Relationships are built on mutual trust – and trust is based on speaking the truth. But there are ways of speaking the truth that help and ways that hurt. The ‘give-them-a-piece-of-my-mind’ approach just drives the wedge deeper. Then there is the Bible way: ‘Speaking the truth in love, we will grow’ (Ephesians 4:15 NIV). Let’s suppose a couple fights because he is habitually late. How can she make sure her message gets across? Well, she could say to him: a) ‘I feel frustrated.’ No blame, no attack; just an honest sharing of how she feels. b) ‘When you are late…’ No judging, name-calling, or labelling; just a description of how she sees his action. c) ‘It seems to say to me that my time isn’t really important to you.’ No moralising; just honestly sharing her emotions. d) ‘In the future, can you please try to be on time or call me and let me know when you will be here?’ Instead of focusing on past actions he can’t change, she is telling him what she would like him to do differently next time. e) ‘Would you be willing to do that for me?’ No demanding or taking for granted; just asking for consideration and cooperation. And when he agrees, they have an implied ‘contract’. She thanks him sincerely and rewards every effort he makes to keep his word. In effect, she has just realigned the relationship by making him an ally instead of an adversary. She has also redefined the focus as a shared one, not something she ‘does to him’! Like the Bible says, we can ‘walk together’ when we have ‘agreed to do so’.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Every worthwhile relationship can experience problems. With that in mind, it’s important to recognise this: 1) Problems are inevitable, normal, and potentially beneficial. They’re inevitable because relationships bring together very different people. They’re normal because all relationships, including great ones, go through ups and downs. And they’re potentially beneficial because, handled effectively, the relationship can grow through problems. 2) Generally speaking, there are three problem-solving styles. a) The avoid style. These are the ‘don’t-rock-the-boat’ kind of people. They bury their feelings without realising those feelings will undoubtedly rise again down the road. They go from clam up, to build up, to blow up, inviting mental, emotional, and physical side effects. Meanwhile, the problem keeps growing, and the unfinished business erodes the relationship. b) The attack style. These are the ‘get-them-before-they-get-you’ people. They’re fighters who refuse to concede, so they inflict wounds on each other, wounds from which it can be hard to recover. The Bible says, ‘If you keep attacking each other…you will destroy yourselves.’ Why? Because attack begets counterattack, and nothing gets resolved. c) The approach/assert style. These are the ‘no-price-is-too-high-to-maintain-a-good relationship’ people. They’re sensitive to other people’s feelings while insisting that both parties deal directly with the important issues. They avoid blame fixing, attack the issue instead of the individual, and invite others to partner with them in solving the problem and strengthening the relationship. Try it – it works!

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

No one had more energy than Jesus. He got up early, stayed up late, and sometimes pulled all-nighters. Where did He get all that energy from? The answer is found in a fascinating dialogue. ‘His disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.” But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.” Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?” “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work”’ (vv. 31-34 NIV). When you see the word ‘food’, you think energy because that’s what food is. And Jesus makes an insightful point here: God’s will is energising. So, how do you keep yourself energised? By staying in the will of God. Engaging in God-ordained passions and pursuing God-sized dreams is how we produce energy. Nothing energises us more. Don’t just repent of doing what is wrong; replace it with what is right. Paul writes: ‘Therefore, my beloved brethren, be firm (steadfast), immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord [always being superior, excelling, doing more than enough in the service of the Lord], knowing and being continually aware that your labour in the Lord is not futile [it is never wasted or to no purpose]’ (1 Corinthians 15:58 AMPC). If sin is a waste of energy, which it is, then discovering and fulfilling your God-given assignment in life is the most energising thing that you can do.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

The so-called ‘secret’ to success is really no secret at all! It’s simply getting back up when life has knocked you down and taking with you into the future the lessons you have learned. In talking about heroes such as Samson and David, the Bible goes on to say, ‘Whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies’ (v. 34 NIV). Notice these people weren’t always strong, but they became strong. They didn’t win every battle, but they went on to win the ones that mattered. In 1928, a thirty-three-year-old man named Paul Galvin found himself staring at failure…again. By this point, he had failed twice in industry, his competitors having forced him to fold up his latest venture in the storage-battery business. Convinced, however, that he still had a remarkable idea, Galvin attended the auction of his own business. And with the $750 he had managed to raise, he bought back the battery eliminator portion of the inventory. With it, he built a new company, one in which he succeeded, one from which he eventually retired, and one which became a household word: Motorola. You have probably heard of it. Business innovator Roger von Oech said: ‘Remember the two benefits of failure. First, if you do fail, you learn what doesn’t work; and second, the failure gives you the opportunity to try a new approach…Most people think of success and failure as opposites, but they both are products of the same process.’ Failure is delay, not defeat. We all make mistakes, especially those who act. It’s only when you become unwilling to risk failure that you stop learning, you stop growing, and you stop succeeding.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

To grow, you must dedicate yourself to the process. Whether it’s in your career, your marriage, your ministry, or your walk with God, once you dedicate yourself to growth and development and a lifestyle of planned improvement, it becomes normal to you. And you realise when you’re not making progress. Something is missing! It’s been reputed that the Polish American classical pianist Arthur Rubinstein refused to listen to recordings of his playing. Even only a few months afterwards, he was unhappy with what he heard. Why? Because he had changed and improved – but his recordings had not. Stop and think about the non-negotiables in your life. What are you willing to live and die for? Write down what you want to hold on to at any cost, and fully explain why. After you have done that, everything else should be open to change. Here is how Paul prayed for the Christians in the Colossian church: ‘We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honour and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better. We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light’ (vv. 9-12 NLT).

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Change must happen inside you before it can happen around you. In an old Peanuts comic strip, Lucy tells Charlie Brown she would like to change the world. So, Charlie asks her, ‘Where would you start?’ In typical Lucy fashion, she replies, ‘I would start with you.’ Think about it: when we have marital problems, we sometimes pray, ‘Lord, help my spouse to change!’ But maybe things will improve when you’re willing to pray, ‘Lord, help me to change!’ Changing the atmosphere and dynamics in your home usually starts with changing your own actions and reactions. The Bible says, ‘Be tender-hearted, and keep a humble attitude…Don’t retaliate…pay them back with a blessing…[and] God…will grant you his blessing’ (1 Peter 3:8-9 NLT). When we don’t like something, we want everybody – except us – to change! The truth is, we’re resistant to change. In The Secret Garden, novelist Frances Hodgson Burnett puts it like this: ‘At first people refuse to believe that a strange new thing can be done, and then they begin to hope it can be done, then they see it can be done – then it is done and all the world wonders why it was not done centuries ago.’ To change your world, you must first change yourself. The psalmist prayed, ‘Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting’ (Psalm 139:23-24 NKJV). As you begin to change for the better, others will notice and react to you accordingly. So, make this your prayer today: ‘Lord, let the change I seek begin in me!’

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

You must be willing to pay the price for change. Dramatist and screenwriter Sidney Howard remarked, ‘One-half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.’ Change always costs you, if not in money, then in time, creativity, and energy. In fact, if it doesn’t cost you anything, chances are it’s not real change! As you consider how to make the changes needed in your life in order to improve and grow, it’s important to count the cost of changing compared to the cost of remaining the same. That means you must do your homework. Change brings growth. But it can also bring grief, especially when it means letting some things go in order to embrace others. What will the changes you desire really cost? Paul wrote: ‘Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him…I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead! I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me’ (vv. 8-12 NLT). The question is: how badly do you want to change – and are you willing to pay the price?

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Recognise that without change, there can be no progress. Now, we’re not advocating change for its own sake. That can be a characteristic of restlessness and a symptom of inner conflict. Change can represent great opportunities as well as potential losses. Although all progress produces change, not all change produces progress. But as leadership expert Max DePree observed, ‘We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.’ If you want to grow, you must be willing to change. General Douglas MacArthur, hero of the Pacific War, said, ‘Life is a lively process of becoming. If you haven’t added to your interests within the past year, if you are thinking the same old thoughts, relating the same personal experiences, having the same predictable reactions, rigor mortis of the personality has set in.’ Did you get that last sentence? Rigor mortis is the physical rigidity that sets in after death. And it can happen to you relationally, career-wise, and spiritually. In 1 Timothy 4, Paul is mentoring his spiritual son Timothy to take over leadership in the church when Paul is no longer around. And he was letting Timothy know he couldn’t inherit the mantle of leadership simply because Paul loved him; rather, he would have to work for it. And that meant working on himself! ‘Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all.’ Opportunities in life come to all of us, but they’re only recognised and grasped by those who are prepared. And that means being willing to grow, adapt, and change.

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

Try to imagine the fire in the eyes of Jesus and the flex of His muscles as He turns over the tables of the money changers in the temple. And He does it while wielding a whip He made Himself. ‘Then his disciples remembered this prophecy from the Scriptures: “Passion for God’s house will consume me.”’ Jesus was the wisest and kindest person who ever lived. Additionally, He was the most passionate. And those who follow Him ought to be the most passionate people on earth. The word enthusiasm comes from two Greek words: en and theos, meaning ‘in God’. And the more you get into God, the more passion you develop about the things of God. ‘Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart’ (Psalm 37:4 NKJV). Yes, you’re supposed to crucify your carnal desires daily. But God doesn’t do away with your capacity for desire; He sanctifies and redirects it. When you ‘delight yourself also in the Lord’, you get a ‘desire transplant’. C.S. Lewis said, ‘We are half-hearted creatures fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us.’ A pastor adds: ‘Sin is a waste of energy…And it’s a double waste. After you waste your energy on things like lust and pride and anger, then you must waste even more energy on things like guilt and shame and regret. Nothing is more de-energising than sin, but by the same token, nothing is more re-energising than obedience. It’s pure energy.’

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.

The Bible says, ‘People are slaves to whatever has mastered them’ (2 Peter 2:19 NIV). And that’s especially true of jealousy. Chuck Swindoll writes: ‘Jealousy and envy are often used interchangeably, but there’s a difference. Envy begins with empty hands; it mourns what it doesn’t have…Jealousy begins with full hands; it’s threatened by the pain of losing what you have to someone else despite your efforts to hold on to it…This was Cain’s sin. He was jealous of Abel. He resented God’s acceptance of his brother, and not until Abel’s blood poured over Cain’s cruel hands did jealousy subside. Solomon might well have written the epitaph for Abel’s tombstone: “Jealousy is [cruel] as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire” (Song of Solomon 8:6 ESV). Anyone who has experienced deliverance from this hellish giant knows too well how jealousy can decimate a friendship, dissolve a romance, destroy a marriage, shoot tension through the ranks of professionals, nullify unity on a team, ruin a church, separate preachers, foster competition among the choir, bring bitterness and finger-pointing among talented instrumentalists and capable singers. Jealousy questions motives and deplores another’s success.’ The Bible says, ‘If your heart is full of bitter jealousy…don’t… cover up the truth.’ Instead, determine that by the grace of God, you’re going to break free from its control. Swindoll adds: ‘I lived many years obeying its commands. It was gross agony. Finally, I realised I didn’t have to live in darkness. I slew the giant and crawled out…and the releasing sunlight of freedom captured my heart. The air was so fresh and clean. Oh, the difference it has made! It’s utter delight. Ask my wife.’

© 2024. Written by Bob and Debby Gass. Used by permission under licence from UCB International.