Don Woods

Hull will be the 2017 capital of culture….I am pleased for them because the city has taken some stick over the years….getting this status made a huge difference to Liverpool…it is now a fantastic place to visit and brings in thousands of tourists….last Monday my wife and I decided to jump on the ferry boat and take a look around the Museum of Life on Pierhead…first off the boat takes you up river with a fascinating commentary on the history of the area then pulls in at the new landing stage at Pierhead. To say the Museum is stunning is an understatement…wonderful…and FREE!!!......it shows the history of the city from the word go…on three floors…fantastic. Ken Dodd has a small section dedicated to him at the museum….when you consider how much this guy has put into showbiz and how popular he STILL is and yet he has not got a knighthood…makes you wonder …especially when you think of SIR Terry Wogan and..dare I say it…..SIR Jimmy Savile… I caught up on the bit of Children in Need programme I missed last Friday…. I really enjoyed McFly who I think are a great talented bunch of lads…and Jeff Lynne who did a great job of Mr.Blue Sky”…and it was nice to see Agnetha from ABBA singing with Gary arlow….Barlow wrote the song they sang together which is O.K. but not a patch on some of the other stuff on her new album….absolute masterpieces…I don’t know who has written or produced the songs but they are top notch. They also had a bloke called “Passenger” (foreign I think) who sang a song with just an acoustic….respect. How about this guy who was the boss of the Co-op Bank eh?...Paul Flowers….into allsorts (allegedly)…drugs etc……and Miliband (whose party gave him the job) has been on saying we must move on… The Monty Pythons are making a comeback…..they had a press conference and the whole world was there…Palin made me laugh when a Spanish journalist asked him a question and he said “I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition”….some people never found them funny but I was a huge fan…

Terrible situation in The Phillipines… these things make me so angry…..there are Sheiks with billions …greedy bankers with billions…footballers with billions….how about them putting up the money to build these people shelters BEFORE the event…they wouldn’t even miss the money…this should all be sorted beforehand ….we know it’s coming … but oh no ordinary folk must get involved…we can’t have these “princes” doing without the odd solid gold Rolls Royce….and Beckham has just moved into his 40 million pound mansion…he’s also made an advert about his own brand of after shave…it’s a real throw up job. The Children In Need Appeal has been in full flight … with Terry Wogan at the helm…..WHY?....there are many top class young presenters out there so why do we have to constantly put up with Sir Terry with his unfunny quips looking totally ill at ease in the suit he has squeezed into….I’ve always failed to see what it is about Wogan…totally talentless as far as I’m concerned…call it a day Tel and give us all a break. At least Brucie is talented…. but well past his sell-by date on Strictly Come Dancing….he’s painful. Blackpool hired Gary Barlow and Jonathan Ross to switch the lights on….I’m O.K. with Gary but why they book that grinning village idiot I’ll never know…again I wish someone would tell me what talent he has…Oh Yes he’s a chat show host…ANYONE can do that…..my point is proved in as much as the Blackpool Council decided to charge a tenner to see these celebs…and LOST 375 Grand!!...which make you wonder what Mr Ross’s fee was? When I was working on Radio Merseyside I was asked by the people of Ellesmere Port if I would attend their annual function and crown the May Queen…I felt quite honoured…so along I went and was treated like a local celeb….they then asked me what the fee was…to which I told them a nice cup of tea would do the trick…they then said that the year before they had another local radio personality (who will remain nameless) who charged them £750….and THI is the problem with the planet. ..And finally someone sent me an article from the Daily Mail regarding my mate…wrestler Adrian Street…who once had a novelty wrestling match with Jimmy Savile back in 1971…they were trying to promote Jimmy as a tough guy who had trained with the Marines etc…I remember Adrian telling me about it…he wasn’t happy and made sure Mr. Savile never stepped in the ring again…he nearly killed him…which is why I never sent Jimmy any of the records I wrote and produced for my violent friend….. …. Don't Forget….Don's been working on a doowop song for a new friend in the States….His name is Doowop Joe Conroy and he has a internet radio station in North Carolina...he checked out Don's website and noticed Don writes novelty songs. He asked Don to write one about all the doowop groups….….the song is called “DooWop Days” and can be found on YouTube……

Energy bills which are set to go up here…good old Ed Milliband announced if he gets in he will freeze them….so guess what .. up they go.I wish someone would give us a breakdown on where the money goes…everyone seem to blame everyone else….and they have announced that only about 10% of people shop around to find cheaper tariffs….but it’s so complicated I’m not surprised. On a similar subject…I took out insurance last year to cover the underground pipes from the road to my house…as they are not covered under the house insurance…it was £39 which I thought was worthwhile…especially if they have to dig my path up….I’ve just had a renewal reminder…£73…..SO I rang them up and asked them why it had gone up…they came up with some nonsense so I told them I didn’t want to renew…..”OH…what if we knock off £7 ?”…”No Thanks”…”How about £15 ?”….”No thanks…keep going”….”The best we can do is £22 which will make the renewal £51 ?”…I agreed to this…what can I say…is it me or is the world going nuts? We talked about the wonderful work on the old tapes they have found from Dr Who….wonderful modern technology……BUT is it really newsworthy when hundreds of Africans are losing their lives trying to get across to Europe in boats. Some guy on the news has made a life size statue of Eleanor Rigby out of…wait for it….the remains of a million pound in notes. He approached the Royal Mint and asked if they could give him any shredded paper money….and they happily gave him a million pounds to make his paper mache statue….you gotta admit it’s original..And finally…the lottery tickets have gone up to 2 quid…..there are a few more prizes but the chances of winning are the same…33 million to one…….now I played golf with a taxi driver mate of mine who was always going on about winning the lottery…to which I told him he had no chance which is why I don’t do it…and I have saved all those pounds by NOT doing it…..he only goes and wins 2 and a half million !!!It was interesting being that close to someone who had done it….it was bringing in 4000 a week in interest….don’t see much of him these days…can’t imagine why.

Don chatted about Real Ale this morning and confessed to not being the biggest fan of the potent beers brewed by those chaps at the Real Ale Festival. We disussed whether there is a type of aficionado and you must listen for our conclusions. Don told me about an 80 year old man who works as a guide for the treacherous currents in Morecambe Bay. You might remember a dreadful event when many Chinese Cockle pickers were drowned. The man works for the princely sum of 15 pounds.......Elsewhere Don told me about an association for friends who fought together in the World War and now are involved in other things.

Don came back from the Lakes last week and had to go straight out to Anglesey to sort my caravan out ready to be stored for the winter….stayed a few days and the weather was fabulous….23 degrees and clear blue skies…went for a walk along Rhosneigr beach and never saw a soul….there was no wind and there was absolute silence except for the breaking waves…doesn’t get any better than that. So it’s bye bye to the Island til next April….but I do love Autumn…my favourite season. A bit of sad news…Jackie Lomax (ex Undertakers) has recently died…..Jackie moved to America and worked with George Harrison and many top bands…he was great guy and each time he came over from the States he would appear at our weekly Cheshire Cats bash with Geoff Nugent and Brian “Saxophone” Jones….he went to our school and was a great lad…he’ll be sadly missed. Also another local musician has also passed on…Tommy Hughes who was the original singer in The Swinging Blue Jeans….and was one of The Kansas City Five….he was a good pal of mine and a true gent….he was a great keyboard player and has played in many bands over the years…I’ve worked with him on many occasions….these guys are irreplaceable. On a lighter note…Mr.Milliband has been wandering around with a fixed grin on his face pretending to be one of the lads and has announce if Labour get in next time he is going to freeze energy bills….I don’t know who writes his script but you can freeze your own bills on several deals with suppliers TODAY….so I haven’t quite worked out what he’s on about…..and Eric Pickles has stepped away from the pies for a few minutes to announce that CCTV parking cameras will no longer be used…the fact these make millions for local councils doesn’t seem to come into it….”it’s interfering with human rights”…so let’s all park anywhere and gridlock the country…get back to the buffet Eric. The Firemen have had a short strike over pay and pensions…they are now expected to work until they are sixty to receive a full pension….I think their salary is 29 grand on average,,,how much are those back benchers on again?..seventy grand?.....and who would you rather have in a crisis….quite…..not to mention the soldiers. Brian McFadden is on tele a lot (he’s in a programme called “Stepping Out” which is a rip off of Strictly Come Dancing…except the celebs dance with their real life partners)…now I’m not a fan of boy bands…Boyzone only had one singer – Steven Gately- and he died…I wouldn’t pay the rest of them in washers…similarly Westlife only have one singer – the gay guy … BUT I do have a lot of time for McFadden…he made a few good records on his own AND can play….he recorded an incredibly brave song before he went to Australia called “Irish Son” which heavily criticizes his vicious Catholic upbringing…I have a lot o f respect for the lad.

Don looked at the work of an artiste called Kanye West who is a famous rapper …he was on Jules Holland’s programme and kicked off because he had requested everything in his dressing room to be white…including the flowers…and he wanted the set re-doing in white…and…wait for it…he wanted the carpet in his dressing room IRONING because it was Kanye was taking the mickey but I know what I would have told him…..these “stars” have got a problem once they start believing their own bull***. Don told me he'd worked with and known about divas both male and female….they need a reality check. The news has been full of the muslim girl who wouldn’t remove her veil during a court hearing….Don always respects other peoples beliefs and religions but can’t see what the problem is…you can’t wear a crash helmet or a hoodie…or indeed smoke in court…it’s the law of the land…where’s the problem? Prince William has left the forces to do Royal things and his two guard dogs have been put down because their “career” is over…this has caused an outcry from the “know very little” brigade…The fact is the dogs are trained protectors…that’s what they do…one false move and you’re a gonner.It was only a few months back everyone was up in arms about a dog killing a child….I like dogs but you have to be realistic. The problem of drunks wandering the street has reared it’s ugly head…The police are moaning because it’s taking up their time. They reckon it’s costing 11 BILLION to sort this out….They are talking about “drunk tanks” to throw these hooligans into and charging them £400 to get out next day (some hope)…however it would cost £400 to keep them there…brilliant eh?...close the pubs at half ten I say…it was good enough for us !!! Finally…this is classic…an armed bobby was caught in an uncompromising position with a lady….when he was on duty….he was sacked but re-instated because he said his gun was still available for use…namely around his ankles…he also said he was on his lunch break and his activity was no different than having a cup of tea…..now whoever was his solicitor needs a knighthood…that guy is GOOD!!! Another point of view is that this policeman has clearly illustrated why Britain is in a mess. He has acted in a way that brings the police into disrepute then the lawyers have got him off. This brings both the judge, and the legal system into disrepute for me.

Michael Lavelle has won his case…..great news…..but what will he get for the two years trauma…probably nothing……and I suppose the accuser will get off scot free. As we have been saying the police reckon there isn’t a witch hunt going on….not much….anyway nice to see a bit of justice. It has been announced that CASSETTES are making a comeback…Hmm…sounds to me like the record companies are trying to get rid of there obsolete stocks…tell me about it…I’ve got a garage full. There is no way they can come back … you can’t compare a cassette to a CD…however I was very surprised that mini disc didn’t take over the world…they are brilliant. There are a lot of programmes on the tele about “Rogue Traders”…and “Rogue Builders”…with Ester Rantzen and a couple of cronies playing God and Dom Littlewood playing the tough guy with various traders...I would like to see him try it without a camera crew and no doubt a couple of security guys….having dealt with a multitude of traders in my old job I found 99% of them fine…and just out to make an honest living….what should be done is a programme on “Rogue CUSTOMERS”…because in my experience they are bigger rogues than the traders. The high speed train service from Leeds to London is still in the news….which we have discussed in the past…BUT it’s cheaper than we were originally told…it now ONLY going to cost 42 BILLION…oh yes…plus the trains…that makes it 50 BILLION…..nobody wants this but they are STILL trying to convince us it will be good for the economy….but they don’t tell us how…..it will obviously happen as there is a fortune to be made….and on the subject of news I tend to watch the BBC news at 8 O’Clock in the morning….the other morning they were droning on about septicitis so I turned over to ITV were I was entertained with a few interviews with film stars and a bit of Hollywood gossip and a bit of music…then I tuned back to BBC about 15 minutes later and they were STILL droning on about septicitis….BORING BORING…lighten up Beeb. …a friend of my wife’s went to a cash machine and it “ate” her card….so she went through the whole process of cancelling it and getting another one…a few days later she got on the bus and couldn’t find her bus pass…but had TWO credit cards…yep you guessed it…

Derby County Football Club are handing out free “E” cigarettes to their fans - designed to prevent youngsters starting to smoke….I’m not quite sure how they work this one out….I don’t know much about these electronic ciggies but I do know they are expensive and they contain nicotine…seem a strange exercise to me. Sad to hear of the recent death of the Disc Jockey/Broadcaster, David Jacobs….he’s been around virtually all my life…I remember him in “Journey Into Space” on the wireless in the early 50’…..half seven to eight…Monday nights…I could stay up for that one….then there was Juke Box Jury etc…..we are all getting old. ”Kilroy was here” was an expression which was written everywhere during the war….I read an article on who he actually was….his name was James Kilroy from Massachusetts and apparently he worked in an aircraft factory and checked that the correct amount of bolts were put in place…he would do this by initialling the job…but the workers used to rub out the initials and get them checked again by someone else…thus doubling their wages…so Kilroy started adding in big block letters “KILROY WAS HERE”….this became a phrase which caught on and was used by American soldiers who would write it in all the places their battles took them…good stuff eh? The Savile Saga marches on…Dave Lee Travis…Rolph Harris and some bloke off Coronation Street…….all tried and convicted by the press….without any proof of course….to show how wonderful our legal system is they have just found a bloke who murdered a girl 13 years ago by matching his DNA….that is after the guy who was originally accused served 6 years….it really does need sorting. Blackpool have switched on the famous lights….inviting famous celebs to be involved…and lost a packet. Firstly, The Script were supposed to be headlining but dropped out because of a family problem…so Gary Barlowe stepped in…and to give him his due he wanted his fee to be paid to Children in Need…also included was Eliza Doolittle and buffoon Jonathon Ross who had the honour of switching on the lights ……however it was decided to charge 10 quid to see this…….there were not many takers….total cost 500 grand…total income 300 grand…OOPS…..lesson learnt I think.

We are so poor in this country that “research” has revealed an increase in the attendance at SOUP KITCHENS….it is so sad that people have to return to the 1930’s because they can’t afford to feed their families…this is what we are told…and in the same breath the proposed high speed rail service from Leeds to London (which we don’t need) will cost…wait for it…80 BILLION !!!... So let’s take a closer look….the population of Britain is 64 million…..so 80 BILLION would give EVERY person in the country 1248 quid EACH….the population of the WORLD is 7.1 billion…I’m not even going to go there……. where’s the money coming from? Speaking of ridiculous amounts of riches being bestowed on the chosen few….we had a refreshing look at football…in the shape of Accrington Stanley which has the least money to their credit in English football…even the manager cleans the terraces and toilets….and the players and the fans are all keen to succeed…AND they do it for the GAME…..like all the sunday leaguers….GO THE STANLEYS!!...they have my support. Continuing from our chat last week about the “flash for cash” scam….there has been a court case….three Liverpool guys organised a coach trip to a football match and on the journey the coach was “struck” by a small car….so much so that the driver never even noticed… and there was hardly a mark on the coach….HOWEVER…this resulted in EVERY passenger claiming whiplash…through the SAME solicitor…when asked if the passengers knew each other they all denied it…so after a scan of Facebook etc it turned out the guy driving the car AND all the passengers were in on the scam…..the driver suspected something when he returned all the “injured” passengers back to Liverpool and they all vanished into the pub….The outcome was that the three blokes responsible got jail sentences….BUT I think every claimant should have joined them…it’s FRAUD simple as that…and the sooner our legal system gets a grip on this the better… A big recycling plant in the North West has gone up in flames which brings back memories of the similar incident caused by Chinese Lanterns,,,,and are these firebombs still on sale? I hear you ask….OF COURSE…can’t expect too much of the overpaid health and safety buffoons….too busy banning conkers in playgrounds. Concluding with a delightful story….two little 9 year old girls have achieved the record for “wing walking”….these kids were strapped on to the top wings of two biplanes and flown around their local airfield…their granddad was driving one of the planes….the girls were an absolute delight and did it to raise money and awareness for their friend who had a bad illness…their friend was 6. Maybe some of the 80 billion could be donated…oh no…sorry…we need another railway system to clutter up the countryside….so the rich can get richer.

…some bright spark in the Government has decided we all drink to much and it is effecting our health…so that’s alright then….he is suggesting wine companies make their wine with a lower percentage of alcohol…oh yeah…that’s a good idea…..personally I only drink wine I like and I don’t need any politician telling me what to do thank you. It was even suggested that they make wine with the same alcohol level as beer….which means we’ll drink it in pint glasses…I wish these attention seeking MPs would get real. Train fares are going to rocket which has upset a lot of people…..one girl on the tele said she pays 5 grand for a season ticket to get her to work each day…which means she works 3 months to pay the train fare…good stuff eh?....In the next breath they are telling us that billions will be spent on a superfast service from Manchester….which we don’t need…..I’d love to know where all this money is coming from. Never heard any more about the 12 billion a year we send to aid the poor countries who are trying to send a rocket into space…old Dave Cameron did a quality side step on that one. Chester Zoo is going to have millions spent on it to transform it…it will have waterways with islands…it’s a very popular attraction but not for me….I find it extremely boring…but it’s O.K. the millions will be well spent…resession? The new motorway laws have come into force…it’s now £100 spot fine for tailgating or hogging the middle lane,,,,,how this will be enforced is a mystery to me…..it’s time the driving test was brought into the present day…..the quality of driving on our roads is horrendous….EVERYONE is impatient and rude….they get in a car and their personality changes….aggression comes to the surface. THAT’S why there are so many accidents…because people can’t drive…..the driving age should be 21 and the test should be a lot stiffer….and excessive speeders should be banned for a year… Two men had a set to in a car park (one was 64 the other 65) which ended up with one bloke punching the other…and killed him…that one punch will change a few lives. On the same subject there is a new scam going on called “Flash for Cash” (I’ll get my big overcoat out of the wardrobe)…it’s where rogues flash to let you out o a sideroad and deliberately crash into you…claiming allsorts ….they target old ladies and school runs…..tricky one to solve…..personally I always take my right of way and rarely let anyone out….because if you flash your lights the wrong recipient may pull out.