Dare To Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything

Dare to Speak Interview with Anthony Astbury - Men, Difficult Conversations & the Cost of Silence

Anthony Astbury spent nearly two decades in finance in the City before founding the Whole Man Academy, a personal development organisation for ambitious professional men who feel the distance between where they are and where they want to be. He runs events across London, the Cotswolds and Winchester, offers private coaching, books, a podcast, a membership programme, and corporate talks at companies including Spotify, Lloyds Bank and Credit Suisse.

In this episode, Anthony and I talk about what it actually costs men to avoid difficult conversations, why grief is routinely misdiagnosed as depression, and what the male suicide statistics reveal about the consequences of getting that wrong.

We cover what shifts in a relationship after a baby arrives, how physical intimacy erodes when it becomes conditional, and what John Gottman's research tells us about those early weeks of parenthood as a predictor of long-term conflict. We talk about the mental load as a project management problem, generational trauma made visible through fatherhood loss, and why most couples are working entirely from the communication patterns their own parents handed them.

We also get into the neuroscience of speaking out loud, the Listen, Speak, Lead framework, and why tolerating discomfort in conversation is one of the most underrated skills in any relationship.

Anthony also shares a question, passed on by a Californian police detective, that opens up a genuine conversation between partners. The gap between what you think your partner needs and what they actually need is usually significant.

Connect with Anthony Astbury:

Website: www.wholemanacademy.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/anthony-astbury

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is a psychotherapist, author and specialist Divorce and Separation Coach, working particularly with men and fathers navigating relationship breakdown, emotional overwhelm and the difficult conversations that accompany major life changes.

Through her coaching, writing and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve explores how we can approach challenging conversations with greater confidence, understanding and clarity.

If this episode resonated with you, find out more about working with Eve or book a free 20-minute confidential chat to talk about what is happening, what support you need and whether working together feels right.

Website: www.evestanway.co.uk
Email: [email protected]

Join the Dare to Speak Community for thoughtful, non-judgemental support away from social media. Access Eve’s courses, expert interviews, monthly webinars and live Power Hour Q&As:
https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Connect:
Instagram, YouTube & TikTok: @evestanway
Facebook, LinkedIn & Substack: Eve Stanway

Books:
Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity — www.evestanway.co.uk

Out now: Dare ...

The Everyday Conversations That End Marriages

Most marriages do not end because of one catastrophic event. They end because of thousands of small moments that nobody named, nobody addressed, and nobody thought were serious enough to talk about.

I have spent more than 25 years working with people through separation and divorce. What I know, with absolute certainty, is that the end of a marriage is almost never a surprise. The signs are there long before anyone is ready to see them. The argument about the dishwasher. The silence after a long day. The feeling of carrying more than your share and nobody noticing. These are not small things. They are the data.

This episode is about learning to read that data before it costs you your relationship.

I cover three stress response patterns I see repeatedly in the couples I work with: the Leaky Bucket, the Straw That Breaks the Camel's Back, and Kicking the Cat. Understanding which one you use, and which one your partner uses, is not a minor insight. It is the difference between a conversation that lands and one that detonates.

I also cover why the task is never really about the task. Why appreciation is not a nicety but a structural requirement in a healthy relationship. Why couples who cannot agree on who does what eventually stop being able to agree on anything. And how to use the Listen, Speak, Lead framework to have the conversations that most people keep putting off until there is nothing left to save.

The couples who learn to talk about the small things rarely end up in my office talking about whether to stay together.

This episode is practical, direct, and grounded in what I actually see working with real people in real relationships. Please share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is a psychotherapist, author and specialist Divorce and Separation Coach, working particularly with men and fathers navigating relationship breakdown, emotional overwhelm and the difficult conversations that accompany major life changes.

Through her coaching, writing and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve explores how we can approach challenging conversations with greater confidence, understanding and clarity.

If this episode resonated with you, find out more about working with Eve or book a free 20-minute confidential chat to talk about what is happening, what support you need and whether working together feels right.

Website: www.evestanway.co.uk
Email: [email protected]

Join the Dare to Speak Community for thoughtful, non-judgemental support away from social media. Access Eve’s courses, expert interviews, monthly webinars and live Power Hour Q&As:
https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Connect:
Instagram, YouTube & TikTok: @evestanway
Facebook, LinkedIn & Substack: Eve Stanway

Books:
Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity — www.evestanway.co.uk

Out now: Dare ...

Episode 23: How We Talk to Children About Divorce

The way you talk to your children about divorce will shape how they carry it.

Not just in the weeks after you tell them, but for years. The language you use, the emotions you manage - or fail to manage - and the consistency of what you say and do will either anchor your children through one of the most destabilising experiences of their lives, or add to the uncertainty they are already carrying.

This episode is about getting that right.

There is no perfect script. There is no single conversation that resolves everything. What there is, is a way of approaching this that protects your children - not through silence, but through clarity, repetition, and calm leadership.

What we cover in this episode:

Why treating this as one conversation is the first mistake most parents make, and what children are doing with the silence you leave between talks.

How children hear far more than adults realise. Overheard conversations, tonal shifts, and changes in routine communicate volumes before a single word is spoken directly to them.

How to frame the conversation with honesty and reassurance at its centre - what age-appropriate transparency actually looks like in practice, and why vague comfort is less effective than specific truth.

The three responses children most commonly have to being told their parents are divorcing: guilt, blame, and loyalty conflict. Each requires deliberate, repeated address - not a single reassurance and a move on.

Why your emotional state is not a private matter when your children are in the room. Managing it before you speak is parental responsibility, not optional self-care.

How children's developmental understanding evolves, and why the same questions will return at greater depth as they grow. The conversations you have now create the foundation for every difficult conversation that follows.

Key principles from this episode:

Silence does not protect children. It leaves them to fill the gap with their own interpretation - and children almost always interpret in ways that centre their own culpability.

Reassurance that love continues must be demonstrated through action, consistently over time. Saying it once is not sufficient.

Your words and your behaviour must match. Children are watching both.

These conversations are not events to get through. They are an ongoing process that requires leadership, patience, and repetition.

Resources mentioned:

For structured support navigating separation and the conversations that come with it, visit www.evestanway.co.uk.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is a psychotherapist, author and specialist Divorce and Separation Coach, working particularly with men and fathers navigating relationship breakdown, emotional overwhelm and the difficult conversations that accompany major life changes.

Through her coaching, writing and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve explores how we can approach challenging conversations with greater confidence, understanding and clarity.

If this episode resonated with you, find out more about working with Eve or book a free 20-minute confidential chat to talk about what is happening, what support you need and whether working together feels right.

Website: www.evestanway.co.uk
Email: [email protected]

Join the Dare to Speak Community for thoughtful, non-judgemental support away from social media. Access Eve’s courses, expert interviews, monthly webinars and live Power Hour Q&As:
https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Connect:
Instagram, YouTube & TikTok: @evestanway
Facebook, LinkedIn & Substack: Eve Stanway

Books:
Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity — www.evestanway.co.uk

Out now: Dare ...

Episode 22: The First 90 Seconds - The Hidden Dynamics of Difficult Conversations

Most people think a difficult conversation goes wrong in the moment. It does not. It goes wrong before a single word is spoken.

In this episode, I am exploring what is actually happening beneath the surface when a conversation feels impossible. The neuroscience. The nervous system. The patterns you learned long before you ever had to navigate a high-stakes exchange with another adult.

The first 90 seconds of any difficult conversation are critical. Not because of what you say, but because of what your body and mind have already decided before you open your mouth. I explain why this happens, what it costs you, and what to do instead.

We cover the role of co-regulation in close relationships, why the breakdown of that dynamic during separation or divorce is so disorienting, and how your attachment history quietly shapes every difficult exchange you attempt as an adult.

I also walk through a practical framework for staying focused and effective when the stakes are high: how to turn complaints into clear requests, why addressing one issue at a time is not a limitation but a discipline, and how to approach these conversations with intention rather than reaction.

If you are currently navigating a situation where communication has broken down or is under serious strain, this episode will give you a clearer picture of what is actually happening and a more precise way to move through it.

In this episode:

How your nervous system prepares you for conflict before you are even aware of it

Why co-regulation matters and what happens when it collapses

The role of attachment in adult conflict

How to turn a complaint into a request that can actually be heard

The one issue rule and why breaking it is so costly

The Clarify, Communicate, Correct framework in practice

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is a psychotherapist, author and specialist Divorce and Separation Coach, working particularly with men and fathers navigating relationship breakdown, emotional overwhelm and the difficult conversations that accompany major life changes.

Through her coaching, writing and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve explores how we can approach challenging conversations with greater confidence, understanding and clarity.

If this episode resonated with you, find out more about working with Eve or book a free 20-minute confidential chat to talk about what is happening, what support you need and whether working together feels right.

Website: www.evestanway.co.uk
Email: [email protected]

Join the Dare to Speak Community for thoughtful, non-judgemental support away from social media. Access Eve’s courses, expert interviews, monthly webinars and live Power Hour Q&As:
https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Connect:
Instagram, YouTube & TikTok: @evestanway
Facebook, LinkedIn & Substack: Eve Stanway

Books:
Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity — www.evestanway.co.uk

Out now: Dare ...

Bonus Episode: When Men Talk Honestly About the Hard Stuff Guest: Johnny Seifert | Host, Secure the Insecure

Most people know what they should say. The problem is what happens in the body the moment the conversation gets difficult. The throat tightens. The mind races. The instinct is to deflect, perform, or disappear.

Johnny Seifert has spent years creating a space where people, particularly men, can name what is actually happening. His podcast Secure the Insecure exists because the absence of honest dialogue is not a minor inconvenience. It is a pattern that shapes relationships, decisions, mental health, and the quality of a life.

In this conversation, we go into the mechanics of avoidance. We explore what drives people away from the conversations that matter most, what childhood wires into the nervous system about vulnerability and rejection, and what it takes to stay present when everything in you wants to leave.

In this episode we cover:

• Why honest conversations feel dangerous, and what is actually driving that response
• How childhood experiences with rejection wire adults to avoid vulnerability
• The specific cost of comparison, imposter syndrome, and social performance
• What social media is doing to the capacity for real dialogue
• How divorce and separation bring avoidance patterns into sharp relief
• The difference between performing composure and practising it
• What changes when men stop seeking external validation and start building internal clarity

About Johnny Seifert

Johnny is the host of the celebrity mental health podcast Secure the Insecure, where he has conversations that most broadcasters step around. He is a senior podcast producer and TV commentator whose work normalises honest dialogue about mental health, identity, and the cost of avoiding the conversations that matter most.

Find Johnny: Secure the Insecure podcast | LinkedIn | Twitter

https://www.instagram.com/securetheinsecurepodcast/

Reflection questions for this episode:

Is there a conversation you have been putting off? What would it cost you to have it this week, rather than next month?

When you measure yourself against others, what are you avoiding feeling about your own situation?

What would have to be true for you to ask for support before reaching a point of crisis?

The conversations you are avoiding are not going to become easier with time. They will become more expensive: relationally, financially, and in terms of who you are when this is over.

Find out more: www.evestanway.co.uk

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is a psychotherapist, author and specialist Divorce and Separation Coach, working particularly with men and fathers navigating relationship breakdown, emotional overwhelm and the difficult conversations that accompany major life changes.

Through her coaching, writing and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve explores how we can approach challenging conversations with greater confidence, understanding and clarity.

If this episode resonated with you, find out more about working with Eve or book a free 20-minute confidential chat to talk about what is happening, what support you need and whether working together feels right.

Website: www.evestanway.co.uk
Email: [email protected]

Join the Dare to Speak Community for thoughtful, non-judgemental support away from social media. Access Eve’s courses, expert interviews, monthly webinars and live Power Hour Q&As:
https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Connect:
Instagram, YouTube & TikTok: @evestanway
Facebook, LinkedIn & Substack: Eve Stanway

Books:
Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity — www.evestanway.co.uk

Out now: Dare ...

Episode 20: The Breadwinner Trap When Providing Becomes the Only Way You Know How to Love

Money is rarely the real argument in divorce.

The fight over assets, maintenance, support payments - these are the surface. Underneath is something much more frightening: if I'm not the provider, who am I?

This episode is about the man whose entire sense of worth is built around earning. His overtime is devotion. His income is proof he cares. His exhaustion is love made visible.

Until separation arrives, and that identity collapses.

What happens next isn't just financial panic.

It's an identity crisis. It's the self-protective mindset - not "I will lose money" but "I will lose who I am and what I have to offer my children."

Some men throw themselves harder into work during separation because it's the only place they still feel competent. The productivity becomes a way to prove value when everything else feels lost.

But here's what the research shows:

Higher income after divorce predicts better physical health. It does not predict better mental health.

What actually matters for wellbeing? Lower conflict. Emotional agency. Being present. Having a say in what happens makes a huge difference.  Learning how to speak without escalating into conflict over money is very important.  When there are unequal finances in a relationship, and the divorce court expects a 50:50 split, conflict can become volatile and harmful to all concerned with much needed assets going to solicitors and other professionals as legal proceedings appear to be the only way through.  Avoiding the drive to conflict, recognising that both sides are experiencing loss is key to finding a way through disagreements about who works hardest and who deserves the most.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is a psychotherapist, author and specialist Divorce and Separation Coach, working particularly with men and fathers navigating relationship breakdown, emotional overwhelm and the difficult conversations that accompany major life changes.

Through her coaching, writing and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve explores how we can approach challenging conversations with greater confidence, understanding and clarity.

If this episode resonated with you, find out more about working with Eve or book a free 20-minute confidential chat to talk about what is happening, what support you need and whether working together feels right.

Website: www.evestanway.co.uk
Email: [email protected]

Join the Dare to Speak Community for thoughtful, non-judgemental support away from social media. Access Eve’s courses, expert interviews, monthly webinars and live Power Hour Q&As:
https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Connect:
Instagram, YouTube & TikTok: @evestanway
Facebook, LinkedIn & Substack: Eve Stanway

Books:
Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity — www.evestanway.co.uk

Out now: Dare ...

Episode 19: The Court Didn't Decide That. The Conversation Did.

Dare to Speak: Difficult Conversations That Change Everything

Most people going through separation and divorce in the UK believe the outcome will be decided by a judge or driven by their solicitor. The data tells a different story.

Divorce mediation consistently produces better long-term outcomes than going to family court, yet only 14% of separating couples in the UK choose it. Financial remedy applications are at a 15-year high. Conflict is rising. The family courts are overwhelmed.

The gap between what works and what people actually do is not a legal problem. It is a communication problem.

For men in particular, the emotional weight of separation and divorce is significant and frequently invisible. The pressure to manage the legal process, maintain a relationship with their children, and hold things together professionally, while carrying the psychological impact of family breakdown, is one of the least talked about mental health challenges facing men today.

In this episode Eve Stanway, Difficult Conversations Expert and divorce coach, draws on over 25 years of experience working with people navigating high-conflict separation and family breakdown, and on her own experience of the court process, to examine why mediation is underused, what it is costing families, and what changes when communication skills replace conflict as the default.

She covers how divorce mediation works in practice, the legal reality of common law marriage in England and Wales, why 50/50 childcare arrangements are not always in a child's best interests, and why the outcome of your separation is far more within your control than the legal system suggests.

If you are a father trying to protect your relationship with your children, a man navigating the financial and emotional complexity of separation, or someone who simply wants to come through this with your integrity and your mental health intact, this episode is for you.

Difficult conversations are a skill. This episode shows you where to start.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is a psychotherapist, author and specialist Divorce and Separation Coach, working particularly with men and fathers navigating relationship breakdown, emotional overwhelm and the difficult conversations that accompany major life changes.

Through her coaching, writing and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve explores how we can approach challenging conversations with greater confidence, understanding and clarity.

If this episode resonated with you, find out more about working with Eve or book a free 20-minute confidential chat to talk about what is happening, what support you need and whether working together feels right.

Website: www.evestanway.co.uk
Email: [email protected]

Join the Dare to Speak Community for thoughtful, non-judgemental support away from social media. Access Eve’s courses, expert interviews, monthly webinars and live Power Hour Q&As:
https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Connect:
Instagram, YouTube & TikTok: @evestanway
Facebook, LinkedIn & Substack: Eve Stanway

Books:
Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity — www.evestanway.co.uk

Out now: Dare ...

Divorce changes more than your living situation.

It changes how you feel. How you sleep. How you show up. How you cope.

And for a lot of men, that shift happens quietly, buried under the admin, the practicalities, and the pressure to just "deal with it."

In this episode, Eve talks about what's often left unsaid: the real impact of separation and divorce on men's mental health.

Because while everyone's focused on who gets what and where the kids will be, there's another story playing out beneath the surface, one that's rarely acknowledged, even by the person living it.

Eve digs into:

– Why so many men don't talk about what they're really going through
– How isolation and low mood show up in ways that are easy to miss
– The disconnect between looking fine and actually being fine
– Why "keeping it together" can sometimes be part of the problem

She also speaks directly to the people around them, mates, family, colleagues, about what it looks like to actually check in. Not just ask. But really ask.

Because sometimes the most important thing you can say is:
"No, seriously, are you really okay?"

This episode is for anyone navigating divorce, supporting someone who is, or wondering why the man in their life doesn't seem quite himself anymore.

You don't have to go through this alone. And you don't have to pretend you're fine when you're not.

Worth a listen, whether it's for you, or for someone you care about.

NOTES:

Visit Eve Stanway’s website

If you need help now or you like to chat you can book a call here.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is a psychotherapist, author and specialist Divorce and Separation Coach, working particularly with men and fathers navigating relationship breakdown, emotional overwhelm and the difficult conversations that accompany major life changes.

Through her coaching, writing and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve explores how we can approach challenging conversations with greater confidence, understanding and clarity.

If this episode resonated with you, find out more about working with Eve or book a free 20-minute confidential chat to talk about what is happening, what support you need and whether working together feels right.

Website: www.evestanway.co.uk
Email: [email protected]

Join the Dare to Speak Community for thoughtful, non-judgemental support away from social media. Access Eve’s courses, expert interviews, monthly webinars and live Power Hour Q&As:
https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Connect:
Instagram, YouTube & TikTok: @evestanway
Facebook, LinkedIn & Substack: Eve Stanway

Books:
Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity — www.evestanway.co.uk

Out now: Dare ...

He says yes… when he means no.
He keeps the peace… until everything explodes.
And somewhere along the way, the relationship starts to quietly fall apart.

In this episode, we’re talking about something that doesn’t get spoken about enough, people pleasing, particularly in men, and the silent damage it can cause in relationships.

Because what looks like “being nice”…
Often becomes resentment, confusion, and emotional disconnection.

Eve unpacks why so many people (especially men) struggle to express what they really feel, and how avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t protect the relationship, it slowly erodes it.

If you’ve ever found yourself:

• Walking on eggshells to keep things calm
• Avoiding conversations you know you need to have
• Feeling frustrated because things are “fine”… but not really

This episode will help you understand what’s really going on beneath the surface.

More importantly, it will show you why learning to have honest, grounded conversations is one of the most important skills you can develop, not just for your relationships, but for yourself.

Because the goal isn’t conflict.
It’s clarity.
It’s connection.
It’s change.

This is your invitation to start looking at your patterns… and begin doing things differently.

NOTES:

Visit Eve Stanway’s website

If you need help now or you like to chat you can book a call here.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is a psychotherapist, author and specialist Divorce and Separation Coach, working particularly with men and fathers navigating relationship breakdown, emotional overwhelm and the difficult conversations that accompany major life changes.

Through her coaching, writing and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve explores how we can approach challenging conversations with greater confidence, understanding and clarity.

If this episode resonated with you, find out more about working with Eve or book a free 20-minute confidential chat to talk about what is happening, what support you need and whether working together feels right.

Website: www.evestanway.co.uk
Email: [email protected]

Join the Dare to Speak Community for thoughtful, non-judgemental support away from social media. Access Eve’s courses, expert interviews, monthly webinars and live Power Hour Q&As:
https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Connect:
Instagram, YouTube & TikTok: @evestanway
Facebook, LinkedIn & Substack: Eve Stanway

Books:
Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity — www.evestanway.co.uk

Out now: Dare ...

Ever found yourself wide awake at 3am…
mind racing, thoughts looping, and no way to switch it off?

In this episode, Eve dives into the exhausting cycle of ruminating thoughts, the kind that keep you stuck, overwhelmed and unable to rest when you need it most.

You’ll hear why these thought patterns feel so powerful at night, how they quietly impact your mental health, and why trying to “think your way out of it” often makes things worse.

Eve gently reframes what’s really happening in those moments, helping you understand that this isn’t a personal failure, it’s a pattern that can be understood and changed.

She also shares why reaching out for support matters more than you might think, and how having the right tools can begin to break the cycle.

If your mind feels loud when the world goes quiet…
this episode will help you feel less alone, and show you a different way through.

NOTES:

Visit Eve Stanway’s website

If you need help now or you like to chat you can book a call here.

Thank you for listening. If you would like to comment or share a difficult conversation topic for a future podcast, please message me.🫶✨️

Connect with Eve Stanway

Eve Stanway is a psychotherapist, author and specialist Divorce and Separation Coach, working particularly with men and fathers navigating relationship breakdown, emotional overwhelm and the difficult conversations that accompany major life changes.

Through her coaching, writing and Dare to Speak podcast, Eve explores how we can approach challenging conversations with greater confidence, understanding and clarity.

If this episode resonated with you, find out more about working with Eve or book a free 20-minute confidential chat to talk about what is happening, what support you need and whether working together feels right.

Website: www.evestanway.co.uk
Email: [email protected]

Join the Dare to Speak Community for thoughtful, non-judgemental support away from social media. Access Eve’s courses, expert interviews, monthly webinars and live Power Hour Q&As:
https://join.evestanway.co.uk/

Connect:
Instagram, YouTube & TikTok: @evestanway
Facebook, LinkedIn & Substack: Eve Stanway

Books:
Dare to Speak: Navigate Difficult Conversations with Confidence and Clarity — www.evestanway.co.uk

Out now: Dare ...