Dating on High Alert

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Sex is supposed to feel good, safe, connected, playful… right? But what happens when ADHD and trauma are in the room too?

In this episode, I get raw and real about how distraction, impulsivity, hyper-focus, and body memories shape our experience of intimacy, and how healing isn’t always linear, even when we’ve come a long way.

💥 I share personal truths, including a recent trigger that caught me off guard
 🌀 We explore why you might crave sex and shut down at the same time
 😂 And we lighten the load with some hilarious community confessions (green beans, anyone?) about what it’s really like to have sex with ADHD

Whether you're healing from trauma, navigating neurodivergence, or just want to feel less alone in the chaos of intimacy, this one’s for you.

Free Guide

You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully.

A short guide for anyone who has ever felt too sensitive, too intense, or too much in relationships.

Download it here:
 https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/youre-not-too-much-free-guide/

Support the show

🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.

Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival.

For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.

🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/resources

📩 Join the podcast mailing list:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/

🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory

🎧 Support the podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new

📱 Instagram:
@iljaabbattista

📬 Contact:
l[email protected]

Until next spiral,
Ilja x

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Ever fallen in love in a week? Named your future kids on date three? Felt like you were spiraling before they even texted back? Same. This episode dives into why those of us with ADHD and trauma tend to fall fast, and fall hard.

We explore the brain science behind intense attachment, how trauma responses play a role, and what it means to date while constantly questioning your worth. Ilja shares deeply personal stories of past heartbreaks, boundary violations, emotional crashes, and the healing that followed.

We’re unpacking:

• The ADHD-brain's craving for dopamine
• Why CPTSD makes us ignore red flags
• Real-life stories of dating disasters and breakthroughs
• How to ground yourself when you feel like you're spinning
• And the moment Ilja finally felt safe in love (spoiler: it's not what you think)

💬 Plus, a teaser for next week's spicy episode on Sex, ADHD, and Distractions—the good, the awkward, and the downright hilarious.

👀 Read the full blog version: https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/blog
 📩 Got thoughts? Want to share your story? Email Ilja at [email protected]
 💥 Follow on Instagram: @iljaabbattista

🎧 Subscribe now and never miss an episode!

Free Guide

You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully.

A short guide for anyone who has ever felt too sensitive, too intense, or too much in relationships.

Download it here:
 https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/youre-not-too-much-free-guide/

Support the show

🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.

Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival.

For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.

🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/resources

📩 Join the podcast mailing list:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/

🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory

🎧 Support the podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new

📱 Instagram:
@iljaabbattista

📬 Contact:
l[email protected]

Until next spiral,
Ilja x

Send us Fan Mail

In this episode of Dating on High Alert, host Ilja Abbattista dives deep into a topic that’s essential for anyone navigating love, trauma, and the journey back to themselves: Boundaries.

Boundaries aren’t just about saying no or keeping people out, they’re about creating space for safety, intimacy, and self-respect. Ilja shares how trauma, ADHD, and rejection sensitivity can make setting boundaries feel almost impossible, and she offers real-world strategies and stories to help you find your own voice.

You’ll learn:
 🌿 What different types of boundaries look like in dating and life
 🌿 How to spot the signs when your boundaries are being tested
 🌿 Why boundaries are an act of self-love- not rejection
 🌿 How to create healthy, nourishing relationships where you can be fully yourself

From personal experiences to empowering insights, this episode is an invitation to remember: You’re allowed to take up space, to ask for what you need, and to be met with respect.

Tune in, and let’s reclaim the kind of love and connection that’s real, safe, and beautifully yours.

Free Guide

You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully.

A short guide for anyone who has ever felt too sensitive, too intense, or too much in relationships.

Download it here:
 https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/youre-not-too-much-free-guide/

Support the show

🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.

Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival.

For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.

🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/resources

📩 Join the podcast mailing list:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/

🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory

🎧 Support the podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new

📱 Instagram:
@iljaabbattista

📬 Contact:
l[email protected]

Until next spiral,
Ilja x

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Overgiving Isn’t Love — It’s Self-Abandonment in Disguise

This episode explores how trauma can make us overgive in relationships, and how to stop. Ilja shares honest stories of self-abandonment, intimacy, and learning to receive love without losing yourself. Plus, how to steady your mind, hold boundaries, and recognise your worth beyond how much you do.
 👉 Visit iljaabbattista.co.uk to read the full blog, join Truth Notes, or message Ilja directly.
 Until next spiral.

Free Guide

You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully.

A short guide for anyone who has ever felt too sensitive, too intense, or too much in relationships.

Download it here:
 https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/youre-not-too-much-free-guide/

Support the show

🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.

Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival.

For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.

🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/resources

📩 Join the podcast mailing list:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/

🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory

🎧 Support the podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new

📱 Instagram:
@iljaabbattista

📬 Contact:
l[email protected]

Until next spiral,
Ilja x

Send us Fan Mail

Are you spiralling over a text? Rethinking your last date? Replaying conversations in your head? In this episode, I share raw truths and real stories about overthinking, self-sabotage, and how we can learn to wait, breathe, and respond with clarity - not anxiety. This one’s for you if your brain feels like it’s stuck on “What did they mean by that?”

Free Guide

You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully.

A short guide for anyone who has ever felt too sensitive, too intense, or too much in relationships.

Download it here:
 https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/youre-not-too-much-free-guide/

Support the show

🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.

Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival.

For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.

🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/resources

📩 Join the podcast mailing list:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/

🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory

🎧 Support the podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new

📱 Instagram:
@iljaabbattista

📬 Contact:
l[email protected]

Until next spiral,
Ilja x

Send us Fan Mail

Ever spiralled after sending a message? You're not crazy - you're wired for survival. In episode 2 of Dating On High Alert, I unpack the chaotic truth about overthinking, rejection sensitivity and the brain drama no one warned us about.

You'll laugh, you might cry, But you'll definitely be seen!

Free Guide

You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully.

A short guide for anyone who has ever felt too sensitive, too intense, or too much in relationships.

Download it here:
 https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/youre-not-too-much-free-guide/

Support the show

🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.

Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival.

For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.

🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/resources

📩 Join the podcast mailing list:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/

🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory

🎧 Support the podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new

📱 Instagram:
@iljaabbattista

📬 Contact:
l[email protected]

Until next spiral,
Ilja x

Send us Fan Mail

In this first episode, Ilja cracks open the myth of being “too much.” ADHD, trauma, emotional chaos - what if it was never about being wrong, but being unmet?
 A voice-note style truth-drop to start unmasking the way we love.

Free Guide

You’re Not Too Much. You Were Just Never Met Fully.

A short guide for anyone who has ever felt too sensitive, too intense, or too much in relationships.

Download it here:
 https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/youre-not-too-much-free-guide/

Support the show

🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.

Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival.

For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.

🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/resources

📩 Join the podcast mailing list:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/

🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory

🎧 Support the podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new

📱 Instagram:
@iljaabbattista

📬 Contact:
l[email protected]

Until next spiral,
Ilja x

Send us Fan Mail

Meet Ilja Abbattista and discover why dating with ADHD and trauma feels like emotional whiplash. This podcast is your truth-telling space to unravel it all.

Support the show

🎧 Subscribe, share, and spiral with me.

Dating on High Alert explores relationships, life, neurodivergence, trauma, masking, nervous systems, and what it actually means to build safety in love after survival.

For neurodivergent people, trauma survivors, partners, and couples trying to understand each other more deeply.

🖤 Explore support, coaching, and resources:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/resources

📩 Join the podcast mailing list:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/truth-led-podcast-sign-up/

🎙️ Submit a guest pitch or podcast topic:
https://iljaabbattista.co.uk/podcast-dating-on-high-alert/#submitastory

🎧 Support the podcast:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2463815/supporters/new

📱 Instagram:
@iljaabbattista

📬 Contact:
l[email protected]

Until next spiral,
Ilja x