Every worthwhile relationship can experience problems. With that in mind, it’s important to recognise this: 1) Problems are inevitable, normal, and potentially beneficial. They’re inevitable because relationships bring together very different people. They’re normal because all relationships, including great ones, go through ups and downs. And they’re potentially beneficial because, handled effectively, the relationship can grow through problems. 2) Generally speaking, there are three problem-solving styles. a) The avoid style. These are the ‘don’t-rock-the-boat’ kind of people. They bury their feelings without realising those feelings will undoubtedly rise again down the road. They go from clam up, to build up, to blow up, inviting mental, emotional, and physical side effects. Meanwhile, the problem keeps growing, and the unfinished business erodes the relationship. b) The attack style. These are the ‘get-them-before-they-get-you’ people. They’re fighters who refuse to concede, so they inflict wounds on each other, wounds from which it can be hard to recover. The Bible says, ‘If you keep attacking each other…you will destroy yourselves.’ Why? Because attack begets counterattack, and nothing gets resolved. c) The approach/assert style. These are the ‘no-price-is-too-high-to-maintain-a-good relationship’ people. They’re sensitive to other people’s feelings while insisting that both parties deal directly with the important issues. They avoid blame fixing, attack the issue instead of the individual, and invite others to partner with them in solving the problem and strengthening the relationship. Try it – it works!

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.