Dare To Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything

• Why ordinary men can behave unexpectedly during separation and divorce.
• How financial misunderstandings create conflict over pensions, property and divorce settlements.
• Why assumptions about an ex-partner's intentions can escalate disagreements.
• The difference between abusive behaviour and conflict that can be resolved through better communication.
• How emotional regulation, difficult conversation skills and divorce mediation can improve outcomes.
• Why collaboration is often possible even when couples believe their situation is the exception.
• How greater understanding of marriage and divorce could reduce conflict and protect children.

The Marriage Certificate Campaign
 
Eve also discusses her campaign calling for the legal and financial terms and conditions of marriage to be explained before couples marry and included on marriage certificates.
 
Marriage is a legal commitment, yet many people discover its financial implications only when their relationship ends.
 
Better information could help prevent unnecessary conflict and protect families during separation and divorce.
 
Read and sign the petition:
 https://www.change.org/TsandCsOnMarriageCertificate
 
Coming Next: The Disney Dad
 
Is he buying his children's affection or simply trying to maintain a relationship with them?
 
In the next episode of the Dads & Divorce series, Eve explores the assumptions made about fathers who spend money on their children after separation, and how these misunderstandings can create further conflict between parents.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is an award-winning psychotherapist, accredited divorce coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author specialising in supporting fathers and families through separation, divorce and difficult conversations.

Through her coaching, books and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve combines clinical expertise, lived experience and practical tools to help people move forward with clarity and confidence.

Work with Eve: Book a free, confidential 20-minute discovery call at www.evestanway.co.uk or email [email protected].

Join the Dare to Speak Community: Expert interviews, webinars and twice-monthly live Q&A sessions. https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Follow Eve: @evestanway on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Eve Stanway on Facebook, LinkedIn and Substack.

Books:

• Conversations at the Shoreline – Amazon bestseller.
• Dare to Listen – Difficult Conversations with Young Adults. Amazon
• Dare to Stand – Supporting fathers through divorce. Coming June 2027.

Episode 48 | Will I Still Matter to My Children? | Divorce and Dads - Part Three

Your child arrives for the weekend and tells you they miss Mummy. Your twelve-year-old disappears upstairs, barely speaking to you. Your teenager hasn't replied to your messages.

And somewhere beneath the disappointment, a frightening question begins to take shape.

Am I losing my children? Do they still need me? Will I still matter to them?

For many fathers, separation and divorce bring a profound and often unspoken fear: that the relationship they have spent years building with their children is changing in ways they cannot control.

The loss isn't simply about spending fewer days together. It's about missing the ordinary moments of family life. The conversations over breakfast, the sound of the front door opening after school, the bedtime routines and the small, spontaneous exchanges that make up the experience of being a dad.

When those moments disappear, even perfectly ordinary childhood behaviour can begin to feel like rejection.

In this deeply personal third episode of my Divorce and Dads series, I explore what happens when a father's fear of losing his children's love and attention begins to influence the way he interprets their behaviour, communicates with them and responds to their needs.

Through the story of Adam, a recently separated father of two, we examine how easily a child's need for reassurance, independence or time with their other parent can be misunderstood. We look at how disappointment can become criticism, how fear can sound like anger, and how children can find themselves managing their parents' emotions without anyone recognising what is happening.

I also share my own experience of growing up with my father, who raised my brother and me following my parents' separation when I was seven.

My father died in March this year, and his death has led me to reflect deeply on our relationship. He was an intelligent, determined and remarkable man who gave me so much. He encouraged my curiosity, independence and resilience. He also struggled with his emotions, and there were times when I was frightened of him.

I loved and admired him enormously. I also know how difficult aspects of my childhood were.

Those experiences have influenced my work with fathers and families for more than 25 years. They have taught me something important: a parent can love their children deeply, be completely committed to them, and still behave in ways that leave their children feeling frightened, responsible or misunderstood.

Understanding the difference between our intentions as parents and our children's experience of being parented is one of the most important conversations we can have.

In this episode, we explore the grief that separated fathers often carry, the pressure to make every weekend special, the fear of being replaced, and why children need the freedom to love both parents without feeling responsible for either parent's happiness.

We also look at how fathers can recognise their own fears, repair difficult moments, listen to their children's experiences and build relationships that continue to develop long after a marriage has ended.

Because the end of a marriage does not have to mean the end of a close and loving relationship with your children.

And perhaps one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves as parents isn't simply whether our children love us.

It's what it feels like for our children to be loved by us.

In this episode

• Why separated fathers can become frightened of losing their children's love and attention.
• How fear and grief can influence the way we interpret children's behaviour.
• Why children should never feel responsible for managing their parents' emotions.
• How our own childhood experiences influence the parents we become.
• The difference between asking a child to connect with us and asking them to reassure us.
• Why ordinary family routines can matter more than expensive outings and carefully planned weekends.
• How listening, curiosity and taking responsibility for our reactions can strengthen relationships.
• Why it is never too late to reconsider the kind of parent we want to be.

Coming next in the series

In Part Four, I explore the experience of absent fathers, why some men become disconnected from their children's lives, the longer-term consequences of paternal absence, and the difficult conversations that can arise when children begin asking questions about the father they didn't grow up with.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is an award-winning psychotherapist, accredited divorce coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author specialising in supporting fathers and families through separation, divorce and difficult conversations.

Through her coaching, books and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve combines clinical expertise, lived experience and practical tools to help people move forward with clarity and confidence.

Work with Eve: Book a free, confidential 20-minute discovery call at www.evestanway.co.uk or email [email protected].

Join the Dare to Speak Community: Expert interviews, webinars and twice-monthly live Q&A sessions. https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Follow Eve: @evestanway on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Eve Stanway on Facebook, LinkedIn and Substack.

Books:

• Conversations at the Shoreline – Amazon bestseller.
• Dare to Listen – Difficult Conversations with Young Adults. Amazon
• Dare to Stand – Supporting fathers through divorce. Coming June 2027.

Episode 47 - Dads and Divorce: Why Every Conversation Becomes an Argument

Dare to Speak – Difficult Conversations That Change Everything with Eve Stanway 

Why does a simple message about collecting the children turn into an argument that leaves you angry, exhausted and unable to sleep?

For many fathers navigating separation and divorce, communication with an ex-partner can become one of the most emotionally challenging parts of family life.

In this second episode of the Dads and Divorce series, Eve Stanway explores why accusations can feel so deeply personal, how grief and fear influence the way men respond, and why fighting for your family is not the same as fighting with your former partner.

Through the illustrative story of James, a father of two navigating life after an 18-year marriage, Eve examines the loss of familiar family routines, the fear of becoming less important in your children's lives, and the difficulty of managing conflict when your character and values feel under attack.

Drawing on more than 25 years of experience, Eve introduces practical ways to approach difficult co-parenting conversations using her Magic Three framework – Clarify, Communicate, Correct – alongside her Listen, Speak, Lead approach.

In this episode, we explore:

- Why ordinary co-parenting conversations can escalate into arguments.
- How separation and divorce can challenge a father's sense of identity.
- Why accusations of selfishness or being a bad father can provoke powerful emotional responses.
- The difference between defending your character and resolving a practical disagreement.
- How to respond to provocative messages without abandoning your boundaries.
- Why grief, anger and fear can become entangled in communication with an ex-partner.
- How to recognise unhelpful communication patterns and begin changing them.
- Why maintaining a loving relationship with your children matters more than winning an argument.

This episode is for fathers who want to navigate divorce differently, protect their relationships with their children and find a more constructive way to communicate during separation.

One question runs through the conversation: What are you trying to achieve?

Because the determination that helped you build your family may now need a different direction.

Coming next in the series

In the next episode, Eve explores the changing relationship between fathers and their children following separation, including the challenges of contact arrangements, teenage independence and understanding children's behaviour. She also shares some of her own childhood experiences and why supporting fathers matters so much to her.

If this episode has been helpful, please follow Dare to Speak and share it with someone who may benefit.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is an award-winning psychotherapist, accredited divorce coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author specialising in supporting fathers and families through separation, divorce and difficult conversations.

Through her coaching, books and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve combines clinical expertise, lived experience and practical tools to help people move forward with clarity and confidence.

Work with Eve: Book a free, confidential 20-minute discovery call at www.evestanway.co.uk or email [email protected].

Join the Dare to Speak Community: Expert interviews, webinars and twice-monthly live Q&A sessions. https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Follow Eve: @evestanway on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Eve Stanway on Facebook, LinkedIn and Substack.

Books:

• Conversations at the Shoreline – Amazon bestseller.
• Dare to Listen – Difficult Conversations with Young Adults. Amazon
• Dare to Stand – Supporting fathers through divorce. Coming June 2027.

Episode 46: Dads and Divorce – Two Fathers, Two Stories, and the Conversations That Change Everything with Eve Stanway

What happens when you're a father who has spent years providing for your family, only to find yourself fighting to maintain your place in your children's lives after separation?

In this solo episode of Dare to Speak, divorce coach and psychotherapist Eve Stanway shares the stories of two fathers, Tom and Daniel, whose experiences reveal the emotional, practical and relational challenges men can face during separation and divorce.

Tom is a hardworking father whose marriage has broken down and whose communication with his wife has become increasingly difficult. With solicitors involved and conflict escalating, he is frightened of losing the relationship he has with his children. He needs to develop new parenting skills, understand his wife's perspective and find a way to communicate without every disagreement becoming another legal dispute.

Daniel's experience is different. His marriage ended unexpectedly, leaving him grieving, isolated and struggling with unanswered questions. Living in a close-knit community, he faces the loss of friendships, difficult social encounters and the fear that his children may begin to see him differently.

Through these two composite stories, Eve explores why fear in men can appear as anger, withdrawal or attempts to regain control, and why learning to communicate effectively is one of the most valuable skills a father can develop.

Drawing on more than 25 years of therapeutic experience, her own experience of divorce and her childhood growing up with a divorced father, Eve discusses the importance of emotional regulation, practical parenting, listening and preparing for difficult conversations.

In this episode, you'll discover:

- Why fathers who have been the main financial providers can struggle with their changing roles after separation.
- How fear, grief and uncertainty influence men's communication.
- Why communication difficulties can increase conflict and legal costs.
- How Eve's Listen, Lead framework and the Magic Three, Clarify, Communicate, Correct, help fathers approach challenging conversations.
- Why understanding the other parent's fears can change the direction of a negotiation.
- How fathers can develop confidence in everyday parenting and protect their relationships with their children.
- The importance of friendships, emotional support and preparing for uncomfortable social encounters.
- Why children need parents who can remain emotionally steady, even when family life becomes difficult.

"In men, fear rarely looks like fear."

It can look like anger, silence, control or withdrawal. Recognising what lies beneath those responses can be the beginning of a different way of communicating.

Tom and Daniel are very different fathers facing very different circumstances. What connects them is their love for their children and their determination to find a way through separation without allowing conflict and grief to define their relationships.

The central message of this episode is that difficult conversations are a skill, and skills can be learned.

Whether you're considering separation, navigating divorce proceedings or rebuilding your relationship with your children, this episode offers insight into how communication can help you move forward with greater clarity, confidence and dignity.

Episode chapters

00:00 – When providing for your family no longer feels enough

02:11 – The provider father and changing family roles

04:00 – In men, fear rarely looks like fear

06:52 – Tom's story: Divorce, solicitors and escalating conflict

10:31 – The Magic Three: Clarify, Communicate, Correct

14:58 – Learning to parent independently after separation

18:17 – Daniel's story: Grief and an unexpected divorce

20:40 – Losing friendships and finding support

22:36 – Navigating difficult social encounters

24:21 – Protecting the father-child relationship

26:14 – What Tom and Daniel have in common

27:15 – Eve's personal experience of parental divorce

29:27 – Learning to lead through difficult conversations

31:15 – Coaching and support for fathers

Books by Eve Stanway

Conversations at the Shoreline: Dare to Speak – Navigate Life's Toughest Conversations with Clarity and Confidence and 

Dare to Listen: Navigate Life's Toughest Conversations with Young Adults Aged 16–28

Both books are available through Eve's website and Amazon.

If this episode resonates with you, please share it with a father who may be struggling through separation or divorce. Knowing that support and understanding are available can make an enormous difference.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is an award-winning psychotherapist, accredited divorce coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author specialising in supporting fathers and families through separation, divorce and difficult conversations.

Through her coaching, books and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve combines clinical expertise, lived experience and practical tools to help people move forward with clarity and confidence.

Work with Eve: Book a free, confidential 20-minute discovery call at www.evestanway.co.uk or email [email protected].

Join the Dare to Speak Community: Expert interviews, webinars and twice-monthly live Q&A sessions. https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Follow Eve: @evestanway on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Eve Stanway on Facebook, LinkedIn and Substack.

Books:

• Conversations at the Shoreline – Amazon bestseller.
• Dare to Listen – Difficult Conversations with Young Adults. Amazon
• Dare to Stand – Supporting fathers through divorce. Coming June 2027.

Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything

Host: Eve Stanway
Guest: Catherine Grout, Personal Stylist, Colour Analyst and Personal Brand Expert

Episode Show Notes

What do the clothes we wear say about us? And what happens to our confidence, identity and sense of self when life changes dramatically?

In this episode of Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything, I am joined by award-winning Personal Stylist, Colour Analyst and Personal Brand Expert Catherine Grout to explore the surprisingly emotional world of personal style, body image and the difficult conversations that come with both.

After a 20-year career in technology, Catherine experienced redundancy and went on to reinvent herself, building a business helping women, and increasingly men, rediscover their confidence through what they wear.

Our conversation explores why opening someone's wardrobe can mean opening the door to years of memories, insecurities and deeply held beliefs about their appearance. Clothes are rarely just clothes. They can represent who we used to be, how we see ourselves today and who we hope to become.

We discuss the lasting impact of seemingly casual comments about our bodies, how criticism of someone's appearance can become a means of undermining their confidence within a relationship, and why separation and divorce can leave people feeling disconnected from their identity.

Catherine also shares how raising her children taught her to approach sensitive conversations with patience, curiosity and without judgement, skills that are just as valuable when helping someone confront the uncomfortable emotions surrounding their appearance.

We explore the power of dressing with intention, from navigating professional environments and court appearances to developing a personal brand that communicates confidence and authority.

And importantly, we talk about why rebuilding confidence doesn't have to mean spending a fortune on a new wardrobe. Sometimes the clothes we already own, combined with a little knowledge and a fresh perspective, are enough to help us see ourselves differently.

In This Episode, We Explore

• Why our wardrobes hold memories, emotions and stories about our lives.
• How to have sensitive conversations about appearance without leaving someone feeling criticised or judged.
• The relationship between body image, self-worth and the way we dress.
• Why men can find themselves struggling with clothing choices and personal identity following separation or divorce.
• How criticism about someone's appearance can undermine their confidence within a relationship.
• The importance of patience, emotional regulation and collaboration during difficult conversations.
• How colour, clothing and personal branding influence the way we present ourselves professionally.
• Why personal reinvention is possible at any stage of life, without the expense of replacing everything we own.

About Catherine Grout

Catherine Grout is an award-winning Personal Stylist, Colour Analyst and Personal Brand Expert who helps people rediscover their confidence through the power of style.

Following a 20-year career in technology, Catherine reinvented her professional life after redundancy, creating a business dedicated to helping people feel more visible, authentic and confident.

As a Senior Colour Tutor at the London College of Style, she combines evidence-based colour analysis, personal styling and personal branding to help clients understand how their appearance can communicate who they are before they say a word.

Catherine works with both women and men, helping them make the most of their existing wardrobes, understand the colours and shapes that suit them, and develop a personal style that reflects their lives today.

Connect with Catherine

Website: https://www.whatiamwearing.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/catherinewhatiamwearing/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/catherine.grout.1/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/catherine-grout/

Catherine also offers a free introductory conversation for anyone who would like to explore their personal style and confidence. Visit her website to find out more.

A Final Thought

Our relationship with the clothes we wear is often closely connected to our relationship with ourselves.

When life changes, particularly following separation, divorce or another significant loss, rediscovering our personal style can be one small but meaningful part of rebuilding our confidence and sense of identity.

As Catherine reminds us, reinvention is always possible, and we deserve to feel comfortable and confident in the way we present ourselves to the world.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is an award-winning psychotherapist, accredited divorce coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author specialising in supporting fathers and families through separation, divorce and difficult conversations.

Through her coaching, books and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve combines clinical expertise, lived experience and practical tools to help people move forward with clarity and confidence.

Work with Eve: Book a free, confidential 20-minute discovery call at www.evestanway.co.uk or email [email protected].

Join the Dare to Speak Community: Expert interviews, webinars and twice-monthly live Q&A sessions. https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Follow Eve: @evestanway on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Eve Stanway on Facebook, LinkedIn and Substack.

Books:

• Conversations at the Shoreline – Amazon bestseller.
• Dare to Listen – Difficult Conversations with Young Adults. Amazon
• Dare to Stand – Supporting fathers through divorce. Coming June 2027.

Episode 44 - Understanding Your Feelings and Learning to Listen with Vicky Midwood

When someone tells us how they feel, how often do we jump straight to offering a solution? What changes when we give them time to finish?

In this episode of Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything, I’m joined by Vicky Midwood to explore how we listen to our feelings, respond to other people’s emotions and make sense of the conversations happening within ourselves.

Vicky is a Human Performance Strategist, speaker and host of the RAW CHATTER podcast. She helps business owners and high-performing professionals close the gap between knowing and doing by understanding what is driving their health, performance and behaviour. Her mission is to help people stop fighting themselves and start working with their own body and brain.

Together, we discuss how childhood experiences can teach us to ignore physical discomfort or hold back emotions, and how those habits can follow us into parenting, relationships and everyday conversations.

From the tightening in your stomach to the tension across your shoulders, we explore the signals we notice in our bodies and the stories we attach to them. We also consider the difference between allowing a feeling and acting on it.

Vicky shares a practical approach to supporting someone: establish whether they want to be heard, helped or held. Knowing what they need can make room for a very different conversation.

In this episode, we explore:

- How we learn to silence feelings, often without realising it.
- Why well-intentioned advice can leave someone feeling unheard.
- Using a feelings wheel to describe what you feel and what it relates to.
- Recognising the connections between feelings, thoughts and behaviour.
- How coping habits can become difficult to change.
- Listening to children and young adults without rushing to solve their problems.
- Learning from mistakes as we practise new ways of communicating.

This conversation invites you to become more curious about your emotional experience and to give yourself, and the people you love, space to be heard.

Connect with Vicky Midwood

Website -www.vickymidwood.com
LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/vickymidwood/
Facebook - www.facebook.com/vicky.midwood)
Instagram - www.instagram.com/vickymidwood_gfc/
YouTube - www.youtube.com/@VickyMidwoodOfficial

Vicky also hosts RAW CHATTER, a podcast exploring how humans think, feel and behave.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is an award-winning psychotherapist, accredited divorce coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author specialising in supporting fathers and families through separation, divorce and difficult conversations.

Through her coaching, books and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve combines clinical expertise, lived experience and practical tools to help people move forward with clarity and confidence.

Work with Eve: Book a free, confidential 20-minute discovery call at www.evestanway.co.uk or email [email protected].

Join the Dare to Speak Community: Expert interviews, webinars and twice-monthly live Q&A sessions. https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Follow Eve: @evestanway on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Eve Stanway on Facebook, LinkedIn and Substack.

Books:

• Conversations at the Shoreline – Amazon bestseller.
• Dare to Listen – Difficult Conversations with Young Adults. Amazon
• Dare to Stand – Supporting fathers through divorce. Coming June 2027.

What happens when the skills that have helped you succeed at work don’t help you when your marriage is falling apart?

In Episode 43 of Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything, I’m joined by fellow accredited divorce coach Photis Kassianides, founder of Emotional Equity Coaching.

Photis spent 25 years working in investment banking, much of it on trading floors, before becoming a coach. He understands the culture of high performance from the inside: long hours, intense pressure, financial reward, responsibility and the expectation that, whatever is happening elsewhere in your life, you continue to perform.

During the breakdown of his own marriage, Photis decided he needed to tell his boss what was happening. He knew he might need time away from the desk and wanted to be open about why.

His direct boss was sympathetic, if a little awkward. Then Photis was called into the glass corner office of a more senior boss.

The response was stark:

“You’ve dropped the ball at home, make sure you don’t drop it at work.”

And that was the end of the conversation.

What I find particularly powerful is what Photis says next. He describes this moment as, in some ways, part of his origin story as a divorce coach:

“At the time, actually, I just took it as was. I was like, ‘Yeah, that’s fair enough.’ It took a while for that to sink in and for me to think, ‘That can’t be right, can it? That can’t be the end of that sort of conversation.’”

That experience raises a much bigger question.

What happens when someone who has spent years learning to perform, provide, compete and cope suddenly faces a situation they cannot simply work harder to solve?

And what happens when the culture around them has taught them that vulnerability is something to contain rather than communicate?

Photis and I explore what it means to be a provider, particularly for men working in demanding professional environments.

If you are working long hours to give your family financial security, a good home, holidays and opportunities, it can feel entirely reasonable to believe that you are doing your part.

Meanwhile, your partner may be experiencing the relationship very differently.

They may be carrying school runs, bedtimes, appointments, meals, children’s emotions and the thousand almost invisible jobs involved in keeping family life moving. They may not experience your long hours as providing. They may experience them as absence.

Neither experience automatically cancels out the other.

And this is often where resentment begins.

We talk about the conversations couples frequently don’t have until they are already in trouble: appreciation, workload, parenting, emotional presence, vulnerability and what each person believes they are contributing to the family.

We also talk about the apparently ridiculous arguments that aren’t ridiculous at all.

The argument about spaghetti rather than penne. The suitcase left in the hallway after a business trip. The parent who walks through the door wanting to enjoy the children while the other parent desperately needs somebody else to take over.

Small moments can carry the accumulated weight of feeling unseen.

We explore fathers who don’t want to become the “bad cop” because they already feel they don’t see their children enough, different parenting styles, and what happens when two people have genuinely different versions of what is fair.

And we come back to one of the central ideas behind Dare to Speak:

Listening does not mean agreeing.

Not listening to another person is not a boundary. We can hear what somebody has to say, understand their experience and still disagree.

Whether you are trying to save a relationship, navigating separation or already going through divorce, learning the difference between reacting, responding and trying to control somebody else’s response can change the conversation.

In this episode, we explore:

• High-performance careers and the hidden cost to relationships
• Men, vulnerability and asking for help
• Divorce and separation in the workplace
• What it means to be a provider
• Financial provision versus emotional presence
• The invisible workload of family life
• How resentment develops between partners
• Why tiny arguments can represent much bigger problems
• Fathers, parenting and the fear of becoming the “bad cop”
• Different parenting styles and managing difference
• Responding rather than reacting
• What you can and cannot control during conflict
• Why listening is not the same as agreeing
• The difference between a boundary and closing down communication

About Photis Kassianides

Photis Kassianides is an accredited divorce coach and founder of Emotional Equity Coaching. Before becoming a coach, he spent 25 years working in investment banking. His professional background, combined with his own experience of divorce, gives him a particular insight into the pressures faced by high-achieving men navigating relationship breakdown, fatherhood, work and major life change.

Find Photis at Emotional Equity Coaching:
https://www.emotionalequity.co/

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is an award-winning psychotherapist, accredited divorce coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author specialising in supporting fathers and families through separation, divorce and difficult conversations.

Through her coaching, books and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve combines clinical expertise, lived experience and practical tools to help people move forward with clarity and confidence.

Work with Eve: Book a free, confidential 20-minute discovery call at www.evestanway.co.uk or email [email protected].

Join the Dare to Speak Community: Expert interviews, webinars and twice-monthly live Q&A sessions. https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Follow Eve: @evestanway on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Eve Stanway on Facebook, LinkedIn and Substack.

Books:

• Conversations at the Shoreline – Amazon bestseller.
• Dare to Listen – Difficult Conversations with Young Adults. Amazon
• Dare to Stand – Supporting fathers through divorce. Coming June 2027.

Episode 42 - Divorce, Difficult Conversations and Choosing the Right Family Lawyer with Colette Bane

What should you expect from a family solicitor when you are going through separation or divorce? And how much difference can the right lawyer make to the way your divorce unfolds?

In this episode of Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Can Change Everything, I’m joined by Colette Bane, Partner and Family Solicitor at Knights, for a wide-ranging conversation about what family law looks like from the other side of the solicitor’s desk.

For many people, separation or divorce is the first time they have needed to work closely with a solicitor. It can feel intimidating, particularly when you are already dealing with grief, anger, uncertainty, financial pressure or difficult communication with an ex-partner.

Colette and I talk about why a good family solicitor needs to do far more than simply know the law. They need to listen, understand what matters to their client and recognise that family law rarely provides the simple, guaranteed outcomes people are sometimes led to expect.

We explore why divorce settlements are not based on a straightforward formula, and why two people with apparently similar circumstances can have very different outcomes. As Colette explains, good family law requires solicitors to be collaborative, constructive and creative, rather than simply following a predetermined script.

We also discuss what happens when conflict becomes entrenched.

Colette shares how she responds when clients ask her to take an approach she believes is inappropriate or unethical, and why part of being a good solicitor sometimes means being prepared to challenge your own client rather than simply doing whatever they ask.

We look at the role solicitors can play in creating boundaries where communication has become abusive or overwhelming, including circumstances where directing communication through a solicitor can temporarily remove some of the heat and create breathing space.

Our conversation also explores:

- What being a partner in a law firm actually means
- What to look for when choosing a family solicitor
- Why feeling listened to matters
- Why family law is rarely as black and white as people expect
- The difference between legal advice and guaranteed outcomes
- Why solicitors sometimes need to challenge their own clients
- Professional standards and the roles of the Solicitors Regulation Authority and Resolution
- Why communication between solicitors can help cases move towards settlement
- The pressure within the family courts to resolve disputes where possible
- How anger, resentment and unresolved hurt can spill into financial and children proceedings
- The impact of no-fault divorce on the way people express what happened within their marriage
- Why emotional support and legal support often need to work alongside one another
- Domestic abuse, coercive control and post-separation abuse
- Why somebody experiencing abuse can appear highly reactive while the person exerting control appears calm
- Training within family law around domestic abuse and coercive control
- Fact-finding hearings and the distinction between family and criminal proceedings
- Why going to court does not necessarily provide the sense of vindication people may be hoping for
- The importance of understanding what a solicitor can and cannot promise you

One of the most important themes running through our conversation is that family law is not designed to produce a winner and a loser.

Separation and divorce are already emotionally difficult. When unresolved hurt becomes mixed into negotiations about money, property or children, reaching sensible decisions becomes considerably harder.

That is also why emotional support can matter alongside legal advice. As Colette explains, mediation or negotiation can only do so much when somebody arrives with their “heart and head full of hate”. Working through some of the emotional impact of separation can make it much easier to make considered decisions about what happens next.

Colette’s advice when choosing a solicitor

Choose carefully and take your time.

A solicitor may be working alongside you for months, or sometimes considerably longer. You need somebody who will listen, explain the law clearly, help you understand your options and develop a strategy based on your circumstances.

Be cautious about promises of a particular outcome.

A good solicitor can promise how they will work with you. They can explain the law, develop a strategy and do everything reasonably possible to help you reach the outcome you are seeking.

What they cannot responsibly guarantee is exactly what a court will decide.

As Colette puts it:

“We can't promise you the outcome, but we can build the best strategy to get you there as far as possible.”

Colette Bane
Partner and Family Solicitor, Knights

Telephone/WhatsApp: 07384 460636
Email: [email protected]

Colette can also be found through the Resolution directory.

About Dare to Speak

Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Can Change Everything explores the conversations we often find hardest to have, from separation, divorce and parenting to relationships, conflict, loss and major changes in our lives.

Hosted by Eve Stanway, Break-up and Divorce Coach, Psychotherapist and author, the podcast looks at how we can approach difficult conversations with greater clarity, confidence and understanding.

Disclaimer: This podcast provides general information and discussion only. Nothing in this episode constitutes legal advice. Family law is highly dependent upon individual circumstances. If you require advice about your own situation, please seek advice from an appropriately qualified family law professional.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is an award-winning psychotherapist, accredited divorce coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author specialising in supporting fathers and families through separation, divorce and difficult conversations.

Through her coaching, books and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve combines clinical expertise, lived experience and practical tools to help people move forward with clarity and confidence.

Work with Eve: Book a free, confidential 20-minute discovery call at www.evestanway.co.uk or email [email protected].

Join the Dare to Speak Community: Expert interviews, webinars and twice-monthly live Q&A sessions. https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Follow Eve: @evestanway on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Eve Stanway on Facebook, LinkedIn and Substack.

Books:

• Conversations at the Shoreline – Amazon bestseller.
• Dare to Listen – Difficult Conversations with Young Adults. Amazon
• Dare to Stand – Supporting fathers through divorce. Coming June 2027.

Episode 41: The Difficult Conversations We Need to Have About Money – with Paul Steed

Money is one of those subjects we often avoid talking about properly.

We might know what is coming into the bank each month, what the mortgage costs and whether we can afford the supermarket shop, while having surprisingly little understanding of the bigger financial picture: pensions, investments, retirement, life insurance, wills, inheritance or what would happen financially if our relationship ended.

In this episode of Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything, I am joined by Paul Steed, Financial Planner at Alan Boswell Financial Planning, to talk about why financial planning isn't simply something for wealthy people. It is about understanding what you have, what you need and what your choices might look like in the future.

We talk particularly about separation and divorce, where a lack of financial knowledge can suddenly become frighteningly important. In many relationships, one person has taken responsibility for the finances while the other has had relatively little involvement. When that relationship ends, someone can find themselves trying to make significant decisions about pensions, property and their financial future without feeling that they understand any of it.

We also talk about the shame that can sit around money and the belief that “I'm bad with money.” Not understanding finances doesn't mean you are bad with money. It may simply mean nobody has ever taught you how this stuff works.

Paul explains how financial planning and cash-flow modelling can help us replace assumptions with facts. Sometimes those facts tell us that something isn't affordable. Sometimes they reveal possibilities we didn't know we had.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why you don't need to be wealthy to speak to a financial planner
• The importance of pensions during separation and divorce
• What can happen when one partner has always controlled the family finances
• Why financial knowledge matters before a relationship is in difficulty
• Pension sharing orders and why receiving one isn't necessarily the end of the process
• Financial planning after the sale of the family home
• Cash-flow modelling and understanding what you can really afford
• The shame and anxiety many people experience around money
• Planning for retirement rather than simply hoping it will work out
• Life insurance, wills and powers of attorney
• Why unmarried couples can face very different financial circumstances from married couples or civil partners
• The extraordinary effect that starting financial planning early can have over a lifetime

Paul also shares the story of a couple approaching retirement who believed they had very little. They took the step of seeking professional advice and discovered that their financial position was very different from the one they had imagined. Understanding what they really had changed what retirement could look like for them.

One of the themes running through this conversation is simple: before you decide what your financial future looks like, find out what the facts are.

Fear tells us stories. Numbers give us information. Once we have information, we can begin making decisions.

Important information

The information provided in this podcast does not constitute personal financial advice. If you require advice about your own investments or pensions, you will need to speak to a financial adviser.

Contact Paul Steed

Paul Steed
Alan Boswell Financial Planning
Telephone: 01603 218 074
Email: [email protected]

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is an award-winning psychotherapist, accredited divorce coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author specialising in supporting fathers and families through separation, divorce and difficult conversations.

Through her coaching, books and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve combines clinical expertise, lived experience and practical tools to help people move forward with clarity and confidence.

Work with Eve: Book a free, confidential 20-minute discovery call at www.evestanway.co.uk or email [email protected].

Join the Dare to Speak Community: Expert interviews, webinars and twice-monthly live Q&A sessions. https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Follow Eve: @evestanway on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Eve Stanway on Facebook, LinkedIn and Substack.

Books:

• Conversations at the Shoreline – Amazon bestseller.
• Dare to Listen – Difficult Conversations with Young Adults. Amazon
• Dare to Stand – Supporting fathers through divorce. Coming June 2027.

Episode 40: Difficult Conversations, Cancer, Hope and Living for Today with Annie Bennett

What happens when the conversations we would rather not have become the ones that matter most?

In this episode of Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything, I’m joined by Annie Bennett, former primary school teacher and head teacher, business owner, baker and founder of the charity Chronicles of Hope.

Annie and I have known each other for several years, and I wanted to invite her onto the podcast because her life has given her an extraordinary perspective on difficult conversations.

We begin with her 30 years in education, where conversations with worried, frightened or angry parents taught her something I think is incredibly important: what somebody is angry about may not be what is really troubling them. Sometimes the lost school jumper is simply the place where everything else spills out.

We talk about why curiosity matters when somebody's reaction seems disproportionate, particularly when we have no idea what may be happening behind their front door.

Our conversation then moves into Annie's own life.

After leaving head teaching during a difficult period of separation, divorce and illness, Annie built a new career and business. Then, two years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. A month later, she was told that the cancer had spread to her bones and was incurable.

Annie talks with remarkable openness about the conversation in which her doctor gave her that diagnosis, and why his willingness to be clear, kind and unambiguous helped her to absorb information that was almost unimaginably difficult to hear.

We explore the important difference between clarity and bluntness.

Being clear does not mean being cold. It means recognising that when somebody is frightened, shocked or emotionally overwhelmed, ambiguity can make an already difficult situation harder. It also means giving people time to process what they have heard rather than rushing to fill the silence.

We talk about:

• what years in education taught Annie about angry and distressed parents
• looking beyond someone's behaviour to what may be happening underneath it
• difficult conversations during separation and divorce
• receiving a life-limiting cancer diagnosis
• why clear language can feel safer than euphemisms
• the importance of silence and allowing somebody time to process difficult news
• learning to tolerate our own discomfort when delivering difficult information
• talking openly with family about illness, death and even funeral wishes
• why difficult conversations can deepen rather than damage relationships
• the experience of young adults caring for a seriously ill parent
• Annie's reasons for founding Chronicles of Hope
• caring for yourself when somebody you love is ill
• grief, uncertainty and the things we cannot prepare ourselves for
• finding moments of happiness when life is extraordinarily difficult

Annie founded Chronicles of Hope after seeing the impact her diagnosis had on her own daughters, Heather and Elfie. The charity aims to support young adults whose parent or carer has a life-limiting illness, particularly at an age when they may also be navigating university, work, leaving home and the beginnings of their own adult lives.

Towards the end of our conversation, I ask Annie for her message of hope.

Her answer is beautifully simple: happiness is now.

We can spend so much of our lives believing happiness will arrive when something changes, resolves or becomes easier. Annie's invitation is to notice the moments of joy that are available alongside the difficult things: a cup of coffee, birds outside the window, goslings growing week by week, singing, friendship, laughter.

Perhaps that is one of the gifts of being willing to have difficult conversations. When we stop using so much energy trying to avoid what is painful, there can be more room for connection, honesty and the life that is happening around us now.

Connect with Annie Bennett

Find out more about Chronicles of Hope, its work supporting young adult carers, fundraising activities and ways to get involved through the Chronicles of Hope website and social media channels.

About Dare to Speak

Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything explores the conversations we struggle to have in our relationships, families, workplaces and lives.

I’m Eve Stanway, psychotherapist, divorce and break-up coach, author and difficult conversations specialist. Through conversations with guests and episodes drawing on more than 25 years of clinical experience, I explore how we can approach difficult conversations with greater clarity, confidence and compassion.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is an award-winning psychotherapist, accredited divorce coach, keynote speaker and bestselling author specialising in supporting fathers and families through separation, divorce and difficult conversations.

Through her coaching, books and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve combines clinical expertise, lived experience and practical tools to help people move forward with clarity and confidence.

Work with Eve: Book a free, confidential 20-minute discovery call at www.evestanway.co.uk or email [email protected].

Join the Dare to Speak Community: Expert interviews, webinars and twice-monthly live Q&A sessions. https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Follow Eve: @evestanway on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Eve Stanway on Facebook, LinkedIn and Substack.

Books:

• Conversations at the Shoreline – Amazon bestseller.
• Dare to Listen – Difficult Conversations with Young Adults. Amazon
• Dare to Stand – Supporting fathers through divorce. Coming June 2027.