Deeper Still

Tonya's life continued on after her first abortion, but she made the same choices with men and had two more pregnancies that ended in abortion. She was so traumatized by the abortions that she couldn't remember very much about the last two. She didn't want to believe that she had three abortions, but through therapy, it was confirmed. She has accepted responsibility for her abortions and repented, which has ushered in much healing. She also attended her own Deeper Still retreat, which brought even more healing.

Tonya Bailey-Jones is the author of "Pearls in the Pews: Bringing Post-abortion Healing to the Church(ed). She grew up as the youngest child in a loving family with a single mom. Her older sister had two babies when she was a teenager, and Tonya saw all the challenges that the babies brought into the home. Tonya wanted to be the good girl that did everything right, but she too became pregnant at seventeen and tried to hide the pregnancy from her Mom. She didn't want to cause the same turmoil in the home that she saw growing up, and ended up having an abortion.

After two abortions, I married the father of the babies, and we had two more children later. I was a fearful, helicopter parent. Additionally, I was an angry person, and my marriage was volatile. For twenty-four years, I was such an angry person and disgusted with myself, until I started the healing process.

Growing up in a blended and broken household, Liz was anti-authority and started living a wild life. She ended up as a single Mom and was partying a lot, so her father took her son from her to keep him safe. She kept partying and connected with a guy, getting pregnant after a month together. She was full of fear and thoughts of what her son would think if she had another baby, so she ended up seeking abortion with the support of the father of the baby. The abortion clinic was dirty and in disrepair, and she would have left, but she felt desperate to get out of the situation she was in. She did not feel prepared for the procedure at all, and the clinic sent her out the door afterward with no recovery time or observation at the clinic. This set her on a downward spiral where she partied more and got pregnant again- only to seek abortion yet again.

Savanna tried to suppress all thoughts about the abortion she had at age 17. She lost all joy, she abused alcohol for the first time in her life, and was angry. Her anger carried over into her marriage and parenting. She needed answers to why she felt so bad, and she poured her whole story out to a counselor. The counselor recommended healing her abortion wounded heart, and Savanna found a Save One Bible study. Even though she received a lot of healing at the bible study, she was surprised by even deeper healing she found at her Deeper Still retreat.

Savanna got pregnant at age 17. Her boyfriend pressured her to have an abortion, and his parents paid for it. Her mother went with her to the abortion clinic, and so did her boyfriend. The only person who told her not to have an abortion was the woman outside the clinic who was yelling at her and calling her a murderer. She felt trapped and had the abortion. She was forever changed.

Carole's life began to spiral out more out of control with each abortion. Even though she went to counselors for her severe anxiety, alcohol abuse, marital conflict, and anger problems, they did not ask about the possibility of past abortions, and she did not volunteer the information. She felt safe to confide in her AA sponsor and began to get some healing. She got sober and started to develop a growing relationship with Jesus. After some time, she found profound healing through her Deeper Still retreat.

Carole grew up with alcoholic parents, and as an adult, she started following in their footsteps. Her first pregnancy ended in abortion after her boyfriend declined to marry her and wanted her to have an abortion. The relationship soon ended. Her second pregnancy also ended in abortion, but she eventually married the father of the baby and had more children with him. However, they also became pregnant with a son who was diagnosed with Down syndrome and some other anomalies. They followed the medical advice to abort the baby. Carole said after that she "felt like a total monster" and a "shell of a person". ***Trigger Warning***

Amanda's abortion at age 14 left her broken, but her brokenness led her to Jesus. She ended up married with five children, but she never forgot her baby lost to abortion. After joining a post-abortion Bible study and then joining the leadership, she knew it was her mission to bring awareness and healing opportunities for others. She attended a Deeper Still retreat and found even deeper healing and now serves on the Mississippi Deeper Still team.

Amanda got into the wrong crowd at school after leaving a Christian school and going to a public school after her parents divorced. At 12, she began dating a 15-year-old. At age 14, she was pregnant. She was taken to an abortion clinic when she was 17 weeks pregnant and was shown a grainy ultrasound picture. The clinic staff told her that it was "only a blob of tissue". She was taken to a late-term abortion clinic but ran from the building in an effort to avoid the abortion and save her baby. The adults around her convinced her to come back in to have the abortion. Her life was forever altered.