“Did you see how you were flexible to work around your wet swim clothes and have them quickly ready for you to use again?”

Ofu: “Wait. Was that flexible? I thought flexible means bending your body so that you can touch other parts of your body where you can’t reach normally.”

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Me: “You spoke to his strength. You reminded him that he was good at making bacon and could use his skills to help speed up the cooking. Did you notice how excited he was to come and throughout the time he cooked?”

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So, when your child tells you that they have a problem, what is your first natural response? If I’m correct, it is to swoop on the problem and help them fix it. Right?

Well, recently, I was caught up in the same mindset. John is the president of a youth club, where he commands the respect of members and adult leaders.

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This one is about one of the many times that I blew a parenting opportunity. So, I hope you will extend some grace to me.

Once again, it involves Ofu, my strong-willed child. He left his plate and cup on the dining table after lunch to go and play on his device. When I noticed them, I said, “Ofu, can you clean up after yourself and put away your plate and cup?”

He just flared up and threw a fit. It was like from zero to a hundred in a split moment. Honestly, it was very stressful, and I felt very helpless about what to do. So, I said,

“Ofu, I am so stressed by your behavior, and now I’m ready to visit a counselor to help me. That’s why I’m not hugging you as much.”

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I picked up Agbenu from school after she stayed back for drama rehearsals.

She was not looking so upbeat. We greeted each other after she got into the car. Then I said, “you look more tired than usual. Are you hungry?”

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I am a member of the Kolbe Prison Ministries and had scheduled to visit our brothers in prison on Saturday, August 14, 2021. I committed to it in July.

As our children prepared to resume school in Fall for the new school year, we also started receiving their calendar of activities. The first parent empowerment forum for John’s school was also scheduled for the same day as my prison visit. I was in a dilemma but thank God for His grace that gave me the answer. I went plain to John.

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While driving from John’s scouting activity to the barbershop, he said:

“Dad, I have a question.”

Me: “Go on.”

John: “I have asked mom this question before, but she’s not been able to answer it to make me understand. Why are we not allowed to sleep over in our friends’ houses?”

Me: “There are several reasons.

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It’s one of those dragging mornings again with Ofu, my self-declared “not-a-morning-person” son. And yes, Sweetheart and I have had several burnouts with him.

Ofu prefers to share bathrooms with us instead of with his siblings. So, his towel and toiletries are in our bathroom. When he woke this morning, he went into our bathroom, stayed there for a while, then left and went to the game room and started playing on his device. I was already awake and even had been out of bed but came back to bed to rest a little. Sweetheart was in the kitchen; an eavesdrop away from our bedroom and bathroom. We didn’t hear him run the water to brush his teeth.

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“I didn’t grow up having that kind of relationship with my father.”

“Every lady wants to be complimented.”

The first of the above was a lady’s response to what I thought should have been an endearing moment between a father and his daughter. Immediately, I perceived a relationship gap!

The second was another lady’s remark after receiving a compliment. To me, that highlighted the need for affirmation.

Hopefully, I wasn’t being stereotypical, but as a reflective learner, statements like those stimulate my thoughts. Quickly, the primary person that comes to my mind is, Agbenu, my daughter. Because she is still in her formative years, and I am the number one man to train and affirm her.

I believe that a father’s affirmation is more powerful and of a lasting effect than a husband’s or boyfriend’s affirmation. This is because fathers are their daughter’s, first love. How do I affirm my daughter? Here are some ways I do so...

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This is one of those times that, as a parent, I do more of the talking. Sweetheart and I were going to drop John off at his First Homecoming. Sweetheart had earlier "occupied the passenger seat" and said this final pep talk (if you like) will be mine to handle. So, I took the driver seat and began:

"Remember all our conversations about relationships with girls. The number one thing they need from a guy is protection. Do not do anything that will disrespect her (his date)."

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