Diapers Off! (Season One)

This week, we don’t make it through our usual three topics – we get stuck on the first one! Pete takes us on a great journey discussing how he sold his short film to RADA before it was even written and then wrote 16 pages in one sitting, finishing a pack of cigarettes and a carafe of wine at an old French cafe in Soho. We talk about the dangers of writing in isolation and how difficult it can be for a shy writer to get his work seen. The romantic notion of the creative “lone ranger” is definitely a myth and something Paul admits to. This leads into a discussion of story and Pete talks about tragic figures in Hamlet, Othello and Macbeth. What are the lessons the audience is meant to absorb from these tragic heroes? Shakespearean dramas are very satisfying stories, and their dramatic structure obviously works. But how do we know when a story is broken? What are the elements, when missing, that make a narrative fail? Peter and Paul discuss. Pete’s childhood immersion in theater and literature shaped his current interest in storytelling and film: he is engaged with the big themes of life, such as ambition, betrayal, jealousy. Paul, on the other hand, had an early affinity to the sciences and mathematical endeavor. He loved the payoff of a problem solved, the immediate feedback of a solution. And, until college, Paul viewed the humanities with skepticism, as a lot of “arm waving.” The men discuss these attitudes and Pete makes the point that the study of science often delivers quicker rewards, whereas art and literature are initially inscrutable and need to be pried open to reveal their treasure.

The Harvard Experience, Part II. Paul starts off by sharing the difficulties he experienced entering such a privileged environment. He remembers how many of the posh set had fancy tuxedos and $500 cap-toe shoes for the occasional black-tie soiree, while he had to scrounge for a rental. Dinners out, club dues, fancy holidaying – all hard to manage on financial aid and a job at the library. Inequality: one of the darkest themes at this esteemed university. Out of the classroom there were many ways in which Harvard students displayed status, with a membership in a Final Club perhaps the most visible. The A.D., the Fox, the Fly, the Porcellian, the Phoenix and the Spee - these were the clubs a lot of guys wanted to find themselves at on a Saturday night, surrounded by the school’s PYT’s (pretty young things). Paul discusses the almost mythical promise the Porc (as the Porcellian is known) holds out to members: $1,000,000 in cash if they haven’t “made it” by 35 years of age. Next, Paul touches on a little-discussed aspect of a Harvard education: the cover-up. Paul reveals how many guys he knew stumbled through school but eventually graduated, with the Harvard seal of approval. The stories he could tell – but won’t – about guys who occupy positions of authority at hospitals, investment banks, and law firms! Circling back to The Social Network, the guys discuss Harvard’s near-paranoid protection of its “visual brand.” No filming on campus and no cooperation with Hollywood – at the most iconic university in the country. Amazing! After touching on another dark chapter in the university’s history – the Jewish quota, introduced by President Lowell – the guys move on to the legacy of a Harvard education: expectations. Paul admits that he often lives in the shadow of his Harvard days, measuring his progress against other graduates and the stratospheric expectations others have of Harvard.

It’s the Harvard Experience, Part I. Pete wants to know what it’s really like to attend the world’s premier university and Paul is happy to take him down memory lane. In popular culture, Harvard looms large as the university of choice for the elite and also as a mass producer of Internet billionaires, Wall Street titans and US Presidents. In this episode, Paul traces his experiences leading up to Harvard, the admissions process and the type of people he grew close to in his years on campus. From his struggles with Quantum Mechanics (and the dawning realization that he wasn’t destined to be a physicist) to his classes with Stanley Hoffmann, Helen Vendler, Cornel West, Martin Feldstein, Sheldon Glashow, Stephen Jay Gould and Alan Dershowitz, Paul takes us inside the daily life of a Harvard undergraduate. Pete keys in on two of Harvard’s biggest assets: the student body and the spirit of possibility that infects almost everyone. Paul reminisces about a place of rich diversity, world-class facilities and access to leaders of industry, politics and academia. From the birth of Facebook and Microsoft to the educations of Bush and Obama, Harvard truly is a place where anything is possible. Tune in next time for Part II of this fascinating conversation, when we talk about the downsides of a Harvard Education…

This week, we look at Mic, a New York City-based media start-up that has a culture of permissiveness. Run by, and targeted at, Millennials (who are now in their early 20’s), the news site admits that managing young, hyper-expressive graduates can be difficult. In this office environment “overshares” are common, and there are few rules, fewer lines of authority and a workplace protocol that baffles older folks. Following their reflections on Mic, Peter and Paul dissect the common theme of “wearing masks” in business, and why it’s sometimes smart to keep people at a distance. As Paul observes, it’s hard to “cut off your own arm” (i.e. fire a close friend). Several profound questions arise out of the discussion: Why do we get uncomfortable when people in professional roles let loose and act out of character? Can’t we accept them as fully-faceted human beings? Why do we take more liberties with people we know than with those we don’t? Next up, the guys discuss the “democratization of media” and how the lowering of barriers to entry has eroded profits for established players, while giving a voice to many previously disenfranchised artists. With such a free-for-all, does the cream really rise to the surface? When we abandon standards, what do we lose? To offer a counterpoint, Paul invokes the Académie française, a French bureaucratic institution that adjudicates on the evolution of the French language.

This week, we’ve got Hayley Quinn on the show. She is dating, sex and relationship coach extraordinaire and a long-time friend of Pete’s. We open with the question, “Why are all our heroes and heroines SINGLE?” We like it that way and in popular media marriage is often portrayed as The End. Is it really game over on wedding day? We quickly move on to the plight of single women approaching 30 and how they navigate the “Bridget Jones” years. Paul mentions the challenge a 40-year-old woman faces as her criteria climb while her SMV (Sexual Market Value) declines. Finally, we return to the original reason for inviting Hayley on the show: to challenge Paul’s claim that older women are responsible for shaming male sexuality. Is he way off base? Our second topic comes from Pete: an actor friend of his explains that “some men have trouble with male emotion - they feel it looks weak.” The conversation takes some interesting turns as Hayley and the guys discuss how men often neglect their emotional development while they’re busy building their muscles and bank accounts.

This week, Peter shares memories of his first film audition. Coming down from Manchester by bus, Pete beat out other kids for the part of “teenage troublemaker” in a Steve Coogan production. He shares fond memories of being on set, attending the launch party and enduring a surprise twist at the premier. Segueing into a discussion of screenwriting, Peter explains the process of “getting notes” on a script and how he’s becoming more comfortable having a “work in progress” as he matures as a writer/actor. It takes a certain confidence to show imperfect work and continue to massage it to completion. To cap off the episode, Paul shares a recent realization: there is no substitute for intimacy. He admits that in his twenties and early thirties, he didn’t need the comfort and consistency of a loving relationship; partly, this was because he had the fraternity of close male friends. But now, at 40, the alternatives to a loving intimacy appear less credible. A strong partnership is surprisingly important to Paul, and material substitutes, such as glitz and glamour, seem unworthy replacements. Peter responds.

The guys take on a triplet of topics. First off, they discuss the benefits and pitfalls of working from home. A high proportion of new start­-ups, both in the US and the UK, are one­-person shops. One of the unforeseen difficulties of working at home/alone is the lack of community, a real challenge for people who don’t have other fixed social engagements like church or sport. Peter and Paul discuss their experience as entrepreneurs and writers and how they combat such social isolation. Next, we discuss the importance of single-­sex socializing; the safety of male­-only spaces where men can discuss frustrations, regrets, fears and vulnerabilities. Sexual and social posturing make co­-ed environments difficult places for people to “take off their masks.” Paul discusses his first­-hand experience of the power of men, alone in a room. Finally, stoking controversy, Paul asks, “Where does sexual shaming come from?” He advances a bold thesis and the discussion becomes incendiary.

In this episode, we explore the high price of self-expression. Paul admits to misplaced envy when he sees his Wall Street friends attain mega financial success as he works to build a modest stable of personal businesses centered around self-expression. Why does he do it, he wonders? Wouldn’t it be easier to work in an office and accumulate money? For certain people, pursuing self-expression through the arts (acting, writing, painting, talking, dancing, playing music) is almost a compulsion – why else would they pursue something so uncertain and so difficult? The sheer impracticality of trying to make a living from one’s personality/craft is daunting. Peter and Paul are joined in this lively discussion by long-time actor and friend, Ces, who’s had a successful start in film and television. Paul mentions the attitude of some, who denominate all activities in dollars: If it doesn’t have a clear financial payout, why do it?, these people wonder. But the joy of making creative choices is the payoff for the artist. Paul has seen friends in business – ones who don’t have a creative practice – simply substitute consumption for creation, choosing brown shoes over black ones, instead of working to nurture their art. Ces discusses the actor’s reality of confronting so many “No’s” in everyday life and how that affects his outlook. Making a career out of self-expression (i.e. art) is to put oneself at the mercy of others’ judgment, as when an actor goes for audition. Some personality types refuse to subject themselves to this, and rather have the certainty of a paycheck and the sense of control that may come with a conventional career. Pete shares his humbling foray into stand-up comedy and describes how pick-up is much like stand-up: there’s no buffer between you and the audience. Peter also postulates the Paradox of Talent: many people exonerate themselves from the responsibility of nurturing their art by saying they haven’t talent, where others do. In actual fact, talent is just another name for hours of hard graft, Pete believes. Finally, Paul asks, “Why do actors want to act?” Ces’s answer is revealing.

For Paul, middle age has brought a sea change. He shares that in his 20’s and 30’s he looked outward at possibility, imaging different lives and dreaming. Now, at 40, recently married, situated in London and coming into his own creatively, he is much more inward-looking. He admits to evaluating the choices he’s already made rather than thinking about what could be. It’s an interesting and inevitable change, but something he hadn’t anticipated. Peter admits he’s not there yet in many ways, but can relate in terms of career: he’s decided to focus only on film and media projects and not get seduced by possibilities farther afield. There is a resignation that comes with accepting one’s choices, and Paul admits so much. The guys move onto the main topic: Processing Loss and Disappointment. Many of us are aware of what we’ve lost when we’re no longer young and Paul enumerates some of those loses - but what do older people have to compensate? The common answer is that older folks have “wisdom” but what does that mean? Paul believes that emotional maturity comes from suffering loss and disappointment. In his words, the realization that “Life hasn't turned out as one may have hoped, nor is it going to…” But whether we end up bitter and angry, threatened by the unbridled optimism of youth, or instead find ourselves measured and thoughtful depends on how well we are able to process the inevitable disappointments that life offers up. The men discuss this idea.

After a tribute to David Bowie - the ultimate frontman - the guys jump on two topics. First, Pete asks, “Are smart people entitled to success?” He’s learned from life that the rules change after 30; the men he knows who’ve really made it are all very disciplined. The guys debate the high price of focus. Paul mentions those prodigies who get an early start - men like Stevie Cohen, who was fascinated by newsprint stock prices from an early age and went on to make billions with S.A.C. The guys segue into a discussion of the current film, The Big Short. Many of the faceless architects of the financial crisis committed so-called “silent crimes” and Paul wonders how these differ from “violent crimes.” Finally, Paul gets talking about his years as a hedge fund analyst and how the film resonated with him but also reminded him of why he left that world. It’s interesting what you lose when you’re chasing big gains. Loads of money can easily rob a person of simple pleasures, something The Big Short touches upon. In the closing minutes, Pete recounts a trip he took with some finance guys and his creative pals. It seems money managers have a unique way of holidaying…