Don Woods

The song I’ve sent you this week is a demo from way back with an interesting tale….I originally wrote it for Cannon and Ball who I understood liked it but I didn’t like hanging about in those days waiting for people to make their minds up…so I dropped a cassette of the song off at one of our local theatres where The Krankies were performing….soon after I got a nice letter from them saying they would like to put the song in their act….so there I was watching the Royal Command on the Palladium and on they come and sing the song….they also did it on several TV shows….about 10 years later I was on the same show as them and made myself known and we became good friends and I have been writing songs for their pantomimes ever since….never heard from Cannon and Ball….I think they recorded “Wind Beneath My Wings” instead,,,which got nowhere…shame. .There are moves afoot to teach young learner drivers how to drive properly….as there have been so many accidents with newly qualified drivers……this has to be a good thing because the quality of driving…especially from the young…is terrible….they are also considering halving the drink drive limit….not before time I got done a few years back for speeding (35 in a thirty limit)….and I had a choice pay the 60 quid fine and get three points on my licence…or pay 90 quid and go on a course and not get the three points….so off I went on the course with the intention of letting them know I was a professional driver with 45 years experience and NO-ONE could tell me how to drive….how wrong I was….the course was brilliant and I learnt so much…THIS is what is required for everyone as far as I’m concerned….then perhaps some of these would be would Lewis Hamiltons may live longer. I watched a programme on 20 things which rocked the world…..we were reminded of Diana’s crash….the sinking of the Belgrano….the Lockerby disaster…and quite high up the list was DAVID BECKHAM’S alleged affair with Rebecca Loos….so this amazing,unbelievable event ROCKED THE WORLD!!!....am I missing something??? here’s me thinking Beckham is an over-rated,overpaid so called celeb with not a lot of brain cells married to another celeb who needs to EAT!!!.....but there you go…I MUST be wrong....and that is why journalism is in the state its in….I doubt if anyone could care whether Mr.Beckham slept with the Queen of Sheba. Then we have Sterling who wants to leave Liverpool because he’s not happy with his 100 thousand pounds a WEEK…I’m sure the queue for the food banks will be delighted for him. I hate to say it but I do enjoy the Eurovision….it’s a great spectacle and we don’t have to endure a bunch of talentless plonkers passing judgement….I quite like our entry although it’s a bit dated..but that could be a good thing….I haven’t seen it performed which is usually what it’s all about…as with the bearded lady….no doubt the vote will be political as usual but it’s still good entertainment…ANYTHING but Britain’s Got Talent!!....however I have seen half of one of the semi finals…..I couldn’t face the second half…so I might be switching channels ... finally…this weekend the THREE QUEENS will be sailing down the Mersey….and I am NOT talking about You,Me and Dave O’Connor!!!....it’s The Queen Victoria,the Queen Elizabeth and the Queen Mary…so there will be a lot of spectators along both sides of the River….it should be a great spectacle…. .... there was a strange case of a firm being taken to court because they refused to make a wedding cake for a gay marriage….they said it was against their Christian belief…and the court ruled in favour of the customers….saying the firm were discriminating against gays…..what a load of tripe…..a contract is made when you purchase something…there has to be an offer and acceptance….the offer is not made by the seller as everyone thinks…they merely display their wares and invite the BUYER to make an offer which they can either accept or refuse…that’s it….the firm should have just said “no” and that would have been that…there doesn’t have to be a reason….so the court got it wrong I’m afraid.

We are rehearsing for the upcoming show with James Burton….his son isn’t well by all accounts but hopefully he’ll be O.K. by July….the song this week isn’t one of mine (sadly) but it’s part of the live concert I did with James a few years back…it’s one of Ricky Nelson’s classics….listening to it brought back a lot of memories. I watched the VE Day Concert last weekend and was blown away….I thought it was sensational…the orchestra were top of the range as were most of the artists…the sound man should be knighted…it was brilliant and very moving….I felt the rendition of “You’ll never walk alone” at the end by Alfie Boe and Katherine Jenkins was a bit misplaced….the song was written in 1945 when the war was over…but maybe Alfie is promoting his latest CD?...apart from this I thought the show was outstanding. Then we have the mindless morons who always appear from under the nearest stone with the slightest excuse to have a stupid demonstration over the election result…part of which was to daub graffiti on the memorial to the women who played their part in the war….spraying “Tory Scum” along with an expletive on the memorial…THESE are the dopes who the heroes were fighting for…makes me sick….it achieves absolutely nothing ….and sadly we have to wait another million years for them to evolve. Art has been on the news this week with a Picasso fetching 120 million quid…very nice…considering a sixth former could do better….apparently these things are purchased as an investment…in 10 years it will be worth twice that….but it doesn’t work with cheap paintings…you have to be a billionaire to double your money…so that’s O.K. then……..then we have the wonderful Turner Prize…we’ve had the unmade bed…now we have the street in Liverpool which up until recently was derelict and run down….causing the council to sell off the houses for ONE POUND….but they have grown a few hedges and grass and it’s up for the famous Turner Prize…am I missing something here?. ....and speaking of billionaires I have been watching the Cannes Film Festival with all the stars including Cheryl Cole…who proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can get anywhere with absolutely no talent. Lastly….we must all feel sorry for Kevin Pieterson who can’t get into the England cricket team…despite scoring a record 350 in one innings for his county….but the selectors don’t like him…boo hoo he’s not my friend…for Heaven’s sake cricket is by far the most boring sport under the sun and that’s when you are WINNING !!....these guys get very well paid and why I’ll never know….yawn yawn. Oh and congratulations to Ant and Dec for getting another BAFTA award….one day we will be able to turn the TV on and they wont be there looking back at us…but not at the moment.

The song I have sent you this week answers a simple question…”Who discovered America?”….you’re thinking Columbus…WRONG!!..it was Prince Madoc in 1170…300 years before Columbus….this song sung by my mate Paul Damian tells the story….after depressing you last week with Beddgelert this should give you a lift…the song is off the same album I composed and produced for Paul…I love this song…and there is no-one in the world could sing it better….the album is available from my website….www.donwoods.co.uk 2.Did you know that William and Kate have had a baby girl?...if you didn’t know you must have been asleep for the last week….sadly the only break from this on the news was the election run up…talk about no news….SURELY there must be something else going on in the world….suddenly all these “royal correspondents” come out of the woodwork grovelling away saying how wonderful it all is….oh we are so lucky to have such a royal family who care so much about their subjects….I don’t think. 3.It’s finally over and Dave goes back into number 10……personally I couldn’t see any other result….no matter what anyone says it’s about personalities and I’m afraid Ed didn’t have any despite his many lessons on how to present himself….if you aint got it …you aint got it….and as for Ed Balls he wont be missed….I think it would have been a different story if David Miliband had been in the mix. I thought there were two main turning points….Cameron’s plugging of “the mess” Labour left him with last time…and how they cleaned it up…great angle I thought…and Ed involving that idiot Russell Brand…big mistake….all Dave has to do now is get rid of Gove and he’s cracked it...so perhaps now we’ll get a bit of decent TV…probably not. 4.There have been a lot of celebrations regarding the anniversary of VE Day….although somewhat overshadowed by the elections….it is great to see old film of the dancing in the streets etc….great stuff…one of the best gigs I ever did was a VE Day fancy dress do at a local restaurant a while back…everyone entered into the spirit and I sang all the songs from the time “There’ll always be an England…..”…etc…it was really good fun and as the place was packed out the guy who had a parachute on his back wasn’t too popular….a real good laugh. 5.There is a move afoot to get people to vote for a national bird…apparently we haven’t got one…so some bloke is driving around with a loudspeaker on the top of his car asking people to vote…the robin is one of the favourites (which would get my vote)…the barn owl is another…..but if it was up to me our national bird would be Katherine Jenkins….LUVLY!!

The song I have sent you this week is one I wrote for the Welsh album I composed for Paul Damian and tells the legend of Beddgelert. I’m sending this one because we have just spent a few days walking in the heart of Snowdonia and it doesn’t get any better….we also visited a Slate Museum in Llanberis which was incredible…it is built on the site of a Quarry and is mind blowing…and is FREE!!...it is a credit to the Land of Song. The news has been covering the terrible tragedy in Napal….and the journalists have been at there usual mindless interviews with families worried about there relatives caught up in it all…”how did you feel when you heard the news etc……”….how do these fools get employed?....it was good to see the response form rescue and aid workers….the power of nature brings everything into perspective….we moan about such trivial things…let’s hope everything that can be done is done. Michael Flatley is about to retire and has created a “painting”… by splashing paint on a canvas and rubbing his hands all over it while river dancing….it sold for 70 odd grand …maybe I’m missing something here but to me it looked a complete mess…talk about the kings new clothes. It reminded me of an art exhibition I went to in Liverpool by Rolph Harris…before his dilemma…and I couldn’t believe the prices they were asking for thumbnail cartoons which couldn’t have taken more than a minute to draw….when he comes out of jail he should be thrown back in again for ripping us all off…..I can’t imagine they would be worth much now. Bear Grylls has got yet another survival programme on the TV….I fail to see the point of all this….apart from Bear proving how hard he is….it’s an accident waiting to happen…and for WHAT?...so you win the competition and prove you could survive in the jungle…skills you are NEVER likely to use…I find it very uncomfortable viewing......and on the subject of fitness Paula Radcliffe has run her last race….what a great example to the world of sport….I don’t know how anyone can run that far…count me out. I enjoyed the clip you sent me with Penny Page and various co-incidences….You mentioned Marvin Rainwater who had the 50’s chart topper “A whole lotta woman”…Monty Lister interviewed him at the time when he was on the Liverpool Empire and asked him if he would come over to Wirral to meet some of the patients in Clatterbridge Hospital….Marvin not only did that he took the whole show over and entertained them all…and I did a gig in Finland back in 2001 and got chatting to this guy who was a local and asked me to listen to some rock and roll on his car radio….so on goes the CD and on comes Monty Lister interviewing Bill Haley in 1956…the guy couldn’t get over the fact that had I not been there in the Arctic Circle I would,at that precise moment,be on the radio with him….how’s that for a co-incidence?....and back in the 60’s I was on holiday in Palma in an apartment…next door was Jack Charlton who I got quite pally with (great guy) and he asked me if I was related to Ray Wood (who worked in leisure services in Wirral council)…because he was the brother of Roy Wood who played for Man City and who was a good friend of Jacks….I told him I wasn’t but I knew Ray very well and his other brother Charlie was the bass player in my first band…all creepy stuff…

James Burton is due over here in July and I have been asked to do an hour spot with him…so I am doing a Ricky Nelson set as he played all those great solos on those records….it’s a real pleasure to play with a legend…(but I think he’ll get over it)….therefore the song I have sent you this week is one I wrote last year called “Tribute to Ricky Nelson”…..I’ve always been a huge fan of Ricky and of course James. The election is now reaching an even bigger boring climax….it’s a bit like watching puppets….and even Wirral has had a mention…something to do with giving us a few free goes through the Mersey Tunnel or something…I don’t now where the money they make on the two tunnels goes….there is a constant flow of traffic through all the barriers with cars paying £1.70 a throw..and wagons much more…it’s a joke…we drive though several tunnels in Wales to get to Anglesey FREE OF CHARGE. There has been a terrible sad incident in Hoylake whereby a young 16 year old girl threw herself in front of a train at a level crossing….apparently her mother had just died and she had other problems…I always think suicide is so sad and tragic….it’s a real sad situation….I’ve known a few friends who have taken their own lives…and I always think if they could have ridden the storm for a while longer they might have come through…but it’s easy to say. The royal baby is due….so this will provide a filler for the news…we already have TV reporters standing outside the hospital waiting for something to happen…and guessing as to the name etc…it will have blue blood y’know…..I must say I do like Kate and William….again the crowds will gather…direct from the Richard the Third procession…..I often wonder what these people would do if it wasn’t for our regal rulers. 5.The Gas Board will be replacing all pipes in the country over the next 8 years…they have been in my road for two and a half weeks….looks like world war three….what a mess….however one of the guys showed me a piece of old piping which looked like a flute….they have JUST filled in the three big holes in my driveway….so I got my kayak out and went to Chester and rowed up the River Dee in idyllic conditions…which put me in a better mood. I absolutely love Chester.

The song I’ve sent you this week was another I wrote for David Alexander…which he recorded and put on his wedding album….it is called “Let’s Keep It Simple”.It was also recorded by Julie Bright and Sue Young back in the vinyl days…..it did well…in fact I might resurrect it. The election is now taking over the evening TV with all the parties (with some exceptions) slugging it out on the podium….what a load of boring tripe!....I thought UKIP were doing well and thought I might even vote for them….then they announced they were going to allow smoking in pubs…big error…whoever came up with that idea has blown their chances… The “scientists” are at it again…proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can actually get paid for nothing…….an American university (where else?) has studied peoples eating habits and have come up with the devastating conclusion that what you watch on TV determines how much junk food you eat….so if you are watching an exiting action film (if there is such a thing) you eat less than if you are watching a slow boring programme…so there you are…earth shattering stuff…..and this was NATIONAL news. I am in the habit of watching the news at 8 in the morning….and I generally watch the headlines on the BBC before it goes off on a boring tangent…which is after about 3 minutes…I then skip over to ITV which is a bit lighter and saves me falling back to sleep….HOWEVER the ITV morning show has had a guest presenter this week…Piers Morgan….heavens above WHY?...he is the most arrogant,ignorant,self opinionated talentless excuse for a TV personality in the history of broadcasting….I felt sorry for the normal presenters.........I’ve never quite fathomed out why they need more than one presenter anyway….but to bring in a complete moron like Piers is beyond belief… We are being bombarded with some terrible stuff on TV at the moment….there is a show with Philip Schofield who I quite like whereby members of the public get hypnotised and make idiots out of themselves….sending entertainment down to a new low….Then we have “Britains Got Talent”…..HELP!!!!!....nothing changes…it’s still all about the judges playing God and charismaless hopefuls being watched by their dying granny….the fact it is so popular says a lot about our population….IT’S RUBBISH !!....bring back Opp Knox or New Faces and leave the doting family members out of it….and don’t get me going on Ant and Dec !!!!!....it must be at least five minutes since they were last on the tele.

The song I’ve sent you this week is called “When You’re The Other Woman”” which was written for and is performed by Pauline Daniels….I This was on the B side of the first record I made when I formed my company (you have already played the A side “You’re No Good To Me If You Can’t Boogie”)…whereas the A side was aimed at radio play this one was specifically for her act.She started out as a singer and sang stuff like “Send In The Clowns”…and “Pearl’s a Singer”…so this one fitted into her act…it is what it is like to actually BE the other woman…the one who gets the blame…..I had to craft it to her voice so she could get the big note at the end….I achieved this by having a key change in the middle which went DOWN a tone…the only one to do it I think….then there’s another key change which actually brings it back to the original key…clever eh? My publisher in the seventies was called Mingard Music and it is where I befriended Angie McCartney (Paul’s stepmum) and her daughter Ruth…when they went to the States they suggested I go it alone which I did…I built an 8 track studio in my attic and paid for it by doing demos for people…I advertised in a national mag and ended up doing 200 demos….some of them were horrendous with customers simply singing the song in the bath etc..and I had to put it into shape….I was always helpful…one guy sent me a song to do called “My Old Man’s A Policeman” to the tune of My Old Man’s A Dustman….I told him I would alter a few chord progressions so he didn’t get sues and suggested he call it “Top Of The Cops”…which he did…it was still horrendous. Sue Young uses to do the female vocals…great days. The news here is a constant barrage of election rubbish…which just results in me being more confused than I was beforehand…..and when you switch channels all you get is every illness being discussed in length…that’s all we get all the time. If I could I would like to suggest a channel with things of interest on it….good well written dramas….good documentaries…and FUNNY comedy….then Ant and Dec,Sarah Millican,John Bishop,Ross Poldark,and all the cooking programmes and all the cures for obesity can be avoided…..with 15 minutes of news. .....having said this I have been watching “Hi-De-Hi” which is on every day at tea time….I never used to be fussy…but it is so funny and so well written….it is a continuous story which is great fun to keep up with…it is written by the guys who wrote Dad’s Army…it really is brilliant…and what a breath of fresh air. ...The blokes who were allegedly plane spotting at some foreign airport are STILL in jail and their case come up next Monday….I bet they are panicking now…also we had the robbery of a big jewellery store…and they reckon the thieves got away with 200 million pounds worth of stuff…and no-one knew they were there for days….I think a few heads will roll on this one….also the French air traffic control strikes are causing havoc to our holiday makers…this sort of thing should be outlawed…it’s disgraceful. ...finally we are experiencing air pollution from France and The Sahara….don’t the know we are British….KEEP YOUR NASTY AIR WE DON@T WANT IT !!!!!

The song I’ve sent you this week was a demo I did to pitch at David Alexander….hence the big finish.It’s called “I Love You”….David not only recorded the song but made it the title track on the album he made to celebrate his wedding when he married Penny Page…. I didn’t think it would be long before the publicity obtained from the discovery of Richard the Third spread further afield…yes they have now found the BED that belonged to Henry the Seventh !! WOW!!....I wonder if they will parade it through the streets so everyone can throw flowers at it?...It’s only a matter of time before they find the arrow with King Harold’s eye on the end of it. The bloke who designed the cover for the Sgt.Pepper album has been commissioned to paint one of the ferry boats…….apparently he got a one off payment of £200 for the album cover…he should have settled for a penny a copy…I suppose the tourists will like the boat….if you can get away with a yellow submarine you can get away with anything. The police have uncovered a scam that has taken place in Chester…..it’s where a car purposely collides with a bus and a so called solicitor convinces all the passengers to claim for whiplash….the driver is also in on it..... the upshot is that the police are nicking the ringleaders AND doing the passengers for fraud…great news…if it was up to me the whole lot of them would get ten years… There have been some good April Fools activities…someone almost convinced the TV to cover a sighting of a great white shark from the ferry boat….when all was revealed…and the same paper another year announced that the Mersey was due to be at it’s lowest for 1000 years and it would be possible to walk across from Wirral to Liverpool….again the crowds who turned up were not amused.

..I’ve just spent a few days in Wales…hence the song “The Magic Of Wales”….this was a sort of follow up to my Llanfair PG song….again sung by Paul….I put this on a single cassette…one song on one side and one on the other…same as Llanfair.. … got some good lines in it…The grey of Blaenau’s quarries with their crumbling hills of slate”…I was well pleased with this one. The news this week has been all about the terrible plane crash in The Alps….again the stupid news presenters are making wild guesses as to what happened…without any knowledge…which again achieves NOTHING…..one of the ridiculous questions was “Do you think there could be a possibility of terrorism?”….which only serves to get all the sheep who watch the news all worked up…for goodness sake WAIT AND SEE !!....This was followed by a woman whinging and moaning about how women are regarded in the workplace…they’re not problems … the families of the passengers on that plane have PROBLEMS. Speaking of sheep I was watching in disbelief as crowds of people lined the streets for the “Royal” funeral….of supposedly Richard the Third…..have some people got nothing going on in their lives…they were even throwing flowers on to the box…sorry…coffin….and one bloke got stopped from taking a selfie of himself by the coffin…despite blanket coverage from the television….parading a box of bones through the streets on the assumption that it was once a king of England defies description…with religious characters getting themselves into the act with “…ah yes King Richard would have thought this …and would have said that etc”…we definitely all need help. If I hear Jeremy Clarkson’s name once more I think I’ll scream…he had a barney with a bloke … and got the sack…THAT’S IT!!...I don’t care if he gets picked up by another channel…I don’t care if he starves…the only thing I wish he’d done was punch Richard Hammond in his annoying face….then I could enjoy watching the blanket news on the subject. Also the news has made a massive deal about Cameron saying if he wins the election he will only serve one more term…oh blimey…EVERYONE has piled in….he said he wants to spend more time with his family….then what do we get…..Milliband being photographed walking his kids to school….oooh look at me …I’m also a family man….talk about transparent….they must think we are all impressed with all this nonsense….mind you I’m beginning to think most of us are!

The song I’ve sent you this week is totally un PC but it was one I wrote for comedian Tom Pepper back in the day. He recorded it and got a lot of mileage out of it…he used to do a double act with Pauline Daniels and he’d sing this to her…she would sing the women’s reply.t….. ...The “scientists” have been at it again….on the national news…they have been in London Zoo finding out why penguins waddle….AND the scientists came over from America…how interesting….not.we have just had a partial solar eclipse….It was blanket news coverage….the moon passed between us and the sun….so everyone is out buying the special overpriced sunglasses and getting really exited … SO WHAT !!... I watched Comic Relief last week and found little to deserve the description on “comic”….I often wonder what happened to comedy…Jasper Carrot is making a comeback with his mate Bev Bevan (ELO’s drummer) … ...Television has reached an all time low in this country….there are nights when there is absolutely nothing worth watching….unless you want to watch boring baking programmes or people having fat removed from their obese frames… Speaking of talent…every Wednesday local musicians meet up for a jam session (which you know about) and all the money raised goes to sick kids’s charities…we call it The Cheshire Cats… … and the standard is very high….after watching all these award programmes and X Factors etc etc I have come to the conclusion that there is more quality on a Wednesday night than all the other stuff put together….and as the guys never ask for anything and all give their skills free of charge I decided to create a Cheshire Cats Hall of Fame and inducted then ALL into it…I sorted out a plaque for each of them as a small gesture…they are great guys to know and to work with….Rock On !!!