Description
When someone betrays our trust, we expect it to change how we see them.
What we may not expect is how deeply it can change the way we see ourselves.
If I trusted someone and I was wrong, can I trust my own judgment? My intuition? My decisions? And what happens when those questions quietly follow us into our leadership, relationships, work, and willingness to connect with other people?
In this episode of Deals with Heels, Debra Bowers sits down with Dr. Debi Silber, founder of the Post-Betrayal Transformation Institute and researcher behind one of the largest studies on betrayal, to explore why betrayal is different from other forms of trauma and what can happen when it remains unresolved.
Debi explains how betrayal can shatter not only a relationship, but our internal system for deciding who and what is safe. Together, Debra and Debi explore functional freeze, repeated patterns, vulnerability, emotional avoidance, self-trust, and why highly capable people can appear successful while still carrying unresolved experiences beneath the surface.
They also challenge a quality leaders are often praised for: resilience.
Because sometimes working harder, staying strong, exercising more, pushing through, and continuing to perform aren't signs that we've healed.
Sometimes they're very effective ways of avoiding what still needs our attention.
And perhaps moving forward isn't about becoming who we were before.
Perhaps the opportunity is to rebuild something different.
Key Topics
- Betrayal as the breaking of spoken or unspoken trust
- Why betrayal can affect self-trust and discernment
- Post-Betrayal Syndrome
- Why unresolved betrayal can repeat through different relationships
- Functional freeze and the appearance of functioning well
- How betrayal affects leadership and decision-making
- Why high performers can hide emotional avoidance inside achievement
- The difference between resilience and transformation
- When hard work becomes a form of numbing or distraction
- Why “fine” can become a place where people get stuck
- Familiarity versus safety
- Rebuilding identity after betrayal
- Trust accumulation and Compound Confidence
- How past betrayal can influence present relationships and buying behavior
- The Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery
- Moving beyond recovery toward transformation
Resources
Connect with Dr. Debi Silber
The Post Betrayal Transformation Institute
https://thepbtinstitute.com/
Trust AgainDr. Debi Silber's book for those navigating betrayal and rebuilding trust.
UnstuckDr. Debi Silber's resource for coaches, counselors, therapists, and practitioners seeking to better understand the Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery.
Books are available through Amazon and linked through the PBT Institute website.
Connect with Debra BowersLinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/debra-bowers/
The Human Sales Playbook
https://thegrowthvanguard.com/free-ebook
5 Signs Your Growth Is Breaking
https://5signs.thegrowthvanguard.com/
The Growth Vanguard
https://thegrowthvanguard.com/
Hexagon Media
https://hexagonmedia.net/
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Until next time, stand strong in your power—especially when it gets uncomfortable.
