Reason one: insecurity. The Florentine philosopher Machiavelli said, ‘The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.’ Insecure leaders are threatened by talented individuals, so they surround themselves with weak people. As a result, the work suffers, and everybody involved suffers too. When a leader responds to a genuine question by saying, ‘How dare you challenge my authority,’ they’re dangerous and often not worth following. Insecure leaders usually fail for two reasons: they want to maintain control over everything, or they’re afraid of being replaced by someone more competent. Either way, leaders who don’t encourage teamwork weaken their own potential and discourage those around them. President Woodrow Wilson said, ‘We should not only use all the brains we have, but all that we can borrow.’ John the Apostle tells us that Diotrephes, a leader in the church, ‘loves to have the pre-eminence’. What was this man’s problem? He wanted to blow everybody else’s light out in order to let his own light shine. So, John writes: ‘When I come, I will report some of the things he is doing and the evil accusations he is making against us. Not only does he refuse to welcome the travelling teachers, he also tells others not to help them. And when they do help, he puts them out of the church. Dear friend, don’t let this bad example influence you. Follow only what is good. Remember that those who do good prove that they are God’s children, and those who do evil prove that they do not know God’ (3 John vs. 10-11 NLT). Let God’s approval – which you already have – make you secure!

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Someone else’s need to know shouldn’t determine your need to speak. When a friend of Jesus wanted to stop His arrest, Jesus said, ‘Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?’ (Matthew 26:53 NIV). When Jesus stood in Pilate’s judgement hall, Pilate didn’t have the power; Jesus did! Yet, the Bible says that Jesus ‘opened not His mouth’ (Isaiah 53:7 NKJV). He just stood there and said nothing. Why? Because He was not on trial, Pilate was. Jesus knew His destiny, and, more importantly, He knew His heavenly Father intimately. And when you know God, you can face anything with confidence – and feel free to say nothing. Sometimes the wisest thing is to say, ‘I don’t have the answer right now. But I will think about it, pray, and get back to you.’ ‘The wise don’t make a show of their knowledge, but fools broadcast their foolishness’ (Proverbs 12:23 NLT). When people are anxious for answers, they will try to pressure you into speaking before you have all the facts or have had a chance to pray and consider the situation carefully. If you ask God, He will tell you what to say and when to say it. His promise is, ‘I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand’ (Isaiah 51:16 NIV). Pride says, ‘Don’t just stand there; say something!’ Wisdom says, ‘Don’t just say something; stand there!’ Quietly ask God for insight. One thought from God can solve the problem in a hurry.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

It’s impossible to love anyone fully and at the same time resent someone else. You cannot give total love when your heart is divided. And a bitter heart is a divided heart. You may be thinking, ‘My spouse is a wonderful person, but I just can’t love them.’ Look beneath the surface. You may still be reacting to your past and harbouring resentment against someone who hurt you. That’s keeping you from loving your spouse. And it’s not fair to them. Many people have justified cause for their anger. The National Centre for Domestic Violence states that one out of every four women and one out of every six to seven men experience abuse during their lifetime. But you must let go of the past to get on with the present. To begin loving people, you must close the door on the past. And that cannot happen without forgiveness! So, forgive those who have hurt you – for your own sake, not because they deserve it. Do it so your heart can be whole again. The people from your past cannot hurt you, but holding on to resentment against them can. Anytime you resent someone, you give them a piece of your heart, a piece of your attention, a piece of your mind. Do you want that person to have that? No? Then take it back by forgiving. Instead of rehearsing the hurt over and over, release it. And you can’t be selective in what you forgive: ‘I will forgive that, but I won’t forgive this.’ The Bible says, ‘Forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you’ (v. 13 NIV).

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

After Peter had fished all night and caught nothing, Jesus said, ‘Launch out into the deep, and let down your nets.’ After explaining to Jesus that the fish weren’t biting, Peter said, ‘Nevertheless at thy word I will let down the net’ (v. 5). Notice an important detail here. When Jesus said, ‘Let down your nets,’ Peter replied, ‘I will let down the net.’ Apparently, Jesus had a bigger catch in mind than Peter! In fact, that night they caught so many fish their net broke because they couldn’t handle them. When you think small, you prepare accordingly. Scripture describes God as ‘Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us’ (Ephesians 3:20 NKJV). As a child of God, you have within you the power to go beyond what you have already accomplished and do more than you ever dreamed possible. What’s the problem? It’s this: you can have the right amount of power but lack preparation! To handle the pressures that accompany success, you must be prepared; otherwise, success can be your undoing. God says He is prepared to open the windows of heaven and pour out blessings so great, you won’t have room enough to handle them (see Malachi 3:10). The question is, are you preparing yourself for greater blessing or simply settling for the status quo? You say you want success on the job. So, are you sharpening your skills, intensifying your work ethic, and developing new ways of doing things? Are you teachable and open to working with others? In other words, are you preparing yourself?

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Paul writes: ‘Do all things without murmurings and disputings: that ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world’ (vv. 14-15). What was the attitude that Paul zeroed in on? Murmuring! What was the solution? He shared it with the Thessalonian believers: ‘In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you’ (1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV). Instead of looking for things to gripe about, look for things to be grateful about because they’re all around you. If murmuring comes to you as easily as breathing, here are a few areas you need to pay attention to: 1) Don’t take on more than you can handle. Say yes to requests for personal favours only when you want to or feel led by God. This will stop you from becoming overworked and resentful towards the responsibilities dumped on you by others. 2) Limit your time around negative people. ‘Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits”’ (1 Corinthians 15:33 NKJV). Don’t get infected! 3) Focus on other people’s needs. ‘With goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord’ (Ephesians 6:7-8 NKJV). What you make happen for others, God will make happen for you. In addition to these three strategies for overcoming grumpiness, pray: ‘Father, deliver me from grumpiness. Reveal the root cause of it and give me courage to take the actions necessary to keep it out of my life. In Jesus’ name. Amen.’

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

If you don’t think God takes murmuring seriously, read this: ‘Don’t murmur against God and his dealings with you as some of them did, for that is why God sent his Angel to destroy them. All these things happened to them as examples – as object lessons to us – to warn us against doing the same things’ (vv. 10-11 TLB). Not only do murmuring and complaining hinder your prayers from being answered, but they also affect your health and the happiness of those around you. So: 1) Pray before entering your day. Receive God’s help first thing. Don’t wait until you’re overwhelmed with problems. Ask Him to permeate you with His peace and joy and enable you to respond His way during the entire day. ‘The joy of the Lord is your strength’ (Nehemiah 8:10 KJV). 2) Get a good night’s sleep. Many metabolic and other restorative processes occur during the various stages of sleep. If you don’t get enough sleep for your system to be renewed, you will probably feel annoyed by the smallest things. David said, ‘I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustained me’ (Psalm 3:5 NKJV). 3) Talk to your doctor. When the people and situations around you constantly feel like ‘a pain in the neck’ to you, it may be due to a literal pain in your neck or some other part of your body. Chemical imbalances can cause clinical depression, but the right medical help can restore your perspective. And watch your diet. Too much caffeine and sugar will adversely alter your mood and cause a spike in your insulin. Bottom line: the physical affects the mental, emotional, and spiritual!

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Some people seem to go through life with a ‘closed’ sign on their foreheads. Whether through fearfulness, selfishness, callousness, or busyness, they’re not open to the thoughts of others. And it can cost you dearly. Take a moment and ponder these Scriptures: ‘He who disdains instruction despises his own soul, but he who heeds rebuke gets understanding’ (Proverbs 15:32 NKJV). ‘When I saw it, I considered it well; I looked on it and received instruction’ (Proverbs 24:32 NKJV). ‘Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a just man, and he will increase in learning’ (Proverbs 9:9 NKJV). People who are receptive and approachable generally display three qualities. 1) They show sensitivity towards people’s feelings. And here is something interesting: although they themselves are emotionally steady, that doesn’t mean they expect others to always be that way. They recognise that good people sometimes have bad days, so they attune their approach to the feelings of others and adjust how they relate to them. 2) They understand other people’s weaknesses because they’re aware of their own. Novelist Edgar Howe said, ‘Express a mean opinion of yourself occasionally; it will show your friends that you know how to tell the truth.’ Open and receptive people are honest about their abilities – and their shortcomings. 3) They have the ability to forgive others and to ask for forgiveness. That takes humility. Author David Augsburger wrote: ‘Since nothing we intend is ever faultless, nothing we attempt ever without error, and nothing we achieve without some measure of finitude and fallibility we call humanness; we are saved by forgiveness.’ So, the word for today is – stay open and approachable.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

One day you may end up caring for a sick or ageing loved one. And to take care of them properly, you must learn to take care of yourself. Following her parents’ deaths five weeks apart in a nursing home twelve hundred miles away, Beth Witrogen McLeod succumbed to clinical depression. ‘By ignoring my physical and mental health, I set myself up for a breakdown that would take two years to recover from. Despite its rewards, caregiving can be overwhelming.’ David said, ‘Whenever I feel low, you are there to guide me.’ So, if you’re a caregiver, follow this: 1) Set boundaries. Learn to say no where you routinely say yes. There is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself so you can give the best possible care to someone else. 2) Beware of harmful coping patterns. Misusing medication, overeating, drinking ‘to take the edge off’. You’re human, and it can happen! 3) Don’t isolate. Invite some friends over who have volunteered to help. One can cook and care for your loved one while you and another friend take a walk. 4) Ask for help. If family members aren’t pulling their weight, call a meeting and delegate responsibility. Don’t deny others the blessing that comes from ‘encouraging the fainthearted and helping the weak’ (see 1 Thessalonians 5:14 NASB). 5) Protect your time. It’s easy to schedule every minute with nothing left over for yourself. Don’t do it. Find something that feeds you: read, pray, exercise, enjoy some solitude. And what’s more, schedule it, or it won’t happen!

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

In order to resolve conflict, do these: 1) Focus on the person’s behaviour and stay away from remarks about their character. Saying, ‘It was unacceptable for you to open my post’ is better than ‘I can’t believe you were so nosy!’ 2) Try to understand the other person’s behaviour instead of justifying your own. This will require active listening. Listening validates the other person’s feelings and provides them with the motivation to listen to you. ‘The Lord God has given Me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary. He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear to hear as the learned. The Lord God has opened My ear’ (Isaiah 50:4-5 NKJV). 3) Resolve one problem at a time. Don’t muddy the conversation with unrelated matters between you. Discuss them later. 4) Agree on future behaviour in case the situation occurs again. Strife is stressful, and it’s to your benefit to restrict it. You cannot remove conflicts entirely because everybody is unique, with different upbringings, ways of communicating, and desires. But you can face the problems, resolve them, and mature as a result. ‘How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony! For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil that was poured over Aaron’s head, that ran down his beard and onto the border of his robe. Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon that falls on the mountains of Zion. And there the Lord has pronounced his blessing’ (Psalm 133:1-3 NLT). If you want to have peace and walk in God’s blessing, work for reconciliation.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Few things in life cause more stress than unresolved conflict. It will elevate your blood pressure and consume your thoughts until you resolve it, so if you’re wise, you will deal with it right away. Not all people feel this way. Even though Jesus commanded us to deal with it, many Christians refrain from saying anything for the sake of peace. Not so. Unresolved conflict will affect your peace of mind, your productivity, and your attitude towards others, so it must be dealt with. Additionally, the problem with refusing to face an issue is that it will probably occur again. So, according to an interpersonal communications adviser, do these three things: 1) ‘Ask God to give you His words to say so that His purpose will be achieved. “My word…will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11 NIV). 2) Empty your emotions out to God before engaging the offender. Emotions tend to get in the way of facts and can hinder objective thinking. This isn’t as hard as it may sound once you decide you are going to make every effort to settle the issue in a harmonious way. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18 NIV). 3) Be clear as to what you perceive the problem to be. Avoid vague arguments that leave room for misinterpretation. For example, “You need to do better” does not really clarify the problem.’ If your goal is to heal the relationship, God will work with you.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.