People ask me all the time, "How do you spot people who use the idea of polyamory to exploit others/get laid?"

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It’s so incredibly easy to be wrong. And no one is ever 100% right. 

However, with a little thought about what really matters to us, we can be more right. 

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https://notcheating.com

It's fundamental in communication. Understand the words I say, and why I say them. Don't read more into them than exists. 

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A message from Nookie. 

THE ONE is a LOT of pressure to put on anyone before you've met them. Even if it's just a possibility. 

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I mean, we often say things like this in jest, and yet, it's 100% true. We ALL have good qualities, and when we focus on ourselves, we KNOW what those good qualities are, and it's easy to wonder why others don't see those and respond to them.

I can tell you why:

Because you are not communicating those qualities in a way those others can understand AND agree on them.

Studies have shown that those who see love as a perfect unity self-report as being less satisfied with their relationships, and those who believe that sex is some sort of destiny (right person) have less satisfying sex and less satisfied sexual partners, versus those who think that great sex between people comes from learning and getting better together. 

SOURCES:

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What is true in this moment with the information you have may be be the TRUTH. That does not invalidate your reaction. 

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That's like saying, "Well, they stuck around even after I beat the everlasting fuck out of them (in non-consensual, non-fun ways), so it must be OK to do it."

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Using someone's sexual desire for you to manipulate them without consent is crappy behavior. 

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