live her dream & become a mother to 2 boys, not to mention all of the births, birthdays,Weddings, Anniversaries & other life changing events that took place while I was 800 miles away.  As far as Instagram & TikTok well…I’ve got nothing – it became more of a time sucker.  

I find the videos posted on Instagram & TikTok to be very entertaining, but 3 hours later the ONLY thing I can think about is the garbage still needs to be taken out, the dishes aren’t going to wash themselves & if I don’t do a load of laundry people are going to see me in the same clothes for the 3rd day in a row!!!  

Have you ever ask why we spend so much time on Social Media? Recently, I did just that!  I wanted to see when I went on, for how long, & what was I looking at.  I realized I went on to distract myself from “life”…it was an escape from having to be a responsible adult.  I was on different social media platforms for hours on end & the content I was consuming wasn’t specific – it ranged from watching people get their ear wax removed, to watching cattle get their hooves cleaned & cut, to barbers cutting hair, to dance competition videos, to sports highlights, and on and on and on.  The content was NEVER ENDING and it had WHATEVER YOU WERE LOOKING FOR AT THAT MOMENT!!!  Before TikTok I wasn’t interested in ear wax removal…but I am FACINATED BY IT NOW!!!  

The videos I mentioned are light hearted, but there is a never ending amount of videos that contains footage of things, in my opinion, the general public shouldn’t have access to. For example, a video showing a man being suffocated to death when an officer had his knee on the neck of the victim for 8 min & 46 seconds…of which 2 minutes & 53 seconds of that time the victim was non-responsive.  I’m not looking to start a debate about what happened leading up to that incident – my point is focused on the fact that anyone with cable, internet access or a smartphone could see the footage of this man’s eventual death.  What effect does this have on our society? How does a child, a teenager, a mother, a brother, a father, process this info – I’ve shared my experiences with death and the effect I believe they have on me 30+ years later.  The combination of curiosity & accessibility appears to be a dangerous combination.  Just the other day I was eating lunch and decided to distract myself by watching some videos online – when I read a caption that lead me to believe I really don’t want to watch this video…but I didn’t have the discipline not to hit play.  The caption reads “Laughing Teens Intentionally Drive Car Into Cyclist, KILLING HIM” – (PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUSE) After watching the video there were a few things that went through my mind: How? Why? & WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

The how was directed at how was this so easily accessible 

The why was about the thought process of these teenagers

Finally, the what is wrong with me was specific to the fact I just witnessed a man being murdered and it was as if I had watched this happen a dozen times before.  I was sympathetic and felt terrible thinking about this man, his family, etc.  But why wasn’t I crying, sick to my stomach, SOMETHING MORE!  Am I numb to this behavior? I don’t know with 100% certainty, but I do know it follows a similar pattern in my life as I track down the root of my depression. There is no question that ones’ personal experience will have a greater effect on that individual in comparison to learning or witnessing what they experienced, but for me hearing about someones traumatic experience or watching a video of it has had an effect on my mental health.  It’s like watching a scary movie – lets say specifically about ghosts…I might not have had a personal encounter with a ghost, heck I might not even “believe” ghosts exist, but you better believe if I find myself in a similar setting where the fog is rising from the ground late at night and the only sound I hear is that of an owl…I am confident my mind will recall the movie I watched & how it made me feel.  So is it far fetched that watching a video of a man taking his last breath or a bicyclist being mowed down by a car could have an impact on our mental health? 

I can't believe I just saw that happen... The feeling of shock and disbelief lingered in my mind long after I had closed the social media app. It was a video, one of those disturbing ones that seem to surface on your feed when you least expect it. It wasn't a scene from a horror movie or some fictional gore, but a stark, real-life incident that left me questioning not only my online habits but also the impact of such content on our mental health.

"Do you think you spend too much time on Social Media?" my wife had asked me once, and though I initially brushed it off, I couldn't help but wonder if she had a point. It's true; social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok have their merits. They connect us with friends and family, allowing us to witness the milestones and joys of their lives, even when we're miles apart. But lately, it seemed like I was drowning in an endless sea of content, scrolling past countless videos that ranged from amusing to outright bizarre.

I decided to investigate my own habits. I tracked when I went online, how long I stayed, and what I was looking at. The results were eye-opening. Social media had become an escape, a distraction from the responsibilities of adult life. Hours melted away as I watched everything from oddly satisfying earwax removals to the mesmerizing artistry of barbers cutting hair. It was a never-ending stream of content, tailored to whatever fleeting interest I had at the moment.

However, there was a darker side to this endless content stream. Among the light-hearted and entertaining videos, there lurked videos that exposed the harsh realities of the world. I stumbled upon a video showing a man being suffocated to death, pinned down by an officer's knee for agonizing minutes. The sheer accessibility of such traumatic content was disturbing. Anyone with an internet c...

In today’s episode, I discuss the CDs spinning in my 5-disc changer and explore their profound impact on me. I highlight three songs, each unique in genre, lyrics, and emotional resonance. Relating to a song is a deeply personal and emotional experience shaped by the powerful connection between the lyrics, melody, and the listener's own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Join me as I unpack the diverse ways these songs touch my life and reflect on the universal power of music.

Dancing With Depression is part of QuietLoud Studios.
A podcast network where reflection and voice come together.
Learn more: https://quietloudstudios.com/

Need assistance with your podcast? Connect with KazCM. They make content creation enjoyable and accessible.
Learn more: https://kazcm.com/

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More about this episode: "The Impact of Songs & “The One” That Spoke for Me"

We all have “our jams”, you know the songs that you can’t not dance to or stop yourself from crying – one can connect with a song for a variety of reasons: 

Relating to a song is a deeply personal and emotional experience that can vary from person to person. It often involves a strong connection between the lyrics, melody, and the listener's own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Here are some ways in which someone can relate to a song:

1.     Lyrics: Many people relate to songs through the lyrics. When the words of a song resonate with someone's own experiences or emotions, it can create a powerful connection. Whether it's a breakup, a celebration, or a reflection on life, lyrics can capture the essence of a particular moment or feeling.

2.     Emotional resonance: Music has the unique ability to tap into our emotions and stir up deep-seated feelings. A song that mirrors your current emotional state or helps you express what you're feeling can be incredibly relatable. It's like the song is giving voice to your emotions.

3.     Personal experiences: Sometimes, a song can evoke memories and transport you back to a particular time and place in your life. When a song is linked to a specific memory or period, it can create a strong sense of connection.

4.     Themes and stories: Songs often tell stories or convey themes that are universally relatable. Whether it's a song about love, friendship, loss, or resilience, these themes can connect with a wide range of listeners who have experienced similar situations.

5.     Cultural and societal context: A song can also reflect the cultural or societal context in which it was created. It may address social issues, capture the spirit of a generation, or comment on current events. Listeners who identify with these contexts may find the song relatable in a broader sense.

6.     Musical elements: It's not always about the lyrics or the theme of a song. The music itself, including the melody, rhythm, and instrumentation, can evoke emotions and resonate with listeners. A simple melody can be just as relatable as profound lyrics.

7.     Identity and self-expression: Some songs can become anthems for individuals or communities, helping people express their identities or beliefs. These songs serve as a form of self-expression and create a sense of belonging.

8.     Interpretation and perspective: The same song can be interpreted in different ways by different people, depending on their unique perspectives and experiences. This allows for a diverse range of listeners to relate to a song in their own distinct manner.

9.     Personal growth and change: Songs that reflect personal growth, transformation, or overcoming challenges can be particularly relatable during times of change or self-discovery. They may serve as sources of inspiration and motivation.

10.  Connection with the artist: Sometimes, people relate to a song because they have a deep admiration for the artist. Their connection to the artist's life story, struggles, or creative journey can make the song more relatable.

In the end, relating to a song is a subjective and highly personal experience. It's about finding a piece of music that resonates with your emotions, experiences, and the unique story of your life. Music has the power to connect us with ourselves and others, providing solace, joy, and a sense of belonging in the process.

What song or song(s) do you connect with? 

How does it make you feel? 

Where does it take you? 

Who do you think of?

There are hundreds of songs that I connect with, but 3 songs that stand out – although  the genre, the message & the time in my life I was introduced to vary…they are all equally impactful! 

The first song that hits me is C.R.E.A.M by Wu-Tang Clan…I’ll let that sit for a second, not because I’m a 47 year old white guy from Connecticut…no wait that is EXACTLY why I will let you catch up.  If you have ever been to a Wu-Tang concert you wouldn’t really be surprised hearing a 47 year old white guy likes them – I’ve had the pleasure of seeing them twice – the 1st time they played with Rage Against the Machine and the 2nd time was 25 years later as they celebrated the release of 36 Chambers album.  The ONLY difference I saw – we all aged – some of us only 25 years, while others a little more!  Just like it was 25 years earlier, the crowd was a melting pot of people from all walks of life.  We all came together to appreciate great music! 

Connecting with a song, for me, can be in a few different ways.  The music, a hook or the lyrics as a whole can speak to me. I connect via the music for a lot of hip-hop songs, but when it comes to C.R.E.A.M it’s the message the hook delivers and I think that is important to understand, because if someone hears me singing “It’s been 22 long hard years of still strugglin’” --- “We got stickup kids, corrupt cops, and crack rocks  And stray shots, all on the block that stays hot” or “handcuffed in back of a bus, 40 of us” no one would be able to understand how I am “relating” to the lyrics.  However, when the hook comes in “Cash Rules Everything around me – CREAM get the money Dollar, Dollar bill, y’all”  it speaks directly to me.  If I wanted the new Air Jordan’s I needed money, if I wanted a car – I needed money, if I wanted to buy a house instead of renting – I needed more money --- then I started my sales career and Cash LITERALLY RULED EVERYTHING AROUND ME…there aren’t many things that can’t be taken care of with a little more cash. I don’t want to turn this into a debate, but I’ve heard the argument that money can’t buy you love & I agree with you on that, buuuuuuuuuuut it has bought things that resemble “love” – all kidding aside the other one I hear is – It can’t buy you time/health…I agree it can’t buy you perfect health or an unlimited amount of time, but money can buy better health care which leads to living longer…just ask Magic Johnson!!!  

The next song that I connect with on a deep level is Shania Twain’s “From This Moment On” – this is Bobbie & I’s wedding song! I get chills just thinking about it.  Our love story doesn’t start until our late 30’s as I met Bobbie when she was 37 & I was 39. We met on JDATE (a Jewish Dating Website) – and this love story happens QUICK.  I liked her...

In today’s episode, we're going to delve into a topic that hits close to home for many of us – the profound impact of losing friends at an early age and how it can cast a long shadow on the path of our lives. I’ll share the loss of 3 friends that had bright futures ahead of them, but tragedy wrote a different ending to their stories.

Call to Action: If you or someone you know is struggling with the loss of a friend, remember you’re not alone. Reach out for support, whether it’s through a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor. Healing takes time, but sharing your story can be a powerful step towards finding peace.

Do you have a story to share, a question, or a topic suggestion for a future episode? Email me at [email protected].

Dancing With Depression is part of QuietLoud Studios.
A podcast network where reflection and voice come together.
Learn more: https://quietloudstudios.com/

Need assistance with your podcast? Connect with KazCM. They make content creation enjoyable and accessible.
Learn more: https://kazcm.com/

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More about this episode "Grief and Growth: Losing Friends Before 23 and Its Impact on Depression":

I'm your host, Adam Turner, and today we're going to delve into a topic that hits close to home for many of us – the profound impact of losing friends at an early age and how it can cast a long shadow on the path of our lives.

You see, life is a tapestry woven with threads of laughter, shared memories, and the bonds we build with the people around us. But sometimes, those threads are cut way too short, leaving us grappling with a sense of emptiness that lingers for years. That's exactly what happened to me. As I stand here at 47 years old, I can't help but look back and recognize the weight that these losses have had on my journey with depression.

As sons of a Lay Rabbi, my brother & I were often called upon to funeral services that my dad would conduct. I wouldn’t be surprised if by the age of 17 my brother had been to a few dozen funerals, some for family while others were for people we didn’t know well. So I was very familiar with Jewish Funerals and the traditions that come along with it. What I WASN’T prepared for is when a High School classmate was killed in an auto-accident during our Senior Year. He was the Senior Class President, the multi-sport athlete and honestly just an all around nice guy! He lived just a block away so we would spend a lot of time together.  We would play tennis baseball in his backyard, he taught me how to play table tennis (not good enough to beat him, but he taught me enough to play), a favorite was sledding down what then appeared to be a MONSTER hill…and when it was raining we would sit in front of the television and play MIKE TYSON’S KNOCKOUT on the Nintendo Entertainment System!!! It was October 30th and he was driving home after attending the schools Halloween Dance…he was dressed as Kenny Rogers “The Gambler” and he NAILED IT!!! I believe his date was dressed as Dolly Parton (but I wasn’t at the dance & my memory isn’t what it use to be).  When I was told what happened, time just stood still…I didn’t know how to feel as this was someone that I spent time with, went to 12 years of school with & competed with on his team & against him…. My father consoled me…best he could – The next thing I remember was calling hours at one of the local funeral homes.  We lived a block away and decided to walk. As we turned the corner towards the Funeral Home I remember thinking to myself…holy crap!  There was a line down the street for a couple of blocks…all I could hear was crying as we approached to pay our respects.  We finally made it into the doors of the Funeral Home, we saw his younger sister, older brother mother & father…and then I froze. I looked towards the casket as I had many times before at the funerals I attended, but NEVER in my life had I been to an open casket. My friend lying there & I see him! As we made our ways through the line I noticed his dad touching my friends shoulder before shaking everyones hand and thanking them for coming.  Just as I heard on the way in the tears remained on our way out, but it was shortly after leaving the screams of terror from my brother that frightened me most…he also was traumatized after seeing the body of our once VIBRANT friend with nothing but a bright future ahead of him. I still think about him…and when I do I smile and sing “you’ve got to know when to hold em’, know when to fold em’, know when to walk away, know when to run, you never count your money when your sittin at the table, there’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done! 

Tim – was one of my three sophomore year roommates. Tim was quietly hilarious. In order to help pay for school, he would substitute teach at the local high school. Like me, he wasn’t a morning person, so when the call to substitute came in at 5:30 a.m. he had to evaluate how he felt from the night before and surprisingly he would accept…almost every time they called him.  However, there was this one particular morning that he received a call to come in and I heard him say he wasn’t going to be able to cover that day.  My curiosity got the best of me and so I asked him “Tim, why didn’t you accept!” He said: “Adam, I don’t want to be an adult today…I want to be a college student!!!”  It was so Tim to just tell it how it was, no BS…

Although I didn’t know Tim for a long time, about a year and a half, I knew him long enough to build a bond a very strong bond…that tends to happen when you live together.  So to receive the news that Tim & his girlfriend was in a car accident, the 1st thing that came to mind was Ben…I ask the police officer if they were going to be ok & the response sent me into an instant frenzy.  The police officer said that Tim was killed in the accident & his girlfriend was “fighting for her life”…in that moment there are so many questions – How did this happen? Where did it happen? Etc.  The passing of Tim was difficult for all that knew him.  In the coming weeks, we would have a special tribute on campass where friends could share their thoughts and say our final goodbye to our friend.  The University was incredibly supportive, checking in on the three of us as we try to make sense of what was going on around us.  The University prepared us meals (breakfast, lunch & dinner) for the next couple of weeks, provided resources for counseling, & reached out to our professors regarding the accident. Meanwhile, Tim’s HS friend and roommate was at the hospital to support Tim’s girlfriend…who was fighting for her life.  She had multiple painful surgeries & he wanted to be there when she woke up from them…the news wasn’t going to be easy to share, but he knew it would be even harder hear.  How do you tell someone that the person you love is no longer with us?

Through the toughest of times, there still can be a silver lining.  His girlfriend survived, she is still physically & mentally scared from that tragic night…yet somehow was able to make lemonade from those sour lemons.  Tim’s HS friend & roommate ended up marrying and have 2 beautiful twin girls – MIRACLE of MIRACLES!  Don’t get this twisted like a Jerry Springer episode…They didn’t care for each other at first – the typical buddy wanting to hang out with his “boy” but Girlfriend always ruined that.  However, when you look at most successful relationships/marriages they are often times woven together tightly with sim...

In today’s episode, we journey back to my childhood as I recount a traumatic experience involving a bomb. I explored the questions I didn’t ask as a 7-year-old but finally sought answers many years later. We’ll also look into the power of withholding judgment, a lesson that ultimately saved two teenagers from making a life-altering mistake.

Got a story to share, a question, or a topic suggestion for a future episode? Reach out to me at [email protected].

Dancing With Depression is part of QuietLoud Studios.
A podcast network where reflection and voice come together.
Learn more: https://quietloudstudios.com/

Need assistance with your podcast? Connect with KazCM. They make content creation enjoyable and accessible.
Learn more: https://kazcm.com/

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More about this episode "Childhood Under Siege: A 7-Year-Old's Memory of a Bomb Threat":

Do you ever question where your depression comes from?

I often wonder if it was my overall upbringing or if the situation could be the reason for years of depression. Seeing as how I’m NOT a doctor…I don’t know the answer to that question, but it has led me to think back on my childhood to see if I could identify a specific incident or a pattern of incidents that might have contributed to my current mental health.

This one takes us back to the 80s when I was just a young boy.  My brother, father & I were attending the High Holiday Services at my grandfather's Temple in West Hartford, CT. I won’t pretend to “love” spending 6 hours in prayer, but I loved being with my Poppa, Dad & brother.  The morning was like many others: my brother & I fighting to wake up…we weren’t, & 40 years later, we still aren’t morning people! Yet we battled through our sleep deprivation and managed to get ourselves dressed. We arrived at the temple & proceeded to the front pew, where we sat with my Poppa. 

The service started as well as “The Countdown”…over the next 6 hours the question “How much longer before we can leave?” would be asked at least a ½ dozen times…c’mon we were 7 & 9 years old!  For the most part things were normal, then one sentence later EVERYTHING changed.  My dad leaned over to instruct my brother & I what to do should the door located directly in front of us open.  I remember thinking to myself “that door leads outside?” – I always thought it was just a broom closet -  My dad, in a calm but assertive tone, instructed us what we were to do should someone open that door…you are to both get on the ground and pretend to be dead.  At the time I didn’t think anything of it, and went on with what I usually did – sit there and wonder when we were going to be done so we could go play with our cousins!  

The 6 hours had come & gone and we were headed back to my Nona & Poppa’s house where our cousins would join us…there would be basketball, swimming, food & most definitely laughter. However, on the ride home I did have a 7 years old curiosity moment & asked “Dad why did you tell us to lay on the ground & act dead should someone walk through the door at the front of the synogage?”  It was as if he was waiting for the question all morning & had prepared what he was going to say. Yet it was so simple, “There was a bomb threat at the temple!” – That was it & for a 7 year old…that was all I needed at that time.  

As time went on I needed more of an understanding as to why someone would want to blow up a building with people in it…but I also had questions for my Dad:

When did you know about the bomb threat? 

If you knew about the threat before we went, why would you take your children?

Did MOM KNOW ABOUT THE POTENTIAL THREAT?

Were you scared?

Why would a bomb threat lead you to think there could be an active shooter?

As I was reflecting back to that day, I noticed a pattern:

-        in the 6th grade kids didn’t want to be my friend because they were afraid they would be killed in the bomb attack

-        years later as we pulled up to the synagogue, we saw the building vandalized with swastikas. 

The vandals were identified, and my father was contacted by the police to determine if he was going to charge the 2 teenagers with a hate crime.  When my father learned how the boys were identified & their age, he requested to meet with the boys 1st then make a decision if a hate crime charge should be filed. One of the boys had been having nightmares about the incident, & his mother “turned him in”!  My father asked to meet the boys, at their house with their parents in attendance. My father asked the boys a few questions like “do you know what the swastika represents & why it is hurtful?” The boys looked confused and one finally mustered up the courage to speak – He said “Honestly I don’t know what it means…”  My father, believing him, turned to me & asked me how I “FELT” when we pulled up to the synagogue and saw the swastikas on the building! I shared that I was terrified. My father asked me why I was terrified - so I continued, “Because a few years ago we went to temple during the High Holidays and there was a bomb threat…all I could think about was if this was another situation where I could die! The boys & I started to ball our eyes out… 

That was enough for my father to know they just made a bad decision…my father – the educator – saw this as an opportunity to teach. He asked that the boys remove the spray painted swastikas from the temple and write an essay to be shared with the boys classmates on why this was wrong.  So was the lesson learned…in many cases we don’t know, but in this one I think we can chalk it up as a LESSON LEARNED.  How? Well the temple was holding a fundraiser (which my father & I can’t remember what specifically it was for) and the 1st donation came in the form of a check from the Mother & Son!

I don’t believe that ONE isolated bomb threat is the reason that 40 years later I don’t sit with my back to a door, however I do believe a series of events contributed to my anxiety. As I grew older, my anxiety began to manifest in various ways. Crowded places became overwhelming; trust in the world around me waned. It wasn’t until therapy that I started tracing back these emotions to that fateful day at the synagogue.

It has been a journey of self-discovery, a dance with my own demons. The support of loved ones was crucial, and learning to validate my own emotions was a pivotal step. With guidance of therapy, I gradually exposed myself to triggers, rewiring my thought patterns and reclaiming my sense of control.

To those dancing alongside their own demons, I would say: You’re NOT alone. Seek support, be it through therapy or the embrace of understanding friends and family. Know that healing takes time, and it’s okay to stumble along the way. Embrace each step, each misstep, as part of your unique dance.

I hope today’s episode has inspired you to step into your own power and embrace the driver’s seat of your life’s journey.  Remember, life doesn’t just happen to us – we can shape our path, make bold decisions, and navigate the twists and turns. So, as you go about your day, don’t forget to seize those opportunities, make those choices, and always remember to TAKE THE LEAD.

Welcome to the first episode of 'Dancing with Depression,' in which I take you behind the scenes to explain how this podcast came to be.

I am your host, Adam Turner.

In this episode, I dive into the origins of the podcast name and what it symbolizes for me. I reflect on how my daily "dance" with depression once dominated my life, leaving me mentally exhausted by dinnertime.

I'll share candidly about my initial misconceptions regarding the causes of depression and how I came to realize that I was only scratching the surface of this complex issue.

Moreover, I discuss my heartfelt intention behind starting this podcast: to create a safe and supportive space where people can feel genuinely heard and understood.

Lastly, I give special thanks and shout-outs to the individuals who inspired and guided me on this journey of podcast creation.

Join me as we embark on this journey together, exploring the depths of depression and finding strength in sharing our stories.

Stay tuned for more episodes of 'Dancing with Depression.'

Dancing With Depression is part of QuietLoud Studios.
A podcast network where reflection and voice come together.
Learn more: https://quietloudstudios.com/

Need assistance with your podcast? Connect with KazCM. They make content creation enjoyable and accessible.
Learn more: https://kazcm.com/

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More about this episode "Behind the Name: ‘Dancing with Depression’":

In today’s episode I will shed some light on how this Podcast came to be, what Dancing With Depression means to me & How I was “introduced” to my Depression!

The podcast was a combination of guilt, curiosity & technology. The guilt was my inability to stay connected with my parents. I noticed that I would go days – then weeks without talking to my parents. I often thought about calling them and even set alarms to remind myself, but the phone felt like a ton of bricks, and I would convince myself that I would call them tomorrow…then tomorrow came, same thing & on & on & on. I can recall conversations with a couple of close friends that shared they talk to their parents EVERYDAY, so I questioned myself as to why I didn’t call mine.

I looked to my job, a marketing consultant, as to the reason why the phone felt so heavy, but quickly realized that was just an excuse. Sure, my day consists of making 50-70 phone calls, running 3-4 Zoom Meeting, not to mention prep work, follow up & paperwork…but everyone is doing that much work if not more in the course of their day…so I knew I had to look deeper.
I determined that my depression was like a shadow – it was always by my side! So, I’m constantly addressing it to get through my day. I must remind myself before each phone call why I am doing this – to pay bills, I have to make things appear to be ok, when internally all I wanted to do was push MUTE, so I don’t have to hear all of the thoughts swirling around in my brain. I’ve known for years that sales wasn’t my calling – for starters my personality would be categorized as introverted but depending on the environment I can also be an extrovert – specifically my work environment…I didn’t pick sales; my Credit Card Balances did!!! (LOL) 
I was Dancing with Depression all day and was too tired to do anything else.  We all know Dancing for 8-10 hours a day would make our legs feel like Jell-O…so does the mental aspect of trying to direct my depression where I needed it to go throughout the day. When my depression wanted to go left; I had to redirect that energy to the right…For instance - If I had a meeting, I had to be ON – that meant smiling (even when I was down), I had to be friendly (even when I wanted to be alone, I had to educate (even when well you get the point).  At the end of the day, it all added up to being MENTALLY EXHAUSTED, which was negatively affecting all other aspects of my life!  
So, I became curious – what was fostering my depression. Growing up, I believed that depression was often linked to a traumatic childhood…like physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, neglect, parents with mental illness or addiction, severe childhood illnesses, domestic violence, bullying, or racism. These experiences can undoubtedly increase the likelihood of depression, but at the time I didn’t recall experiencing any of these traumas….So, I was left puzzled about the root cause of MY depression.

Finally, I was looking for a way to connect – safely with others that were experiencing what I was experiencing. When I was first diagnosed with depression, I remember feeling lonely, as if I had to hide something from everyone. Only to later find out 5 of my close co-workers were taking Anxiety or Depression Medication – knowing I wasn’t “the only one” provided me the comfort I was seeking.  Which got me thinking – Could others benefit from knowing they aren’t alone?
I felt strongly the answer to that was YES, but I knew it had to be in a safe space. After giving it a little thought, I recalled a conversation about Podcasts I had a few years ago, with my cousin, Elizabeth. At the time she was working at ESPN and it felt like every other word out of her mouth was Podcast. Which made me feel old because I had only listened to a couple of episodes of random podcasts.  I did, however, remember feeling secure and not worrying about what someone thought regarding the content I was listening to. It was the very platform I needed to share Dancing With Depression. 

So I had the Topic: Depression – The Reason: Connect & Share - & The Platform: Podcast…but there was still one thing holding me back - I had NO CLUE WHAT TO DO!  So, the idea sat on the shelf for months, collecting dust. With my inability to motivate myself after 6 p.m., I was convinced it would stay there for eternity. But then, I met Nadia through a sales lead at my company. After a brief conversation, we both realized that she didn't need the services we provided. But while reviewing her website, I noticed a section about podcasts. We spent a good hour discussing her services, and she had the layout and experience to guide me.  She asked me about my ideas, what I wanted to accomplish and, well, HERE WE ARE! It's still hard to believe, but I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity to share this journey with you. And I hope you'll share your experiences with me.