Coming up for air after being trapped in the fog of a cycle of domestic abuse – the story of (mostly) women who have finally found the strength to leave.

After a news review with Sasha Kehoe, the topic of today’s show is Domestic Violence.

Eric Lamhène and Rae Lyn Lee set out to make a film a few years ago where the back-story of one of the characters was domestic abuse. When they started their research in 2017, visiting shelters of victims, they realised this was the story they wanted to tell instead.

‘Breathing Underwater’ (Hors d’Haleine) is the result. Produced by Samsa Film, this Luxembourgish independent feature-length film was released in cinemas on 13th of November 2024 and will be re-shown on 7 March ahead of Women’s International Day on 8 March. Eric is the director and Rae Lyn is the co-writer and Director of Photography. www.breathingunderwater-film.com

My other guest, Christine Renzi, is a social worker who has worked with women and children at Foyer Sud for many years. Today she is part of a team that runs “Log-in”, part of Conseil National des Femmes du Luxembourg, CNFL.

Eric and Rae Lyn talk about the strength of women in the shelters they visited, the camaraderie and strife they share as they figure out a new path ahead. Eric mentions the fact that most of these women are ex-pats as Luxembourgish people tend to reconnect with family or friends here in these situations.

Christine tells us that even though some women (as it is mostly women) return, they usually, eventually, leave when the time is ready for them.

Both Christine, and Eric & Rae Lyn, have brought their work into schools and every time, whatever the socio-economic demographic, they have children come to talk to them as they know what this is about, they have lived it. Or they walk out as it is too painful for them to relive it.

Domestic abuse comes in many forms and it is not always physical. Psychological abuse can be more harmful in ways as it constantly chips away at the other’s confidence, gaining control of that person, making them feel as though they live in a fog of doubt. The victim’s circle diminishes, they may loose work and certainly loose confidence. Often there is a trigger to leave the home, and often this trigger is the children. 

Of course men are also victims although the figures at the moment for men are much lower than for women. Nonetheless, in Luxembourg law, both genders are seen in equitable terms.

What makes a (mostly) man abuse another? Eric says that his conversations with psychologists suggest it happens with these men are not in contact with their emotions. “The patriarchy hurts both sides”.

If you want to check the violence scale, here is a good resource:

https://oivf.seinesaintdenis.fr/app/uploads/2022/06/violentometre-2019-anglais.pdf

If you need help and support in Luxembourg please contact:

www.violence.lu

You can find more information from Eurostat here:

https://ec.europa.eu/eurostat/web/products-eurostat-news/w/ddn-20241125-3 

www.breathingunderwater-film.com