Ipswich, MA - Robert Martel is still trying to work out how his scratch ticket wasn't a winner. He'll be representing himself in his lawsuit against the New Hampshire Lottery Commission.

Remember, he who represents himself has a fool for a client.

we didn't come up with that one, that was Abe Lincoln

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We don't think "finders, keepers" should apply to lost pets, but this puke in San Diego has a different idea. 

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It's actually "Bud Light Mike's" FIFTH arrest involving his favorite adult beverage.

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When the cop behind him hit the lights and siren, Tyler Smithee thought they wanted HIM. Nope, they were just trying to clear a path. Tyler gunned it and led police on short chase...much to the police's surprise.

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Clackamas, OR - Two men grabbed armfuls (or is it armsful) of merchandise from Kohl's and made a dash for the parking lot and their getaway car. That is the WRONG time for the battery to die. Unless you're the police, then it's fairly helpful.

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Shively, KY - Mayor Beverly Chester-Burton hit a White Castle before heading home after a few drinks. Then her Cadillac hit a few things on her way out, like another vehicle...and a utility pole. 

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It happened in Sullivan County, Tennessee. Highway Patrol got him for doing 107 mph in a 65 mph zone, and with a suspended license no less. His excuse was . . . odd. He had hungry lizards at home and needed to get some crickets. 

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So many lessons were learned last Friday night in McKeesport, PA.

Lesson #1: If you decide to steal a vehicle, check the gas gauge.

Lesson #2: If you run out of gas in a stolen vehicle, phone a friend...not the police.

Lesson #3: Police kind of like it when car thieves call them for help. 

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It's the FIFTH time 28-year-old Rhys Pilott of Peterborough, UK has been arrested for this juvenile stunt. This time he called 999 (England's 911) 24 times in 45 minutes. When they answer, all he does is burp. Yes, just burps. The guy JUST got out of jail, they actually let him out early good behavior. He just earned himself another 6 months in jail. Does he still get one phone call? 

Warning: We've got audio!

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Luckily the police showed up at the Lincoln, NE grocery store where he cause around $7,000 in damage. They found his pipe . . . in his pocket.

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