Defining Stories

Kelly has a mesmerising force with which she engages with the world and although her conversation with us might be called a story of survival, it more like a story about thriving, or continuing to thrive. When the upcoming horizon in your life story looks rose-coloured because you’ve made it through a separation, you’ve found a new life-partner and you are starting to feel like you’ve found your stride again,your narrative arc does not want the mind-numbing news that you have to postpone joy for an immediate health crisis.

Kelly’s life went in an entirely new direction when at a relatively young age she learned she had stage 3 ovarian cancer. Her life story was dramatically interrupted and sent in a new direction. How Kelly has managed herself through this transition, how she has found meaning and rebuilt her physical health and her dynamism is a testament to her inimitable attitude towards life.

We invite you to listen with awe to the gems of learning and meaning-making that Kelly has arrived at and with which she is so generous in sharing. Here is a person who is not defined by fear and who has learned how you rebuild an identity. Shealso shares some great tips of how we can be present for the people in our lives who might be moving through a life defining event. Hear what it means to show up, to avoid trying to fix the situation and how to validate the person’s experience.

Kelly is the kind of person you’d love to have in your friendship circle because she’s the one that knows how to honour loss and how to move alongside uncertainty and fear rather thanbe at war with it. She’s the one who will lift you up, push you forward and remind you that you’ve got this. She knows all this because that’s what she did to reach the shores of her new horizon

Clare is looking back on a life-changing event from over 25years ago. Bravely, all those years ago she activated the plan to migrate to new country. Not to the other side of the world, just down towards the end of the continent of Africa. How hard could it be, right?

Inspired to build a better life for her children and to findnew opportunities for her and her partner’s career, Clare drove the migration forward with checklists and tick boxes that controlled the minutia of details and foresaw potential dangers everywhere. In Clare’s indomitable style mitigants were always at the ready, even the plans had plans. However, having an emotional breakdown in a supermarket wasn’t on the checklist.

When we take on dramatic changes to our lives (or have themthrust upon us), we become acutely aware of how we no longer belong in the world. The German term Carl Jung referred to when discussing this deep sense of alienation or not feeling "at home" in the world is "Unheimlich." It describes something that is both familiar and strange at the same time — creatingdiscomfort, eeriness, or psychological disturbance. This aligns with the un-homed state: a disconnection not just fromexternal belonging, but from inner harmony.

Clare’s un-homing is filled with trials and triumphs, andshe has distilled her learning down into some delicious wisdoms that she shares with us. When we see that the stories of our life are no longer mapping to the reality in which we find ourselves its time to build some new stories and refresh some of the old ones. This remapping of our lives takes us to some very vulnerable places and the emotional load we end up carrying cause fault lines to appear in marriages, relationships and within our minds and bodies too. Loss evokes grief and grief needs to be metabolised and there are no short cutsthrough this.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”  

Maya Angelou

Clare defies reduction and instead rises like a proverbial phoenix from the fires of adversity. From her defiant reinvention and her perseverance through the adversity Clare knows that with the massive changes activated by migration there will be tears and there will be challenges. With a community supporting you from the side, a bit of counselling to give succour and the ability to see a future you discover a whole new level of capability just waiting inside you. Please enjoy meeting Clare and her story of migration.

Adolescence can be brutal.  Finding our path out of the hellscape of the teenage years is no easy feat. Adolescence is so difficult because it’s a time of such profound change without full control over what is happening inside of us and around us nor is there clarity about how this will all turn out. It’s a liminal space – that bridge between who you were and who you’re becoming. What Oscar shares so poignantly with us in this episode is that sense of hopelessness that can travel with us in these confusing times of our life.

Oscar has such vivid recall of how his world seemed so darkand it appeared that others knew what they were doing and where they were taking their lives. His confusion about himself and his harsh comparison of himself against others remind us how hard it is to invest in anything when feel so unsure of who we are. It’s a time where we lack intention, and we think weare so incapable. We disengage from our lives and what travels with us is the dark hopelessness.

What I love about Oscar’s story is the antidote to thishopelessness that he gets to experience and to share with us. It is love that gets us through tough times. Even when we are kicking off and being disagreeable in so many ways and we feel so disenchanted with life there are often a few remarkable humans that just love us through this moment. Oscar recognises these key people who made his life better and different and so while at first this may sound like a story of hopelessness it’s actually a love story.

Growing up is messy and confusing. We can get lost and mayfeel very alone with own thoughts and our wounded hearts. What Oscar teaches us is that if we can let the people and the activities, we love become a part of our lives, we will stumble upon hope again. When we start to give value to others, we begin to realise how valuable we are to ourselves. We start to emerge with a stronger sense of identity, purpose, andresilience. We come of age seeing ourselves and the world with clearer eyes. We start making choices from that deeper understanding and it dawns on us that we area more conscious, capable, and complex version of ourselves. We’ve grown up a bit.

Phoebe is a master in the art of possibility. What makes her so masterful is this beguiling ability to just get involved in things with no expectation of an outcome other than she will learn something and quench her curiosity. She somewhat bravely leaps into things knowing she has an artillery of great skills and experiences at her disposal along with an ardent belief that she can work out problems if they arise. As a result, Phoebe is an opportunity magnet.

When you listen to Phoebe talk about her career and life trajectory, you might notice this measured balance of humility and confidence. Here is a woman who knows she is smart and capable and reliable and will add value to anything she chooses to hold, and simultaneously, here is a woman who is scared and filled with uncertainty and who feels awkward about how much she doesn’t yet know. The two parts blend and the symbiosis is like a perfectly balanced sauce, or a beautiful composed piece of music, or a piece of art that takes your breath away. There is an artistry in how Phoebe is composing her life, and it is inspiring.

As Phoebe shares the range of opportunities that have found her, she also gives us some of the strategies she uses to navigate the qualms of life. Her story reminds us that the antidote to Imposter Syndrome is curiosity; to remember we are all human no matter how talented, or celebrity branded a person is. She shows us how knowing our values can help usassess options and make choices that better align with our hopes for the future.

At one point in Phoebe’s story, she jokingly refers to a label she has been given as the black sheep of the family. This signifies being the one who stands out as different, often in a way that goes against family norms, expectations, or traditions. Theterm typically carries a negative connotation, implying that the person is seen as rebellious, unconventional, or even adisappointment to others. However, it can also be a badgeof individuality and independence. While being the blacksheep can sometimes feel isolating, it can also signify courage, authenticity, and the willingness to carve one's own path.

Carving her path is exactly what Phoebe is crafting. She is a woman with a certain verisimilitude about her. It’s no surprise she is head-hunted and offered opportunities to manageimpactful projects and the work of important people that will make a difference to multitudes. I am reminded of the achingly beautiful poem by Maria Kalman Women Holding Things when I speak to Phoebe, I rest more easily knowing her capable arms are holding very precious things like her son, and our planet.

Reinvention stories are a common theme in literature. Jane Eyre refuses to let her difficult past define her, ultimately creating a life of dignity and self-respect. In The Great Gatsby we witness Jay Gatsby’s transformation highlighting both the allure and illusion of self-reinvention, questioning whether we can truly escape our past. Dickens gives us the ultimate reinvention story in Great Expectations. Pip’s journey is not just about changing his external circumstances; it’s about discovering who he truly is and learning to value the right things. His transformation is both a physical shift (new environment, education, social class) and a psychological one (self-awareness, humility, and integrity).

Look back over your life and you will see you have had to reinvent yourself multiple times. Starting school, and finishing school; getting a job, and leaving a job; falling in love, and failing at love. Each experience is an opportunity for reinvention. What we choose to hold on to and what we select as excess baggage that can be left behind refines anddefines the narrative that we take with us in the transformation process. What Tom offers us in this episode is a beautiful, contemplative reflection on the reinvention at play as we age and choose to become an elder and not just older.

Tom Verghese’s life has blossomed from his dynamism and curiosity. An immigrant to Australia 44 years ago his professional arena has been about diversity, inclusion and traversing cross cultural intersections. His interests are in conscious aging, and he shares with us how he is experimenting with placing himself in new locations –geographically, socially, and emotionally. He is very interested in keeping an elastic mindset that can stretch and transform its thinking habits and support him in guiding his life into new spaces where he will continue to grow and indulge himself in his true passion: learning.

We meet Tom in his liminal space. That messy in-between state where we are no longer who we used to be and not yet the person we will become. We are experimenting with possibilities. The genius we need to imbibe in liminality helps us hold all parts of life and our identity lightly. We can let the definitions ascribed to us by life, the past roles we performed, the relationship patterns repeatedly played out and our previous preferences move on like clouds shape shifting in the sky.

What Tom offers us is this alluring idea that aging is aspirational. As we age, we can enjoy more freedoms, be more choiceful, feel looser and show up in kinder and wiser ways. Tom got me thinking about how to make my aging story a good story and to think about how I can contribute to making lives better. How are you going to reinvent yourself?

The call to adventure is the pivotal moment that propels us out of our ordinary world, forcing us to face challenges and grow. It’s a universal metaphor for the transformative journeys

Alanah is one of those people who has invited adventure into her life. I am fortunate enough to have known Alanah her whole life and was there holding her as she took her very first breath in this world. I’ve watched this sensitive and curious little girl unwrap the layers of her knowledge and skills as she steps into being the remarkable young woman you’ll meet in this episode.

Alanah shares the stories about her calls to adventure. We examine the impetus to take yourself out of the known, safe, predictable life you might be enjoying and to shake it all up.

Why do we do it to ourselves? Well, when we take on an adventure, we discover new territories in the world and within us. We get to map unchartered spaces that reveal to us a glimpse of our magnificence, our inner confidence, and our untapped capability. Alanah will charm you with her unassuming grace, her light-hearted approach to the trials and tribulations of life and she’ll share with you what she has learned about herself and life as she has explored the world and the inner landscape of her life. Enjoy learning what it takes to follow the call to adventure. Who knows, you might even choose to follow in her footsteps and begin a new adventure of your own. Become motivated by this inspiring woman.

Allison is one of those unique people who can talk about

Alli shares a transitional dilemma on whose horns she is

When we feel displaced by life and we are trying to make

Listen to Alli’s story of transitioning as she examines how one

The quotable quote from Allison is this: ‘If you can’t see

In narrative practice, the stories people tell about their

From a narrative practice perspective, contamination and

Contamination stories are narratives where a positive

In narrative work we can help people deconstruct the

Redemption stories involve narratives where a negative or

Narrative work helps people craft their stories by

“You can choose to have [the event] shape you as broken or as resilient.”

The humanitarian, Rosalynn Carter said with profound wisdom ‘there are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers and those who will need caregivers.' Our guest on this episode of Defining

From her story you will learn that Alison is in the process of resurrecting her life. After receiving a challenging health diagnosis, Ali braced herself for following a treatment plan borne out of the medical model. Along the way she shares how she was buoyed into courage by a group of supportive friends and a loving sister as the cruel healing powers of chemotherapy took its toll on her body and the cancer.

Ali has come to realise that one of her coping mechanisms was to suppress all the emotions associated with her life-changing situation thinking they could all be dealt with later. After a long period of rehabilitation Ali has had to face the new reality that her life may never be the way it once was. She literally and metaphorical has lost her centre of

In the most vulnerable time of her life, Alison has had to search for some silver linings. With a broken heart, Ali knew she needed to feel joy again. You’ll get to hear about an inspiring moment when a morning coffee and an old David Essex song humming in her mind, gave Alison a wonderful business idea. She’s finding a new voice for Ali and is using her experience as an inspiration to show up as a person who cares when others are facing their times of vulnerability. You can learn more about her work at Silver Linings Aged Care Navigator. What Ali is creating is an open-hearted response to healing and in offering this type of support she is in return giving herself some of the healing she needs.

And if that road gets tougher…
No, I'll never let you suffer
'Cause I love the things that you do…With your love light shining
Every cloud's got a silver lining. [David Essex, Hold

“It's like everyone tells a story about themselves inside

In narrative practice, identity is seen as fluid and

Jorge is a man who has loosened the constraining knot of a

We can all train ourselves to fit the identity we think the

More than one aspect of who we are can be true

Psychologically safe environments require a special kind of