Chilling out a bit after last week’s intense recap of who I am. Reflecting on why I always feel the need to over explain myself and inspired by a podcast episode by one of my favourite artists & creators Darby Hudson who after 30 years of making art in secret and ignoring the judgemental pressures to play by the rules has recently blown up & at 48 is just now being respected and appreciated by the culture. Feeling a similar struggle but from a much different perspective, I reflect on my own perception online and otherwise and how I have been constantly reminded that a lot of people don’t get that creating without fear or need of approval is the achievement I am striving for. The embarrassment & shame of putting yourself out there will always make the smaller world around you quite uncomfortable & judgemental, particularly if you have no clear plan to success. I am both blessed and cursed in the fact that despite being a talented performer who can switch it on for anyone and adapt to any vibe, I’m never able to maintain it enough to properly fit in or belong somewhere. It’s very lonely. However, much like how I was inspired by Darby for this episode, finding and getting obsessed with artists who walk their own path has saved my mind from hurting itself and losing my magic. My heart & soul is the only thing that knows where to take me and there’s much to gain in the pain that comes with that. I just have to chill sometimes lmao.
