Christmas carols inside. Helen and I chat about whether I worry about potentially developing unpleasant traits observed in my dead dad. We ruminate on why people are so willing to speak ‘on record’ on the subject of dead dads. I am asked whether I feel any aspects of fathering were missing from my upbringing and I ask when the best time for me to die would be (now that I am a dad myself).

What happens when you angle grinder your leg, am I like a womble and had being a dad made me more organised?

Gavin is an orphan. He lost his dad to a motorbike accident and his mum to cancer. We talk about feeling helpless, lonely, having dark thoughts, and we also touch on the funniest and strangest thing someone has said to Gavin about his mum dying.

Gavin tells me how much trouble he had forging and keeping a strong, open and communicative relationship with his mum (or anyone) after his dad died. The grief he felt was truly too much to bear so he simply didnt acknowledge it. Find out how that went.

What’s it like if someone shoots your dad in the head at work? Alex is here to tell us exactly what it is like. His dad was not a military man but instead a solicitor in sleepy Devizes. I try to unravel and understand how the shock of such a tragic crime sends ripples through a group of family, friends and colleagues. Alex and I chat about being seemingly fine when stored up grief will come and hunt you down to remind you to deal with it – often at the most inconvenient times.

Ask some difficult questions and you might hear some difficult truths.

My dad was a bon-viveur; always the life and soul of the party.He was funny and a grafter. Transpires my father was violent, homophobic, abusive, controlling, and threatening. He died lonely.

I speak to my mum about what cancer did to her dad (my grandad).

This is a heavy hitter but a worthwhile listen. Topics covered include domestic violence, suicide and alcohol abuse so go in with your eyes (and ears) open.

My sister and I discuss whether she missed having a dad growing up and whether having cancer would have been easier with a father around for support.

Have I made a good stand-in dad? Have I ever let her down? How do we think the death of our dad impacted our mum? How torturous were we to our mum as youngsters? How was the first meeting with mum’s first boyfriend aka “Newdad”? Ami I doomed to be a bad dad through genetics?

All this and plenty of shitting our pants in this episode.

James and I discuss how his dad was chewed up by cancer quite quickly.

We speak on how organised his dad was and how easy that made James' transition to 'man of the house'.

James' dad is a source of motivation; he won't half-arse things as that is something his dad never did and wouldn't accept in his son.

Is there strength in emotional vulnerability? Is there a way to steal a piano from a military base? Is there a safe way to rehome a pair of llamas?

Do we all develop daddy/mummy issues when a parent dies?

We discuss a long and drawn out decline in the health of a loved one. What made our first memories and when they ‘started’. We exchange dead parent jokes. We decide when it is best for a parent to die. We ruminate on the thickness of Corey Taylor’s neck. I gain a better understanding of exactly what lead to the death of Andrew’s mum and how he had a lot of growing up to do from a very tender age.

In this episode I speak to Victoria Wilkinson about her dad and how we shared a father-figure.

We cover why we are pals, how her entry into the dead dad club went, how her dad's funeral was one of the most memorable ever, how he didn't lose his straight-shooting character until moments before he died.

I reveal how knowing Mark Wilkinson (her dad) was dying allowed me to be absolutely unequivocal and focused in what I wanted to say to him. I have never had clarity like it.

The Dead Dad Podcast aims to blow the lid off of the taboo surrounding talking about dead parents. I was young when I lost my father and it was a positive experience. I formed a father of many parts and I feel lucky to have done so. I speak to people about their experience of having a dead dad whilst learning more about my own dead father.

This episode sets out what you can expect from subsequent episodes of the podcast.