Hi!

I am extremely delighted that you are still here with me. Welcome to Day Five of introduction to my Diary of Fatherhood. Today, I will be sharing with you my fatherhood philosophy of "Valuing Relationships Over Performance."

Please let me ask you these questions:

I don't know about you, but I have.

I think several factors may contribute to self-doubt, failing to dare, and even the fear of rejection. I'd like to focus on the underlying factor that resonates with me from a parenting perspective. I think it is the harsh implications of failure or underperformance. To help our children to meet standards or our expectations, we sometimes push them too hard without grace. So, when they think of the consequences of making a mistake or failing, they rather stop attempting.

There is one of my children who used to ask questions about little or no risk mundane things like "how long to warm up pancakes (for instance) in the microwave oven." This is after I have explained that generally, they should read the instructions on the package or just incrementally heat their foods in 30-seconds spans. I get triggered to think that they are afraid of getting it wrong for fear of consequences.

What can happen over time is that they can become withdrawn into themselves resulting in the loss of healthy relationships. So being mindful of this, I chose to value relationships over performance as a general principle. Whenever I mess up, I apologize. When I must discipline, I do so with grace. I aim to ensure that my children and I maintain a good relationship. It is from a healthy relationship that everything else can flow out, such as training, discipline, mutual respect, taking ownership of responsibilities, etc., all founded on love.

As you read my blogs, you will discover the underlying theme of relationship building without necessarily hearing it loudly, but it is palpable in between the lines. Here are a few that stand out for me.

Click here, here, or on the link titles below to view examples of my choosing reconciliation of relationship after I overreacted to simple mishaps.

While striving to maintain a healthy relationship it should not be mistaken for compromising standards or accepting mediocrity. There must be a balance. Click here or on the link title below for a post that depicts this position.

My goal is to be able to discipline them appropriately while they still feel loved by me. My goal for them is that they should be able to respectfully question me if I act outside the norm.

Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available for convenience. Click here to get it.

I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.

Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,

Joseph.

Hi!

I am excited that you are here again. Welcome to Day Four of introduction to my Diary of Fatherhood. Today, I will be sharing with you my fatherhood philosophy of "Dialogue."

Dialogue is one of the principles that drive my fatherhood experience.

The overall theme of Dairy of Fatherhood is conversational. The insights that I share mainly stem from the dialogue with my children. Hardly, there be a situation where I pounce information on them out of my own accord. It is heart-to-heart, information-exchanging, fueled by curiosity, and usually spontaneous. Because it mostly happens impulsively, that's the reason why I aim to be present and listen intentionally, which are other values that guide my fatherhood journey. Please refer to Day One and Day Three introductory emails (Being Present and Intentional Listening). For now, here are examples of my principle of dialogue on display. Click here, here, or on the link titles below for:

· Mom, What Is Breast Cancer Again?

· Dad, Oche Is Not Being A Big Brother To Me.

Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available, for convenience. Click here to get it.

I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.

Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,

Joseph.

P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click here to get it.

Hi!

Thank you for staying with me as I give you this mind tour of my fatherhood principles. Today is Day Three and I want to share with you another philosophy called Intentional Listening.

Have you ever imagined that all is well with somebody just because you asked them a question that is structured to generate a positive response? Some examples of such questions are:

· "Did you have a good day?"

· "What was the best part of your day, school, work, etc.?"

· "Was it fun?"

For the most part, you can expect to receive an affirmative answer. By default, we all want to hear the good stuff, and based on that, we tend to conclude the well-being of the person. Of course, it is always great to receive positive feedback and it should be the place to start. However, that does not present the whole picture of what's going on with the person.

When my children return from school, I ask them how their day went and their reply is usually, "good." Then I'll give positive affirmations because everything is all good. However, I learned over time that their whole being was beyond well-being to include concerns that I may not catch superficially. With probing and watching for leads I listened more intentionally, and that's when I came down to their lows. Subsequently, I began to recognize and acknowledge their deep concerns, resulting in deeper relationships and clarity on issues.

To get a flavor of how intentional listening is one of my values, click here, here or the link titles below to read my stories.

· I Wanted To Make New Friends But They Didn’t Want To Play With Me. 

· Dad, My Pee-Pee Hurts!… But Girls Don’t Have Pee-Pee. 

Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available for convenience. Click here to get it.

I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.

Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,

Joseph.

P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click here to get it.

Hi!

I am pleased to welcome you to Day Two of introduction to my Diary of Fatherhood. Today, I will be sharing with you my fatherhood philosophy of "Creating a Safe Environment."

I believe that one of the best gifts that can be offered in a relationship is to be vulnerable with each other. I said that to a friend some time ago, and they debunked it strongly, claiming that they cannot let down their guards because of the fear of being hurt. I tried to explain my position, but they were not open. So, I let it be, understanding with them about their closed stance because of their history.

On the other hand, I believe that the privilege of being exposed to someone else's vulnerability comes with a great responsibility on our part which is to assure them of safety. Without safety from us, it will be very difficult for those who relate with us to open up their hearts to us.

This is a core cornerstone of our (me and Sweetheart) parenting. We assure and reassure our children that it is safe for them to talk to us about anything and safe to ask any question.

Here are a few link titles to some of my blogs that depict the principle of operating in a safe environment.

• Dad, Is Sex The Same As...?

• My Best Friend Says, She Likes Me And I Don't Know What To Do.

• Helping My Daughter To Deal With Crush.

Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available for convenience. Click here to get it.

I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.

Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,

Joseph.

P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click here to get it.

Hi!

Thank you for coming back and welcome to Day One of introduction to my Diary of Fatherhood. Today, I will be sharing with you my fatherhood philosophy of "Being Present."

Please consider the following questions.

· "Dad, will you be tucking us into bed tonight?"

· "Dad, did you check on us last night?"

· "You're off, today right?" Or "So what are we doing on your next off day?"

· "Dad, are you listening at all?"

Or statements like:

· "Dad, I need to tell you something."

· "Dad, I want to lie down on your chest."

· "I came because I wanted to spend time with you."

Or even in a single day

· Join your son for the distribution of flyers for food drive by his scouts' troop

· Play catch in the front yard with your other son

· And later accompany your daughter for a bike ride in the neighborhood.

Just to mention a few... As you consider the above questions, statements, and events, what was the theme that was running through your mind? For me, it's the importance of being present for my children.

For the most part, I know that I'm into something good for my children, and that's why they look forward to being with me. One of the questions shows that I wasn't engaging even though I was physically present, and it was used to call for my 100% presence and attention.

When I'm physically available, I do my best to be fully engaging. When I'm at a remote place, I do my best to be alert and mentally available. In either case, I must be emotionally connected with my children. It is from being present that things happen. I'm present not necessarily because we have a special moment planned but I'm present because every moment is special, even if nothing special is happening.

Typical examples of how my being present is mutually valuable to me and my children can be seen in the following posts. To read, please click here, here, or on the link titles below.

• Snoozing In With Dad.

• I Came Because I Wanted To Spend Time With You.

Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available for convenience. Click here to get it.

I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.

Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,

Joseph.

P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click here to get it.

Hi!

It’s Joseph, from Diary of Fatherhood.

Thanks for signing up today. I’m excited to get to know you and introduce you to my blog and book series!

Over the next few days, I want to share my fatherhood philosophy with you. Then subsequently, I will be sharing my experience with you through weekly or periodic blog posts.

Like I said, in the "About Diary of Fatherhood" episode or on my "About Me" page, I am not a parenting expert, but I am an expert in my story. And that’s what I am going to share with you.

Many people tell me they find inspiration by reading the simple stories of my everyday experiences.

Some people say they’ve had transformations in their relationships after reading how I interpret and handle interactions with my family.

So, I want to welcome you into my world of intentional parenting. If something in my story resonates with you, please hit reply and let me know.

This is meant to be a conversation and not a monologue. Please, feel free to comment, like, and share so we can continue to have engaging discussions about parenting from diverse perspectives.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,

Joseph

P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click here to get it.

Hello!