Diary of Fatherhood

A lesson about being sensitive to other people's moods and knowing when it is inappropriate to play.

As my family and I were walking from the parking lot into the church, I reminded Ofu,

“Hey, Papi, please remember to remove your hat when we enter the church.”

Then he blotted, “But why?”

Me: “Men and boys don’t wear hats in the church.”

Ofu: “I want to know why.”

Me: “It’s a mark of respect for God as we worship Him. It’s like how we remove our caps when we sing the national anthem.”

Ofu: “Ooo! Why is it that boys have to be the ones giving up everything? Boys can’t wear hats in the church. Boys can’t hit girls, yet they hit boys all the time.”

Me: “Oh no. We can’t hit girls. You’re right. We walk away. Let’s talk about this when we get out of church. Ok?”

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By enabling our children to freely share their stories and actively listen, we will see tangible pieces of evidence of their characters.

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How do you share your faith with your children? 

This episode is an example of the different ways that I do so. 

John: “Why are they saying, ‘thank you, Jesus, repeatedly and you’ve been listening to it all morning? And I don’t mean it in a bad way.” 

Me: “I’m glad that you asked. That means you have been paying attention. Thank you. Let me first play the introduction for you and we can talk a little bit. It’s very short; less than a minute.” 

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Ofu: “I gave a compliment to someone yesterday, and he got offended and then threw his glasses away. I was reported to my teacher, and she tried to email mom, but it didn’t go through.”

Me: “I can imagine. That was a misunderstood compliment. He didn’t get it.”

My son shared how he gave his classmate a rhetorical compliment, which was misunderstood. We had this conversation about using standard English all the time with people who may not understand our rhetoric.  

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How I broke the news of my father's death to my children.

"You know that Papa has been getting old and sickly right?"

They didn't acknowledge it. They were just astounded. So I continued:

"He fell sick last weekend and didn't make it. He passed on, on Wednesday." I paused for a moment to let it sink in, then nodded and added, "yeah, we lost Papa."

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"...I perceive her appreciation and sigh of relief to mean an expression of her refilled love tank through my spending quality time with her and performing this act of service. That’s what happens whenever I “go there with her.” “There” means her need of the moment..."

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I recall that when I become a father, my aunt looked at me and said, “young dude,” as she fondly calls me, “no one can teach you how to be a father. It is something that you will learn as you go.” It was a pregnant statement that continues to be relevant as the events of my fatherhood unfold.

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"...I believe that if we, parents, place character formation in our children as the top priority, then excellent performance will become a natural product. Our main job responsibility as parents is training, while our job duties can be categorized into the areas of the qualities above and done mainly by modeling..."

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