Disagree better

When a disagreement in front of others gets difficult, there’s a simple remedy for avoiding two common pitfalls such conversations bring with them.

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Deflecting blame, denying responsibility, and minimizing negative impact are defensive behaviors that make problem-solving conversations frustrating. To reduce defensiveness and increase their willingness to take responsibility, use this research-supported approach when you confront.

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Better conflict resolution habits don’t start with learning a new approach and then trying it in your next difficult conversation. Just as you wouldn’t start running and try a marathon the following week, better conflict resolution habits begin with a slow, steady build. Here are some ways to start strong and build from there.

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When we argue, and particularly when we argue with loved ones and colleagues — those with whom we are in ongoing relationship — the argument has three threads at its core. It doesn’t matter what we’re arguing about; those three threads are there. When we attend to those three threads, we set the stage for a much better conversation.

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Sometimes the best comeback after an insult -- the comeback that actually does something for us instead of to them -- is no comeback at all, as the following Zen koan so beautifully illustrates.

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The Space Between is now called Disagree Better

When we want to reduce animosity and increase empathy toward a group or individual, we may try perspective-taking, the act of trying to stand in their shoes and view the situation from their perspective. But what if there’s something even more powerful for the job?

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A subscriber emailed me with the question, “How do I know when I’ve figured out the real problem or issue?” It’s a question worth unpacking and I have an alternative question to propose.

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Five ways to stop "less-than"-ing during conflict and conflict resolution.

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Conflict spirals are patterns of friction or tension that worsen over time. Distancing spirals are a particularly insidious form of conflict spiral because they cause relationship damage while we think we’re doing nothing wrong at all.

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