Decide to Heal

Ep. 39 — Stop Trying to Fix Yourself (It's Keeping You Stuck)

You've prayed about it. You've read the books. You've journaled pages trying to figure out why you keep doing the same thing, and you've made the plan and put the safeguards in place. And you still end up right back where you started, a little more exhausted and a little less hopeful each time.

If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you. Sometimes the trying to fix it is what keeps the cycle going. Today I'm sharing what I told one of the women I work with when she had done everything right on paper and still felt more broken than ever. It might be the last thing you'd expect to hear, and it might be what finally gives you room to breathe.

In this episode we talk about:

• How trying to fix yourself can quietly become part of the cycle you're trying to break
• Why you don't start with the hardest thing, and where to start instead
• The small step that gets the cycle to stop: letting go of the "why" questions
• Why being present comes on its own once you stop fixing, so it isn't one more thing to get right
• The beauty of being in the middle of healing, surrendering and allowing, and why there's never a "done" part in your relationship with God

If your heart has been longing to learn what surrender actually looks like in everyday life, join the waitlist for the next Surrender Challenge here: the180methodcoaching.com/doors-closed

I can't wait to walk through this with you.

You have brought it to God. You have prayed over it. You have said the words — I surrender this to you. And then twenty minutes later you are picking it right back up. Running the scenarios again. Still waiting for the anxiety to go away.

If that is a cycle you know well, this episode is for you. Because praying about something and surrendering it are not the same thing — and once you understand the difference, it is going to change how you approach everything you have been carrying.

In this episode we talk about:

• Why anxiety almost always comes from the same place — and it is not what you think

• The real difference between praying about something and actually surrendering it

• Why you keep picking it back up even after you give it to God — and what is actually blocking you

• The difference between a choice and a decision (and why one changes nothing while the other changes everything)

• Why surrender is not about making the anxious feeling go away — and what it is actually about

If your heart has been longing to finally learn what surrender actually looks like in everyday life, come join us on the waitlist for the 40-Day Surrender Challenge. The link is in the show notes: the180methodcoaching.com/join-the-waitlist

I cannot wait to walk through this with you.

There is something on your heart. You have known it for a while. A business, a career change, a creative thing — something that feels like it is from God. And yet you are still waiting. Still getting ready. Still watching other women leap while you stay at the edge wondering what they have that you don't.

In this episode, we are getting into the real reason you are still standing there — and it is not what you think. It is not that your faith is too small. It is not that you are not ready enough. It is that most of us have been waiting for something that was never part of the deal.

We talk about:

• Why the jealousy and anger you feel when you see others living your dream is not a character flaw — it is a signal worth getting curious about

• The sequence that actually builds trust — and why so many of us are trying to skip straight to surrender without understanding what comes first

• What a leap of faith actually means (hint: it has nothing to do with being fearless)

• The one thing Jesus did the night before the crucifixion that changed how I understand fear entirely

• Why you don't need to see the whole staircase — just the one next step

If your heart has been longing to finally learn how to surrender the things you've been carrying, I want to invite you to join the waitlist for the 21-Day Surrender Challenge at the180methodcoaching.com/join-the-waitlist

I can't wait to walk through this with you.

There is a woman you have probably met. She has the same marriage, the same family, the same career, the same pressures you have. But when she sits down, her body actually lets her. No guilt. No mental checklist. No feeling like she has to earn the right to rest.

I call her the Naturally Secure Woman.

And for the longest time I thought women like her were just lucky. Had easier childhoods. Lighter loads. But that is not it. She just never had to become the one who holds everything together. So she never learned that rest is something you have to earn first.

You did. And that is not your fault. But it is the thing we have to undo.

In this episode I am walking you through who the Naturally Secure Woman actually is, what happened to the rest of us and why we became the Responsible One instead, why you still carry everything even when you know better, and how you start finding your way back to the woman God created you to be before survival took over.

If you are the woman everyone leans on — the one who is quietly exhausted from holding it all together — this episode is for you.

Links mentioned in this episode:

• Join the waitlist for the 21-Day Surrender Challenge: the180methodcoaching.com/join-the-waitlist **anyone on the waitlist will get the crazy low discount price**

Connect with Alejandra:

• Instagram: @decidetoheal

You have been told your whole life that confidence is something you build. You show up anyway. You push through the fear. You do the thing even when you don't feel ready. And you keep waiting for the day it finally feels solid on the inside the way it looks on the outside.

But what if the reason it keeps collapsing has nothing to do with how hard you are trying?

In this episode I am talking about something I see in women constantly the gap between looking confident and feeling it. Why so many high-functioning women come across as put-together while quietly carrying the opposite on the inside. And why no amount of pushing through is going to close that gap.

Because confidence is not a skill problem. It is almost always a safety problem. And until you understand what is actually underneath it, you will keep building on ground that cannot hold.

I am breaking down the difference between human confidence and being confident, where the lack of confidence actually comes from, and the most practical thing you can do in the moment when it drops so you can stop performing your way through it and start healing what is underneath.

If you have ever thought..."I know I should feel more confident by now"...this episode is for you.

Links mentioned in this episode:

• Join the waitlist for the 21-Day Surrender Challenge: the180methodcoaching.com/join-the-waitlist

Connect with Alejandra:

• Instagram: @decidetoheal

You know what you should do. You have the tools. You have done the work. And you still end up right back in the same spiral, the same thought pattern, the same place you swore you were done with.

That is not a you problem. That is a strategy problem.

For years we have been told that the answer is to change our thinking — reframe it, combat it, replace the negative with a positive. And while the direction of that is right, the strategy is wrong. Because fighting your thoughts keeps you in fear energy. And you cannot fight your way to healing.

In this episode I am breaking down why thought work alone will never get you to the freedom you are looking for, what the difference between your head and your heart actually means for your healing, and what it looks like to stop fighting your thoughts and start allowing them — practically, in real life, not just as a concept.

I also share the decision that actually breaks the cycle — and it is not another affirmation.

If you have been faithful with the work and still feel stuck, this episode is going to give you the missing piece.

Links mentioned in this episode:

• Join the waitlist for the 40-Day Surrender Challenge: the180methodcoaching.com/join-the-waitlist

Connect with Alejandra:

• Instagram: @decidetoheal

Have you ever replayed a conversation over and over in your head, wondering if you said the wrong thing... reacted the wrong way... or somehow failed?

Maybe you've apologized for something that didn't actually require an apology.

Maybe you've carried guilt for days—even after everyone else had moved on.

What if your guilt isn't really about what happened?

In this episode, we're unpacking why so many women carry guilt that doesn't seem to match the situation—and why trying harder to "let it go" rarely works.

Together, we'll explore:

• Why the meaning you attach to an experience often hurts more than the experience itself.

• Why replaying the story keeps you stuck while naming the deeper wound begins to set you free.

• The connection between guilt, shame, and the quiet feeling that you're carrying life on your own.

• Why so much personal growth teaches us how to cope with our pain—but not how to heal it.

• What Scripture reveals about where these patterns truly begin and how God invites us back into relationship with Him.

If you've ever thought, "Why can't I just move on?" or "Why do I keep carrying this?" this conversation is for you.

And if this episode encouraged you, challenged you, or made you think of someone you love, would you share it with them? You never know what conversation God might start because you hit send.

Ready to learn what surrender actually looks like?

Join the waitlist for the 40-Day Surrender Challenge, where we'll spend forty days learning how to stop carrying everything ourselves and begin trusting God one faithful step at a time.

Join the waitlist here: https://the180methodcoaching.com/join-the-waitlist 

Why do your boundaries keep failing—even when you're doing everything right?

You've set the boundary.

You waited before responding.

You chose your words carefully.

And somehow...you're still exhausted, resentful, and right back where you started.

In this episode, I explain why a boundary isn't the real solution—and why it never could be.

You'll discover:

• Why boundaries alone don't create lasting change.

• What's actually underneath the anger and resentment.• The one shift that changes how you show up in every relationship.

• A simple exercise you can start using today.

This conversation came straight from two women inside my Decide to Heal community who were facing completely different situations but the same hidden pattern underneath.

Once you see it, you'll never think about boundaries the same way again.

If today's episode resonated with you, there's a good chance you've discovered something bigger than a boundary issue. You've discovered what happens when you're trying to control, protect, or carry something God never asked you to carry.

That's exactly why I'm creating the 40-Day Surrender Challenge.

If you're tired of knowing you're supposed to trust God but still don't know how, join the waitlist today. You'll be the first to know when doors open, and I'll send you everything as soon as it's ready.

You can join the waitlist through the link in the show notes.

And if this episode encouraged you, would you do me one favor? Share it with someone who needs to hear it. You never know how one conversation can change someone's life.

Links mentioned in this episode:

• Ready to Surrender? https://the180methodcoaching.com/join-the-waitlist

Connect with Alejandra:

• Instagram: @decidetoheal

• Website: https://the180methodcoaching.com/main-page
  

Have you noticed you're getting irritated by things that never used to bother you? The small stuff is hitting differently. Your patience is shorter. You're snapping at people you love and you don't fully understand why.

That is not a you problem. That is suppression — and it has been building for a long time.

One of the women in my Decide to Heal community said something that stopped me. She said she was struggling with properly managing her anger and overwhelm. And that one word — managing — is exactly what we need to talk about. Because managing your anger is not the same as healing it. And if you have been doing one thinking it was the other, this episode is going to make a lot of things click.

In this episode we talk about why we suppress our emotions in the first place, what it is actually costing you physically and emotionally, and what it looks like to stop managing and start expressing. Because you were not designed to hold it together forever. You were designed to feel and release. And there is a difference between those two things that nobody is talking about clearly enough.

This one is for the woman who holds it all together so well she doesn't even realize what she's been carrying.

Links mentioned in this episode:

• Ready to go deeper? Book a time here https://link.180methodgroup.com/widget/bookings/15-minutes-booking-call

Connect with Alejandra:

• Instagram: @decidetoheal

The Difference Between Managing Yourself and Becoming Free

• You've read the books.
• You've gone to therapy.
• You've journaled.
• You've prayed.

You've learned about boundaries, nervous system regulation, mindset, and personal growth.

So why do you still feel stuck?

In this episode, Alejandra challenges one of the biggest assumptions in the personal development world:

What if you've been taught how to manage your pain...but never how to heal it?

After more than 22 years of coaching and helping over 6,000 women experience lasting transformation, Alejandra shares the distinction that changed everything—not only in her own life, but in the lives of the women she has coached.

In this conversation, you'll discover:

• Why managing your emotions isn't the same as healing them.
• The difference between treating symptoms and healing at the root.
• Why overthinking, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and emotional exhaustion are often symptoms—not the real problem.
• Why lasting transformation happens when you heal identity, not just behavior.
• How The 180 Method® helps women move beyond survival patterns and become the woman God created them to be.

If you've ever caught yourself asking...

"Why do I keep ending up here?"

...this episode was made for you.

If you're ready to stop managing symptoms and start healing at the root, I'd love to help you take the next step.

Book your complimentary Decide to Heal Strategy Session here:

https://link.180methodgroup.com/widget/bookings/alejandra-180-method-consultation

If this episode encouraged you, would you share it with someone who needs to hear it?

Every share helps another woman discover that she isn't broken...

she's simply been trying to heal with tools that were never designed to take her to the root.

And if you're enjoying the Decide to Heal Podcast, be sure to follow the show and leave a review. It helps us reach more women who are ready for lasting transformation.

If you've been doing everything you know to do...

and you're still wondering why you keep ending up in the same place...

I want you to know there is another way.

Not by trying harder.

Not by managing more.

But by healing at the root.

Thank you for being here.

And as always...

Keep deciding to heal.