Divorced But Never Defeated

Do you feel like you’ve been under attack since your divorce?

On today’s episode of Divorced But Never Defeated, we talk about the feeling of bracing ourselves for a consistent barrage of slander and resistance, and how we’re even learning to laugh about it.

It’s important to remember that your ex behaves how they behave. We’re wise to refrain from expecting something different than what they’ve consistently shown us and to detach our emotions from their actions (and all the other things we can’t control).

One area where both of us are experiencing attacks is the area of money. We hope that sharing our experiences can help you feel less alone, and serve as a lesson in some things you could consider doing and not doing in your own situation.

The truth is, we don’t have a guarantee that everything will shake out completely fair. Certain things may even affect your kids, which is so frustrating to watch and experience. 

We talk about some of our exes’ tactics including concealing information, making untrue statements about their financial situations, and attempting to weaponize restraining orders or other similar court orders. 

We also share that in our own dating relationship, after these unhealthy previous marriages, we’ve been more than willing to present evidence to each other to support our stories.

I (Divorced Mom) am learning how to bring up issues and not fear conflict now that I’m in a safe relationship. I also share a bit about what it was like to have a restraining order denied because of lapsed time.

I (Divorced Dad) on the other hand, am learning to temper my temperament and not get overly impassioned, whether it’s in the normal, healthy moments of conflict within our dating relationship, or whether the ongoing situation of slander from my ex activates me at a given time.

We are both people of faith, but sometimes even the Christian communities we’re part of can fall short of providing the presence, support, or understanding we may wish for. I (Divorced Dad) share what I’ve learned from this experience, and how I’ve processed as some friends have believed my ex’s false narratives about me.

So, it’s realistic and wise to be ready for triggers, and be patient as old patterns change within yourself. If you’re dating someone or remarried, make sure there is open communication about what you each experience as a result of your past. And of course make sure you’re with a safe, emotionally healthy person.

Learn how to stop letting your ex have power over your emotional state. Root yourself in the moment and move forward. 

Thank you for listening to this episode. We’re in this together!

Welcome to the Divorced But Never Defeated podcast.

We, Divorced Mom and Divorced Dad, represent two different divorce experiences, and know the process can feel lonely and challenging. 

This is a podcast where we’ll share some things we’ve learned the hard way so you don’t have to, as well as what we’ve discovered about co-parenting, healing, and creating a bright future for ourselves after divorce.

We want you to know that if your life has had a touchpoint with divorce, there is always hope, and we’re here to walk alongside you.

There is so much to grieve as life changes in this way. It takes time, therapy, and an understanding community to process.

We hope that the topics in this podcast, though sometimes difficult, can be discussed in productive and community-building ways and that we can be a resource for anyone who finds themselves considering, walking through, or processing divorce.

Today’s episode is about the moments we first realized things were ending in our first marriages, and our experience with lawyers soon after that.

I (Divorced Dad) experienced an increase in control, criticism, and campaigning against me as things began to end. 

I (Divorced Mom) on the other hand, had to covertly prepare my exit to ensure the safety of my kids and myself. 

Wise counsel from supportive, insightful professionals aided us both in these trying times. 

So, on top of seeking quality therapy, we both highly encourage you to interview more than one lawyer, ideally in-person, and take your time choosing one. 

The lawyer relationship is a longer-term relationship than you might initially think. This person is going to help you negotiate finances, get time with your kids, possibly help you get restraining orders, and more.

If you feel like they’re hard to get a hold of, they’re discounting you, or the vibe is off - keep looking. 

Remember that you’re not alone, and you can do this. We’re in this together.

Subscribe to hear future episodes where we’ll discuss custody, defamation, boundaries, recovery, identity, and much more.