Destroy All Children

We all make poor decisions in life, some poorer than others, and this week we get to commiserate about our mistakes. For example, I watched Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie AND The Suicide Squad, neither of which was enjoyable. I also played the Back 4 Blood beta, which is... Fine. But of course George is also deep in the early 90s, in a non-Power Ranger-related fashion, because Retro Corner is about the Vectormans One and Two, plus Comix Zone. Anyway, I wish for death to take me. 

Theme song by David Cassel

Outro music from Comix Zone

Heads up, this episode is frankensteined together from multiple recordings over a couple of days. George was having Computer Problems, so whaddya gonna do. But that's fine, because there wasn't a whole lot to talk about this week anyway. I played Atomicrops, and that's basically it, so most of this ep is a Retro Corner about Shin Megami Tensei 1, 2, and If..., so buckle in for that, I suppose. 

Theme song by David Cassel

Outro music: "Old Mech-Donald" from the Atomicrops OST by Joonas Turner

This week, I played a HOT NEW GAME from 2017, at least in Japan: Kyoei Toshi (aka The City Shrouded in Shadow) (aka Disaster Report Kaiju). Then it's time once again for Star Track, with the focus being Star Track VI: The Undiscovered Country, but of course it leads to a lot of George rambling about episodes of TNG. In Retro Corner, we talk about Detana!! Twinbee, OutRun, and a bit of Space Harrier because George's mind is so Track-Rotted he forgot we already did that.

The Vermillion Pleasure Night segment referenced: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGXWDqQB3NU

Theme song by David Cassel

Outro music: "Blues Drive Monster" by The Pillows

That's right, it's time again. After some obligatory discussion about the Steam Deck and a bit about George's Yakuza: Like a Dragon experience, the rest of this episode is ALL STAR TRACK! Specifically, the subject at hand is Star Track IV: The Voyage Home, though, as you might expect, it kinda goes all over the place. No Retro Corner, because who freakin' needs it??? Old games SUCK!!!!!

Theme song by David Cassel

Outro music: "Intergalactic" by the Beastie Boys. RIP to Biz Markie

This week, I vent about Mario Golf: Super Rush and its various fuckups, get deep into the mechanics of UFC 4, and then we bring back the most accursed segment... News... Because there's more Persona stuff happening, and also some weird shit with Judgment, and a Nickelodeon Smash Bros, which is what we spend most of the time talking about. Do you want to hear two millennials wax nostalgic about Ahhh! Real Monsters and Rocko's Modern Life? If you're still listening to this show I guess you do! 

Anyway, in the middle of this episode George also decided to regale me with a tale of his encounter with an Entity and I don't know how the fuck I was supposed to respond to that, but he thought it seemed like a good idea. You know what also wasn't a good idea? Playing Strider and Journey from Darkness: Strider Returns (not to be confused with Strider 2 for the PS1), which are part of this week's Retro Corner. The other part is Hagane: The Final Conflict, a much better game, and another entry point into the second-most-accursed segment, How Much Does This Shit Cost On Ebay? Pretty soon George and I are going to end up killing each other.

Theme song by David Cassel

Of course, the big thing this week is the OLED Switch. For once, news broke early on a Tuesday morning so we could talk about it. Apart from that, George just wanted to talk about more ffffffffffffffffucking Star Track movies so I took the opportunity to talk about No Sudden Move, the newest film from Stevie Soddenburg. After that's all done, in Retro Corner we catch a case of Kong Madness, and talk about Donkey Kong Countries 1-3 AND Diddy Kong Racing. Now we have ALL teh bananas!!! Yes, yes, I know that doesn't make sense to anyone reading this because it's just a long-running joke between George and I. Do you think I care? We don't do this for the viewers, and yes I know they're not viewers. We do this for the love of the game.

Theme song by David Cassel

This week, we talk about Yakuza: Like A Dragon, Prodeus, Cruelty Squad, and... Shin Megami Tensei? Like, the first one?! Weird. But that's just a prelude to the meat of this episode, the GRAND FINALE of the Gabagool, Gool, Summer. We finish out The Sopranos with a full discussion on Season 6. No Retro Corner this week, because it was already long enough. 

Theme song by David Cassel

I am now freed from the Crafting of Wars all day every, and that's cool, but George has finally gotten his hands on Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart as well! And then... More Star Track. But THEN, we get to a topic that's been continually postponed for a couple of months: the 1988 classic Midnight Run, starring Robert De Niro and the late Charles Grodin. We also take a detour into Oingo Boingo's discography, but that's just a normal thing for this podcast.

In Retro Corner, George burns through a lot of games: Wave Race 64, Michael Jackson's Moonwalker (Genesis), and Shock Troopers 1 & 2, to be specific. Do these games have anything in common? Not really! 

Theme song by David Cassel

Outro music: "Try to Believe" by Oingo Boingo

Well, E3 happened. Or maybe it didn't, depending on who you ask... It's me, I'm the one who would say it didn't happen. E3 2021 isn't real. Can you look at that shitshow and really tell me that was an EXPO? Gimme a freakin' break... 

Anyway, new Metroid. So that's something, I guess. In Retro Corner George talks about, uhhhh... Aliens Vs Predator? No. No, it wasn't that, it was something that SUCKED, just like E3 SUCKED!!!! Oh right, Robocop Vs Terminator and Battletoads & Double Dragon: The Ultimate Team. What a fucking mess. Here's to next year. Maybe some video games will come out in 2022.

Theme song by David Cassel

Outro music: "Girls on Film" by Duran Duran

With no new games coming out this week, we turn to our old standbys: the Mario Movie and Star Track! That's right, we both watched the newly-available, restored "Morton/Jankel Cut" of Super Mario Bros (1993), and give our thoughts on this extended version. Then, because of his poor life decisions and even worse propensity for gambling, George relays his experience of watching the first season of Star Track: The Next Generation. This is gonna shock you, but it's bad! After that, we have our regularly-scheduled Retro Corner, about Pilotwings 64. Fun!

NOTE: After recording this episode, the @smbarchive Twitter account replied to me, clarifying that the music and sound effects from the game were NOT intended by the film's creators, and apparently the editor just went ahead and put those in despite the Archive Overlord's wishes... Weird stuff. Dissent in the ranks. 

Outro Music: "The Space Program" by A Tribe Called Quest