Date Like A Nerd

🦸 One convention might not be enough to get to know someone. But as you start attending more often and keeping in touch with everyone, feelings can start to develop. In the case of cosplayers, their passion for specific characters is just one more thing for them to bond over 😍

Elyse was introduced to Matt by her group of cosplayer friends. They got along well and exchanged contacts on the spot 📱 However, it took a decade for them to end up together! Times just didn't align. It took several encounters and a friend's wedding for them to start chatting more often. Funnily enough, they never confessed their feelings. Matt just assumed they were dating and decided to make it public! 😱

📝 This story is a great example of how making friends and meeting someone many different times can help you find your Player 2. It's not necessary to jump at someone attractive the first time you see them. And if you didn't click or didn't get their number the first time, there might be a next. It's not guaranteed. There's always an element of luck. But if that person was a part of your group of friends, you'll roll with advantage 🎲

Being part of a group of friends doesn't mean seeing the same people at the same recurring events, though 👀 It means developing relationships with them where you all meet to do different activities and get to know each other in different contexts. In their case, Elyse and Matt not only met at conventions, but the pivotal point was their friend's wedding. Not a convention. 💒

💡 So keep these lessons in mind next time you go socializing! Saw someone you wanted to talk to but didn't get to? There could be another time! 🤩

🎧 Press Start and see how cosplaying and conventions could lead to your Player 2!

🖤 FREE GUIDE: WHERE (AND HOW) TO MEET YOUR PLAYER 2 ORGANICALLY 🎮
Download it at https://www.rolltodate.com/where

📱Join me on Discord! https://www.datelikeanerd.com/discord

Elyse's Links:

https://linktr.ee/princessbilbo

https://www.instagram.com/princessbilbo

https://www.tiktok.com/@princessbilbo

https://www.facebook.com/PrincessBilbo

https://www.threads.net/@princessbilbo

Related Episodes: 

• Finding Your Nerd Community, with Jose: https://www.datelikeanerd.com/podcast/nerd-community/
• The Tolkien Association: Where to Meet Nerds, with Vir: https://www.datelikeanerd.com/podcast/the-tolkien-association/

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

• 00:00:00 Intro
• 00:00:58 What Makes Elyse a Nerd
• 00:02:38 Cosplayers Introducing Each Other
• 00:06:13 Asking for the Number
• 00:07:47 First Impression
• 00:09:57 Schroedinger Date
• 00:14:15 Mismatched Timings
• 00:16:49 Going Public Online
• 00:19:28 Dating as Asexual
• 00:21:23 Closing

Contact:
[email protected] or
@datelikeanerd on social media

🔎 Finding your community can sometimes be challenging. Even within the same hobby, different groups may be polar opposites. Even within the Argentine Tolkien Association, the online forum didn't always fit with the association 🧩

In this episode, I bring Jose back to talk about how we found a place where each of us felt we belonged 😌 Not feeling like we fit in with most people around us growing up, in the Argentine Tolkien Association, we found those who made us feel appreciated and welcomed. Even if we didn't "fit the popular norm." 🥰

🧪 Sometimes, finding your people may take trial and error. Some communities have a demographic younger or older than what you'd like, or the people might have values that don't match yours, or they may simply not be a good match. Whatever the case may be, it's worth it to keep looking until you find your group. Even if that's just a subgroup within a larger community 👯

❓ So here's a question for you: if you happened to go to the Argentine Tolkien Association, who do you think you'd like to hang out with? The official members or the forum? 🧐

💬 And if you're wondering where to meet your Player 2 organically, here are 200+ ideas and a guide to help you on your Quest! Download them here for FREE: https://www.datelikeanerd.com/where

📱Join me on Discord! https://www.datelikeanerd.com/discord

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

• 00:00:00 Intro
• 00:03:14 How Jose Found the Association
• 00:07:26 Fitting In
• 00:12:32 Different Personalities, Same Interest
• 00:15:43 Feeling Appreciated

Contact:
[email protected] or
@datelikeanerd on social media

🔥 Dating Apps like Tinder often get a bad rep about what people there are looking for. But even if you start something with no strings attached, if you matched with the right person... you might end up having a nerd wedding with swords and the LOTR soundtrack! 🧝‍♂️

April expected to meet a jock 💪 Someone with whom she wouldn't have much in common. Instead, she fell for a nerd. But that wasn't what they had agreed to. After all, neither of them were looking for a serious relationship. So it wasn't until one of them was vulnerable enough to express their feelings that things changed. 

📝 Agreements (even romantic) can be changed and amended. They're not something fixed that once set can't be touched. It does, however, mean risking rejection. Just as confessing that you like someone, trying to change what you already agreed on carries a risk. ⚠️

Is it worth it? Up to you to decide. For April and Scott, it led to a nerd marriage. 💍

🖤 And if you're wondering where to meet your Player 2 organically, here are 200+ ideas and a guide to help you on your Quest! Download them here for FREE: https://www.datelikeanerd.com/where

📱Join me on Discord! https://www.datelikeanerd.com/discord

Socials: 

https://www.instagram.com/legiodith13

https://www.threads.net/@legiodith13

https://bsky.app/profile/legiodith.bsky.social

Steven's Interview: https://www.datelikeanerd.com/podcast/shy-meets-socially-anxious-and-going-slow/

Tim Ferris' Dating Episode: https://youtu.be/3zPa7b1uq4A?si=t0grWS2U1MippFaV

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

• 00:00:00 Intro
• 00:00:45 All-around Nerd
• 00:01:47 Dating Intentions on Tinder
• 00:08:48 A Long First Date
• 00:13:45 A Star Trek Nerd!
• 00:21:13 From Friend with Benefits to Relationship
• 00:27:48 A Nerd Wedding

#datingtips #datingadvice #dating #nerdlife #nerd #gamer #single #socialskills #podcast

Contact:
[email protected] or
@datelikeanerd on social media

👻 Fear of rejection can ruin your dating life in multiple ways: you won't start conversations, ask for a number, invite on a date, or show how you truly feel. Fortunately, you can get over it with gamification! 👾

Although many video games can teach you the Growth Mindset, you may not be applying it IRL... yet 💡 And that's where gamification comes in: it can give you dopamine hits similar to video games, help you stay motivated, and give you positive reinforcement even if you don't get the results you were hoping for 😬

In this interview, Michael Berger and I discuss how you can gamify your dating life to build new habits that will help you get over your fear of rejection (and many other Quests) 🧙‍♂️ This approach has one major advantage over the idea that you need "30 days of consistency to build a habit": with this gamification, you don't lose your progress if you stop. You. Don't. Lose. XP 🎮

I also share my style of gamified coaching to help you get over your fears and anxieties with dating: It starts by recognizing what makes you anxious, giving it a Challenge Rating (CR score), deciding on the actions that you need to take, how much XP each action gives you, and then going out and grinding ⛏️ With a mix of gradual exposure and gamification, you'll level up in no time! ⬆️

🧌 Because just like in video games, you shouldn't start by fighting the BBEG at level 1. Tackling each challenge at the appropriate level will give your body and mind time to get used to it and recognize that it's not the TPK you were expecting. Even if you can't beat it on the first try.

🎧 So what're you waiting for? Listen to this episode so you can start grinding to level up! 💪

Guest's Bio:

Michael Berger aka BergerGames has been a fixture inside the niche of gaming on Instagram for the last two years doing the very common work of a social media personality, but recently he has been adding aspects of his professional day-to-day job as a Licensed Social Worker into his content.  

Mike also trains other mental health professionals on how to have conversations about suicide, crisis de-escalation, and motivational interviewing.  Recently he’s been creating YouTube videos on the intersection of gaming and mental health, building courses teaching gamers how to take advantage of their psychology and “gamify their life.” And appearing on podcasts like this one.

Links:

Mike Berger's Substack: https://mikebergergames.substack.com/

Socials: 

https://www.youtube.com/@MikeBergerGames

bsky.app/profile/mikebergergames.bsky.social

twitch.tv/bergergames_

https://www.instagram.com/bergergames/

📱Join me on Discord! https://www.datelikeanerd.com/discord

💬 Practice Conversation Skills playing FREE online improv games with me! 

https://www.datelikeanerd.com/improv

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

00:00:00 Intro

00:00:26 Micael Berger's Bio

00:01:55 Video Games and Mental Health

00:05:49 Growth Mindset in Video Games

00:08:24 Dopamine for Habit Formation

00:11:53 Gamifying your Fear of Rejection

00:16:24 The Problem with 30-Day Challenges

00:20:11 Exposure to Anxiety

00:24:49 Facing Rejection

00:28:34 Street and Gym "Approach" Examples

Contact:
[email protected] or
@datelikeanerd on social media

🎲 TTRPG groups can help you make friends and even find your life partner. They're also small enough that they shouldn't cause too much anxiety. But the trick is not to limit your interaction with the other players only to game nights. Use the group to make friends outside the paper! 📝

Frank's wife is fighting stage 4 cancer. Please help them in any way you can https://gofund.me/f86c12bd 

📚 Frank and Mouse became friends through their college's TTRPG group. Unfortunately, she was engaged at the time, so Frank decided to respect that boundary. Many years later she invited him to spend the weekend at her place. They had stayed close friends, so Frank went down to meet her. That was when Mouse took the opportunity to tell him how she felt 🫣

🤝 Making friends through a shared hobby is a great way to grow your social network, even if that hobby only involves a handful of people. In fact, TTRPGs (and many board game nights) can make it easier if you're afraid to meet large groups or if you're dealing with social anxiety. The focus is never on having conversations, so you can simply focus on the game if you don't feel like talking. 😶

⏳ With time, you'll get to know all the other players. Because that's where the magic happens: You join a few games, meet them with no character sheets or dice, have real interactions, and build friendships 🥰 Eventually, you might fall in love with a fellow player, one of their friends or family, or even one of their friends' friends. 

🎧 Listen to this episode before you roll for initiative! 🎲

Frank's wife is fighting stage 4 cancer. Please help them in any way you can https://gofund.me/f86c12bd 

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

• 00:00:00 Intro
• 00:02:18 First Impressions
• 00:04:26 The TTRPG Group
• 00:06:43 Becoming Friends
• 00:08:46 A Written Confession
• 00:13:02 Seeing the Signs
• 00:15:42 A History of Friendship
• 00:17:54 Shared or Separate Hobbies
• 00:20:47 Make Friends to Find a Relationship
• 00:23:57 Have the Right Intentions
• 00:26:13 Leave the Container
• 00:30:07 Avoid Being a Creep
• 00:34:35 Alternatives to Dating Apps
• 00:37:50 Overcoming Social Anxiety
• 00:43:03 Support Frank's Wife's Treatment

Contact:
[email protected] or
@datelikeanerd on social media

🧝‍♂️ If you're into Lord of the Rings and want a partner who shares your passion, start by making friends who are also into fantasy! Vir and I found long-term relationships at our local Tolkien Association, as did most of our friends there... except for very specific people who got rejected by everyone 🙄

🧓 In this episode, we reminisce about our experience meeting and dating fellow nerds with similar interests. Because while reading can be a solitary activity, it doesn't have to be a lonely hobby. It's just a matter of finding the right group of people with whom you can connect and build deep and meaningful relationships 📚

And that's what you should focus on ☝️ Yes, you want to find a partner, but your main priority should be to expand your network. This way, you'll be able to find a Player 2 without needing to go to bars, clubs, or approach random people on the street that you know nothing about 🍻

✋ However, if you focus solely on finding someone to date, you won't fit in with this group. While people may be open to dating, it's not a meat market. So hold your horses, have patience, and avoid the common mistakes we describe in this episode 🙅‍♂️

🎧 What're you waiting for to give it a listen? Forth Eorlingas!

📱Join me on Discord! https://www.datelikeanerd.com/discord

💬 Practice your Conversations Skills with FREE online improv games every month... Live! 

https://www.datelikeanerd.com/improv

Argentine Tolkien Association: https://www.facebook.com/groups/AsociacionTolkienArgentina/

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

• 00:00:00 Intro
• 00:00:34 The Argentine Tolkien Association
• 00:04:58 Meeting New People
• 00:07:58 Building Deep Relationships
• 00:11:13 Common Interests and Dating
• 00:13:24 Not Being a Creep
• 00:18:40 Expanding Your Network
• 00:21:58 The Friend Zone
• 00:25:19 How Long Does It Take?

Contact:
[email protected] or
@datelikeanerd on social media

📺 Staying in watching Naruto and eating pizza might not be everyone's preference for a first date. But that doesn't have to stop you from finding a Player 2!

🎖️ After serving in the military, Phillip moved to a new city full of extroverts. As an introverted nerd dealing with anxiety and starting to build a life from scratch, with no money or even a bed, Phillip was finding it challenging to date. But after some swiping, he found Darcy, a fellow introvert who even suggested staying in for their first date! 🛋️

❌ And, no. They didn't sleep together on that first date (it was Netflix and Pizza; not Netflix and Chill). In fact, he gave her a kiss on the cheek on the 4th date! How was he not friend-zoned? He was clear from the beginning about what she could expect. And she liked him just like that. 🙌

If you think you have to change who you are to find a partner, listen to Phillip's story! 

Phillip's links:

https://alnerdstuff.com/

https://www.threads.net/@nerd_stuff_of_al

https://www.instagram.com/nerd_stuff_of_al/

📱Join me on Discord! https://www.datelikeanerd.com/discord

💬 Practice your Conversations Skills with FREE online improv games every month... Live! 

https://www.datelikeanerd.com/improv

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

00:00:25 Intro

00:01:43 Trying to Date as an Introverted Nerd

00:03:25 A Nerd on Dating Apps

00:05:55 Dating App Burnout

00:08:45 Being True to Yourself

00:11:14 Dating Expectations

00:15:41 First Date with Naruto and Pizza

00:17:45 How Fast to Move on Dates

00:20:24 Good Communication in Dating

00:28:01 Don't Be Afraid to Be Yourself

00:28:55 Contact Info

#datingtips #datingadvice #dating #nerdlife #nerd #gamer #single #socialskills #introvert #datingapps #tinder #naruto

Contact:
[email protected] or
@datelikeanerd on social media

If you want to approach people, start conversations, ask for a number, or invite them on a date, one of the most useful Skills you will need is resilience. In this interview, Dr. Daniel Kaufmann shares why many of us give up before even trying, and how video games can get us closer to achieving our goals in any aspect of our lives.

Part of the Hero's Journey idea is that we as spectators can identify with the hero of a story and gain Skills and motivation to improve our lives. Video games take this concept to another level: we are the ones winning. Without us, the avatar would sit still and go nowhere.

This also implies that both you and your avatar will gain experience and get better as time goes by. Carol Dweck calls this the Growth Mindset. For some of us, this is an in-game lesson that we can take outside the virtual world. But for others, it's not enough to compensate for decades of the Fixed Mindset discourse. Real life just doesn't have the same opportunities and motivations as video games.

But this is only one of the many lessons you can learn from video games. So what will you do? Will you stay in your comfort zone or will you start working toward your dating goals?

Listen now and embark on your Gamer's Journey today!

Guest Bio

Dr. Daniel Kaufmann is a YouTube Partner as Dr. Gameology, where he teaches about the many positive elements of video games that help us overcome professional and personal journeys in real life.

He is an Associate Professor who’s helped develop programs for gaming and geek therapy training in clinical settings, and his publications cover video games, personality theory, online education, and counselor development. 

Dr. Kaufmann recently published the book The Gamer’s Journey, to help you turn the themes found in many video games into life lessons that can unlock your own potential. 

Socials: @DrGameology 

• https://www.youtube.com/@DrGameology 
• https://www.instagram.com/drgameology/ 
• https://www.facebook.com/DrGameology 
• https://www.twitch.tv/drgameology 

Other Links

• https://drgameology.com/ 
• https://discord.com/invite/3bY5u5EBcn 

Podcast: https://drgameology.com/podcast/ 

The Gamer's Journey: https://www.amazon.com/Gamers-Journey-Daniel-Kaufmann-PhD-ebook/dp/B0D7NY5Z1R

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

• 00:00:00 Intro
• 00:00:50 Bio
• 00:02:01 How The Gamer's Journey Can Improve Your Life
• 00:08:14 The Fixed and Growth Mindsets
• 00:17:00 Fear of Rejection
• 00:24:05 Conversation Skills
• 00:32:20 What Gives You Motivation
• 00:37:41 Contact Info

Contact:
[email protected] or
@datelikeanerd on social media

What does a natural physical escalation look like? ✋ Physical touch varies from person to person, even within a shared culture. Some people see certain things as friendly that for others are way too intimate, or are only comfortable going slower or faster.

🥋 Julian met Jose's brother learning Tae Kwon-Do. They started hanging out, and later invited Jose to join them. She didn't think much of it until almost a year later, when they started spending a lot of time together. So much time, in fact, that her friends kept asking if something was going on. She even went on a trip and he was the first person she was texting every day! That's when she realized that... she might like him 🤔

😱 After the realization set in, the fears showed up: what if it didn't work and she lost both a partner and the friendship? Fortunately, she was quite sure he liked her back. They were both comfortable with physical touch with each other, which is not always the case.

🎧 If you've been wondering how fast is too fast, or if there's a right or wrong way to break the physical barrier with someone, give this episode a listen!

📱Join me on Discord! https://www.datelikeanerd.com/discord

💬 Practice your Conversation Skills with FREE online improv games every month... Live! 

https://www.datelikeanerd.com/improv

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

00:00:00 Intro

00:00:56 Her Brother's Friend

00:04:02 Hanging Out 1-on-1

00:07:40 Fears Around Liking Your Friend

00:15:23 Leaving the Friend Zone

00:19:58 Breaking the Touch Barrier

00:25:41 Differences in Styles of Physical Touch

00:33:49 Checking if They're Comfortable

00:37:07 Testing for Interest

Contact:
[email protected] or
@datelikeanerd on social media

Do you need to go fast to "avoid the friend zone"? But what if you're shy? And what if they're socially anxious? Fast or slow depends on how comfortable both of you feel. Steven and Christin were close friends for several years before anything happened.

Sometimes the transition from friends to something more is quick and abrupt. Other times, it can take months or years of smooth and gradual change. 🧘‍♂️

🏘️ Even though they grew up in a small German village of 600 people, Steven only remembers becoming aware of Christin around his teenage years. But it wasn't until many years later, when he left to study and came back to visit, that their deep friendship turned into a romantic relationship. 

🎧 Listen to this story if you feel rushed by the common dating advice that gives you a specific number of dates before you end up in the "friend zone"!

To work with Steven and Christin, visit https://www.limitlessleap.com/

💬 To practice your Conversation Skills with me by playing FREE online improv games every month... LIVE, go to https://www.datelikeanerd.com/improv

Timestamps for lazy nerds:

00:00:00 Intro

00:00:26 Steven's Hobbies

00:01:32 Growing Up In a Small Village

00:03:01 Are Your Hobbies A Turn-Off?

00:05:20 Becoming Close Friends

00:06:22 Changing Cities

00:07:45 From Friends to Lovers

00:11:52 Taking Your Time

00:14:29 Shy, Introverts, and Social Anxiety

00:16:38 Do Dating Tactics and Strategies Work?

00:19:10 How Long Does It Take?

00:22:31 Leveling Up Your True Self

00:28:42 Be Confident and Know What You Want

00:30:48 Steven's Contact

Contact:
[email protected] or
@datelikeanerd on social media