Dead Horse

The Horses excitedly welcome special guest Katie Hughes to the stable and then gesture wanly at ANGELS & DEMONS, a film which may or may not be even more boring than the DA VINCI CODE depending on which of the hosts you ask. If nothing else it's admirable that a movie about discovering antimatter and then using it to blow up the pope can make you this tired.

Do all the stuff characters in Nightmare on Elm Street movies do to stay awake gang-- it's THE DA VINCI CODE! The horses welcome back Ellen Selby and then immediately start apologizing to Ellen Selby for making her watch this movie again. Our thoughts? Unscramble the phrase "adaline slipknots wrought" for our review!

(Answer: "we all took naps during this")

Say "boo" at your best friend and watch him absolutely freak out, watch him react like you cheated on your wife with his wife-- it's Casper's Scare School! The horses and special guest Stephen Jones dissect the final flick in casper's filmed ouvre; it's... not unpleasant! I'd give it a thumbs-up but like a half-committed one. Maybe I'd even follow up the the thumbs-up by saying "well, y'know" to indicate that the thumb is compromised. 

This crazy white boy wont stop kissing girls and is dead still. Rude uncles go absolutely Chistmas with it. We dont really know what happened here either

The Horses welcome actor and horse-friend Jenna Kray to the stable, then get loopy trying to figure out what the deal is with Uncles. CASPER MEETS WENDY asks a lot of questions, but Becky, PJ, Jenna, and Dixon mostly choose to ignore those and posit their own-- are rams male? 

Get your uncles out of wherever you keep them folks-- it's CASPER: A SPIRITED BEGINNING! Becky, Dixon, PJ and comedian Shaunak Godkhindi pore over this direct-to-video debacle with a fine-tooth comb and try to figure out what led to the most precipitous drop in quality from one film to another in Dead Horse History (no joke; it involves the IDF).

BOO! The Freaky Foals scare up another miniseries, this time covering undead digital baby Casper: The Friendly Ghost. Our series kicks off with the technologically groundbreaking 1995 film "Casper," which features earnest grief, syruppy sentimentality, and abusive uncle ghosts from Jersey making unspeakably bad pop culture references. The horses discuss loss, memory, nostalgia, James Horner's body of work, and uncomfortable child romance plots. One of PJ's nerdiest behind-the-scenes deep-dives ever. We promise the next one after this one is super funny and not two hours long!

The Horses and their filmmaker friend Katherine Dudas put the nail in the coffin of the Fifty Shades series and then more nails, they just keep nailing this coffin shut until at a certain point there is more nail than coffin but they're driven to keep going, keep nailing even more nails in this coffin because they've seen what's in the coffin and they don't like it so hand them another nail please please there's so little time left we have to use more nails on this coffin. It's FIFTY SHADES FREED! not a very good movie if you ask me

The horses get flushed and loopy as Christian, Ana, and other named characters from the Fifty Shades series (I think there's a guy named John; not looking this up) violently reject narrative function, feeling, and even the slightest feints at authentic human behavior to present us with FIFTY SHADES FREED. It's actually kind of fun. I mean it's not great but also it's not like people were walking into this being like "I hope this knocks AGUIRRE: THE WRATH OF GOD off my letterboxd favorites" y'know

After eight rounds with the Leprechaun, the horses are itching to take on someone who is trying his best to sound like he's not from Ireland: it's the FIFTY SHADES OF GREY miniseries! Join Becky, Dixon, PJ, and special guest Gloria White as they try to figure out "what in the hell is this," "whose fault is this," and "how do they want us to feel about this." SPOILER: we don't fuckin know