Dewey's Ditties

From one guy to another you did the right thing by callin' me

Before you gave into her demand for family fun at Disneyland

You gotta stop the rust building up on that

Chrome ball hitch on your pickup truck

With the boat and trailer you've been saving up for sailor

You can give your wife and kids a three-day West Coast trip

Or teach 'em all a lifelong skill like how to fish

Don't CAVE MAN

If you do she'll always think she has the upper hand

Then you can say goodbye

To all the guy things in your life

That keep your knuckles dragging in the sand

Don't CAVE MAN

I don't mean to say you should never let her have her way

But you need some manly things in your life to keep it right

I'm talkin’ 'bout bar nights with the boys

Two and four wheeled off-road toys

And collectibles like fishing rods and knives

If you don't set the rules this time I'm certain

Your taxidermied bass will look alot like bedroom curtains

REPEAT CHORUS

Love needs a two-way give-and-take to work

But sometimes a guy just has to be a jerk, so…

REPEAT CHORUS w/Tag

Dewey Longuski (BMI)

©2024

She's smart

And real pretty

Loves Elvis and thinks I’m witty

She drinks beer

And eats healthy

Rumor has it her daddy's wealthy

In the end it was a difficult decision

To choose between her heart and my transmission...but...

SHE CAN’T DRIVE A STICK SHIFT and that's a deal breaker for me

Don't need her grindin' down my gears every time she turns the key

I never could respect her knowing she'd burn out my clutch

It's a matter of principle not love...that...

She can't drive

She can't drive

SHE CAN’T DRIVE A STICK SHIFT

She didn't cry

The day I dumped her

Instead she took a hammer to my bumper

I was scared

And kept my distance

It was the path of least resistance

Cuz I'd rather have her crush the chrome and metal

Then to ruin my ride while figurin' out the pedals

REPEAT CHORUS

(Pedal Steel Break)

REPEAT CHORUS w/Tag

Dewey Longuski (BMI)

©2024

TROPI-CALL ME

While I was waiting for a tow truck in a snow bank

Saw an ad for online dating on my phone

Started searchin' for a match in the Florida Keys

With the wealthy, desperate, cougar filter on

What are the chances, yeah, I'd find you

Outta all the women on that site?

The week I had down there on your tab

Was the best time of my life...So

TROPI-CALL ME when you're lonely and I'll be there

To love on you in the salty air

Under the palm trees and sun

Sippin' coke and rum

Like an old beach bum

Any time the map up here looks cold and snowy

Darlin', TROPI-CALL ME

I wouldn't trade a Northern Michigan summer

For a year in the South of France

But when my ice hole's freezing faster than it should

I hope you're missin' what I have

My Ski-Doo's gassed up and pointing to

The local airport down the road

I've got my swim suit, surf shoes, Coppertone travel tube

Packed and ready to go...So...

REPEAT CHORUS

There's no doubt in my mind it's the perfect situation

I cool you down when your too hot on a warm and free vacation…So…

REPEAT CHORUS w/tag

Dewey Longuski (BMI)

©2024

She's a local attraction and a helluva mystery

Got a body built in Detroit; talks like small-town Mississippi

And that red broken heart tattoo on her neck

Ain't as harmless as a country boy might expect,...yeah, it's a...

WARNING LABEL

For all the smooth-talking guys

Armed with charm and money on a Friday night

They buy her one, buy her two, buy her three tequilas

Think she'll fold and roll like a flour tortilla

Then they fall for her while she drinks 'em under the table

Yeah, look out, boys

She's got a WARNING LABEL

Lawyers, doctors, farmers, and teachers

Drive from miles around to try and out-drink her

So she’ll say ‘yes’ after closing time

But they ignore the ink hidden in plain sight...yeah, it's a...

REPEAT CHORUS

She tells the boys she won't drink alone

So every round, they're buying two Patrons

That's when the barkeep serves his daughter

Half the profits with shots of water...yeah it's a...

REPEAT CHORUS

REPEAT CHORUS

Dewey Longuski (BMI)

©2024

I'm a cowboy at heart but that ain't no excuse

For all the times I rode roughshod over you

There's no way to wrangle any harsh words I said

That kept us up some nights alone in the same bed...but...

If I could throw a bridle and saddle on my life

Spin it around, take the trail back in time

And head off each tear I sent down your face

Then, darling, you know, I'd be RIDING HARD TODAY

You tamed my wild side; let my spirit roam free

I guess that's why I never dropped down on my knee

But you know I've always stayed true to the brand

That you put on me when I first held your hand...so...

REPEAT CHORUS

Yeah, you gave me fair warning but this cowboy didn't change

Now I'm fading in your rearview while you're RIDING HARD TODAY

Dewey Longuski (BMI)

©2024

I never tried the funny cigarette they call weed

But sometimes I need a way to escape reality

The best way I can lift my fallen spirits up again

Are with movin', down-home tunes like Cripple Creek and Uncle Pen

SMOKIN' BLUEGRASS

Gets me high down to my soul 

SMOKING BLUEGRASS

Love to hear the banjo roll

Fire up the fiddle and flat top now and then

Keep the rhythm movin' with the bass and mandolin

SMOKIN' BLUEGRASS

Don't get me wrong I love to hear them slow, sweet gospel tunes

Every Sunday morning at my church in my favorite pew

But on Friday nights I need to tap my toes and slap my knee

Down at the local grange with all my friends and family

Repeat Chorus

Repeat Chorus

Dewey Longuski (BMI)

2024

Verse 1

I was a frat boy in AGR and chukka boots

You were a smart and pretty Farmhouse Little Sister

We found common ground and a whole lot more

At Dan & Gracie's drinking two dollar pitchers

Your momma said I'd break your heart and I did right in its track 

Smack dab in the middle of affection with no looking back

Chorus

Forty years of me and you

In sunshine and rain

Hopelessly devoted 

By God's amazing Grace

Every day with you is a deeper dive in harmony and love

And it's a long way from over yet

Forty Years Ain't Enough

Verse 2 

You've been successful, sometimes a rebel

As you climbed the ladder in an all-man's world

But you still found time for family life

A role model for our Rocky Mountain Girls  

Our White Christmas wedding in Paris started all our memories

In Michigan and back home again to the state of Tennessee 

REPEAT CHORUS

Bridge

Ain't enough of your kisses, Ain't enough romantic nights

So darling "Could I Have This Dance for the rest of my life?"

REPEAT CHORUS

Every day with you is a deeper dive in harmony and love

And it's a long way from over yet

Forty Years Ain't Enough

I got off work an hour ago and drove straight to the bank

With seven days of sweat and blood made out in my name

But I didn't pay my bills today like I always do, Cuz I knew

I'd need every dime to drink her leaving off my mind

SHE BROKE MY HEART ON PAYDAY

Now I got money to burn

This lonesome bridge to her memory

Drink after drink 'til I don't hurt

Guess I should be thankful it turned out this way

SHE BROKE MY HEART ON PAYDAY

The timing of her stomping on my heart was rather civil

Maybe there was still a part of her that cared for me a little

Or was it just coincidence the day she chose to go, I don't know

But does it really matter; either way, my world's been shattered

REPEAT CHORUS

Gonna be a little short this month paying off the rent

But if this whiskey does the trick I'd say it was money well spent

SHE BROKE MY HEART ON PAYDAY

Now I got money to burn, burn, burn

This lonesome bridge to her memory

Drink after drink 'til I don't hurt

Guess I should be thankful it turned out this way

SHE BROKE MY HEART ON PAYDAY

Timing is everything, ain't that what they say

SHE BROKE MY HEART ON PAYDAY

Dewey Longuski (BMI)

©2023

I ain't no doctor but I got Google

So I can self-diagnose all my aches and pains

And since you left me I'm showing signs of

A rare disease affecting my chest and brain

There's no tellin' how much time I've got left to go

It's a cross between what killed Old Yeller and Romeo

HEARTBREAK RABIES

I'm foaming at the mouth with every mug of beer

HEARTBREAK RABIES

Mixing water with my whiskey is my biggest fear

And every time I read your goodbye note it makes me a little more crazy

I've gotta classic case of HEARTBREAK RABIES

There's only two ways to cure what ails me

And the first one ends at closing time

Now my last hope is God is listenin’

When I'm wide awake in the dead of night

Praying you'll walk through my door with a kiss and second chance

But until that day I'll be in this bar over-drinking and fading fast

REPEAT CHORUS

The love bug bit me good when I first saw your face

Never knew how dangerous it was until you walked away

REPEAT CHORUS

Dewey Longuski (BMI)

©2023

How'd you know I'd be here drinking all alone in this bar on a Tuesday night?

Yeah, she left me without warning this morning so the rumor you heard is right

No, I didn't think of calling you or any of my friends

Priority one was making this heartache end

And with all due respect

You can't help me forget...cuz...

YOU’RE NOT TEQUILA

You can't numb the pain

Or make me so hungover in the morning

Her memory gets lost in my brain

Thanks for all your advice but buddy tonight

I need a self-induced alcohol

She's-over-me-and-gone

Twenty-four hour amnesia

You're a damn good friend

But YOU’RE NOT TEQUILA

If you really wanna help me start a GoFundMe page to cover my tab

You probably can't stay here 'til closing but could you arrange for me to catch a cab?

Here's the key to my apartment, would you mind stopping by

Get rid of anything of hers she mighta left behind

But as for right here and now

There's no way to help me out...cuz...

REPEAT CHORUS

Thanks for all your advice

But buddy tonight

I need a self-induced alcohol

She's-over-me-and-gone

Twenty-four hour amnesia

You're a damn good friend

But YOU’RE NOT TEQUILA

Dewey Longuski (BMI)

©2023

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